The Story Behind Our Chastity and BDSM Lifestyle Blog
What began more than a decade ago as Monkey in a Cage Chastity Blog has grown and evolved right alongside our relationship, our family, and our understanding of kink, intimacy, and connection.
Today, this space has become the Chastity and BDSM Lifestyle Blog, a personal, experience-driven exploration of BDSM, kink, ethical non-monogamy (ENM), power exchange, and long-term relationship dynamics. While chastity is still part of our story, it is no longer the central focus of our daily lives. Like many couples in long relationships, our dynamic has shifted, deepened, and expanded over time.
And that’s exactly what this blog documents: real people, real evolution, real kink.
About Us
We’re Michele (formerly “Lady”), Jon (formerly “cagedmonkey”), and John.
Michele and Jon have been together since 1999. Over the years, we’ve built a life that includes marriage, raising children who are now young adults, navigating challenges together, and continuously rediscovering what intimacy and partnership mean to us.
Our relationship has long centered around a female-led dynamic and tease and denial. In 2013, we discovered enforced male chastity and began documenting that journey here. That chapter shaped us in powerful ways, teaching us about communication, vulnerability, control and most importantly trust.
But relationships don’t stand still.
Over time, our dynamic expanded beyond chastity alone and into a broader BDSM lifestyle. Eventually, that evolution also included ethical non-monogamy, and John became an important part of our journey and family. Today, all three of us contribute to this blog, bringing different voices, experiences, and insights into kink, connection, and growth.
Why We Write
This blog isn’t about perfection, performance, or pretending to have all the answers.
It’s about:
Sharing real experiences in the Chastity, Fetish & BDSM lifestyle
Talking honestly about power exchange in long-term relationships
Exploring desire, control, identity, and communication
Offering education through lived experience
Showing how kink can evolve over time
Our Philosophy
Kink evolves. Relationships evolve. People evolve.
What worked for us in 2013 isn’t exactly what works for us today, and what works today may continue to change. That evolution is not failure. It’s growth.
This blog exists to document that growth honestly, openly, and without pretending we have everything figured out. Because BDSM isn’t just about scenes or roles. It’s about connection, communication, trust, and discovery over time.
Some posts are reflective. Some are educational. Some are playful & even sexually graphic. Some are deeply personal.
All of them are real.
A Living Story.
If you read older posts, you’ll see different versions of us. That’s intentional. This blog is a timeline of growth, not a static snapshot.
We’re still learning. Still negotiating. Still exploring. Still choosing each other.
And now, we’re writing that story, together.
What This Blog Is About
This is not a fantasy blog or a how-to manual written by experts.
It’s a real BDSM lifestyle blog written by real people living a real power-exchange dynamic.
We write about:
- BDSM lifestyle experiences
- Male chastity and tease and denial
- Female-led relationships and power exchange
- Ethical non-monogamy in long-term partnerships
- Communication, trust, and relationship growth
- Kink, fetish, and identity exploration
what do you guys use for a device?
Hi there! I guess we should put that in there, huh? Currently I have him in a Bird Cage but we are waiting on his custom Jail Bird to come from Mature Metal. It should have been mailed yesterday, according to Mistress MM.
I love orgasm denial especially after a Goddess making me aroused and fully erect. By and through such denial I find myself more and more submissive as the days pass.
Keep up your good work, Lady. You have my respect.
I appreciate the comments! 🙂
As a former homeschooler (and a man also locked in a Jailbird), I am sure you are a stickler for correct spelling. I found an error in your intro: “Their relationship has always been mostly a Female Led Relationship (FLR/FLM). It’s just they (should be THE) way it works for them and it works well.”
Just want you to present yourself in the best positive light. And I promise to read each of your posts when I get the time to do so later this week!
Haha! I keep going over and rereading them myself and editing! Let me know if you find anything else! LoL 🙂
FYI: 90% of this blog is written and/or created from my Note2 so the damn autocorrect gets me sometimes and I don’t always catch it right away.
Thank you for pointing this out though, going to fix it now!
There are those that think their grammar police but but do not check they’re own grammar
Haha funny ass old man! :)~
One day when I’m married, I hope to have as much fun as you guys. I’m a sex addict, my partner too…though we haven’t been having much fun lately.
I do hope you can find the fun in your relationship as well!
I’ve been sleeping around lately. Not proud of it but I feel good. Thanks for the well-wishes! 😉
I’m sorry to hear that… if I were in your shoes I might start thinking about some professional help. But that’s just me! Good luck and feel free to use our contact page if you need to talk. 🙂
Hello LadynMonkey
I’m new to your site here, finding my way.
I purchased a cb6000 for my husband & put it under the Christmas tree last year. Fun well the fun started the next day when I slipped it him. The look on his face was priceless. Each day forward I learned new ways to tease and command his complete attention and affection.
I’m going to post this reply and hope I find my way about your site here
JenniferM
Hi there and glad you found us! 🙂
I’m glad you are enjoying chastity with your husband and I hope you enjoy what you find here.
What a wonderful find! I love your blog! It is so sexy.
b in MT
Thanks and welcome! So glad you’re enjoying it! 🙂
Thanks and I hope you two write often!
We don’t have any plans on stopping 🙂 we enjoy our journey too much hehe
I have a birdcage chastity device but I’ve been having trouble keeping it on securely. I find that when i get flaccid it tends to want to slip off. Am i doing something wrong? I put the ring over my cock and then try to pull my balls through the ring. Is there a better way to make it stay on more securely? Thanks for your response monkey!
It sounds as though your ring might be just a little bit too big. It may seem like you won’t be able to get a cage on with a smaller ring, but I believe your technique in putting the ring on is making it harder than it should be.
ML and I have been considering posting about this along with pics of the step-by-step process , because we get this question pretty often.
When I put my cage on, I go “balls first” through the ring. The reason for this is that my cock can squish itself into the ring much better than a testicle can. If you go “cock first,” that leaves less room for your balls to pass through. Of course, when removing the cage, you’d work backwards and go “cock out” first.
that’s the way that I do it as well.
mark
Thanks for the prompt response mr monkey!
My pleasure!
And going balls first makes more sense and is probably more comfortable than trying to squish my balls through the ring the way i had been doing it. Thanks again mr monkey. I think a step-by-step explanation would be very useful to your readers.
My slaves “off the shelf” cage did some temporary physical harm. He’s fairly well endowed and anything I look at is too short and too tight. It ended up pinching his skin enough that he scabbed over in a couple of spots. I can’t seem to find anything bigger than what I already bought for him where there is enough room between the ring and the sleeve to be comfortable fully flaccid. I’m frustrated and skittish to keep buying ones (I’ve purchased two) and he is begging for one.
Elena,
Thanks for your comment! I completely understand. The Curve is a larger off the shelf bigger device but, when it comes to our larger sized boys, a custom device might be just what you need. It’s better to get the right fit, rather than spending money over and over again on things that don’t fit properly. At least that’s my opinion.
I know this is over a year since you first posted this. Hope you have ordered a custom built cage for your wonderful slave. He sounds like an excellent sub, begging for a properly fitting cage is such a positive,wonderful thing to do for you two. Once you are satisfied with his begging, my advice is to get him sized up for a custom fitted device. He truly deserves it. Plus, no loving, caring Dom. would want Her sub to be uncomfortable (in the bad way) or worse, cause physical harm to Her sub.
That said, my Queen and I have measured me (many, many times) and we have ordered our first custom device. We’re very excited! I have been wearing a Holy Trainer Version 3 for about 6 months.We prefer 24/7 wear, but the fit and feel just aren’t right for long term wear. It is a pretty neat device in it’s own right, but it is as the name implies, a trainer. Not the real thing.
Hope things are working out for you both by now. Keeping him denied and at your service will be amazing for your relationship! Best of luck!
Mike,
Thanks so much for your comment! I appreciate you sharing your experience with the HT and congrats on the custom cage!