As I sat with my coffee this morning, I started reflecting on my day…
I woke up this morning thinking about a fantasy I have had for a long time. I want to be punished. My head was in that state of consciousness somewhere between sleep and being awake. That time where I am consciously thinking about something but it still feels almost dreamy. My cage was pulling on my balls from a very strong attempt at an erection when I woke up so I think I had been dreaming about it first.
So what makes this fantasy frustrating? It is a fantasy that cannot be fulfilled. Or at least I haven’t figured out a way to fulfill it. I have this deep longing for a harsh punishment, and this particular longing is for a harsh physical punishment. Just what that looks like has evolved over the last 50 years but it always involves impact implements of some sort. Pushing me to my limit, and then just a little bit more. In my current stage it would involve the use of canes, on just about any part of my body. I look forward to writing about what that is like in the future but for now the importance is that it is a real punishment. I need to not want it, to be pushed a little. I need to want it to stop but for the one administering it to need more. And just as important if not more is that I need the person (Michele of course) giving it to be really punishing me.
And this is where the frustration comes in to play. I don’t want to ever do anything that would put Michele in a position where she wants to punish me. I like being obedient. I like being a good boy. We have very clear expectations so I know (generally) how to stay where I am supposed to be. When I do veer a little our dynamic allows us, almost forces us, to get back on track before anything becomes a “punishable” issue.
So how do I get this “need” fulfilled? And at some deep phycological level it is a need. That is the question I am pondering.
I don’t expect an easy answer but if anyone has one please share, leave a comment or send us an email
John
You are not alone in desiring that John. i have the same desires and i imagine many others do too.
Owner never beats me as a punishment, She does other things if She feels disciplinary action is needed. Instead, She beats (and electrocutes) me for Her pleasure, typically at least once a week.
At first i struggled but now i really crave to be really hurt by Her and She really gets off on hurting me. Sometimes i need to be physically secured and sometimes She has shocked Herself at how marked She has left me, that was until She realised how happy i was to have been left literally black and blue and purple by Her!
Have you discussed with Michelle whether or she finds hurting you arousing and exciting? That was what my Owner realised to Her own surprise i.e. that She gets off (and wet) beating me. Perhaps Michelle might experience the same? Then she is not punishing you when she hurts you, rather she is simply pleasuring herself.
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Poppet
I look forward to answering this but I feel it deserves much more than a comment. My experience during a “session” (I’m not sure if that’s a good word for it) is deep and there is a lot to explain. I look forward to sharing with you!
Thank you for the comment and questions. It sounds like you have figured out a great way to meet your needs and your owners needs. Michele and I have discussed this and we continue to have conversations about it. The short answer is that Michele does get a lot of satisfaction out of causing me pain. Michele will give you a much more detailed answer in blog post soon. As for me I crave the pain that she inflicts on me and I enjoy being pushed a little further. We can easily get in a loop where the more pain she inflicts the more aroused I get, and she will get aroused from my pain and inflict more. We can both get in a really nice head space doing this. I already have a post planned where I will get in to more details of my desire and sometimes need for pain along with some of the nuances that go along with it. I will be sure to let you know when I post it.
The real dilemma I am trying to resolve and have been thinking about is my desire for a real punishment. Not just something Michele does for fun (and caning me is fun for her and me) but something that is a true disciplinary punishment. As I said earlier though I don’t want to ever put her in a position where she would want or need to punish me.
One final note for now. We did have a situation once where my behavior needed to be “corrected”. She did use the cane and a lot of conversation of what was being corrected while she was doing it. It was emotionally extremely satisfying for me, I ended in tears, and I believe it helped us both move past that event. There will probably be a post about this some time in the future as well.
You can see a little in my intro post https://monkeyinacage.com/ownedsubjohn-about-me/ The marks are not that extreme (I didn’t want to scare anyone right from the start) but you can see from my tattoo how I feel about the pain that Michele gives me.
I think the thing to do is to remove the word “deserve.” You receive the punishment at her whim, not because you did anything wrong. I find that very hot Also, we’re talk about a sex act done for mutual pleasure. No need for restraint. No crime , nothing for the punishment to fit. Michele just decides it’s time for you to get what you both need.
Michele definitely decides when it’s time for me to get what she needs to give. I am trying to convince her to let me fill in for someone else that she might be upset with but who she can’t beat. I will be the proxy. She did tell me this afternoon “I feel like I have anger that could be taken care” followed by “I need you to take some of my pent up energy”
I am very much looking forward to being with her this weekend.
Thank you for the comment