Have you ever discovered that you have had a kink for a long time and you didn’t realize it?
It is really interesting to me that I have a degradation kink and I never knew it. Other people have this kink, sometimes to the point of a fetish but it has never been my thing. Apparently, I was wrong, it just took the right experience to bring it out.
How did this happen? It started after a challenging situation for me. The three of us, Michele, Jon and I, had been experimenting on ways to fulfill a mutual fantasy. What we were trying to do is find the best way for Michele to have Jon’s cock in her pussy while I have my mouth on her clit. These are both things that she likes and when both happen at the same time it is amazing for her, and us.
Logistically though this can be difficult. One particular night, I can remember us trying multiple positions. Until we found one where I was laying on my back on the bed. My head was at the end of the bed, hanging over a little. Michele was on top of me facing the other way with her pussy just over my face. Jon was standing (trying at least) at the end of the bed just over me so he could slide his cock in Michele’s pussy. Jon has a rather large cock so it makes the most sense for him to be in that position. I liked this as well as I had fantasized about being in this position many times over the years. Overall, it was a fairly successful position that we definitely hope to try some variation of again.
For now, I’m going to concentrate on my role in that particular encounter. Obviously I was there to have my mouth on Michele’s clit. We struggled a bit but were able to make this work. With my face in her pussy from below, Jon was fucking her from above. As he would slide in, his balls would slide across my face, landing right on my eyes and nose most of the time. This was very unexpected and, quite frankly, I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. I guess my initial reaction was that I didn’t like it. His balls were cold and just sat there, not pressed down, I could just feel their weight. More than a couple of times his cock would slide out and land on my face as well. After Michele came hard on his cock she told him to cum in her pussy and on my face as he pulled out. From my position I couldn’t hear any of that. After he pulled out I briefly cleaned the cum off his cock and then went to work cleaning all the sex from Michele’s pussy, eagerly trying to catch everything as she pushed it out in to my mouth. It felt like a dream to be doing this, to be in this position, to fulfill this fantasy. I believe we were all left very satisfied.
This was a very intense experience and over the hours and days after we spent time discussing it and providing aftercare to each other. One of the things that came up for me was the experience of Jon’s balls across my face. It had a degrading feeling to it, in an unsettling way. Not bad, not good, just not understood. As we talked about it Michele shared how she really wanted him to cum on my face. I did not know this, at the time it happened I wasn’t exactly in a position to be able to hear anything. It’s not something I ever remember hearing Michele say before. When I first heard that she wanted Jon to cum on my face I was a little surprised by it. I didn’t understand why. What would she get out of it? Did she enjoy degrading me? I didn’t understand that I wanted to be degraded, to be humiliated. But, now I understand how this is a component of my submissive nature and I crave the experience. I crave wearing all that sex on my face as a “scarlet letter” of sorts. I want to be used for Michele’s pleasure and entertainment. I had never thought that I had a degradation kink, at least not to this level. I never considered being a cuckold, or cleaning up a messy pussy, or any act of submission to be degrading.
Well, it turns out that I have a rather strong degradation / humiliation kink. This experience isn’t when it started, but it is was the event that allowed me to really think about it and realize just how much I craved this. It’s funny how this knowledge has allowed me to remember things in such a wonderfully positive way. I now frame past experiences in a different light and that allows me to better understand what I was feeling at the time. In many ways, I accept that this is important to me and fulfills something inside me that I didn’t know I needed. This is just the beginning of this part of my journey. I look forward to looking deeper inside myself as I incorporate this in to my lifestyle.
As always, I love to hear your thoughts, please leave a comment or send an email
John
Humiliation is very complex. It’s very possible that knowing that Michele went to such lengths to include you in her family made you trust her so deeply that it unlocked something that allowed you to acknowledge this.
I agree that humiliation is complex. Often when thinking about it as soon as I think I understand it gets turned upside down. I am glad to have a loving partner to explore this with. It is wonderful to be included in Michele’s family, I think that is a reflection of the trust we have in each other.
Thank you for the comment.
It’s cool that you can explore. Large parts of these kinks are discussed in the abstract or fantasy rather than real experience. Reality and fantasy play out differently, sometimes to surprise and enjoyment.
I liken humiliation to playing with physical pain – usually the recipient wants to feel some kind of new pain, but not suffer actual injury (physical or emotional). It takes a lot of trust and experience to play it out with partners. It’s incredibly intimate when you can be vulnerable with someone in this way without feeling unsafe.
You’re absolutely right, shannon!
The reality of a fantasy can be very different from the fantasy of a fantasy. Sometimes that can be way better than expected and sometimes it’s worse. Most of the time, when we are trying things together, we try to go in with the lowest of expectations. What I mean is we don’t try to hold anything up to what we thought it would be like in our heads. We just have a kind of idea what we want and we go for something like it… If it works exactly like we thought, awesome, a little different, great or not at all… Ok, now we know!
As for humiliation being similar to pain… I think I agree with you. It’s wanting to suffer in some way. I’m noticing a trend with my guys in chastity, who are submissive… They like to endure things and some like to endure pain and once in awhile that involves a little bit of emotional pain. Not hurtful, damaging pain but still, some suffering, some actual feeling. As if they haven’t been truly feeling something for awhile and they need to feel something. To feel something with someone they trust and feel safe with.
I’m glad that you appreciate the real experience that I shared. While we will talk about fantasy from time to time our desire is to share our real life experiences so hopefully others can learn from them and we can learn more about ourselves.
I can see the similarity of humiliation to physical pain. Another thing for me to think about. I love when I get feedback that helps me better understand my experience.
Thank you for the insightful comment.