Advice

Male Chastity and Marriage

Posted by Michele on December 16, 2013
Posted in: Advice, Male Chastity, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , . 9 comments

Cagedmonkey and I have a wedding anniversary coming up in a few weeks. We will be celebrating 11 years of marriage and 14 years together – on the same day! We are just like any couple and have had our good years, some ok years and some not so good years. Our sex life has been that same roller coaster. We started out like any other crazy, horny young couple into some kinky stuff like roll play, some light bondage and of course the tease and denial. We actually, at one point, had our own Yahoo Group way back when with about 600+ members. It was a tease and denial group where we would share pics and instructions and I’d basically group web teases! It was fun but I really had no idea what I was doing back then! Having that group was my first experience with male chastity. I met a couple of men who were locked in devices (one in particular that I remember being very involved with him, his wife and his chastity). I didn’t know anything about Male Chastity and probably thought it was weird. I did know tease and denial though and that’s what I focused on as well as some light Dom stuff. When you’re running a group full of guys wanting you to be in control of their orgasms, I figured some would be into some extreme (to me at the time) stuff.

Our relationship has not always been fun and games. We ran into our problems and spent years with resentment and anger that was really never worked through. We would work through some things but still fall back into the same pattern. Our unresolved issues that we stuffed away would come cycling back around and the resentment and anger would creep back in. I think that was a result of being so young and inexperienced at life.

Fast forward to our relationship hitting its lowest point, which I’ll call rock bottom. We had built up so much over so many years dealing with medical issues for ourselves, the kids, out of control addictions, infidelity and the everyday stresses of life. Our marriage and relationship, in general, was suffering under the unresolved anger, resentment and fear. Fear to confront each other with our feelings because we didn’t know how the other would react. When you hit that place of rock bottom in a relationship, all you have left is to face the fears.

Once we were able to say, “what else have we got to lose?” and only then, could we confront the fears we both had. We were able to sit down (yes there was crying and a mess of other emotions) and talk about everything… and I mean everything. We talked about what was good, what wasn’t so good, what we were happy about and what we weren’t happy about. We talked about our satisfaction with every part of our relationship, especially the sexual intimacy… which was, by that point, almost non-existent. I don’t have the answer as to how to fix a relationship but I do know that there needs to be two people who love each other, who are not willing to give up, who are willing to work their asses off to do whatever is necessary to repair, renew and rejuvenate their marriage. The most important part in all of that is the communication part. You need to be able to set aside the fears and non-judgmentally listen to one another. Then you need to be able to express the fears you set aside so they can be addressed.

I’m not a professional and I only know from experience what needed to happen between cagedmonkey and I to fix what was broken. So we could get back to the place where we started. However, back to a new healthier version of that place with two people who’ve grown together. To get back that fantastic, always aroused by each other, sexual intimacy we enjoyed with each other in the beginning. This time, though, it’s a deeper, different, more connected sexual intimacy. It’s something I couldn’t even begin to explain but when you get here, you know what I’m talking about.

Marriage is like a tunnel that ultimately collapses on itself and only if your willing and after you clear the rubble can you come out on the other side to see the light again. And what an amazing light it is, so bright and so clear!

In repairing our marriage we discovered how important it was to be able to hear each others fantasies – not that we had to act on them (because we all know some are better left in the head!) but merely hear them. If something appeals to you and you want to try it together awesome! If it’s just not your thing, it stays an arousing thought in someone’s head that can be used later on as a fantastic mindfuck. 🙂 For cagedmonkey and I we have it in our agreement that we will share fantasies no matter how crazy they seem. First of all it opens a wide door of communication and you get so deep into the sexual soul of your partner. Hearing something your partner likes might seem like a WTF? type of thing but it’s easy to just listen and say “I’m not really feeling that, but that’s interesting” or “that’s something to think about” and understand that just because the fantasy was shared does not require you to make it happen. If you do, sweet! If not, no biggie!

Cagedmonkey was the one who brought up the interest in Male Chastity. At first I was like “who the hell would want their dick in a cage?” Haha but I simply told him it wasn’t something I felt I was into but that it wasn’t off the table. It definitely wasn’t a “no” thing but I just needed time to research and see what it was all about. It took me a few months to get the information I wanted and needed – because we all know there is plenty of way off fantasy stuff out there on the internet. Specifically there were two sites I found that really gave me a real idea as to what chastity was in marriage and what it potentially could be. I found Sarah’s Male Chastity blog from a wife’s point of view and thumpers blog which gave me the male point of view (I’ve since found some other blogs I really like which you can find on our links page). Once I read through and got good solid real life information I started to really like the idea.

We introduced chastity play a few months ago, in October 2013. We jumped in head first and didn’t look back. We very quickly got to the chastity being part of our lives 24/7 and he wears his cage any time I am not using the penis for my own pleasure. I control everything about cagedmonkey’s sexual experience. I control when he will have an erection, when, how and if he will have an orgasm and even if he will feel any sensation from that area at all.

This experience has changed us both, for the better. We have both discovered so much about ourselves sexually: I’m definitely dominant and he is submissive. I feel I have become a better, more attentive and structured wife. I feel I’ve become a better sexual partner able to please my hubby by teasing him and teaching him to please me. Cagedmonkey has become a better husband and a better lover. He’s much more attentive to my needs and the kids needs, he helps around the house even more than before and does this willingly and happily and rarely does he complain or grunt or sigh about anything he has to do or is asked to do. This experience has also changed our relationship, for the better. We communicate more openly and without fear of the others reaction. We have reached levels of intimacy and sexual pleasure we didn’t know existed. We have started dating again, which has been a huge thing in bringing out a deeper love for one another. We’re making love so much more often, a bit differently than before, but damn it’s better than it’s ever been.

It has been an amazing journey so far. An emotional roller coaster, at times but overall exploring ourselves, male chastity and many other kinks has changed us and made us so much better and stronger than we ever were. We’re discovering things about ourselves that are confusing but exciting and instead of being afraid of those feelings were are grabbing each other by the hand and jumping in with both feet!

If you are married and your relationship is sound and strong and you are thinking about Male Chastity, I suggest you give it a try. You might be pleasantly surprised as to what gives you those ooey gooey tingly feelings in your tummy.

Device Review: Jailbird

Posted by JonMustWait on November 27, 2013
Posted in: Advice, Male Chastity. Tagged: , , , , , , , , . Leave a Comment

I admit, I do not have extensive experience with chastity devices. The only device I’ve ever worn besides the one I am currently wearing was an “off the shelf” Birdcage. I did want to give my impressions on my newest device, a custom made Jailbird from Mature Metal. Most of my comparisons will be against the Birdcage, but some of my comments will just be what they are, not a comparison to anything.

For starters, the device is very cool looking. After My Lady and I initially settled on the Birdcage, we really started to enjoy the look of a steel cage. The Jailbird is very stylish and also very sturdy. The cage is well put together, with no spurs or pinch points that I have found so far. There have been a few occasions where pubic hair has gotten caught in various places, but I think that’s more of a result of me needing a trim than the device itself. The device is slightly wider than the Birdcage. It feels like it should be heavier as well, but it is actually lighter due to the material it is made out of (surgical steel vs. chrome plated steel).

I was surprised by how freaking comfortable this thing is! The Birdcage was very comfortable, but this Jailbird is seriously amazing. It might have to do with the fact that we ordered the oval base ring. I happen to be blessed (cursed?) with rather large testicles, and the oval ring gives them more room to breathe without allowing them to slip backwards. I think the better fitting oval ring also prevents the cage from pushing upwards when the cock attempts an erection. This was a MAJOR issue with the Birdcage, to the point where it would cause near- debilitating pain. Sure, the Jailbird is not exactly comfortable when it squeezes my balls upward as the cock tries in vain to get hard, but it’s not nearly as bad as the Birdcage.

Speaking of trying to get hard… the bars of the Jailbird are just a tiny bit thicker than the bars of the Birdcage. It’s almost hard to tell – ML insisted that I was wrong, but trust me, I’m the one wearing it and I can tell.  🙂  This comes into play when the cock gets hard and tries to press through the cage. The bars of the Birdcage sometimes felt as though they could dig into my skin. They didn’t, but I swear sometimes I got so hard in the cage it felt like it was possible! This is not a problem with the Jailbird. The bars are wide enough to distribute the and reduce the pressure. The bars are also wider apart which reduces the amount of protrusion that happens when the cock presses against the cage (when the cock would bulge out between the bars and rub on my clothing, it would cause an oversensitive pain-ish sensation… not good). The wider arrangement of the bars also allows ML better access to torture her desperate prisoner.

Overall, the comfort of the custom measurements is just one feature that makes the Jailbird a great chastity device. My cage needs to be tweaked just a bit; ML and I have decided that her cock has too much room in the cage and we must shorten the length of the shaft by about an inch. This adjustment will cost a little bit, but it is important to invest in quality when using a device for extended periods of time. For anyone participating in prolonged 24/7 chastity and are looking at this style of device (steel, open shaft), I would highly recommend the Jailbird. Even with a price tag upwards of $300, it is definitely worth the cost.

Let’s Talk About Lube

Posted by JonMustWait on November 22, 2013
Posted in: Advice, Male Chastity. Tagged: , , , , , , , , . 1 comment

One of the most important aspects of wearing a chastity device for an extended period of time is daily maintenance. For the sake of both comfort and safety, it’s important to do your “daily chores” and take care of your cage as well as its prized contents.

First, it’s very important to keep your cage clean. The easiest way to accomplish this task is to wash your cage after removing it, however this may not be an option for some guys whose keyholder keeps them locked in a device 24/7… like me, for example. In my case, I find that a good rinse in the shower once a day is sufficient, but I try to give it a good soap-and-water wash at least every other day. Men who are using a more enclosed style of device may require more frequent soap washes.

Just as important as washing is drying your cage. At first, I simply towel-dried out of the shower, but I found there were some spots that were beginning to rust from retained water. Seeing as though the Birdcage I wear is chrome-plated steel, I didn’t worry too much about the rust… however, I didn’t want mold to grow. Using a hair dryer on low/cool setting seems to work better than a towel.

The next step in daily maintenance is applying proper lubrication. Lubing up is one of the most important things you will do involving your cage on a daily basis. When you forget to do it, you will realize it. And you most likely will not forget again for quite a while. Lubrication is important because you want things to be able to move around freely down there without any chafing or pinching. With a proper snug-fitting cage, there is high potential for skin irritations from normal behaviors such as sitting, walking, or attempted erections. Lubrication helps things to move around a little easier. My Lady loves to tease me and watch her cock try to grow inside the cage and press against the bars, straining against the unyielding steel. Without lubing up, this would end up being a lot more uncomfortable than it already is.

I find that more lube is better than less. I began using Q-tips to apply the lube under and around the bars of my Birdcage, until I realized that my finger fits well in the spaces between the steel. I may be forced to use the Q-tips when ML decides to start using a more enclosed device on me.

Using the correct type of lube is also vital. Water-based lubricants are best in my opinion, because they can be used with pretty much any type of device; silicone-based or petroleum-based lubes shouldn’t be used with either silicone or plastic devices because they can degrade the material. Not only is the type of lube critical, but also the brand that you buy can contribute to the quality of your “lubricatedness.” I have found that name brand products work best, as they should; Astroglide is my personal favorite. Store brand lubes can be just as good, but beware – not all store brand products are created equal! I just recently found that. although the Rite-Aid brand of personal lubricant works just fine for me, the Equate brand (available at Walmart) gets very sticky and “goobery” when it dries. Just because one store brand doesn’t work for you doesn’t mean another won’t also. Don’t be afraid to try a few different types out. If all else fails, spring for the good stuff. It’ll be worth it.

At first, I thought that fitting all of these duties into my routine would be a hassle. But honestly, I really enjoy performing my “daily maintenance” tasks. I feel that taking good care of my cage is a way to show my devotion to my keyholder and to show my gratitude that she has valued me enough to lock me up to be hers and hers alone to control. It is my way of saying “thank you.”