depression

All posts tagged depression

Still Riding the Emotional Roller Coaster of Life

Posted by Lady M on November 14, 2014
Posted in: Anal, Orgasm Denial, Sex. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , . 5 comments

The other night cagedmonkey and I had an unexpected Switch night. I’m sure you want me to get into and describe all the forced cock sucking till my eyes watered, hair pulling, spanking, deep ass fucking till I was thanking him and asking for it harder, deeper and faster but really I’m going to gloss over that. 🙂 Awww, sorry, don’t cry too much. Maybe cagedmonkey will post again later with more thoughts and descriptions of how he bent me over and fucked me like a little slut. However, I’m just going to mention what a fantastic boy I have who, even in a switch, ultimately followed his Lady’s rules and did NOT have an orgasm. Ahhh, such a good boy!

Our switch happened only a very short time before hubby had to head out the door to work. When I say a short time, it actually means he left about 5 mins late because he was busy with his dick shoved deep in my ass instead of getting dressed. What that means is that I got fucked and called a slut and then he got up, got dressed and left. No time for aftercare – which neither one of us thought about what-so-ever.

About 30 mins after he left… I felt it. I felt that familiar, “oh fuck I’m sinking” feeling. My shoulders dropped and rolled forward, my head tilted down and my smile faded. I could feel my body and my emotions slipping. The amazing amount of horny I had in me was flowing right out of me. Awwww crap! I texted him and told him what was happening. The exchange went like this:

Me: I can feel myself slipping. I can feel that I’m getting emotional.

Him: I’m sorry baby, I’m here when you need to talk.

Me: I’ll be ok, I can just feel it happening, starting to feel that depression feeling. I feel like I could just cry at any second. Keep thinking about my dad and I’m lonely.

**a few minutes pass – he is at work after all*

Him: OH FUCK!
Him: DAMN IT!
Him: I’m such an asshole
Him: I’m so sorry baby!

Me: WTF? Are you sorry for, what did you do now?

Him: I didn’t give you aftercare

BOOM! There it was… I didn’t get my aftercare. Mind you it was never a thought in my mind to have it. I’m a big bad dominant woman, I don’t need that shit! HA! I found out that even the big bad dominant needs, even just a little, aftercare sometimes. Especially after a switch when the roles are touching on the emotions and pains from childhood. I never even realized I would need that. Like I said, I’m me, I’m the one in control… yeah, sometimes my emotions have control over me.

The past few days have been a bit down, a bit off, a bit depressed and a lot NOT horny. I’ve been crying off an on, thinking about the fact that I lost 6 members of my family in the past 6 months. It would have been my father’s birthday on Tuesday, my Aunt’s was a few days ago, the holidays are coming up. I got feeling of worthlessness, sadness, loneliness and a bunch of other ‘ness’s. It hasn’t been a fun couple days.

This morning I was feeling a bit better and gave myself a boost by giving cagedmonkey some delicious nipple torture and got my pussy quivering. 🙂 Yeah… it’s that easy. A little nipple pain, some yummy whimpering and it kicks my horny back in. I’m by no means back where I was but, tonight is date night… haha I’m sure I’ll get my fill of making his nipples good and sore tonight.

Feel Like I’m Failing as a Keyholder

Posted by Lady M on September 10, 2014
Posted in: KeyHolder. Tagged: , , , . 17 comments

Since the other night when I got a little twinge of disappointment when cagedmonkey lost his erection, I’ve had some “I’m not good enough” stuff going on. I could feel the depression happening… losing my confidence, my self esteem and especially my horny. Hubby tried to arouse me a few times and I did start to feel a bit horny but it easily faded when he wasn’t around or was sleeping. I think that was another thing feeding into my depression, it always takes hubby a day or so to readjust after being off work so he sleeps quite a bit extra and our nightly connection isn’t what it normally is.

Then today pushed me further down into the hole of “I suck-ness” when I had to endure the terrible emotional battery I did from my 9yr old daughter. In case you don’t know, our daughter is on the Autism Spectrum and has some other medical issues so we homeschool her. I’m not going to get into it all but it hurt me to the core. I hid in the kitchen and cried because I felt like the worst parent, I felt like (feel like) I’m failing her, like maybe she deserves a better mom.

So as you can imagine this has all been taking away from the attention I usually give to cagedmonkey. So, yes, I feel like I’m failing as a keyholder and wife too. He’s not getting nearly the amount or quality of attention he wants or is used to. I need this depression to go away, I hate having feelings come over me like “maybe I should just give him the key and say forget it because I can’t give him what he wants right now.” I don’t really want that. I want to be fixed emotionally so that my dominant, confident, teasing horny comes back.

I did love the great pussy eating I got before hubby left for work tonight as well as the big long cum. I just wish I didn’t feel like I was on an emotional roller coaster.