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All posts for the month November, 2019

Mail Chastity: How to Become A Good Keyholder

Posted by Lady M on November 26, 2019
Posted in: Advice, Female Led Relationship, KeyHolder, Mail Chastity, Male Chastity, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , . 2 comments

I received a message from another keyholder on chastityforums.com. She is a bit new to all this, in general, and is struggling with how to be a KH and a good one at that. So here is a bit of what she wrote and my response.

“My ‘vanilla self’ is constantly fighting with ‘the KH self’ I’m sure [my hubby] would like me to become. I’m not even sure how to make this change. Do you have any ideas to help me in my quest to transition from vanilla to a true KH in every sense of the word?”

First of all… This isn’t about you becoming something your hubby wants you to be. This is about you both enjoying this the way YOU enjoy it, whatever way that may be. Please do me a favor and don’t try to be and do things that are not natural. What you do should feel good and exciting to you. If you fake it, it will become work and then you could easily build resentment by trying to live up to his expectations… Do what you enjoy and are comfortable with. You are in charge, you hold the key, literally – he should not be in charge through you when it comes to chastity or keeping him locked etc. That is called “topping from the bottom” and that’s not ok. It is perfectly fine to communicate – if you know me at all I’m huge on communication – so talk and listen to each other. Get to know what you like, what you think you like, what you don’t like, what feels good both physically and mentally. Decide from there what YOU want to implement in your relationship.

Don’t be afraid to try things if they are not a hard No! You may like them or maybe not and you have the choice, as the one in charge, to say yes that’s good we will do that or no that felt bad or uncomfortable and we are not doing that! It’s all good. In the beginning it’s all about talking and trying and figuring out what works and feels good. Don’t be afraid to say no or change your mind either… Try hard to remember, in most situations, he is the one that asked you for this and decided to give you control. He doesn’t want to decide what happens with his sexual desires, his orgasms, his pleasure. He wants you to be in control of it all. 🙂

In regards to how to be a good keyholder, please feel free to listen to Episode 3 of our podcast. It’s about praise and reassurance and it’s just me talking to other keyholders and I think it might be helpful!

Good luck!

Lost and Found

Posted by Lady M on November 24, 2019
Posted in: Family, Male Chastity. Tagged: , , , , . Leave a Comment

It’s interesting what things get stirred up when you find something from the past. We were unpacking and found a box with a bunch of books… Wait a minute… Let me back up a bit, do you even know? I don’t think we’ve been here since we moved… again?!?!

Maybe I should start over. I’m pretty sure so much has happened in the past few months that you’ll need an explanation. 😉 Back in summer on a random Saturday cagedmonkey and I decided to buy another house… Who doesn’t? That’s what everyone does on a Saturday, isn’t it? lol the thing is… The house we bought is pretty perfect. It’s not much bigger than our previous house – same 3 bedrooms etc with the exception of a second bathroom and a family room. Most important about this family room is that it’s on the other side of the house from the bedrooms! More about that later! What that meant for our time, summer into fall, was a mad dash pack up a house while doing some repairs and getting things ready to sell a house while doing so the things necessary when you unexpectedly decide to purchase a house. We did, everything went… ehhh relatively smooth. No major hiccups. So that’s a good thing. We finally moved into the new house in September and then closed on the other two weeks later!

I’m not sure we mentioned a while back the trouble hubby was having with his back. So yeah, there was that. He was showing some lumbar spine issues but at the time we didn’t think they were that horrible so he was seeing the chiropractor and physical therapy trying to get it back to feeling better. None of that was really working and then we decided to move a whole house a few streets over, which meant lots of solo trips lifting heavy boxes and furniture and we think he damaged his back more. Fast forward to a few weeks ago he got 4 shots in his spine to try to alleviate some of the stupid pain he was in. They have seemed to take the edge off but in no way did they fix anything and he’s still being very careful (or I keep telling him to be anyway!). A lot of nights I’ll have him sleep without the cage because even getting those night time erections can cause him back pain pushing on herniated and torn discs in his very low back (CM: it’s not as bad as Lady M thinks, but I’m not going to complain if she wants my cage off, hehe). He is also under the instruction, during the night, that if he is sleeping in the cage and he gets that bad pain he is allowed to remove it so that his pain isn’t keeping us both up at night.

Aside from all that we were awfully busy as a family – hubby working, me working, hubby teaching at the university and he’s taking master’s classes on top of that and the kids sports and other activities… but hey, we won’t have young kids in sports and all that forever so it is what it is.

So, now that that’s out in the open, let’s move on to the point of this post lol. Recently CM and I were going through boxes and found our “communication notebooks” from back when we started this whole chastity and WLM journey. It has been really fun going back through reading about how we felt exploring different things. Ohhhh and how awesome it was the day the Mature Metal device arrived. We got a good chuckle out of the entries where we were so excited hubby stayed locked for 4 days straight. Such a huge difference to be locked every day all day. I feel like finding the books was such a good thing… It’s brought back some ideas of things we used to do that felt good and made each other feel good. The things that had us crazy horny all day long and kept my panties soaking wet.

Anyway… It’s been fun reading back to 6 years ago when all this started.