Two weeks post-op and I’m finally starting to feel a tiny bit more like myself… but wow, this has been one hell of a ride. And not the fun “hands in the air” kind. More like the kind where the seat belt is too tight, the track is rickety, and the ride operator is an intern who definitely shouldn’t have been left in charge.

I knew hip replacement surgery would be tough, but I don’t think anything prepares you for just exactly how tough. I’m almost 50, I’ve run my household, my boss’ company, my kids, my men, and entire damn dynamics… and suddenly I’m the one who can’t get up without help. I’m the one who has to ask for things. I’m the one who can’t just “do it myself,” which has basically been my default setting for decades.

The first week was the worst, I won’t lie, it was an bit of a roller coaster. It was ups and downs, physically and emotionally. One minute I was fine and five minutes later something would trigger my nerves (literally) and I was in pain all down my leg. None of the unpredictable pain has been good for the mental health and sometimes I am doing good and feeling happy about doing good and the next I was pissed off at the world because I wasn’t able to do something or I was in intense pain. At one point the pain, frustration, exhaustion, something… all mixed together into some kind of nuclear-level bitchiness. I warned everyone, but still, Yikes, even I didn’t like me. I did apologize.

John flew out the night before surgery and was here for 11 days. He is such an amazing addition to our family, taking on the kids, the house, the meals, the med schedules, the waking up all hours of the night, the endless little tasks that feel like mountains right now. He did it partly because he wanted to help, and partly because he knew the second he left, it would all fall onto Hubby, and he wanted to soften that blow. Hubby wanted to do everything too, but John took the brunt of it that first week or so, because he knows these next few weeks are on cagedmonkey now that he’s gone. Cagedmonkey has to deal with catering to me everyday, taking care of the kids, the house and doing dinners and everything all by himself while going to work and his own self care. It’s a lot so I’m so happy we have the opportunity to spread out the heavy load between the two guys. That isn’t a level of help people can usually get. I’m blessed to be loved and cared for by two men.

Let me tell you… healing from hip surgery is no joke. Managing all my meds with the addition of pain meds, post op appts, PT exercises that feel like you’re learning to use your own body again. Ohhh, and the wound vac… oh my God… having that sucker (ha! See what I did there?! lol) removed was like torture. I swear they ripped off layers of my soul along with the adhesive. Seriously though, a few layers of my sensitive skin at my upper hip area were destroyed and it’s painful to get it healing.

I’m still using the walker, still moving slowly, still learning this new version of “walking.” But it’s getting better. The pain is different now and not in my hip joint, mostly my muscles and nerves. I’m taking fewer meds already, which I’m happy about… I am not a pain med person. I can actually get around the house without feeling like I’m climbing Everest. So… Progress is progress, I just need to remember that and not get discouraged. It’s really easy to do!

The hardest part now is my brain. My brain wants to get up and clean something, fix something, do something. It wants to move the way I always have… instinctively. However, my body just says “Nope. Sit down.” That’s been the biggest mindfuck of all. Knowing I can’t even if I want to… and I want to all the time.

I still have four more weeks before I’m even allowed to think about housework, bending, twisting, any of the basic things that made me feel capable and in control. It’s humbling, it’s frustrating, and it’s teaching me patience in ways I never asked for. But I’m healing, I’m improving, and I’m still Madam Allure even if I’m temporarily slowed down.

So, I am here, I’m bruised, and I may get bitchy, but I am absolutely too stubborn to quit. I promise to update again and find more time to write as I’m feeling better over the next few weeks… Why not since I’m not allowed to do anything else? LoL

Until next time…

Behave, or I’m coming after you with this walker! 😉

Madam