As I was enjoying my coffee this morning I was reflecting on the events of last weekend.
You may have already read about the fun times we all had this last weekend. If you haven’t please check out Michele’s post from yesterday. I’m not going to recap the whole post but I do want to share just a little about one part of it.
As you may have guessed it’s about being the “fluffer”. As I was reading Michele’s post this is one thing that particularly jumped out at me. There is an incredible feeling when Michele tells me to get Jon ready for her. I was laying there slowly running my fingers along Michele’s pussy and gently inserting them to get her ready when she tells me to get that cock hard so she can feel it inside her. I reached over and started stroking it, getting it hard. Michele had a hand on it too but mostly allowed me to rub my fingers along and around the tip driving Jon crazy.
What a unique and incredible feeling knowing that I am getting the two of them ready to have the sex that I want to be having. I want to be feeling the gentle stroking on my cock. I want to be big and hard, ready to feel Michele’s incredible pussy sliding down on my cock. I want to be the one to feel Michele cum and to fill her pussy with my cum. I know I am not going to get that but somehow the feeling is just as good. Maybe even better knowing that 100% of my effort is going towards giving Michele what she wants, what she needs. And yet I don’t feel second, or left out. I actually feel like I am a very important part of what is happening. I am right in the middle of it. Literally.
I could not be happier.
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I recently had another opportunity to experience being the cuckold. I am the boyfriend and I was cuckolded by the husband. Isn’t that the way this is supposed to work? In our relationship it is, at least some of the time. The reality is that neither Jon or I are “Bulls,” we are both submissive to Michele and we do what she wants. On this particular day she wanted to be filled by a big cock. So, I got to be the one to get everyone ready and clean up after.
Michele and Jon were on the bed naked, I was not only locked in my steelheart but I stayed clothed, there was no need for me to be naked. I wasn’t being used for anything more than a tool in their desire. It started by Michele instructing me to lick her pussy, while I stroked Jon’s cock, getting them both ready for the sex we were all eagerly awaiting. I quickly got into position between Michele’s legs and started licking her pussy. It didn’t take long at all to get her nice and wet. The hardest part for me was stopping. I love licking her pussy so much and want to give her an orgasm so badly but that is not what I was there for either. While I was licking Michele’s pussy, I was stroking Jon’s cock with my right hand. I don’t know if it was my hand on his cock or just the thrill of watching us but it was pretty hard when Michele was ready. I used my mouth to gently wet the tip of his cock with my tongue as my lips were wrapped around the tip. Jon was definitely ready to go after that.
They were both ready, so I helped guide Jon’s cock into Michele’s wet, waiting pussy. I say I guided it but, really, they were both very ready so it didn’t take much. Then, I sat to the side quietly where I had a good view of what was happening and watched as Michele had a nice orgasm and came on Jon’s big, hard cock.
Once Michele was satisfied she told Jon to fill her pussy with cum. She said she wanted to feel him cum deep inside her. Jon was happy to oblige and quickly filled her with a large load of hot cum. Jon hadn’t been allowed to orgasm in quite some time so his balls were very full of cum. As he pulled out, I positioned myself for my turn. I moved to a kneeling position at the foot of the bed. His cock was covered with cum, his and Michele’s. She can really cum a lot and I could tell that she did. I took a minute to clean Jon off first. I started by licking the cum off the shaft of his cock, starting near the base and ending with my tongue on the tip of his cock. Then I wrapped my hand around the base and pulled towards the tip. A nice big drop of cum came out of the tip of his dick. It was actually more than just a drop, it was enough that it was about to drip off the end. I couldn’t let that happen so I quickly licked the cum off the tip and wrapped my lips around the head of his still hard, very large cock. With my tongue just resting on his frenulum, I again used my hand to pull any remaining cum that was in his cock out onto my tongue and into my mouth. I gently sucked as I pulled my lips from around the head of his cock to make sure nothing was left behind. It’s possible that I was also trying to give Jon one last little bit of pleasure before he was done. I’m pretty sure he was left wanting a little more.
I wanted a little more too. A lot more actually, so I turned to Michele who was laying on her back now near the end of the bed. Michele wanted more, too and had enough waiting, she told me it was time to take care of her. I started, as I often do, by using my tongue to take nice long licks starting below the opening of her pussy and working up to her clit. I widened my tongue out and took gentle but firm licks to make sure I got any cum that might be trying to drip down and escape my reach. After that was under control I moved my attention up to her clit, licking and gently sucking making sure I got any cum that might still be there. I usually try to make sure to focus there since it is so enjoyable. Then I moved back down to the opening of her pussy, covered her opening with my mouth and tried to lick the cum out of her hole. At this point, Michele pushed all the sex out of her pussy into my waiting mouth covering my tongue with a mixture of her cum and his. I’m pretty sure we both enjoyed this very much.
Once Michele was cleaned up I tried to continue to lick her pussy for as long as she would let me. Sometimes she will cum on my tongue again, giving me even more to clean up and the incredible satisfaction of bringing her pleasure. Other times she will simply tell me I’ve been a “good boy” and it’s “time to be done” because I am, after all, her cum slut and there to clean up.
After we were done, they got dressed, and we all went and sat on the couch in the living room to relax and recover. I basked in the wonderful sub space I was in. I am sure I had a big smile the rest of the day.
As I was enjoying my coffee this morning I was reflecting on an early experience…
I am reflecting on something that happened the first time Michele and I got together. I am reasonably experienced in the BDSM Lifestyle. I certainly haven’t tried everything but I am aware of most of the BDSM lifestyle through the eyes of others.
This particular memory is from the first time Michele and I were together in person. Before we made the trip we spent a lot of time talking about all the things that we each liked, and didn’t like. One thing that we both knew we wanted to experience together was some pain play. I believe it was on the last day, before we actually had time to play with the whips and the paddles. One thing that is beautiful about our relationship is that we don’t do anything just because we talked about it. If the timing isn’t right we wait until it is.
We finally had the time and the situation was right to get out the canes. We had discussed a few things before hand, mainly that we wouldn’t leave marks where they were visible when I was dressed. We had discussed that there were no places on my body that were off limits as long as we were being safe. Michele did an amazing job with the canes. She put beautiful marks on my ass, my back, the back of my thighs. And then came the surprise, she caned the bottom of my feet.
I had never had the bottom of my feet caned. I hadn’t ever heard of that much less thought about it. And Oh, My, God did it hurt. Really fucking hurt. The “Oh shit, is she ever going to stop” hurt. I’m sure it wasn’t all that long and probably not all that hard but boy was it ever intense. The funny thing is that now I crave that. I may have even asked for it. I don’t think I would want that all the time but sometimes it just feels so good to be so vulnerable. So close to the edge. The anticipation and anxious feelings before hand are such a rush. And then the pain. I am a bit of a pain slut, so yeah, I get off on it. Not always in the moment (did I mention it really fucking hurts?) but thinking about having that done, like I am now, gets me aroused. Thinking about when it has happened brings all that wonderful vulnerability right back to me. I am so grateful and blessed to have Michele in my life to experience all these wonderful things.
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I have incorporated BDSM and kink in my life for as long as I can remember. I feel like I was fairly knowledgeable. After I met Michele and we started to really connect I realized there were a few things that I didn’t know about. It’s not so much that I didn’t know about them as I didn’t know they were “a thing”. Something that has a name and volumes written about them. Two of these things are sub drop and aftercare. And they are intricately tied together.
The first is aftercare – In my previous very long term relationship there were a lot of things that I had to work hard to get. My desire to be spanked and whipped was very strong and was a core need. This is something that I needed to satisfy a missing part inside me. Unfortunately my partner was not a particularly willing participant. I was indulged on occasion but I had to really work to get it. Probably too hard and in ways that weren’t particularly healthy for either of us. We would negotiate and bargain. I would offer just about anything to get what I needed. They would reluctantly give in and provide a small level of what I was looking for. Or at least part of what I was looking for. This is where I experienced aftercare. Or more accurately didn’t experience aftercare. My partner was triggered by spanking or beating me so afterward they wanted to be by themselves. They didn’t want me around. They preferred I wasn’t even in the same room, certainly didn’t want to be touched or cuddle or anything like that and had no desire to talk about it at all. I on the other hand wanted (and needed) that physical touch. I wanted to hold and be held. I wanted to love and be loved. I didn’t get that. In some ways the isolation probably increased my want to be spanked. I didn’t know what “aftercare” was but I know I wasn’t getting it. I wish I had learned this much earlier in life.
The second is sub drop – This is how I learned about “sub drop”. Again, something I didn’t know had a name, only that I experienced it. All alone. After finally getting what I thought I needed I would start to spiral into feelings of guilt, of not being good enough, of being needy, or weird. The thing I wanted was not accepted and therefore I felt like I was not accepted.
I wish I knew about aftercare and sub drop much earlier. Not necessarily because I could change anything but so I could understand what was happening. I would have been able to identify my feelings and at least try to do something with them. I understood the concepts through the negative side of them. I didn’t get the care afterwards that I needed so I felt unwanted and unloved. I would suffer from “drop” but without the understanding of what was happening I couldn’t do anything to help stop it. I didn’t know how to talk about it with my partner but I also didn’t even know I needed to talk about it.
I have learned that aftercare is what prevents or at least reduces my experience of drop. I can also recognize when I am dropping or I am about to drop and know that I need more aftercare. It doesn’t matter if it is immediately after, hours, or even days later. I can, and do reach out to Michele to resolve whatever fears or other feelings I may be having. Needing to reach out days later doesn’t mean I didn’t get good aftercare immediately after an intense activity, it only means I need a little more. I may need reassurance. I may need to be told that I did good. Or even to be told I didn’t do good, that is ok too. We always welcome the opportunity to do better and we do it in a loving way. We look to the future allowing the past to guide us around things that might cause us to have problems.
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As I was enjoying my coffee this morning, I was chatting with Michele like we do every morning…
I was up earlier than she was (I live in an earlier time zone) so I started my day with some grooming. I cut my hair and trimmed my beard and then I moved a little lower. Michele likes me to keep my pubic area neat and my balls shaved. As you can imagine it is a bit difficult and takes longer since I am always locked in my steelheart. I am not let out for grooming so I have figured out a pretty good method for keeping myself neat.
While I was doing this Michele got up and started her day so she asked what I was up to. After I let her know what I had been doing she asked for a pic, so I obliged. What I didn’t expect was her response
“Well that IS all cleaned up for sure…. Damn, I might suck your dick if it looks like that lol 😁”
So needless to say, I am going to try to make sure it looks like this when I see her this weekend. I don’t expect that she will suck my dick although I probably will not resist if she wants to. Being as submissive as I am I still have to learn to accept this is something that she truly likes to do on occasion. And boy is she good at it, what a wonderful treat when she does. What really feels good is that an old man like me can still be attractive to a young lady like Michele.
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Have you ever discovered that you have had a kink for a long time and you didn’t realize it?
It is really interesting to me that I have a degradation kink and I never knew it. Other people have this kink, sometimes to the point of a fetish but it has never been my thing. Apparently, I was wrong, it just took the right experience to bring it out.
How did this happen? It started after a challenging situation for me. The three of us, Michele, Jon and I, had been experimenting on ways to fulfill a mutual fantasy. What we were trying to do is find the best way for Michele to have Jon’s cock in her pussy while I have my mouth on her clit. These are both things that she likes and when both happen at the same time it is amazing for her, and us.
Logistically though this can be difficult. One particular night, I can remember us trying multiple positions. Until we found one where I was laying on my back on the bed. My head was at the end of the bed, hanging over a little. Michele was on top of me facing the other way with her pussy just over my face. Jon was standing (trying at least) at the end of the bed just over me so he could slide his cock in Michele’s pussy. Jon has a rather large cock so it makes the most sense for him to be in that position. I liked this as well as I had fantasized about being in this position many times over the years. Overall, it was a fairly successful position that we definitely hope to try some variation of again.
For now, I’m going to concentrate on my role in that particular encounter. Obviously I was there to have my mouth on Michele’s clit. We struggled a bit but were able to make this work. With my face in her pussy from below, Jon was fucking her from above. As he would slide in, his balls would slide across my face, landing right on my eyes and nose most of the time. This was very unexpected and, quite frankly, I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. I guess my initial reaction was that I didn’t like it. His balls were cold and just sat there, not pressed down, I could just feel their weight. More than a couple of times his cock would slide out and land on my face as well. After Michele came hard on his cock she told him to cum in her pussy and on my face as he pulled out. From my position I couldn’t hear any of that. After he pulled out I briefly cleaned the cum off his cock and then went to work cleaning all the sex from Michele’s pussy, eagerly trying to catch everything as she pushed it out in to my mouth. It felt like a dream to be doing this, to be in this position, to fulfill this fantasy. I believe we were all left very satisfied.
This was a very intense experience and over the hours and days after we spent time discussing it and providing aftercare to each other. One of the things that came up for me was the experience of Jon’s balls across my face. It had a degrading feeling to it, in an unsettling way. Not bad, not good, just not understood. As we talked about it Michele shared how she really wanted him to cum on my face. I did not know this, at the time it happened I wasn’t exactly in a position to be able to hear anything. It’s not something I ever remember hearing Michele say before. When I first heard that she wanted Jon to cum on my face I was a little surprised by it. I didn’t understand why. What would she get out of it? Did she enjoy degrading me? I didn’t understand that I wanted to be degraded, to be humiliated. But, now I understand how this is a component of my submissive nature and I crave the experience. I crave wearing all that sex on my face as a “scarlet letter” of sorts. I want to be used for Michele’s pleasure and entertainment. I had never thought that I had a degradation kink, at least not to this level. I never considered being a cuckold, or cleaning up a messy pussy, or any act of submission to be degrading.
Well, it turns out that I have a rather strong degradation / humiliation kink. This experience isn’t when it started, but it is was the event that allowed me to really think about it and realize just how much I craved this. It’s funny how this knowledge has allowed me to remember things in such a wonderfully positive way. I now frame past experiences in a different light and that allows me to better understand what I was feeling at the time. In many ways, I accept that this is important to me and fulfills something inside me that I didn’t know I needed. This is just the beginning of this part of my journey. I look forward to looking deeper inside myself as I incorporate this in to my lifestyle.
As always, I love to hear your thoughts, please leave a comment or send an email
This is a light story about my experience with airport security.
As you may already know I don’t live near Michele and Jon. They live in Texas and I live in Virginia. Michele and I do a lot of traveling to see each other and because of the distance this always involves travel by air. I don’t live with anyone, have no kids at home, no pets, and a reasonably flexible work situation so I tend to do a lot of the traveling. I like it this way because I worry a lot when Michele is traveling.
When we first started making these trips I would unlock myself using my “emergency” key before I left for the airport. If I was leaving on a weekday evening that meant I would unlock in the morning and be that way all day. I would have my Steelheart in my backpack. Once I got through security at the airport I would find a bathroom and put my cage back on.
I really don’t like the feeling of being unlocked. I especially don’t like the feeling of being unlocked without Michele being the one to do it. Chastity is a core foundation of our relationship dynamic. Not being locked in my Steelheart causes me to feel a little anxious and separate from Michele, not under her control. Of course I would never do anything that I am not allowed to do but the cage not only enforces that but it reminds me of who I belong to. That my sexual pleasure is not for me to decide, it belongs to Michele.
I also don’t like re-locking. I like being locked again but I don’t like the process. I have a fairly small cage and it takes a bit of work to get myself in to it. Once I am in it takes a while for everything to adjust back to the way it should be. Sometimes this can take hours or longer. It’s not painful, it just isn’t comfortable, it isn’t “right”. And then I would get right on a plane and sit for three hours. Not exactly the time you don’t want to be comfortable in your cage.
It didn’t take long for me to get tired of doing this. I just went and checked, it was after my fourth trip, so eight times through TSA security. I decided I was done with it and was going through with my Steelheart on. If I got pulled aside I was just going to tell them I had “semi-permanent body jewelry”. I know that many in the kink community say not to put your kinks on someone else that hasn’t consented to it. And I agree, to a point. I feel that the security checks are an invasion of my privacy and I only consent to it because it is required in order to fly. Obviously I am not going to put something in anyone’s face and would be as discrete as possible.
So off I go to the airport. I have my emergency key just in case but I am locked up tight. I am a little nervous, less than I thought I would be, but I was committed. I had TSA precheck by this point so normally I would go through the metal detectors. I knew there was pretty much no chance of that not going off but I went through anyway. They really don’t like you to go straight to the full-body scanners. I told them I had metal in my body (true but in my arm not my groin area) and they sent me to the full-body scanners. Nervously I stood in the machine with my arms over my head as they scanned my body. I stepped out and waited for the results, the screen came up green “clear”. And that was that. I went and caught my flight. About as uneventful as it gets.
Since then I have taken more than 120 more flights over three years. Most of them of them were direct non-stop so even accounting for the occasional connecting flight I have been through TSA security over 100 times with absolutely no issues. I have had a pat down at least twice. Once because they didn’t have a full-body scanner and once because something was indicated on the scan. I don’t remember where it indicated but it was not my groin but close. Luckily for me this didn’t happen until I had already made many flights so I was very comfortable going through security locked.
After a couple of months of going through security without issues I turned my emergency key over to Michele. I haven’t had an emergency key, or a need for one, for almost three years now. Apparently Michele is much stricter about security than the TSA.
I have become so used to it that I literally forget that I am locked and don’t even think about it. There is an amazing feeling of comfort in knowing that my normal of being locked in my Steelheart really is just normal. I don’t get anxious or worry about it, I can just be me.
Now there have been some fun experiences going through TSA security. I have some funny stories about the times that I did get patted down and Michele and I both have some fun experiences with “toys” that we brought with us in our carryon luggage. I will save those for another post in the future.
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As I sat with my coffee this morning, I started reflecting on my day…
I woke up this morning thinking about a fantasy I have had for a long time. I want to be punished. My head was in that state of consciousness somewhere between sleep and being awake. That time where I am consciously thinking about something but it still feels almost dreamy. My cage was pulling on my balls from a very strong attempt at an erection when I woke up so I think I had been dreaming about it first.
So what makes this fantasy frustrating? It is a fantasy that cannot be fulfilled. Or at least I haven’t figured out a way to fulfill it. I have this deep longing for a harsh punishment, and this particular longing is for a harsh physical punishment. Just what that looks like has evolved over the last 50 years but it always involves impact implements of some sort. Pushing me to my limit, and then just a little bit more. In my current stage it would involve the use of canes, on just about any part of my body. I look forward to writing about what that is like in the future but for now the importance is that it is a real punishment. I need to not want it, to be pushed a little. I need to want it to stop but for the one administering it to need more. And just as important if not more is that I need the person (Michele of course) giving it to be really punishing me.
And this is where the frustration comes in to play. I don’t want to ever do anything that would put Michele in a position where she wants to punish me. I like being obedient. I like being a good boy. We have very clear expectations so I know (generally) how to stay where I am supposed to be. When I do veer a little our dynamic allows us, almost forces us, to get back on track before anything becomes a “punishable” issue.
So how do I get this “need” fulfilled? And at some deep phycological level it is a need. That is the question I am pondering.
I don’t expect an easy answer but if anyone has one please share, leave a comment or send us an email
Being long distance means staying connected in our kinky dynamic can be a challenge at times. One of the ways we manage that is through a group chat. Most days it is light and sporadic. Some casual conversation, a bit of kinky talk, and sometimes a small task for one of us subs. Other times it is simply checking in and staying present with one another.
Then there are nights like last night. Hours of nonstop conversation. Much of it kinky, and some of it very kinky. We use this time to talk openly about our wants and desires. Part of that includes revisiting memories of things we have already experienced together, usually focusing on one or two moments at a time.
It gives us space to share what we especially enjoyed or what left us craving to experience it again. Pictures often get exchanged, and quite frequently some are taken in real time to show just how strongly one of us, or all of us, are reacting to the conversation.
Clearly one of us was enjoying the conversation
We also spend time talking through fantasies. Sometimes we build on ones that are already part of our regular dynamic.
This often includes the person who first imagined the fantasy expanding it based on real life experience, while the others add their own perspectives. I particularly love discovering new things about myself through the fantasies of others. Just when I think I have a solid understanding of my own desires, I realize they were only the beginning. I love learning about myself and the people I care about, and I cannot think of a more intimate way to do that than through shared desire, honest conversation, and genuine care for one another. The opportunity to understand ourselves and each other more deeply is a beautiful thing.
As much fun as it is to relive past experiences, these conversations are also a space to share new fantasies. Some are ones we have never spoken out loud before, while others form naturally as the discussion unfolds.
As excitement builds, we encourage each other to explore and lean into those desires. It almost always leads to the same question by the end of the night.
How soon are you going to be here again?
Thank you for allowing me to share. As always we love feedback, please leave a comment or send us an email
First off we did a lot of talking leading up to this. Mostly via group chats in the weeks (months, maybe) before we were actually together. Then we talked more in person. We wanted to make sure that each one of us felt safe. That we all knew that we had an “out,” essentially, we had a safeword that stopped everything if any of us felt at all uncomfortable with what that was happening. There was also discusion about limits, so we had a good understanding of what each other was willing, and wanting, to do.
We’ve mentioned before about the importance of expectations so that was another thing we talked a lot about. One of these expectations was that we knew, M was dominant and she was in charge, I was submissive to M, and cagedmonkey was submissive to M. There was no direct interaction between cagedmonkey and me.
The most important expectation was that there was no expectation. Unless it felt right, and was organic, nothing was going to happen at all. Even though we had ideas of what we would like there was no “scene” and no script. Which was good because it would have been broken as soon as we started. Instead we followed M’s lead and we did what felt right, what felt good. And it felt really good!
I can remember that first night when we went to bed. At first this wasn’t about anything sexual, it was just the process of getting in bed. I remember that feeling of being the outsider (we were in their room, in their house) so I don’t know the “normal” routine, if anything is normal at this point. Anyway, we are all in the room, cagedmonkey was standing near his side of the bed, M was standing near her side of the bed. I was standing near the foot of the bed on M‘s side. M got undressed and was standing there naked. Then cagedmonkey got undressed and was standing there naked, except for his Jailbird of course. So there I was thinking isn’t this an unusual position to be in. To them this was perfectly normal. For me, well, not so much. So, I did what seemed appropriate. I got undressed.
And there we were, all three of us standing together naked getting in to the same bed, cagedmonkey on his side, M in the middle, and me on what would normally be M’s side. Normal, right? Well, oddly, it was normal. It just felt right. I have used a lot of words to describe this but I think it is important. The fact that it felt normal and comfortable is what allowed everything that followed to just flow so well. And it has ever since. I feel that we were very fortunate to have established a solid foundation from the beginning, something that we could continue to build on.
M did a great job of describing the sex that we shared that night. I would like to expand on how one of my biggest fantasies was fulfilled. I have fantasized about being “the cleanup boy” for as long as I can remember. I’ve been around a while so this has been a very deep desire of mine for possibly 40 years, maybe longer. It was amazing to watch M get her pussy filled with a very large cock. I was laying beside them and holding M as she came on that really nice big cock. I could feel the excitement of knowing what was coming next. Knowing that this has gone beyond a fantasy, I could briefly savor the reality of what was happening. Now I am watching as that big cock was sliding in and out of an already very wet pussy and I could tell that very soon he too would be cumming hard. I could feel as her pussy was filled with cum. And a lot of it. Cagedmonkey had not been allowed to cum for a long time before this and he emptied his very full balls in to her.
It was time for my fantasy to be fulfilled. Cagedmonkey pulled out and M directed me to clean up her messy pussy. This was the ultimate for me. To be told (instructed?, allowed?) to lick her freshly fucked pussy until every drop of sex was cleaned up. Hers, his, mine – all of it. And there was a lot. I could see how wet M was, and I could see cum dripping from her pussy. I didn’t waste any time getting started with big long licks so I would catch every drop before it dripped down and was lost. Then I was able to spend some time really enjoying having my face in M’s pussy. It was during this time that she pushed the cum that was in her pussy out and on to my tongue and in to my eagerly waiting mouth. Eventually I had to stop, most likely told to stop. I didn’t want it to end. I had been in subspace from the beginning but now I was in even deeper. I felt like I was floating having had such an amazing fantasy made real. I absolutely love that when I think of this now rather than a fantasy it is a memory of a very real, very amazing event.
After we were done we all checked in with each other. Individually and as group. And as we all came down out of our “space” we continued to check in. We spent time immediately after and over the next several days doing the very important work of caring for each other and understanding how we all felt.
So what’s next? Well a lot. I am looking forward to sharing so many fantasies that we each had and how we have been going about fulfilling them.
I hope you have enjoyed hearing another point of view. Please comment or email if you have questions or would like to know more.
