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Mail Chastity: How to Become A Good Keyholder

Posted by Lady M on November 26, 2019
Posted in: Advice, Female Led Relationship, KeyHolder, Mail Chastity, Male Chastity, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , . 2 comments

I received a message from another keyholder on chastityforums.com. She is a bit new to all this, in general, and is struggling with how to be a KH and a good one at that. So here is a bit of what she wrote and my response.

“My ‘vanilla self’ is constantly fighting with ‘the KH self’ I’m sure [my hubby] would like me to become. I’m not even sure how to make this change. Do you have any ideas to help me in my quest to transition from vanilla to a true KH in every sense of the word?”

First of all… This isn’t about you becoming something your hubby wants you to be. This is about you both enjoying this the way YOU enjoy it, whatever way that may be. Please do me a favor and don’t try to be and do things that are not natural. What you do should feel good and exciting to you. If you fake it, it will become work and then you could easily build resentment by trying to live up to his expectations… Do what you enjoy and are comfortable with. You are in charge, you hold the key, literally – he should not be in charge through you when it comes to chastity or keeping him locked etc. That is called “topping from the bottom” and that’s not ok. It is perfectly fine to communicate – if you know me at all I’m huge on communication – so talk and listen to each other. Get to know what you like, what you think you like, what you don’t like, what feels good both physically and mentally. Decide from there what YOU want to implement in your relationship.

Don’t be afraid to try things if they are not a hard No! You may like them or maybe not and you have the choice, as the one in charge, to say yes that’s good we will do that or no that felt bad or uncomfortable and we are not doing that! It’s all good. In the beginning it’s all about talking and trying and figuring out what works and feels good. Don’t be afraid to say no or change your mind either… Try hard to remember, in most situations, he is the one that asked you for this and decided to give you control. He doesn’t want to decide what happens with his sexual desires, his orgasms, his pleasure. He wants you to be in control of it all. 🙂

In regards to how to be a good keyholder, please feel free to listen to Episode 3 of our podcast. It’s about praise and reassurance and it’s just me talking to other keyholders and I think it might be helpful!

Good luck!

Mail Chastity: One Device

Posted by Lady M on June 19, 2015
Posted in: Chastity Device, Mail Chastity. Tagged: , , . 3 comments

Shane wrote and asked: “If you were to chose ONLY one device for CM to wear…which one would it be and why?”

Thanks so much for writing and asking this question! This is actually a really easy question to answer. If I had to have cagedmonkey in one device for the rest of our lives it would definitely be the Mature Metal Jail Bird.
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The reasons I like the Jail Bird device are pretty simple too… First, it’s sexy as hell seeing his cock locked up behind those steel bars. I also love to be able to tease him through the bars. I love seeing his cock trying it’s hardest to burst through as he attempts getting an erection. I even love seeing the dents the bars make in his shaft. I also love the hygiene factor. The Jail Bird allows me to keep him locked as long as I please, days, weeks, months, years and I never have to worry if he’s staying clean. There is also no smell like there is with other devices we have used. The open design of the JB let’s air and water flow through. I do also love the security screw, however I wish there was a better way to keep that part even more secure. Though it’s not like I have much to worry about in that regard. Cagedmonkey isn’t about to cheat his device… He’d really be sad if we had to stop enjoying chastity because he cheated.

There really isn’t much else to say… The Jail Bird is definitely my favorite device.