Although life has been exceptionally busy, we are still around. It seems like 2020 has started out one of the craziest years of our lives. With injuries, kid issues, hubby’s surgery, “vacation” and then this whole thing going on in the world. It’s a bit unbelievable actually. It’s even comical at times.
We’ve had zero to little time to think about anything kinky in the past few months. You’d think that with hubby and I having essential jobs we’d be even more stressed out… Funny thing is, since I’m working from home right now I’ve had way more time to think about hubby and chat with him and tease him through text. I can even sneak away (since schools are closed and the kids are gone too!) sometimes and get pictures and have been turned on and excited to drive him crazy!
Hubby has still been denied since our anniversary in January and it’s still my plan to keep him orgasm denied for the year. I’ve enjoyed having him out of his cage enough to edge for me sometimes, and to have sex with him when I feel like it. He’s been doing something recently again and that’s getting on his knees for me. When we started this whole thing he would get on his knees every day and tell me who’s he was, that he was mine and no one else. Lately, he’s been doing that and I love it!
He’s also been taking time to kiss and love and worship different parts of my body. He’s remembering that it’s not all about intercourse and that sex can be in many forms. It’s feels extremely good to have him loving all the parts of me! It’s been a lot of fun finding time to get in those little things that remind each other that we are still enjoying our life together. That we still enjoy the kinky, even if we can’t get as kinky as we want due to the kids being older.
I know we both miss it and wish we had time for it… The kids won’t be kids forever, they won’t need us forever. I’m trying to remember this is temporary. They are only ours to enjoy and do things with for a few more years and if we keep pushing them away we will miss these last few years. I DO want time for hubby and I but I know the time we do get together will grow as the kids get even older.
As bad as this whole thing is in the world, it’s been a blessing for us as a couple and a time for us to reconnect to our tease and denial and fun times. It’s also helped to open some communication and while we know we don’t have an the crew time in the world we at least have been able to talk about what we are missing and what we’d like to be doing.
Male Chastity
With the start of the new year – in more ways than one, wink wink – we’ve seen a slight uptick in our blog visits. Okay, maybe it’s because we actually got up off our butts, stopped being lazy, and started posting again…. but who really cares about the why, right? Anyway, we’ve also had some new followers, both here and on Twitter, so we figured it would be a good idea to go oover a little basic Q&A on what we are all about. And, to help us out with the “Q” portion of that equation, one of our followers wrote to us asking us some things about our relationship.
johnsk writes:
I am fascinated by this. Single guy here from USA. Although my cock is not large, I cannot get even the largest ring to fit. I have tried lube, etc. Very frustrating.
I’ll allow it.
The most common device I wear is the Jailbird from Mature Metal. I use an oval base ring, which may end up helping in your case. I know that I had trouble with the circular rings of other cages (although the Revenge ring is circular, and that one works fine).
Moving on to johnsk’s actual questions:
How often are you allowed to orgasm? Is it strictly her decision or a joint decision?
When and how I get to orgasm is 100% her choice. The frequency of my orgasms can vary depending on My Lady’s mood – sometimes it will be every few weeks, sometimes every few months. I have been cumming a lot more often than I am used to these past couple of weeks, but that is going to come to a stop VERY soon – ML and I are planning to once again try at a complete year of orgasm denial for me starting from our anniversary, which…..
*checks notes*
…. is TOMORROW!!!!
johnsk continues:
I also wonder if you employ butt plugs and spanking in conjunction with chastity.
ML is certainly a big fan of spanking me, although we haven’t had much opportunity to do so recently. As expected, spankings tend to generate a lot of noise; and, as a married couple with two children, it gets difficult to find time for that. Butt plugs are much easier to be discreet with, and ML will have me wear one from time to time.
johnsk finished:
Thanks for a great site on this topic.
And thanks for reading! We really do enjoy posting and doing all of this blog stuff – not just because we are kinky fuckers who like to show off all of the fun stuff we are doing, but also because we like the education aspect of all of this. There are a lot of sites that preach a specific kind of chastity play, and claim that it’s the “right way to do it” and no other way is “real” chastity… well, that’s all bullshit. Chastity can be whatever it means to you: you can lock up your cock without having a keyholder, you can have a single keyholder, or even a committee! You can be in chastity for an hour, a day, or a week… or longer, even. There’s no wrong answer, as long as it works for you.
So, thanks to johnsk and all of our other readers/followers! We look forward to you visiting us as we continue our fun far into the future.
Things are in an interesting place in the MinaC household. On the one hand, both ML and I are anticipating another try for a full year of orgasm denial – while I know I will eventually be horribly desperate to cum by the end of it, we both miss the intensity and the crazy horniness that it brings to both of us. My Lady is particularly excited about incorporating more ruined orgasms into the mix, which will hopefully somewhat fulfill her desire to see me cum without giving me the pleasure of a full orgasm. It’ll also most likely drive my frustration even stronger (another positive in ML’s eyes).
On the other hand, certain “situations” have developed that have put some limits on my ability to wear my chastity cage, specifically overnight. I’ve been experiencing some pretty severe back pain over the past few months, which was confirmed as a herniated disc by MRI.
Wearing the cage at night often leads to middle-of-the-night erections that cause such bad pain that I can’t sleep. Now, before y’all start in with the “OMG chastity caused your herniated disc!” BS —
— I’m almost 100% sure I injured it during our recent move. Just because it hurts now because of it, doesn’t mean it originally caused it. If you break your ankle skiing, it’s gonna hurt if you walk on it; you didn’t break your ankle by walking on it.
It’s kind of a bummer to not be able to wear the cage indefinitely at this time; I feel like I’m taking away ML’s choice in how long I wear the cage (to be fair, it was ML’s decision to allow me to sleep cageless for now). I would really like to wear the cage for days or even weeks at a time if she desires – my desperation for just a simple erection can get very intense – but it’s just not doable right now.
The weird thing is that when I get sexually aroused in the cage, it doesn’t lead to the pain that the mid-sleep ones do. It’s almost as if it’s a different type of erection that occurs. This is good – at least My Lady gets to see my cock struggling in its cage while she teases me. That’s one of her favorite things about keeping me in chastity!
So, depending on how we decide to address my back pain issue (surgery is a definite possibility in the near future), things may get better quickly or maybe not-so-quickly. I’m just hoping for some improvement in the future. I want ML to be able to keep me in the cage for as long as she wants, not as long as I can manage.
After Cagedmonkey wrote his post the other day about Looking Ahead he asked me a question. He wrote “if we are going to try to do a year denial, what do you want from it? What would you like to see happen, what would you like to do/see/try?”
My answer isn’t so simple, it’s almost like there isn’t words to describe what I want. I did end up telling him, physically, I want to see him so horny he struggling against the bars of the cage, I want to see him aching and his cock leaking precum like it has during past denial periods. I understand there will need to be some amounts of trading line there was in the past but I do think the denial in general helps to move that along. I want to physically see him desperate and wanting. I want him so horny that he will find any way to turn me on, sexual and non-sexual. Not things that turn me on the way he wants me turned on but more thinking about my needs and desires and turning me on in ways that I want to be turned on.
When I started thinking about his question more, I realized it wasn’t so much about that stuff that I wanted. It wasn’t necessarily what I wanted to see or do and that it was more about what I wanted to feel during this denial. I want to feel irresistible and not just sexually. I want to feel his frustration. I want to feel loved and woed and made a fuss over. I want to feel thought of and made to feel important. I want to feel the gratitude of him being locked in a cage and denied and teased. I want to feel his need, his aches, his desires.
Don’t get me wrong, I want to tease him and drive him nuts and make him want things and flaunt in front of him what he is being denied. I want to make him do daily things as a reminder of who he belongs to and who he serves sexually. I want my mornings to begin with kisses to my pussy, so the very first thing he smells & tastes in the morning is me. He has much better days when they start off that way. I want to try to get in some impact play, I love the feel and sound of spanking him so even if it’s once in a month, I want it. I’d like to try to get in more bondage, more forced things… If he’s bound he can’t really not be used for my sexual pleasure.
Anyway… So there’s a lot that goes into the answer of what do I want from chastity and denial… And most of it is feelings.
My last denial stint was a little unexpected, both in its beginning and its length. ML was letting me cum on a fairly regular basis, which for me meant that I had two or three orgasms in the same week. We were moving into our new house, and I figured we would be doing the “let’s fuck in the different rooms of the house to celebrate” thing. I was only partially right, though – while we did have sex in different areas of the house, I only got to cum once in the new house.
That was at the beginning of September. I honestly wasn’t ready for a 3-month-plus denial, but My Lady doesn’t have an obligation to warn me ahead of time when I won’t be cumming for a while. It’s nice to know (so I can savor my last orgasm as much as possible), but not necessary.
My last orgasm was about a week or so ago, and I have a feeling it was sort of unplanned from ML’s standpoint. We had just woken up after sleeping in a little bit on the weekend. I woke up feeling a little horny and a teeny bit slutty, so while ML was getting dressed I kneeled on the bed in front of her and started playing with my nipple piercings.
I must have looked pretty damn good, because ML came over and began to stroke my cock – ML had allowed me to sleep unlocked the night before. She played with my cock as I teased my nipples. I begged her to let me cum; to my surprise, she said yes! It only took a few more strokes for me to cum all over the bed sheets. Only moments later, ML was walking out of the room, smiling over her shoulder as she told me to get the bed sheets in the laundry.
So what’s next?
Well, that’s honestly a tough question to answer. ML and I have both expressed a desire to try for another full year of denial… I know, why do I put myself through this? As far as chastity goes, we should like to do some more longer lock-ups as well. One thing that is making hard to think about things in the near future is that I may have some health-related situations coming up that might get in the way of any horny play.
Don’t get all worried about me: this isn’t like the last time I got everyone panicked, but it’s still something that will require us to think about how we will handle our chastity and orgasm denial during it. I do know that if we need to take a break, it’ll only be temporary; we have way too much fun with all of this to stop any time soon… or at all!
I received a message from another keyholder on chastityforums.com. She is a bit new to all this, in general, and is struggling with how to be a KH and a good one at that. So here is a bit of what she wrote and my response.
“My ‘vanilla self’ is constantly fighting with ‘the KH self’ I’m sure [my hubby] would like me to become. I’m not even sure how to make this change. Do you have any ideas to help me in my quest to transition from vanilla to a true KH in every sense of the word?”
First of all… This isn’t about you becoming something your hubby wants you to be. This is about you both enjoying this the way YOU enjoy it, whatever way that may be. Please do me a favor and don’t try to be and do things that are not natural. What you do should feel good and exciting to you. If you fake it, it will become work and then you could easily build resentment by trying to live up to his expectations… Do what you enjoy and are comfortable with. You are in charge, you hold the key, literally – he should not be in charge through you when it comes to chastity or keeping him locked etc. That is called “topping from the bottom” and that’s not ok. It is perfectly fine to communicate – if you know me at all I’m huge on communication – so talk and listen to each other. Get to know what you like, what you think you like, what you don’t like, what feels good both physically and mentally. Decide from there what YOU want to implement in your relationship.
Don’t be afraid to try things if they are not a hard No! You may like them or maybe not and you have the choice, as the one in charge, to say yes that’s good we will do that or no that felt bad or uncomfortable and we are not doing that! It’s all good. In the beginning it’s all about talking and trying and figuring out what works and feels good. Don’t be afraid to say no or change your mind either… Try hard to remember, in most situations, he is the one that asked you for this and decided to give you control. He doesn’t want to decide what happens with his sexual desires, his orgasms, his pleasure. He wants you to be in control of it all. 🙂
In regards to how to be a good keyholder, please feel free to listen to Episode 3 of our podcast. It’s about praise and reassurance and it’s just me talking to other keyholders and I think it might be helpful!
Good luck!
It’s interesting what things get stirred up when you find something from the past. We were unpacking and found a box with a bunch of books… Wait a minute… Let me back up a bit, do you even know? I don’t think we’ve been here since we moved… again?!?!
Maybe I should start over. I’m pretty sure so much has happened in the past few months that you’ll need an explanation. 😉 Back in summer on a random Saturday cagedmonkey and I decided to buy another house… Who doesn’t? That’s what everyone does on a Saturday, isn’t it? lol the thing is… The house we bought is pretty perfect. It’s not much bigger than our previous house – same 3 bedrooms etc with the exception of a second bathroom and a family room. Most important about this family room is that it’s on the other side of the house from the bedrooms! More about that later! What that meant for our time, summer into fall, was a mad dash pack up a house while doing some repairs and getting things ready to sell a house while doing so the things necessary when you unexpectedly decide to purchase a house. We did, everything went… ehhh relatively smooth. No major hiccups. So that’s a good thing. We finally moved into the new house in September and then closed on the other two weeks later!
I’m not sure we mentioned a while back the trouble hubby was having with his back. So yeah, there was that. He was showing some lumbar spine issues but at the time we didn’t think they were that horrible so he was seeing the chiropractor and physical therapy trying to get it back to feeling better. None of that was really working and then we decided to move a whole house a few streets over, which meant lots of solo trips lifting heavy boxes and furniture and we think he damaged his back more. Fast forward to a few weeks ago he got 4 shots in his spine to try to alleviate some of the stupid pain he was in. They have seemed to take the edge off but in no way did they fix anything and he’s still being very careful (or I keep telling him to be anyway!). A lot of nights I’ll have him sleep without the cage because even getting those night time erections can cause him back pain pushing on herniated and torn discs in his very low back (CM: it’s not as bad as Lady M thinks, but I’m not going to complain if she wants my cage off, hehe). He is also under the instruction, during the night, that if he is sleeping in the cage and he gets that bad pain he is allowed to remove it so that his pain isn’t keeping us both up at night.
Aside from all that we were awfully busy as a family – hubby working, me working, hubby teaching at the university and he’s taking master’s classes on top of that and the kids sports and other activities… but hey, we won’t have young kids in sports and all that forever so it is what it is.
So, now that that’s out in the open, let’s move on to the point of this post lol. Recently CM and I were going through boxes and found our “communication notebooks” from back when we started this whole chastity and WLM journey. It has been really fun going back through reading about how we felt exploring different things. Ohhhh and how awesome it was the day the Mature Metal device arrived. We got a good chuckle out of the entries where we were so excited hubby stayed locked for 4 days straight. Such a huge difference to be locked every day all day. I feel like finding the books was such a good thing… It’s brought back some ideas of things we used to do that felt good and made each other feel good. The things that had us crazy horny all day long and kept my panties soaking wet.
Anyway… It’s been fun reading back to 6 years ago when all this started.
CM: The other day, when I was putting my cage on while getting dressed for work, it occurred to me how lucky I am that I have a wife that enjoys doing this whole chastity thing with me…
LM: Why do you feel you are lucky? When I think about it, I feel like I’m the lucky one. I have a husband who enjoys being locked in chastity for me. 🙂
CM: I don’t know… I mean, we could have ended up being your garden variety vanilla couple; but instead, you keep my cock locked in a steel chastity cage and I love it. Not that being a vanilla couple would be horrible – our sex is absolutely incredible just by itself! But the chastity and orgasm denial add elements to our sex life that make it so much more complex and exciting.
LM: I completely agree… I love our sex life and without chastity it would still be amazing. For me, the chastity adds such an amazing element. I love having you locked all the time because it’s a physical reminder of.. Basically ME, all day long. If w didn’t do this it would still be great but I love the added bonus that chastity is. I just love that it makes you think of me! Do you feel like it’s a reminder, too, of me and my control, all the time?
CM: I do, although I would probably be thinking of you all the time anyway… especially when you send me pics at work like this:
LM: Hehe… yeah, pics of my boobs will do that to you.
CM: Yes, pics like that definitely keep them in my mind. But yeah, I would probably be thinking of you because I’m just that horny for you, anyways. I think what makes the chastity and orgasm denial special from my standpoint is the fact that YOU choose to have this cage on me. I wear the chastity cage for you – when you want me to wear it, which one I wear – these are all decisions that YOU make. And the fact that you are making these decisions show me that you are consciously thinking about me and my cock, and it shows that these things are important to you.
LM: They are definitely important to me. If someone were to ask me why I have you in a cage or what I get out of it, I think it seriously comes down to the fact that I’m through and through a cocktease… and I mean that lovingly! It’s the best way I can describe it. I love that you are always thinking about and wanting me, thinking about and wanting my control and just physical FEELING something that reminds you of that is awesome. For someone else that could simply be a wedding ring… And for us that is part of it. I would be uncomfortable without my wedding ring… The chastity cage, for me, is an extension of our connection with each other… It’s just a connection to the sexual side, I guess. I love that I’m the one that chooses if, when and how you wear it. I choose if you feel that tightness when getting hard if I tease you either in person or by pics when we are apart. It’s just… Awesome! 🙂
CM: And I need to know that you are choosing to be sexual with me in this way – I know that when you tease me when I’m locked up, it’s because you want me to be so frustrated and want you so badly. And I know that when you unlock me, it’s because you want my cock out so you can play with it and tease it. I need that attention from you, and the chastity puts a spotlight on just how much attention you are giving me. I think I’d hate it if you just locked me and didn’t give me any attention; I need to know that you want me and desire me for your sexual pleasure.
LM: I definitely do, and that’s why I unlock you when I do – because I want to play with you!
Cagedmonkey and I had a little chat, before bed the other night, about my plans for his denial and chastity. As he mentioned, in the last post, life things have been exceptionally busy and play time has been extremely rare. I definitely miss it and want to try to get, at least, something in to spice things up a bit. I miss him being so super hair trigger horny from constant teasing. I love it when he desperately wants me and needs to feel me and aches to feel my pussy.
My plan is to keep him denied of orgasm for the next couple months. We will be going on vacation at the beginning of July. During that time we will see one of our kinky couple friends and being in that environment will certainly help to intensify the horny and his denial. It’s always nice when you’re with sexy people and can have a nice, normal, flowing kinky conversation. I haven’t decided if I’m going to let him cum that weekend or save it for another special day… We will see when he will actually get some release.
As for chastity, that’ll just stay the same for now. He’s locked every day, unless it’s a day that I want to use the cock I control. It really is a large amazing cock and it’s very hard for me to keep locked away… there are times I need it and I am not one to deny myself what I desire. Denial isn’t something I’m necessarily into for myself. 😀
In the mean time, I plan to send him more pics of my big beautiful boobs and my big round ass while he’s at work. Things like these…
I plan to give him some tasks, when possible, to help keep him teased for me. I love having him unlock on the way home, if I know I plan to use him that evening, and make him stroke and edge and keep himself hard on the way home. Sometimes, I’ll have him run an errand on the way home and he’ll have to do it while hiding a hard cock hehe! I do miss all the fun little things we used to do to keep things interesting and build his crazy horny… So I want that back. I just need to work out fitting it in to the craziness that life has become!
Last night was so amazing, I stood at the side of the bed, above him, while he sat on the edge. I put my hands to his cheeks (I love his sexy beard I made him grow!) and held his face and kissed him deep. He ran his hands all over my body and God it felt good! I stood there as he sucked my nipples and squeezed and fondled my big boobs in his hands. I loved feeling his want for me, his hands all over every part of me he could touch. Such an awesome feeling!
I look forward to increasing his desire and frustration 🙂
ML and I have been somewhat chill with our kinkiness lately. This has been due to a number of factors:
1) both of us have been very busy at work,
2) it’s hard to find alone adult time now that the kids are getting older (and staying up later), and
3) we’ve been spending a lot of time binge watching Game of Thrones.
(Tangent alert: seriously, we only started watching GoT a couple of weeks ago, and we are frantically trying to get caught up before the series finale. We are only up to the end of season 5, so I doubt we will make it…)
Although the kinkiness may be at a low, we are still enjoying our awesome fucking sex; I’ve been enjoying it very much so, as My Lady has allowed me to cum quite a few times over the past month. I guess I’m doing a good job when she tells me not to stop. 🙂
With that said, I have been feeling the desire to get a little more focused on the chastity/orgasm denial dimension of our sex life. This evening, I sneaky-texted ML to see what her thoughts on the subject were:
“Later” is still later, as the kids are still up and around… when is bedtime again?
I wonder if she’s planning a long denial period, increased chastity, perhaps both… or maybe something even more creative – I can never be sure exactly what is going on in that brain of hers, but that sure makes things exciting!