becoming a Mistress

All posts tagged becoming a Mistress

Mail Chastity: How to Become A Good Keyholder

Posted by Lady M on November 26, 2019
Posted in: Advice, Female Led Relationship, KeyHolder, Mail Chastity, Male Chastity, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , . 2 comments

I received a message from another keyholder on chastityforums.com. She is a bit new to all this, in general, and is struggling with how to be a KH and a good one at that. So here is a bit of what she wrote and my response.

“My ‘vanilla self’ is constantly fighting with ‘the KH self’ I’m sure [my hubby] would like me to become. I’m not even sure how to make this change. Do you have any ideas to help me in my quest to transition from vanilla to a true KH in every sense of the word?”

First of all… This isn’t about you becoming something your hubby wants you to be. This is about you both enjoying this the way YOU enjoy it, whatever way that may be. Please do me a favor and don’t try to be and do things that are not natural. What you do should feel good and exciting to you. If you fake it, it will become work and then you could easily build resentment by trying to live up to his expectations… Do what you enjoy and are comfortable with. You are in charge, you hold the key, literally – he should not be in charge through you when it comes to chastity or keeping him locked etc. That is called “topping from the bottom” and that’s not ok. It is perfectly fine to communicate – if you know me at all I’m huge on communication – so talk and listen to each other. Get to know what you like, what you think you like, what you don’t like, what feels good both physically and mentally. Decide from there what YOU want to implement in your relationship.

Don’t be afraid to try things if they are not a hard No! You may like them or maybe not and you have the choice, as the one in charge, to say yes that’s good we will do that or no that felt bad or uncomfortable and we are not doing that! It’s all good. In the beginning it’s all about talking and trying and figuring out what works and feels good. Don’t be afraid to say no or change your mind either… Try hard to remember, in most situations, he is the one that asked you for this and decided to give you control. He doesn’t want to decide what happens with his sexual desires, his orgasms, his pleasure. He wants you to be in control of it all. 🙂

In regards to how to be a good keyholder, please feel free to listen to Episode 3 of our podcast. It’s about praise and reassurance and it’s just me talking to other keyholders and I think it might be helpful!

Good luck!

Leaving a Legacy: Mistress Ivey

Posted by Lady M on March 16, 2018
Posted in: Female Led Relationship, FemDom, KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , , , , . 12 comments

When cagedmonkey and I first started out with chastity and realized we’ve always been living an FLR it was because of Mistress Ivey and her amazing, easy to read, down to earth books and website, Becoming a Mistress. I’m extremely appreciative of the work she’d put into all of it so that I could become a better wife and woman in charge of her husband.

Yesterday, I lost a friend. Today I take a moment to remember an amazing woman and her hubby, who’ve I’ve gotten to know much more deeply, on a much more personal level, in the past few years. I’m sad to learn of Mistress Ivey’s passing but I know that she’s left behind an awesome legacy and she will not easily be forgotten. She will be forever missed and we are sending our love prayers and love out to her husband and the rest of the family. She was a wonderful author, woman, wife and mother.

Thank you for all of the knowledge you have shared through the years and all of the experience you leave behind. Even though you are not physically with us you will continue to teach and mentor as the years go on.