caning

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Coffee Talk: The unexpected little things in the BDSM lifestyle

Posted by OwnedsubJohn on February 18, 2026
Posted in: Coffee Talk. Tagged: , , , , . Leave a Comment

As I was enjoying my coffee this morning I was reflecting on an early experience…

I am reflecting on something that happened the first time Michele and I got together. I am reasonably experienced in the BDSM Lifestyle. I certainly haven’t tried everything but I am aware of most of the BDSM lifestyle through the eyes of others.

This particular memory is from the first time Michele and I were together in person. Before we made the trip we spent a lot of time talking about all the things that we each liked, and didn’t like. One thing that we both knew we wanted to experience together was some pain play. I believe it was on the last day, before we actually had time to play with the whips and the paddles. One thing that is beautiful about our relationship is that we don’t do anything just because we talked about it. If the timing isn’t right we wait until it is.

We finally had the time and the situation was right to get out the canes. We had discussed a few things before hand, mainly that we wouldn’t leave marks where they were visible when I was dressed. We had discussed that there were no places on my body that were off limits as long as we were being safe. Michele did an amazing job with the canes. She put beautiful marks on my ass, my back, the back of my thighs. And then came the surprise, she caned the bottom of my feet.

Bottom of feet caned

I had never had the bottom of my feet caned. I hadn’t ever heard of that much less thought about it. And Oh, My, God did it hurt. Really fucking hurt. The “Oh shit, is she ever going to stop” hurt. I’m sure it wasn’t all that long and probably not all that hard but boy was it ever intense. The funny thing is that now I crave that. I may have even asked for it. I don’t think I would want that all the time but sometimes it just feels so good to be so vulnerable. So close to the edge. The anticipation and anxious feelings before hand are such a rush. And then the pain. I am a bit of a pain slut, so yeah, I get off on it. Not always in the moment (did I mention it really fucking hurts?) but thinking about having that done, like I am now, gets me aroused. Thinking about when it has happened brings all that wonderful vulnerability right back to me. I am so grateful and blessed to have Michele in my life to experience all these wonderful things.

I love hearing your thoughts, please leave a comment or send us an email

John

Chastity and BDSM Lifestyle Blog chastityandbdsm.com John profile picture
OwnedsubJohn

Does the Thought of Causing Someone Pain Excite You?

Posted by Michele on January 30, 2026
Posted in: BDSM, Power Exchange. Tagged: , , , . 4 comments

poppet asked an amazing question in a comment and I really wanted to address it in a post because it’s not as simple as “Hi, I’m Michele, I’m a sadist and I love it, it fulfills me and I get turned on by it.” lol so here goes, I hope this brings you a little further into our world as we keep writing.

The first time I held a cane and truly didn’t hold back, something clicked so deeply inside me. My mind felt focused, not reckless, rather grounded instead. Like every scattered part of me lined up behind a single intention. I wouldn’t say I was lost in the moment; as much as I was found there. The sounds, the reactions, the shared breath afterward… it all hit somewhere far deeper than adrenaline. It went straight to my soul. Exhilarating doesn’t quite cover it. I can remember getting shivers and giggling, genuine giggles, that were so happy.

What surprised me most wasn’t the act itself, but how everything felt right. Like I was fulfilling a need I’d been quietly carrying my whole life without knowing its shape. I remember feeling it in my chest with every swing of the cane, I still do, when we get a chance to use them. This wasn’t about “impact play” as a hobby or a technique. It was about something inside me finally being uninhibited… Power with responsibility, power with consent, power that’s offered a place to go.

Because a true sadistic urge isn’t satisfied by providing pain alone, it’s satisfied by exchange. By the moment you realize the person in front of you doesn’t just tolerate what you give, they need it. They need to be taken there. They need the weight of your focus, the certainty of your hand, the permission to let go because you are right there with them. And in that exchange, something electric passes between you: energy released, energy received.

There’s an intimacy in that kind of power that’s hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t felt it. It’s not about dominance for show. It’s about being trusted with someone’s vulnerability and discovering that your own desire to press, to push, to draw sensation out of another has a purpose. That it can be healing, grounding, even sacred when met by someone whose body and mind are asking for exactly what you are built to give. I will admit there is something arousing about it all. With all the feelings that get flowing, it doesn’t surprise me that the juices get flowing as well.

Once you know this stuff about yourself, it’s impossible to un-know. It becomes part of who you are, like realizing you prefer to masturbate left-handed or really like a certain position during sex. It doesn’t make you weird; it makes you defined, honest, alive.

For me, doing this isn’t about enjoying pain in isolation. It’s about the moment two needs meet perfectly and recognize that neither of you has to pretend anymore.

Birthday Spanking

Posted by Michele on April 8, 2019
Posted in: In Real Life. Tagged: , , . 11 comments

Yesterday was my birthday! It actually all started Saturday night, we went to munch with our friends and hung out afterwards. It was lots fun and I even got a “Chocolate cake shot” for my birthday as well. Lots of laughs, lots of fun. I even got a few of the whole lots of birthday spankings that should have gone on. I believe there are still like 31 to go. I’ve decided, since I didn’t have time over the weekend that I’m going to give Monkey the rest of my spankings.

Yesterday was a fun day with just us as a family. The kids made me breakfast all by themselves, we went out in the afternoon to see Captain Marvel (I really liked that movie, like a lot!) And then my wonderful monkey boy naked me a cake in the evening! What could be better than that? I felt very loved, it was so sweet!

Anyway, CM and I were talking recently about how much I’ve missed leaving marks on his ass. He found a picture from a bit ago when I used a cane on him and left a beautiful mark for days! I need to see that again. 🙂 So today I’m going to look and see if I can find a good cane, or a few, to buy and have for when Cagedmonkey and I get our date night (without kids at home). It’s supposed to be soon and I look forward to sharing pics!

I used to think we were busy before and that it would slow as the kids got older but, apparently, that’s not the case. Apparently, it only gets busier as you start to have teenagers! One big bonus is the possibility that our oldest one, that I homeschool currently, could possibly go to school next year. That COULD free up some time for hubby and I to get some “day time, play time” in. I really, really, really want to work out getting her back in school. Then, I want to schedule some time off together once in a while to have time together. We miss each other, yet we see each other every day! We just haven’t had the opportunity for any good intense kinky playtime and it sucks. I want to fix that so bad. I feel like I’m letting CM down sometimes, because we don’t have the opportunity to get into good play. I need to figure this out for both of us. I want us to have that time together. It’s such a great release for both of us… And I get really wet and horny during it so I want it, damn it! LoL

Does anyone have a suggestion on where to get a good (inexpensive) cane? What kind should I look for? Do you have a favorite? Can you link me in comments? Don’t be dumb and spam, be serious please. Thanks!! 🙂

Thoughts From the Spankee

Posted by JonMustWait on January 26, 2017
Posted in: In Real Life. Tagged: , , , , . 2 comments

My Lady has already shared her experience of our first “dungeon party” – there’s not much more for me to add, considering I only participated for a few minutes at most. It was my first time being caned, though, which was pretty intense.

It was really fun being at the party; ML and I had a great time. I must admit, though, that at first I felt really out of place there. I don’t have a lot of experience with “impact play” and most of the people there were pretty well versed in the scene… at the very least, they knew the names of all the implements.

I was enjoying watching the scenes at the party, but I was also starting to have feelings of inadequacy – I felt that I wasn’t able to take as much punishment as I should. The fact that I was only able to hang in there for a few short moments while others stayed in scenes for twenty minutes or more fed into these fears even more.

This has always been a big problem of mine: comparing myself to others even when there is no need to, and feeling as though I don’t measure up. I end up worrying about unimportant things and psyching myself out. Because, when it comes down to it, does it really matter if someone else can take a spanking for longer that I can?

I finally decided to think positively about my experience: I tried something new, something that ML really enjoyed, and I did my best to serve her. I was proud of myself for what I was able to do.

Then I saw the pics of my ass… and I realized that I actually did take a good beating. 🙂

Even though it was a small amount of time, apparently it was really intense – that pic of my reddened ass was pretty impressive! And those marks are still hanging around days after ML used the cane on me. Hell, even just being able to say “My Lady caned me” is something to be proud of, in my opinion!

It ended up being a great experience: ML really enjoyed the lasting marks she made, and I was able to feel the lingering soreness in my ass… which helped me remember and actually turned me on. I’m actually excited to try it again, to see if I can push myself just a little bit farther… maybe give My Lady a chance to give me a few more “memories” to enjoy.

A Little More than a Munch – Spanking the Monkey

Posted by Michele on January 25, 2017
Posted in: In Real Life. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , . 7 comments

Wow! What an awesome weekend!! If you’d have asked me 5 years ago if I thought we would be doing what we’re doing right now I would have called you fucking crazy… actually even 3 years ago!! Cagedmonkey and I had a chance to get to our local munch again this past weekend and it was so much fun. We always love getting there to see friends and just laugh and enjoy some time with other people who we feel comfortable being ourselves with. We met this really great couple a month or so ago when we were still pretty new to going to the munch and they happen to have private dungeon. They’ve invited us over before but we just haven’t had a chance to make it. Well, on Saturday, they invited us and some other people from the munch over to their place for a kind of little after party. It really was just a continuation of the munch, except for the fact that there was a bit more going on than what could ever happen in a public restaurant! Hehe I know we mentioned some of this in our last podcast so you get the picture. I do want to say that even though people might think if you go to a private dungeon party or get invited over their house it’s going to be some kind of crazy sex party – it’s really not! I’m sure that may happen but I’m going to guess most of the time it’s just certain types of play. It was so much fun hanging out and some of the time I was kind of reminded of high school when you’d go hang out at in a friend’s basement sneaking beer!

Let me back up a bit though before I go on with the dungeon party. Earlier in the day grandma had come to get the kids for the night so cagedmonkey and I had the entire afternoon to spend time together. You know that meant we got in some good intense playtime. 🙂 I decided to take advantage of the time we had and I locked cagedmonkey in our steel doggy style Stockade. This time I actually used the locking collar attachment since I’d recently lined the collar with a thin layer of neoprene foam.

I really wanted him bound well and unable to move so I could try our a few of my paddles and things on him. He was so trusting and wonderful to take everything I had to give him. And trust me I gave it to him hard and non-stop for almost an hour. I used a few different paddles and the flogger and I also spent some time tickling him while he was locked up and immobile. It was so fun to watch him squirm! I took a picture in the beginning when his sexy butt was nice and red and you could just start to see the marks.

I was also giving his balls a little paddling as well, during it all. I do wish I would have gotten a picture at the end. I had decided to push him harder and in fact I decided to push him past harder to too hard. I wanted to trust that he would use his safeword and so I beat him extremely hard to see where it was that he would, in fact, ask me to stop. I really wanted to get him to his ultimate breaking point. My man took a hell of a lot of me that day… And then we ended up at the dungeon party where, well, he got beat more! At the end of our daytime session I did have to show him just how dripping wet my pussy was and have him clean it up afterwards.

The dungeon party was a ton of fun. There were about 6 couples there total but I to believe we were the only couple with a male submissive. It was all good and we got to see some others using the equipment and the different toys available and some even shared and gave us all a chance to spank their sub. That was fun! 🙂

When it was our turn, I had cagedmonkey get on the spanking bench so I could try out a few of their toys. They had floggers of many styles, paddles, whips, canes, you name it and I also brought my new wooden paddle that my friend got for me. Since I’d already worked hubby over earlier I was really just interested in trying a couple things. I was able to use a cane and then I ended his night with an extremely hard swat with my wooden paddle. 

I will say, they left some pretty spectacular marks on his ass… That stayed for days. I personally think they looked so incredibly awesome the next day…

The lines are from the cane and the big red mark there on his left cheek is from the paddle. I will say that even two days later those marks remained. It truly was a spectacular feeling letting that out and using those different things on him. It felt exhilarating! 

I told hubby next time I need to get him up on their cross… It’s a good thing we already got invited to the next party! 🙂