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This post really has nothing (ok maybe a bit!) to do with chastity or Wife Led Marriage or orgasm denial. I just wanted to take a minute and say how amazing my wonderful man is. I had a full day of Doctor appointments yesterday and couldn’t be home to take care of our daughter, homeschool, pick up our son from the bus stop, clean the house, do laundry and get dinner done. I just love that I can be away most of the day and come home to everything done and done well.

Cagedmonkey is a super cook too and I came home to a wonderful, yummy dinner waiting for me, house clean, kids fed and everything. I really am a blessed wife to have such an amazing, helpful, capable and, of course, willing husband. I love that he chooses to be present and active in our marriage and with our children.

I’m not sure if all that he did yesterday really turned me on but by this morning I was ready to jump him! Especially after he came in the kitchen, while I was making my coffee, got on his knees and made me cum 5 times. I ended up unlocking him, climbed up on his lap and rode him to a marvelous orgasm deep in my pussy. ๐Ÿ™‚ A little while later I called him in to the kitchen, yanked his big cock out of his pants and made him fuck me again to orgasm standing up in the kitchen. I just love that! What a yummy day today has been. He is back to work tonight so I’ve been letting him catch up on sleep this afternoon and evening. ๐Ÿ™‚

He’ll spend the night pleasing me before work.

When cagedmonkey and I started out on this journey we came up with an agreement, typed it up, printed, signed and dated it. In our agreement we set up guidelines for discipline. I’m not going to get into what they all are here but they’re pretty simple. Follow the rules or two things may happen, you may receive a “Correction” for minor offenses (ie: getting sassy with me, being lazy etc) or a “Punishment” for major infractions such as breaking any part of the agreement.

Again, these are things we agreed on, not something I decided that he had no say in. It’s not like I was all “I’m going to spank you with a paddle if you are a bad boy and there is nothing you can say about it.” We thought these things through and its what we feel is best for our relationship.

I was chatting with a like minded friend and his wife recently and we talked about how hubby’s and wives often times get irritated with each other and out of fear of their spouses reaction they don’t say anything. Those feelings tend to hang around and grow and fester and resentment builds. I know this from a lot of experience.

Cagedmonkey and I are both guilty of doing this for quite awhile in our own marriage. The great thing about adding discipline into our marriage is that those things that irritate me/us can be talked about, let go of and resolved within a short period of time and no need for any resentment.

On to why I’m writing with this post. You see, I’m not some cold hearted bitch who is into beating my hubby into submission. Rather I’d like to never have to discipline him! I don’t like it and I don’t want to have to do it. With that said, I signed that agreement too that said I would hold up my end of the agreement. If a “rule” is broken I must provide a correction for the behavior or a punishment.

Up until now I’ve only had to give one punishment for having an orgasm without permission. Whew! That was an easy one! Hubby got one week not being allowed something he really enjoys, which meant he was not allowed to look at or touch my breasts. He’s obsessed with them so this was a difficult punishment for him. ๐Ÿ˜‰

I’m finding that it is much more difficult to give a correction than a punishment! Tonight hubby will be receiving a correction for being lazy and more specifically for not following through on something that was asked of him. I’ve chosen to give him a good spanking for it. Plus, well I’ve been craving spanking his sexy ass so well it’s a good choice. Yum!

My point is, it’s not always easy for the wives in a Wife Led Marriage. We have responsibilities to keep our boys in line and on the right path and behaving properly.

I know some couples in FLR/WLM are a bit deeper into the discipline and have regular (weekly) maintenance spankings to help solidify their roles in the relationship and they also keep a log of offenses which are weighted and take care of them all in one punishment session at the end of the week. I’ve been researching again as to why this would be and I don’t have a specific answer for that but I have discovered that there is a kink(?) out there called F/m Domestic Discipline. That’s a whole different post on its own.

For now, I’m off to warm up my hand in preparation of giving cagedmonkey some nice red rosy cheeks later. I know it won’t end up being that harsh of a correction since I’m right handed and I have a pretty significant tear in my rotator cuff that is heading for surgery.

Ok maybe I’ll post a picture later of the results! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Epiphany: a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple

It sounds weird to say this but it feels almost as if a weight has been lifted from me. After our conversation last night I got to thinking about what I really wanted and how I wanted to play with hubby. After all, he gave me the beautiful gift of regaining my natural dominance, so I’m in charge.

So what do I want from the chastity? Well, easy, I want the device on at all times unless I unlock him for play time, tease time or for my using. It’s my toy locked up in my toy box. ๐Ÿ™‚ *giggle*

So, what about the Tease & Denial? Well in all my pondering last night, I realized what I want is not called “Orgasm Denial.” It’s called “Orgasm Control” because I want to be in control of if he cums, when he cums, how he cums and how much he cums! If I feel like spending an entire day using him over and over to drain every bit of cum from him then so be it. I unlock him, use him and lock him back up. If I want to deny him for 40 days for the fun of it then so be it! If I want some mix of the two, I can have it. If I change my mind in the middle of it all, I can! ๐Ÿ™‚

I’ve finally got my brain on board knowing that all of these things are my decision. No more feeling like I promised to lock him up for a length of time and not wanting to disappoint him or upset him or “do it wrong” or not the way he wants it. I’m in control, I hold the power to use him for my pleasure in whatever way I choose. I hold the power to allow him an erection or force him to have one all day, if I want! I hold the power to deny him orgasms for as long as I feel like having him behaving in an awesome attentive way towards me. If I feel like asserting my dominance and taking him as mine every night for a week, I hold that power.

I hold all the power when it comes to his sexual feelings, sensations and releases. The one part I want to explore more in our relationship is the Wife Led part. I’m curious about what it would feel like to be completely in control of everything he does. I don’t want this all the time because I’m not into having a slave but I think once in awhile having a very submissive session of play would be fun. I have no idea as I’ve never done it, never been overpowering dominant and/or demanding but maybe I want to see what it’s like! We were talking the other day and he mentioned scrubbing the kitchen floor naked while I supervised (probably half joking, I’m sure lol). At that moment something happened to me I was not expecting… I suddenly got extremely aroused at the thought of him serving me that way. Though at the same time my head was like wtf that’s so wrong! Cagedmonkey and I have said that it can never hurt to try something… we might like it. He’s not all into serving that way (not into being a slave nor do I want one) but he’s not against the session happening once in awhile if it is something we both enjoy. So we’re off to try new things once again and explore what feels good!

Ok so that was my epiphany overnight… see what happens when you stay up until after 4am!

Wish me luck! ๐Ÿ™‚

cagedmonkey: We’ve found out so much about this lifestyle in such a short time. It really is amazing!!

Lady: It’s been a whirlwind that’s for sure… but I’ve realized some things since our last go at your orgasm denial.

cm: What things, exactly?

Lady: Well, after this last time having you completely locked and even denying myself I kinda feel like I’ve tested out all that I need in this. I really just want to get on with it. I don’t want to set dates of when you will be locked or unlocked trying to reach some imaginary goal. I’m not going to worry about “oh I shouldn’t unlock him because I said 10 days in!” I’m going to do what I want, when I want, how I want but you will not orgasm… you will please me and I will use you to please myself but you will wait until you have permission to cum. I will see my cock hard & play with it when I want though. All other times you will be locked in your device.

cm: I was actually thinking the exact same thing! We’ve proven that I can safely wear the cage pretty much indefinitely without problems – indefinitely meaning however long you want, not forever (I hope!!!). We have also seen that I’m able to be trusted not to cum when I’m out of the cage, even when giving you the penetration that you crave. The only thing that I’m concerned about is the strength of your resolve. Will you be able to deny me even when I’m seriously trying my hardest to convince you to let me cum?

Lady: I’m pretty sure the denial part will be a piece of cake! The hardest part for me was feeling like I had to keep you locked up to enforce the denial. That’s not true so it should be easy enough, when I’m getting what I need and want, to keep you all crazy. You know I absolutely love when you’ve been reduced to a heaping, begging, desperate mess! Oh boy, it turns me on so much! Are you here with me in my desire to take more control over how I want to use the cage? This starting out thing has been not only about me but lots of worrying about you and what you feel or think and some caving to what I think you want. I’m ready for that to be over.

cm: I’m ready, too. I want it all to be you decision. If you want to tease me until I’m crying out for you to stop every night for a week, then so be it. If you want to keep me locked up constantly for three or even four weeks straight (or more!!!), then please do it. There will be times where I want it to end, where I just want out, or I just want to FUCKING CUM GOD DAMMIT. But what I truly want is to cum only when I’m allowed by you, my Keyholder.

Lady: Awww now that’s the perfect answer from my perfect boy! <3

When we first started out in male chastity and embracing a bit more of the wife led marriage I had no clue what this “service” thing would be… I don’t want to be “serviced,” I’m not a car, I don’t need an oil change!
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I really had no idea what that phrase even meant. So over the course of this journey I’ve been reading other blogs and websites about chastity and wife led marriage or female led relationship (whichever you choose). It’s been interesting and has given me ideas to try and mainly I try things to see if I like them… not so much hubby. What we have come to find out is that we often think very much alike and enjoy the same things. Part of this whole control thing, this chastity thing, this wife led marriage thing has been exploring what I enjoy sexually and non-sexually. Whatever those things happen to be, when they come up, are the things that cagedmonkey can then “service” me with. I’ve found that no two wives or Keyholders can be serviced exactly the same. It really comes down to trying things and seeing how your mind and body respond. If you like it you keep doing it, if you aren’t sure, you try it again another time and if you really didn’t like it you don’t have to do it again. The thing is, you won’t know what you enjoy unless you try and knowing what tickles your arousal makes directing your hubby or partner to serve you that much better. Just going about it the same old way you went about your vanilla sex life makes it much harder and it also makes this journey lose it’s appeal that much faster. I’m all about keeping things fresh, new and interesting.

Like I mentioned in a previous post, I know I am a dominant person but never was I aroused by being dominant. I did not connect sexual energy with my natural dominance. I actually was turned off by the thought that someone would enjoy making someone clean, cook and/or wait on them hand and foot. Once I started to research the whole FLR/WLM I started reading about the sexual side of it. What I did kinda get was the dominance in the bedroom. I’ve always been pretty dominant there and loved the whole teasing thing so that really was nothing new. I understand the desire to be told what to do and how to do it and controlling another person’s sexual pleasure. Especially a big strong alpha male being tied up, ordered around and even spanked by a seemingly lesser female. Now we know that those are all looks on the outside but behind closed doors we know who really “wears the pants” in our relationships! ๐Ÿ˜‰
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The thing I had the most trouble with was how cagedmonkey could possibly “serve” me other than orally and, honestly, I really wasn’t all into oralsex that much. It was just too much work! I always felt pressured to have an orgasm so he knew he was doing a good job – which he was, he’s always pleased me so well in that area! It really wasnt enjoyable to feel like I had to perform. Oh and not being “fresh” and worrying about smell or not having hair trimmed just right… all that stuff makes it so hard to enjoy oral for a woman! I’ve noticed over time and with him desiring control of being told what to do that feeling has evolved for me as well in all this, I know now that I can sit back and enjoy a good pussy worship and not be required to cum unless I want or need to. I can just enjoy the fact that I’m being kissed, licked and sucked in all the right places. The greatest part is knowing that I can use my words to tell cagedmonkey what a “good boy” he is and how I love when he does this, that, or the other thing and praise him verbally to give him that “I’m doing a good job for her” feeling.

It’s really taken a lot of exploration, trial and error to find even a few things I love that he can service me with. We’d taken a few showers together in our relationship but over this past summer that picked up and it wasn’t until recently that I realized I really loved the shower time with him. I love him washing my body and especially my hair. I love seeing the smile on his face when he puts the body wash on my loofa and starts to rub it all over me. Oh boy and when he washes my hair! I love when he uses his fingertips to rub, scrub and massage my scalp. It makes me just tip my head back and just feel everything as he moves his hands through my hair! I just love when he runs his fingers through my hair or rubs my head anyway so washing it is a big bonus.

Another thing I’ve found that I really enjoy is the full body massages. I used to feel bad about asking for anything like that but I realize now (through lots of communication) that he enjoys doing those things for me and wants to make me feel good, to hear me moan in delight, no matter what he’s doing for me. Throughout our relationship cagedmonkey has, a few times, licked and sucked my toes. It was cute and yeah it felt good but it was also kinda ewwww and felt dirty. Since we both feel embracing my dominant role in our marriage is a good thing this has become another thing I really enjoy. Of course I prefer when my feet are clean and cleaning them can totally become part of the foot worship too. I do enjoy the kissing, licking and tongue massaging of my legs as well! ๐Ÿ™‚
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I guess what I’m ultimately getting at is if you are ever going to know how your man can truly “service” you, you have to be willing to try and explore new things. Perhaps even be willing to talk about things with your partner to find out why others might find those things exciting or arousing. You might even find that you start to get aroused thinking or talking about it.

Sorry to all you other guys, but it’s true. My wife is the absolute BEST keyholder in the world.

For me, at least.ย  ๐Ÿ™‚

It takes a certain kind of relationship to make this chastity thing work. My wife and I have been through a lot, but nothing would have been able to prepare us for this if we didn’t fully trust each other. When we are fully open and honest with each other, we often find that we are not only on the same page or even paragraph – we are on the same freaking word!

I think back to when we were writing out our chastity agreement. Even though I was giving My Lady complete control over sexual abilities (including the ability to orgasm or even simplyย gettingย a hardon), I knew there were some neighborhoods and areas I’d rather not explore. I was struggling with how to explain this oxymoron of a situation – “I want you to do whatever you want, but not if what you want is one of these things” – I was kind of worried it wouldn’t come out right. What a pleasant surprise it was when I found out that ML was not interested in those same things! Writing up our agreement went so much easier than I expected, and we were both more than happy to sign it.

My keyholder knows just how to play me. She knows where all of my buttons are and she presses them often. She knows that a subtle change in posture can flip the switch in myย brain and instantly have me wanting toย kiss and lick her body all over. And when my brain is stuck on sex, she knows how to push me and push me until my chest is tight and I can’t breathe. And when she gets me alone…. well, from her previous post, it’s obvious she can turn me into a quivering, whimpering puddle of frustration and need pretty much any time she wants.

And that’s what I need. I need a keyholder who will use me for her pleasure and amusement. A keyholder who won’t take my requests or pleads into account when deciding what she does. A keyholder who expects me to worship her mind and body every moment of every day.

Nobody else could do this for me but My Lady.

I know I’m always trying to find that new unique way to tease cagedmonkey. I’m constantly worried about becoming a predictable, boring wife and Keyholder. I also know I’m not the only one since I’m asked quite often from other wives and Keyholders about how to keep things interesting. When you search online looking for tease ideas you never get actual descriptions of how to tease your guy but rather a very vague “if you know what they like, do that!” It’s one thing to know what they like and another thing altogether to try something they MIGHT like. Personally, I’d love to know some great trigger words or actual descriptions of what a regular couple does. We’re not all hardcore into BDSM so the tying up and spanking, humiliation or feminization is just not our thing. I guess you could call a lot of what we do: Vanilla Tease & Denial. ๐Ÿ™‚

So I decided I would describe one of our prolonged, pretty intense tease sessions where cagedmonkey had tears in his eyes. Prolonged edging could be considered a bit of torture, I suppose… then again, when I make him read this post those feelings will come rushing back, so those sessions can linger! Hopefully here I will accomplish two things: 1. I’ll help give other Keyholders a specific idea to tease which they can use in full or part or change up as they please and 2. I’ll end up teasing the hell out of any of you chaste boys reading our blog and make you press against the confines of your cage. Really that will be helping your Keyholder as well because it’s one less time she will have to tease you! ๐Ÿ™‚

So cagedmonkey and I have only a couple nights a week where we get to actually play for an extended amount of time. Most nights we only have like an hour once the kids go to bed and he has to leave for work. So this particular night we decided to go upstairs to watch a movie on Netflix while I had him unlocked and I would play around a little but he knew he would not be cumming. We decided on a movie and got it started, that’s when I told him to check the length, it was a 2 hour and 9 minute movie. That’s also when explained that I would be teasing him non-stop through the entire movie. That he would spend a good portion of that two hours on the edge of orgasm. The movies opening credits started and so did I. I started with just some regular moderately paced stroking. This didn’t take too long to get him right up there to the edge of orgasm and then once the moaning and slight hip action starts on his part I slowed down my strokes to just keep him there, hanging on. I did this for quite awhile, non-stop, leaving him linger on the edge for all that time. I love how his breathing gets faster and shorter and he sometimes grunts and moans at the frustration. I know he’s loving it just as much as me though. Once I had done that for a good half hour (you really don’t have to if you don’t have the arm stamina – a mix between your hand and a vibrator would work too, ladies!) he’d gotten plenty of precum built up and it started to pour out in gobs. Precum makes for great lube on the penis head! So I took advantage of that and took my left hand near the base of his shaft and pulled down on the skin of his penis until it was tight and held my hand flat against his pelvic bone and with my right hand I made an “ok sign” with the thumb and forefinger and stroked the head of his cock over and over and over. When using this technique be sure most of your stroking stays around the head. If it got too dry I’d grab a handful of shaft and drag it upward so another big drip of precum would come out for lube. I also found this fantastic new way to tease the head of the cock during this! I opened my palm and kinda made a small cupped shape so the top side (stomach side) of the glans was in the cupped part. Making sure to have it lubed well with precum I just moved my hand up and down just pushing the head of the penis in and out of that tiny cupped spot in my hand. He was bucking like crazy when I did that! I continued this for a good half an hour as well and I did throw a few strokes in here or there to keep it interesting. After that I did go back to stroking a bit but this time I added a ball massage to it… so stroking, head stroking (while pulling the shaft skin tight) and the ball massage just about four the next half an hour. Just a few minutes on each thing bringing him to the edge each time. The last half an hour I made sure to add my mouth into the mix. By this time he’s extremely sensitive so anything I’m doing is causing him to moan and groan and whimper. He knows better than to beg me to stop because nothing I’m doing is causing him pain or giving him reason to beg for relief. He just takes every ounce I have to give.

So that’s the physical part of the tease – yes arm stamina is crucial if you plan to do these things manually but a vibrator, masturbator and other toys are also a huge help. Another thing you can obviously do, if you have a wriggle worm like I do, is to tie your guys arms and legs spread eagle. That I will do if I know for sure he can’t truly handle what I’m going to give him… or if he’s feeling quite horny that I don’t think he’ll be able to keep his hands to himself. During this particular night it was about a half an hour or so into teasing him when I had to pause and tie his ass down! :)~

Now the other part to all this, ladies, is screwing with your guy mentally and emotionally. This is probably the more important part. If you’re not a big talker, trust me, when I say, that after a few times you will get better and better at “mindfucking” your guy, especially once you hear the reaction you get from doing it! This is where knowing his fantasies (or even common male fantasies) is a huge help. It’s not that hard to get started talking dirty during your tease session. The easiest way to get started is to literally describe what your doing and be sure to ask questions… even if they are rhetorical. Using phrases like “aww poor baby” or “that’s too bad” and even “I bet it feels that way.” Say things like “you love it when I stroke that cock all nice and fast, don’t you?”, “Ooo baby, how about if… I… Go… So… Sloooooooow?” It just takes that much and, of course, you can’t forget to throw in “I bet you’d love to feel my tight wet pussy wrapped around that cock cumming hard all over it” and even more importantly bringing up how long you’ve been teasing him and how much longer he still has to endure it. Not to mention talking how long it’s been since he came or how long it’s going to be until he gets to cum. Another thing that usually drives our guys crazy is us masturbating in front of them, making them watch. They want to be the ones pleasing us and we even have the power to take that away. They get to feel those jealous feelings seeing us do what they can’t do while locked up and denied. Reminding them how they can’t touch themselves, get an erection or even cum without your permission. These things all play right into the mindfucking.

One of the things I’m noticing with the chaste boy is that they love us being in control and being confident in that control. Like from across the room showing them our naked breasts, grabbing them, squeezing them together and giving them that “this is no accident, I know exactly what this is doing to you” look. It’s that kind of arrogant, sassy attitude that really gets them!

Hopefully somewhere in the length of this post you’ve found some information to help you! I always welcome questions so feel free to use the comments section. I look forward to hearing from you!

(Lady and cagedmonkey feel that communication is the key to a healthy relationship, andย especially important in a chastity relationship. Occasionally, Lady and cagedmonkey will shed some light on what these conversations are like. What follows is a discussion between the two of them, all while posting to the blog.)

cagedmonkey:ย So today marks a week for me in the cage, 24/7 straight except for a small release time due to switching devices. This is usually about the time when I start feeling the need to cum grow stronger, and the feelings of frustration really start to take hold. I’m curious: is this change obvious from where you are standing, or is it a gradual slide as the days go on?

Lady: It’s really obvious when you are physically showing your frustration and your horniness. It does seem to occur day to day and sometimes can be triggered by how much physical attention (teasing) I’m offering. When you are only using your words to express it I don’t feel your level of need, other times you are basically “jumping my bones” and then it’s very obvious. LoL

cm: The only reason I haven’t been “jumping your bones” in the last few days is because we haven’t been in the same room alone for very much time. If I had more chances to do so, I would be definitely taking advantage of them! Believe it or not, pleasing you and serving you relieves some of the frustration for a short while. But the feelings come right back when you turn the focus back to driving me nutty.

Lady: So you’re saying times like this morning when I come upstairs, wake you up and end up teasing you help your frustration level? ๐Ÿ˜‰

cm: I don’t know if I’d use the word “help.” ๐Ÿ™‚ย But yes, it drives me nuts! I want to be inside you, feel you without the cage around me. It feels so good, and I know it’s so far away. You don’t even know how frustrating it is at times.

Lady: No, you’re right, I can’t imagine how frustrating it is but I certainly can imagine many ways to make the frustration worse.

cm: You’ve definitely shown that you are capable of increasing my frustration. When you let me inside your wet pussy but only in the cage, it is very difficult for me to be so close to what I want but still not getting what I need.

Lady: It’s very easy for me to create frustration for you but that doesn’t mean I’M not frustrated too! It’s not the same frustration but it’s hard just the same. Like it’s easy wanting so bad to feel you? Easy to want to feel that cock sliding in and out of my pussy and cumming deep inside me? Easy to want to feeling the warmth of your skin touching mine and the heat we create between my legs when we make love… that doesn’t frustrate me?

cm: Omg……….. what were we talking about? Oh yes, FRUSTRATION!!! I understand that you can get frustrated at times, too. But look at the situation: you can unlock me at any time you want and get the things that you desire, with or without allowing me to orgasm. Your frustration is sort of self-imposed; you can end it at any time. I, on the other hand, have no choice but to suffer through the frustration until you are willing to grant me release. You have to admit, those are two completely different experiences.

Lady: Ah true but what good is getting it anytime I want when I get to enjoy all the build up before I do finally allow it and/or take it? Living in an aroused state is a wonderful feeling… but frustrating still the same ๐Ÿ™‚ Yes, if I wanted it, I could come to you, unlock that beautiful ready and willing cock and slowly slide it in my already wet pussy and make you cum within a few thrusts… but what’s the fun in that when while you are in your super aroused state you are so sweet, physically loving and mega attentive. Once you cum that’s all over for at least a week!

cm: Ugghhhhh…. how much longer until I’m out????

Lady: Well let’s just say you’re going to be a needy, aching, desperate mess by the time Christmas gets here and I’m going to love every single minute of it ๐Ÿ™‚

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When cagedmonkey and I got into this lifestyle we knew right away it was perfect for us. After a bit we realized the perfect way to solidify the lifestyle and make sure we remembered our roles was to get a tattoo. It is something we both wanted so call it a commitment tattoo or a chastity tattoo, whatever, it is a symbol of our life together with me keeping him locked 24/7 in his chastity device.

Since our marriage is a mostly WLM, cm deferred to me to choose what, where and when he would get his tattoo. Since it was my tattoo I contacted our tattoo artist and gave him my ideas and he designed a fantastic padlock design with etching-like drawings on it. One of my favorite spots on hubby are his hips so it was only natural that I’d have him get it tattooed there.

I’m sharing the picture here because I’m pretty proud of it and it’s extremely sexy. I will also be getting another tattoo just as soon as I design a matching key.