Female Led Relationship

Mail Chastity: How to Become A Good Keyholder

Posted by Lady M on November 26, 2019
Posted in: Advice, Female Led Relationship, KeyHolder, Mail Chastity, Male Chastity, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , . 2 comments

I received a message from another keyholder on chastityforums.com. She is a bit new to all this, in general, and is struggling with how to be a KH and a good one at that. So here is a bit of what she wrote and my response.

“My ‘vanilla self’ is constantly fighting with ‘the KH self’ I’m sure [my hubby] would like me to become. I’m not even sure how to make this change. Do you have any ideas to help me in my quest to transition from vanilla to a true KH in every sense of the word?”

First of all… This isn’t about you becoming something your hubby wants you to be. This is about you both enjoying this the way YOU enjoy it, whatever way that may be. Please do me a favor and don’t try to be and do things that are not natural. What you do should feel good and exciting to you. If you fake it, it will become work and then you could easily build resentment by trying to live up to his expectations… Do what you enjoy and are comfortable with. You are in charge, you hold the key, literally – he should not be in charge through you when it comes to chastity or keeping him locked etc. That is called “topping from the bottom” and that’s not ok. It is perfectly fine to communicate – if you know me at all I’m huge on communication – so talk and listen to each other. Get to know what you like, what you think you like, what you don’t like, what feels good both physically and mentally. Decide from there what YOU want to implement in your relationship.

Don’t be afraid to try things if they are not a hard No! You may like them or maybe not and you have the choice, as the one in charge, to say yes that’s good we will do that or no that felt bad or uncomfortable and we are not doing that! It’s all good. In the beginning it’s all about talking and trying and figuring out what works and feels good. Don’t be afraid to say no or change your mind either… Try hard to remember, in most situations, he is the one that asked you for this and decided to give you control. He doesn’t want to decide what happens with his sexual desires, his orgasms, his pleasure. He wants you to be in control of it all. 🙂

In regards to how to be a good keyholder, please feel free to listen to Episode 3 of our podcast. It’s about praise and reassurance and it’s just me talking to other keyholders and I think it might be helpful!

Good luck!

A New Frontier

Posted by cagedmonkey on March 12, 2019
Posted in: Chastity Device, Female Led Relationship, Health, Male Chastity, Medical. Tagged: , , , , , . 1 comment

This latest lockup stint in the Revenge is certainly bringing up some new things. First, I’m finding out that my penis really does enjoy the feel of at least anything besides steel on it (i.e. clothes, skin, even if I’m still locked in a chastity cage); and when I don’t have that softer touch, I start to lose my mind really quickly.

Second, I discovered, unfortunately, that I can make it through an exercise class while wearing the Revenge (I was really hoping for some sort of problem in order to have an excuse to be unlocked).

Now, it’s another new territory I’ll be stepping into: I have a doctor’s appointment on Thursday, and My Lady still had no intention of unlocking me.

In the past, ML has allowed me to take my cage off for doctor appointments and such in order to avoid any awkward moments (more for the doctor than for me, if anything). This time around, I’m meeting with a new doctor – she sees her already, but I haven’t switched over yet. Although she hasn’t mentioned anything about our kinky lifestyle, ML thinks she’s “cool” if it were to have to come up in discussion.

The good thing is that I doubt that I’ll be examined that closely at this appointment; I don’t think my cage will be discovered. But what if it does?

“Well,” ML answered when I asked her that very question, “you’ll have a little explaining to do, won’t you?”

Well, yeah, I guess I will!

Honestly, one of the reasons we’ve been looking for a new doctor is that we felt we needed to find a physician that was somewhat understanding to the things we do – not necessarily “kink friendly” but at least somebody we would feel comfortable sharing our lifestyle details due to health reasons. Both ML and I are getting up in years, and we want to stay healthy and horny for as long as possible.

But is this how I envisioned talking to my doctor about male chastity?

The Beauty I See & the Control I Have

Posted by Lady M on November 5, 2018
Posted in: D/s, Female Led Relationship, Male Chastity, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , , , . 2 comments

It seems like CM is always posting pics about what he wakes up to in the morning. How he thinks I’m beautiful and loves my body and boobs and all that. Well he’s not the only one that gets to wake up to complete sexiness beside him in the morning. This was my view yesterday morning as I woke up. I had to stop and tell him to freeze so I could take my own picture. I love how he looks, especially locked in his cage for me.

I love sleeping next to him naked. I love the way his skin feels. I love how he’s the perfect amount of warmth when I need it. I love how we can sleep all entangled up with each other and we both feel so incredibly comfortable. It’s amazing that we can snuggle up so close and fall asleep together like that.

I know at first I was a little worried about how I’d feel about him getting his nipples pierced but I really do like them and I love playing with them and making him squirm when I grab and pull on them. They really are fun and I look forward to finding fun ways to incorporate them into play. His nipple rings and cage really are extremely sexy.

So yesterday, I was feeling better than I had in a while so I decided it was time to take back control of things. Things with my house, my life, my kids and my hubby. It was time to get this house back in shape and cleaned up. I was almost like a drill sergeant, in a way, getting things going. At one point I told hubby I was sick of feeling like crap, sick of hurting and being sick and feeling like I was not in control. I told him, in a half whisper right at his mouth with my lips barely brushing his, that I was taking back my control, of the house, the kids and of him. I told him exactly what he would do to help clean. How he’d do laundry and anything else I asked and I even told him he could “shut his little fucking mouth” about how I went about getting this house back together. Lol it was surprising to me that I finally felt strong enough and good enough to use that tone with him.

I am the one who should control this house and control him, he gave me that control over 5 years ago. He chose to hand me his keys and trust that I could competently control him. I felt a lot of power yesterday and I felt in control and I needed it. My illness does not control me.

New Permanent Steel

Posted by Lady M on July 16, 2018
Posted in: Female Led Relationship, Pictures. Tagged: , , , . 1 comment

I think it was about a month ago when CM and I were talking with someone about having piercings. I have had some piercings in the past and currently only have my ears and tongue still pierced. I’ve had nipples, eyebrow and nose done as well and CM has never had a piercing. The conversation got us thinking about CM and would I like any piercings on him. I don’t personally like the look or anything of penis piercings so thats not something I’d have him do. We started talking about where he could be pierced and what would be the point, etc. That got us onto his nipples, perhaps those would look nice and they might even help to make his nipples a lot more sensitive. So, if you follow us on Twitter, I had asked our followers to show me their nipple piercings so I could get a feel for how they looked. I could never see hubby with facial piercings – plus working in a hospital thats probably not the best idea. I realized I didnt like the hoops in a guy nipples but I did like the look of small bars horizontally through the nipple. I know, I know… sometimes I think too much but with any kind of body modification I want to make sure it’s something I’m going to like or there is no point in getting it.

So what all this brings us to is that on Wednesday last week, when CM & I were off work and had out “date day” not only did we get in about a hour or so of play time I also took him to get MY nipples pierced.

I say it that way because they are for me… I didnt get them pierced for him, I did it for me, so I have something to play with and to make his nipples more sensitive for me. Plus they really do look hot on him!

It took me a few days to not be like WOW there are bars in your nipples lol because I’ve never seen CM as the type to have piercings, at all. I never saw him as one to have tattoos either and now he’s got a bunch and I love them!! A couple of his tattoos are mine or ours and have so much meaning! These nipple piercings also have a bit of meaning. It’s not something he did on his own for his own reasons. He has them for me. He truly has given himself to me in so many ways… he’s locked in a steel cage for me and now he’s got steel bars through his nipples for me. Once they heal completely I cant wait to play with them and pull on them and figure out all the wonderful things we can do with them!!

I couldn’t help but lick them and rub them since they are so new and sensitive… I’m sure I’m going to have so much fun with them when they are finally healed!

Mail Chastity: How to be a Good Submissive

Posted by Lady M on May 24, 2018
Posted in: Advice, D/s, Female Led Relationship, FemDom, Mail Chastity. Tagged: , , , , , . 3 comments

Not too long ago I got asked this question and while I get asked questions frequently, I wanted to put this particular question in its own Mail Chastity post. It’s such a loaded question and it will take much more than a paragraph to answer. As a matter of fact I could do a whole podcast on this question alone. So anyway, here is what I was asked:

“Good morning Lady M! …what makes a good submissive. I am curious as to your personal opion.“

I have many opinions on what makes a good submissive but the super short, honest answer is – being what your Dominant wants.

That answer is also so incredibly vague! No one, absolutely no one can tell you how to be a good sub. The reason I say that is because every single Dom is their own person and every single sub is their own. They all have wants, needs and desires. The ultimate in being a good Dom or sub is having a Dom or sub that compliments your needs, wants and desires. What it takes to be a good sub is getting to know the person you want to be submissive to. Making sure you know what they want and expect out of a submissive. Once you know that and have learned those boundaries then you know exactly how to be a good sub. It takes work and communication, on both sides, to really understand what the other would consider good.

Let me give you an example of what I mean. I am a very loving, mothering Domme. I am also a very service driven Domme. I enjoy being in control and taking care of people. I like being the one to dictate how Cagedmonkey’s day will be, making his lunch and helping him know what to expect from his day. I also get extremely fulfilled by someone doing things for me, without my asking (most of the time), because they thought of me and wanted to make things easier or less for me. You know those times when CM will be home from work and do dishes or clean and vacuum the living room because he just knows I’m at work too and it will be helpful and make less for me to do when I get home… Those things, in my eyes, make him a good submissive husband. However, that’s only one side of being “good.” I also love that CM is exactly what I need sexually. When I’m feeling hardcore, rough and aggressive, I love that he can take what I am needing to give. When I’m feeling loving and cuddly, I love that he can hold me and love me and be that for me. When I want to be pleased sexually, CM is there to please me how I need it. Whether that’s eating my pussy, making me cum, or just being my sex toy to hump and play with. Those things make him a good sub for me.

What makes him good for me, though, may not be good for someone else. Someone else may want certain rituals daily, tasks that must be completed, hard rules that must be followed or there will be punishment. There are also subs out there that have that need. Strict rules to follow with punishment if they are not. Following those rules and taking that punishment would be what makes them a good submissive.

Basically, what I’m saying is… It takes getting to know someone and communicating to find out what will make you a good sub. I hope, in some way, for some one, this was helpful. There is no one way, no right or wrong way. The whole thing comes down to what works in the relationship and in the dynamic.

Leaving a Legacy: Mistress Ivey

Posted by Lady M on March 16, 2018
Posted in: Female Led Relationship, FemDom, KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , , , , . 12 comments

When cagedmonkey and I first started out with chastity and realized we’ve always been living an FLR it was because of Mistress Ivey and her amazing, easy to read, down to earth books and website, Becoming a Mistress. I’m extremely appreciative of the work she’d put into all of it so that I could become a better wife and woman in charge of her husband.

Yesterday, I lost a friend. Today I take a moment to remember an amazing woman and her hubby, who’ve I’ve gotten to know much more deeply, on a much more personal level, in the past few years. I’m sad to learn of Mistress Ivey’s passing but I know that she’s left behind an awesome legacy and she will not easily be forgotten. She will be forever missed and we are sending our love prayers and love out to her husband and the rest of the family. She was a wonderful author, woman, wife and mother.

Thank you for all of the knowledge you have shared through the years and all of the experience you leave behind. Even though you are not physically with us you will continue to teach and mentor as the years go on.

I Don’t Mind At All

Posted by cagedmonkey on March 3, 2018
Posted in: D/s, Female Led Relationship, Pictures. Tagged: , , , . 1 comment

I have things I enjoy doing – I like to play video games or relax by watching some TV. But I’m never so involved that I get mad when ML interrupts me for sexual reasons.

ML has tried to steal my attention in the past by shoving her boobs in my face while I’m watching something; little does she know she doesn’t have to work so hard. 🙂 most of the time, in my mind, I’m just killing time until the next time she wants to use me sexually.

Much better than anything on TV.

This morning, ML decided to wake me up with a little visual treat: instead of waking me up with a gentle push of her hand, she nudged me with her juicy round ass.

Good morning!

I always say to her as we go to sleep, “You know where I am if you need me.” That’s code for, “If you want to wake me up to use me for sex, please do so.” I’d absolutely love it if ML woke me up for sex just because she was so horny that she couldn’t wait until the morning. She doesn’t usually take me up on my offer, though – she’s usually so well pleased before we go to sleep, that it holds her over until morning. 🙂

A Night Alone

Posted by Lady M on December 3, 2017
Posted in: Chastity Device, Female Led Relationship, FemDom, Friends, Male Chastity, Pictures, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , , . 12 comments

Last night cagedmonkey and I finally got that night alone. We knew it was coming so actually, earlier in the day, we started some extra control and CM was to ask to use the bathroom (by the end if the night he was really begging haha) and what he should wear, how much coffee/water/alcohol he was allowed, etc. I also tasked him with making us special dinner after the kids left with grandma. He made a very delicious steak with sauteed fresh mushrooms and onions and parmesan couscous. It was amazingly delicious! I needed way more mushrooms!

It always feels good to control more of him when I feel ignored and disobeyed by my own children haha. Anyway, it was munch night so before we left I had cagedmonkey locked in his cage and his collar. 

For the actual munch he was dressed in our Monkey in a Cage blog t-shirt because it’s always fun to advertise the blog. We met up with our kinky friends for some drinks (lots of drinks hehe) and lots of laughing, licks and fun. I had my big ass blue margarita of course!

There were so many people there and some newbies and we just had a wonderful time. After munch we came home and visited with the neighbors for a bit since they had some kinky friends over for game night. That was a whole other bunch of fun and lots of boobs hehe. 

After we left the neighbors we came home and played around a little and I made sure cagedmonkey gave me exactly what I needed. Apparently, after teasing him and playing with him some this past week, I needed it bad! It’s nice sometimes to have the alcohol involved sex where he can last a little longer and I can cum a lot harder. I had him fuck me so nice and hard and long. I was kinda laying on my side and he just grabbed a hold of my hip and side and fucked me so good. Oh my goodness, it felt amazing and I came so hard and loud. I haven’t cum that loud in a while and this morning I even woke up with very sore muscles and a sore throat and voice. Cagedmonkey was denied again from Thanksgiving and must have been very turned on after all the girls licking each other and boobs flying out throughout the evening and how loud I was during sex that he exploded a big load of hot cum in my pussy. It seriously was incredible!

I wasn’t quite finished with CM after that, though. We cuddled up all spoon-like and we still had some extreme horniness hanging around and when I felt his still-hard cock against my ass I just reached back and took him and shoved his cock in my asshole and made him fuck my ass, no lube, no nothing, until I had another screamingly good orgasm. I guess I just needed to get fucked and fucked good and hard. I love how I have a big man who gives me whatever I need when I need and want it. He never questions when I tell him he’s going to please me, in whatever way I want him to. I seriously love our relationship and our sex. 

When we woke up this morning, a little later than normal, we had some good snuggle time without having to listen to the kids bickering in the other room. It was so nice to get up and have a quiet morning together. Again, cagedmonkey was to cook for me and, of course, he didn’t just cook, he cooked for me naked!

I did have to mess with him a bit while he was cooking… Because why not? Makes it a bit more fun! 🙂 I kept smacking his adorable ass and giving his cock a stroke, or four, while he was standing there. But, wow did he ever make some amazing eggs and hash browns! 

I know it doesn’t seem like much but it means a lot to me when he cooks and the two of us can sit and enjoy an uninterrupted meal together. We even got to go out and run some errands today together and it was wonderful just having this time. It’s not 100% about sex when we have time alone… That part is amazing but it’s about being more focused on each other and giving ourselves to each other more deeply and fully. 

I Need to Domme You

Posted by Lady M on November 29, 2017
Posted in: Female Led Relationship, FemDom, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , . 6 comments

I realized this morning that I’m starting to feel my mood sink. We got a bit busy coming up to the holidays and some of my control turned way less sexual. The house is hard to keep up with when both of us are working and the kid’s are here, there and everywhere. My control has been a lot more clean this, do this, do that, this kid needs to be here or picked up at this time, type of stuff. While, yes, I love being in charge of everything, I also very much enjoy being in charge sexually and there hasn’t been much time for sexual control. Let alone, after working and coming home to cook and clean and run kids places, the energy level is depleted.

This morning I was sitting here after doing some cleaning and realized that I’m feeling a strong need to Domme cagedmonkey. I texted him this morning and told him, “I need to feel some power over you, I need you to be vulnerable to me. I need to feel you shuddering and whimpering beneath me.” Yeah so that’s where I’m at right now. I’m sitting on the couch fantasizing about him being bound in a vulnerable position where I can do whatever I want to him. Where I can play with whatever part of him I want, make him feel what I want. It could be good, amazing, teasing feelings or maybe I want to give him a little discomfort. I can feel my chest get tight when I think about being a little aggressive and rough with him, that’s how I know I need it… Not just want it! I want to feel him powerless and vulnerable to my touch. I really to want and need to feel him whimpering and begging because he knows I’m controlling every sensation he’s having. I need to feel that change in his body when he realizes there is no use trying to hold out. I am fantasizing about him being tired and used and “done” but I just pick up his head and make him eat my pussy more anyway. 

I want and need a good intense powerful night with my hubby. I’m going to ask, again, if Grandma can take the kids this weekend. I asked her a few days ago but she never got back to me about it. 

The Man Who Could Not Get Hard

Posted by cagedmonkey on November 11, 2017
Posted in: Female Led Relationship, Male Chastity, Orgasm Denial, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , . 3 comments

There once was a man who was unable to have an erection. It wasn’t for a lack of trying or ability; rather, it was for lack of opportunity. You see, this man could not get his dick hard because there was a steel cage locked around his penis at all times.

This steel cage prevented any and all erections, even the most intense and most frantic of them. No matter how strongly out how often he was sexually aroused – which was very strongly and extremely often, thanks to his beautiful and sexy dominating wife – he was not able to have a full and complete erection.

Oh, there were plenty of attempts: any time his wife would tease or tempt him with words or actions, his penis would try as much as it could to get hard. The steel cage would only allow the slightest growth, however, before squeezing back and holding him fast. He would be left throbbing in his cage, desperate for the littlest experience of sexuality, the most basic sexual ability that nearly almost ask men enjoyed but he was denied.

Orgasms were completely out of the question – unable to even get a hardon, orgasms were nowhere near the realm of possibilities. His focus wasn’t on his orgasms, despite the fact that he couldn’t remember the last time he had one. His desire was centered completely around his penis, the need to get hard, and the denial of the chance to do so.

Why on Earth would the woman want to keep her husband’s penis locked in a metal cage? Not only would it be impossible for him to get a full erection, but it would also render his penis inaccessible to her. Lucky for her, the man was very talented at pleasing his wife by other means, ways that did not involve the use of his penis. Not only that, but the woman also get pleasure from the sheer power and control she felt when her husband was desperate for an erection, but could not have one because she was keeping him locked.

The man had nobody to blame but himself, for it was him who asked his wife to use the chastity cage in the first place. It was also him that suggested the lengthy bit of chastity that he was now forced to endure. “Surely,” he thought, “she will not be able to keep me locked up very much longer than we’ve done in the past… she had difficulty reaching 3 weeks in earlier attempts.” But three weeks came and went, with no sign of wavering or weakening from his wife.

And, at four weeks, it was the same: not only was his wife happy keeping her husband in constant chastity, she was enthused by his frustration to continue even further.

This was like nothing he has ever experienced before. His penis felt as if it were constantly crying out to him for just a moment of freedom, just a second of time to experience the full arousal that has already been denied for so long. But he could do nothing about it, except wait and suffer.

His wife joked around as the days went by, contemplating pushing him farther and farther. How long would this go on? “I”m not even sure,” she replied. “We’ll just have to see.”

And so he waited. He waited for the erection he so desperately wanted and needed, with no idea of when the ordeal would end. He would eventually be able to get fully hard, but only when his wife would allow it. It would have to be soon, it couldn’t go on forever.

At least, that’s what he told himself…