trust

All posts tagged trust

Looking ahead to the looming start of my next period of orgasm denial – longer than I have ever been denied, longer than I ever thought I would be – has got me thinking about a few things. I’ve been thinking about the difference between what I want vs. what I need, as well as what it means to truly submit to My Lady.

Many of our readers out there (and ML, as well!) would agree that it is not easy being ML’s sub: it is not easy to be locked in chastity, it is not easy to be teased so intensely, and it is not easy to be held in strict orgasm denial throughout it all. She is a special and unique keyholder, and it takes a special and unique level of commitment and determination to endure her treatment. I’ve been questioning my level of commitment to submitting to ML lately, mainly because of certain aspects of our initial chastity agreement.

Way back when we started living this chastity lifestyle (over… 2 years ago? Holy shit, it was over two years ago!), we crafted a chastity agreement that allowed us both to have input on how our FLR would take shape. The spirit of that agreement guides every aspect of our D/s dynamic, even if we don’t follow each and every clause to the letter (for example, it’s been a long time since we’ve written in our communication book, only because we’ve grown to be so comfortable communicating with each other directly). One of the clauses that ML has been very gracious to uphold has been the use of the “Maybe Day.”

To explain the Maybe Day clause quick and simple: ML gives me a date when she plans to let me cum next, and will let me know if she decides to push me significantly past that date. She can choose whatever date she wishes, and can choose to extend it for any reason, but she is required to let me know when it will be or how much longer I will have to wait.

Looking back on it, I wanted to put that clause in our agreement because of my trust issues. When things were difficult between ML and me, there was never any telling when our next sexual encounter would be. I was scared that ML’s interest might fade once again if there was no date to hold her accountable. I needed even just a small guarantee that I wasn’t going to be left and forgotten about. I wasn’t ready for such an open-ended situation.

I think I’m ready for that now.

Over the past two years, I can’t remember too many nights where ML and I weren’t sexual in some way with each other. I even recently posted about how just a knowing glance across the room can be our way of “having sex.” The level of passion is certainly there, and it’s stronger than it’s ever been. I don’t think I need to be worried that ML will lose sexual interest in me anymore. I probably have to be more worried about ML driving me insane with TOO MUCH sexual attention!

With My Lady’s agreement, I would like to do away with the concept of Maybe Day for good. I realize that this opens me up for denial periods longer than I’d ever expect with absolutely no warning whatever, but I am ready to submit to her that deeply.

(This post is the first that ML will be hearing of these thoughts, so I am very curious to see what her reaction is. Wish me luck!)

After a late night of teasing me and edging me over and over without mercy, My Lady was still not through torturing me.

(By the way, if you haven’t seen her post yet, click on that link… seriously, there is an AMAZING picture of ML’s tits posted there!)

ML once again took advantage of my unlockedness to tease me in the morning… from the very moment I woke up, in fact. She was stroking me, pushing me to yet another frustrating edge. After the edging from the night before, I was beginning to feel like I couldn’t handle any more. My body wanted to cum… my cock NEEDED to cum…. but My Lady wouldn’t allow it.

ML gave me three more edges before it came time for me to head to work. But she wasn’t done with me yet.

One thing I truly appreciate is the level of trust ML and I share in our chastity relationship. ML knows how devoted I am to being a “good boy” for her, so she feels comfortable leaving me unlocked if she is not directly with me – if it suits her needs, which it certainly did today.

ML instructed me to make sure that my cock stayed hard for the entire ride to work, which just happens to last about an hour or so. “Squeeze it, stroke it, do whatever you have to do,” she told me. So I ended up having to play with my cock for the next hour while I drove to work, desperate to cum but not allowed to. When I texted ML that I had gotten to work safely, she demanded three edges from me before I locked myself back up. I had to wait until about a half hour into my shift before I could stuff my poor teased cock back into its cage.

These edges are really driving me crazy! I do enjoy when ML touches me and teases me because it feels so fucking good, but eventually the frustration of being stimulated so much without orgasm begins to be too much. This, of course, is when ML enjoys asserting her control and forcing me to endure even more. I truly do want the teasing to stop at that point, whether she lets me cum or not. But I want it to be her choice – under her control – more than I want it to just happen. So I keep taking as much as she gives me.

What choice do I have?

cagedmonkey: Your good boy is going to see if he can get back to sleep…. If not,  gonna eat and get dressed, might tiny nap

Lady M: Ok darling boy

cm: Biiiiiiig smile 🙂

Lady M: I love knowing I can leave you with yourself and the instructions and you won’t take advantage of my trust

cm: I’m glad that you can trust me in situations like  this, that bondage isnt necessary…. Instead it’s a tool for you to use when you want to tease and/or frustrate me

Lady M: oh how I love to tease and frustrate you my sweet boy

cm: I always thought it  would be so  hot  to  be so desperate  to cum that I couldnt be trusted in a  situation like this….. Now I realize that I wont ever get that bad off, but that’s a good thing. Being this devoted and  committed  to you is better 😉 Wanting you to have control and not wanting to let you  down  by taking it from u  is better  🙂

Lady M: You’re an amazing subby hubby and I love that you want to submit to my desires… even your orgasms.

Sorry to all you other guys, but it’s true. My wife is the absolute BEST keyholder in the world.

For me, at least.  🙂

It takes a certain kind of relationship to make this chastity thing work. My wife and I have been through a lot, but nothing would have been able to prepare us for this if we didn’t fully trust each other. When we are fully open and honest with each other, we often find that we are not only on the same page or even paragraph – we are on the same freaking word!

I think back to when we were writing out our chastity agreement. Even though I was giving My Lady complete control over sexual abilities (including the ability to orgasm or even simply getting a hardon), I knew there were some neighborhoods and areas I’d rather not explore. I was struggling with how to explain this oxymoron of a situation – “I want you to do whatever you want, but not if what you want is one of these things” – I was kind of worried it wouldn’t come out right. What a pleasant surprise it was when I found out that ML was not interested in those same things! Writing up our agreement went so much easier than I expected, and we were both more than happy to sign it.

My keyholder knows just how to play me. She knows where all of my buttons are and she presses them often. She knows that a subtle change in posture can flip the switch in my brain and instantly have me wanting to kiss and lick her body all over. And when my brain is stuck on sex, she knows how to push me and push me until my chest is tight and I can’t breathe. And when she gets me alone…. well, from her previous post, it’s obvious she can turn me into a quivering, whimpering puddle of frustration and need pretty much any time she wants.

And that’s what I need. I need a keyholder who will use me for her pleasure and amusement. A keyholder who won’t take my requests or pleads into account when deciding what she does. A keyholder who expects me to worship her mind and body every moment of every day.

Nobody else could do this for me but My Lady.