D/s

Last night cagedmonkey and I had a little alone, adult time together. I would get into describing it but I’ll leave that to him since it focuses on me dominating him for the most part. It’s probably better that you experience that part from the receiver.

As for me, while I enjoyed last night’s acute intensity very much, I’m experiencing what I would consider one of my most severe episodes of Domme Drop (regarding length). I’ve talked about this before in previous posts and even described it here. It really is no fun. I actually have been doing very well with things and haven’t had too many episodes of drop recently and when I anticipated one I would use my anxiety meds (as decided with the help of a doctor) to combat the effects just prior to them happening. Also, since you know me and I think communication is huge, hubby and I talk about it and he helps greatly during a drop.

I really had no thoughts, with the very short time that we got to spend together, that I would even have any drop. I found out very quickly after cagedmonkey went to work that the drop, no matter how much time is spent during an intense scene, can and will happen.

The part that makes a drop hard for me is the roller coaster feeling. I’ll be fine one minute and the next my eyes well up with tears or I’m feeling anxious. I realized a lot of the feelings last night were questions, worries if you will, about cagedmonkey’s experience. I think the time drop hits me the most is when we have an intense scene and right after that hubby has to go to work. Then he gets home at 7am and it’s breakfast time for the kids and he’s gotta get to bed. There is no time to talk about the events that took place, no time to hear that he liked or disliked something, no “thank you ma’am” for dominating me, for spanking my ass or any of that. We just don’t get that time together to give me the feedback I apparently desperately need.

That’s what it is, I realized, during the scene I’m not getting much feedback because he is enduring what I’m dishing out (spanking, assplay, teasing, breath play etc) and it’s what I need afterwards. I need to know how he feels about what happened. I need to know that it was ok, that he is ok and they I don’t need to feel guilty. When it’s a rush after to get him off to work and we don’t even discuss the scene – like it didn’t happen – I begin to worry. Did he like it? Did it feel good? Was it hot for him? Did he like feeling me take what I wanted from him? Did he like me using his body to do as I please? The questions race through my head causing the ripples of anxiety. The anxiety causes my emotional down. The feelings of sadness, worry and probably even some shame need to be squashed out by the communication and feedback after a scene. It’s like I have said before even a Domme can need “aftercare.”

I wonder, do other Dommes or Tops who experience drop feel that the feedback helps them?

Tonight the kids will be going back to their Friday night activity. It’s a social skills group for kids with Autism (and their siblings) that usually happens once or twice a month. That means hubby and I get about one and a half hours of uninterrupted Date Night. These date nights can range anywhere from a nice night out at a restaurant for dinner to a quick movie at home together and sometimes, like tonight, it can be an intense D/s or tease session depending on how we are feeling. Actually depending on how I’m feeling since, sexually, I control it all. 🙂

I can honestly say I don’t have specific plans for tonight but when hubby asked if he should plan to make dinner I told him no. I said I was in desperate need to dominate him and I needed an intense D/s session. I told him with the very limited amount of time we have I did not want to waste it eating dinner. LoL

I’m already in a very powerful mood this morning. He got home from work and I went in to tuck him into bed. That turned into a half an hour of pretty intense teasing and me getting very aggressive with him. At first I laid with him and was trailing my fingers up and down his naked body. Running them all around his cage but ignoring the locked cock within. I gently dragged my fingers along his stomach and chest, across his nipples and up over his shoulders. I traced all the gorgeous lines of his body and loved hearing him gasp and quietly moan as he got more and more aroused. I could feel the skin get tighter as he swelled in his cage.

I was getting more and more turned on, I could feel my pussy getting wetter and warmer, quivering in my panties. As I was teasing and tickling cagedmonkey, I felt this wonderful surge., a powerful, aggressive feeling came over me. I pinched and pulled his nipples just to hear him moan. I crave hearing his reaction to my touch. I made him moan into my ear, made him whimper and I could feel his breath. It made me extremely horny and I could feel my need to orgasm, simply from his reactions to my touch. It is nothing short of amazing that I feel this with him.

I continued teasing, tickling, pinching and pulling, filling my desire for his reaction. I kept doing it until I pushed myself to the edge of orgasm. Right at the peak I climbed on top of him and rubbed my panty covered pussy on his cock straining in his Jail Bird. I pushed myself over as I humped his body through my orgasm. Fuck, it was fantastic to feel those powerful, “I’ll use you and take what I want from you” feelings again.

As I mentioned, I’m not sure what tonight will bring but I have thought about wearing my new strap on harness. I’ve thought about bending him over and forcing him to be mine. But… who knows, we’ll just have to see what happens tonight! I do know that today, all day, is going to be one hell of a prolonged tease session. I have no plans of letting him get uninterrupted sleep today, he’ll just have to deal with it. 🙂

If you’ve been following along, you know I’ve had some Dommy confidence issues. I’ve been trying to get myself back into the organized, always have a plan, Domme that I am. After taking almost two weeks off to enjoy some beautiful Caribbean weather, it has been quite the task getting back organized.

Thanks to locking hubby up, talking about an intense D/s session with him, chatting all sexy with friends in email, text and Twitter and getting back to reading sexy blogs, I’m feeling much better about my kinky state. I will admit I was a bit worried that I lost my kinky but I think it just came down to not being in a kinky environment. I’m definitely a chameleon and have always been when it comes to social situations. I can fit in anywhere and be what I need to be to fit in – always continuing to be myself in the process but censoring what needs to be censored out of respect for the rest of the world. So I feel like spending 2 weeks in the “vanilla” world and not thinking or really even talking kinky set me back. It’s coming back all kinds of lovely now. 🙂

The past few days, as I’ve said, I’ve had some chats with people and read some stuff that has gotten my creative fantasy juices flowing, not to mention other juices. I thought I’d come here and write them down. This way you all get to enjoy my kinky fantasy thoughts and I get to get all turned on thinking about you enjoying them. And what you might be doing with yourself while enjoying them – if you are lucky enough not to be locked in a cage that is. 🙂

I’ve had some amazing thoughts going on, from spanking to sensory deprivation, from simple bondage to full on Doggystyle Stockade with an attached fucking machine.

I was looking through pics on my phone and found one of cagedmonkey’s gorgeous ass, nice and red after I spanked him over my knee bare handed. Good God is it a beautiful thing to look at and remember how it feels to spank him as he squirms and whimpers in my lap. I started to think about how much enjoyment I get when using my paddle too. When I have him bound spread eagle, face down on the bed spanking his ass, thighs and even spreading those cheeks and giving his tight little asshole a swat.
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I also recently read, over at Chastity Forums I think, about a guy who’s wife made him wear rubber gloves as a way to diminish his sensation when touching her, or something like that… so that got me thinking a lot about sensory deprivation. I’ve often tried to think of a way that I could deprive cagedmonkey of some of his senses, including touch, but still get what I need from him – like his touch! So this whole rubber glove thing got me going. If I’ve got cagedmonkey restrained, in the hood, ear buds in with something playing on his S5 or iPod, caged but having the RodeoH and my favorite dildo attached and rubber gloves on him there is quite a bit of possibility there. I just think there is an awful lot of frustration to be had while I’m able to please myself and he can feel absolutely nothing.

My thoughts have also gone deeper, rather quickly, as my need to dominate my husband sexually has increased. I’ve started thinking a lot about the Doggystle stockade we’ve mentioned in the past wanting to get. We’ve had all kinds of mindfuck sessions thinking about the things we could do with a piece of furniture like this. Even more recently we’ve gotten even more intense with our fantasies and added in thoughts of the attached fucking machine (which led us to the site linked above).

So many fantastic, naughty things could happen with this set up. Not only could we do some of the things mentioned in previous posts, while hubby is being excruciatingly slowly violated by the fucking machine but we could also use it as a torture device. The site we’ve been looking at also has Fleshlight attachments for the fucking machine which could be used to force fuck cagedmonkey for, potentially, hours at whatever pace a please. Perhaps juuuuuuuuust slow enough that he can’t cum but not too slow that he could lose his erection. Or, perhaps, it could be used to continue stroking him post orgasm for some torture. So many ideas ranging from forced anal violation to forced orgasms but isn’t that why I’m in control? I get to decide when and what sexual pleasure or torture he will have to endure and for how long.

The other thing I’ve been fantasizing about with having this machine, since we aren’t into the actual physical side of cuckolding, is the potential to kind of cuckold cagedmonkey. I could fuck myself with the machine in every way I like over and over, having him tied in the stackade portion, forced to watch me cum. Forced to see the pleasure I get while he is locked there wishing he was the one pleasing me. Watching as a machine takes his place and fucks his wife inches from his face where he can smell my sex and is aching and dripping, wanting to taste me… feel me… touch me.

As you can see my naughty, kinky thoughts are coming back just fine. I am loving being back home because I’m getting that, ever so intense, growly, hungry, animalistic, horny growing inside me and I need to take it out on cagedmonkey.

It’s taken a few days to get out of “vacation” mode and back into real life mode. I’m already back to work (boo), but I’m still trying to work myself back into my weird midnight shift sleeping schedule. Stepping back into pre-vacation routine in a sexual way has been both easy and tough.

ML had me locked back into the JB for the last two nights at work. Wearing the cage after two weeks of off time isn’t as uncomfortable as I thought it might be. I actually miss the feeling of the steel squeezing my cock as it tries to get hard. It brings an intense sensation that nothing else could do. So far my skin hasn’t had any chafing issues or anything like that, although I do need to remember to lube up to prevent the cage from getting “sticky” during longer lockups. Shaving will also help with that, as I am very shaggy and in dire need of some nether grooming at the moment.

As far as denial goes, that’s another thing I’m eager to get back into. Jan. 31st was my last orgasm, and will be my last for quite a while (ML wants to push me deep into summer with a six month-ish denial). I’m already feeling the hornies creeping up, where just about every movement of my body translates to the surge of tension in my cock. It’s wonderful. 🙂

The D/s relationship between ML and I is taking a little bit longer to jump start, as we kinda expected. We talked about the possible need for an intense session to get her feet wet (and pussy, presumably) and get her mind oriented in the right direction. I’m sure once we both feel the experience – me being controlled, ML feeling the dominance over me – it’ll be a lot easier to get things back on track.