Do you know anything about the Gorean lifestyle and/or kajira? I recently had a long time friend confide in me that she was into this lifestyle. I don’t know much about it but from what I gather (this is very little reading and listening to her) it is very similar to a Master/slave relationship in the bdsm world. Rules to follow, she is the masters property and is not allowed to question, etc. Over the past few days we’ve been chatting about this and it seems she’s been a very very good girl. I would be so proud if she were my submissive! She’s very obedient and devoted.
Anyway, the reason I’m writing this post is to reach out to ask if my readers, their friends and anyone else you might know to give this poor girl some advice. She is a kajira in distress and is spiraling down fast. Here is her story – if you have questions, please ask and I will get answers!
I’m a kajira. I met a gorean Master online. He started training me, as I was brand new. I was also going through a divorce. I followed every rule I was given and He is a very dominant man. Everything was decided by Him. He told me that there would come a time He would need to leave me alone for a while, that after the divorce I would need that time, it was for the best. Last I heard from Him was January 16 and now His email no longer works, as of yesterday. I’m lost, sick to my stomach. I’ve remained devoted and faithful, following every rule. have I been abandoned? He would post how much He hated hearing about a kajira being abandoned, but I wasn’t collared yet. Before He stopped communicating, He’d told me He’d picked out my collar that I would wear the rest of my life. I fell in love with this man. Now I feel broken.
Ladies and gents, I need some serious help for this girl. She hasn’t heard from her Master in almost 6 months. Has she been abandoned? Does she give up waiting to see if he will again contact her? She’s so devoted and faithful to the lifestyle that she has continued to follow her rules and report to him and even continued to ask permission for everything – all without response from him all these months. She is not allowed to speak to other men (to ask another Master for advice), according to her rules, unless they are approved by her Master, but does she even have a Master anymore? She desperately needs advice! Please, I am asking you for help and for you to share this post to help this girl. She is one of my best friends and she trusted me with telling me about her living this lifestyle.
I would have to say that yes she has been abandoned. Her Master took advantage of the situation. A woman who was looking for something. But also was not available completely. Once she was he had to walk away. He is probably not available and this is his way of protecting herself. There are people that can help. But she would have to walk away from the structure he put in place. At this point it was fake and not to help her but to protect him and keep her from finding out he was not what he said.
Thank you so much for your comment!
I have had some experience with Gor. I had a friend who was sold into slavery by her Gorean mother. She was abused in ways you can’t imagine.
Almost every other Gorean female I talked to has told me horror stories about it. I have seen women cry and lament over the way they were treated. It sounds good at first. Release of all responsibility, do only what you are told with only your “Master” to report to. It has almost nothing to do with BDSM as we know it. There is NO consent. Women are property and are treated as such. odd are, the so called “Master” would tire of her and trade her to some other man for something better, younger, or richer.
If I were this woman, I would count my blessings and try to find a REAL Master who understand what is to own a slave, to protect her, defend her, help her to grow in a loving relationship. yes, there are nice guys in Gor, but there are far more that are not so nice. After all, they will be scorned if the don’t treat their slaves like dirt.
My advice… Get out! Find a nice BDSM Master who will treat you like a human being instead of property.
Mistress Ivey
I appreciate your comment, Ms Ivey – do you feel this Master has abandoned her? Not speaking to her since January? Deleting his email account?
I concur with Mistress Ivey. Unfortunately the kink world is full of people who don’t know the difference between the lifestyle and domestic violence (physical or emotional). Owning a submissive/slave/kajira is a serious business and is not to be taken lightly. Another person is voluntarily putting their wellbeing in your hands. In spite of the D/s factor it is a relationship of trust and respect. This woman has been taken advantage of and been abused at a time when she was vulnerable.
Yes she has been abandoned, and that is a good thing in the long run. I recommend some counselling to assist her in becoming whole again and grounded. Then if the D/s lifestyle is something that she wants to pursue, she can move forward from a position of personal power.
Mistress Liberty.
Thank you so very much for your response, Mistress Liberty!
I don’t have much experience with the Gorean lifestyle, but what contact I have had as left me with a very bad impression. Too many red flags are thrown up by the entire concept.
In the case here I would say she’s been abandoned by someone who read some really, really bad fantasy books and tried to live them out. I also think Angel is right, she was being played by on online “Master” who ran when things began to become real.
Mistress Ivey is right, she would be better off going to a munch and meeting someone real who can fulfill her needs.
Thank you bill for your comment. My post really isn’t about her choice in the lifestyle… She needs and craves what she needs… The help I want for her is simply whether or not people feel she is being abandoned or perhaps tested by this Master. From what she tells me, he really has been a good guy and her tasks and rules I’ve seen have all been about her being a better person.
She’s just lost and doesn’t know if she should continue to wait for him or move on and consider him gone from her life.
With respect if he were a ‘good guy’ he would not have abandoned her! Genuine things happen in people’s lives that mean that they move in and out of the kink world. I get that. But have the decency to be open and honest with those you are interacting with. it is not respectful, or ethical to just disappear. What if he died? She needs to move on for her own well being.
Mistress Liberty.
Mistress Liberty,
I agree with you totally! I don’t think any good dominant, male or female, would just go silent for months – I don’t care which lifestyle you are living. It’s mentally damaging to a sub that have so much of themselves and was so devoted and trusting!
Comments about Gor aside, that is NOT NOT NOT a Master. He is/was a wannabe using a woman in an emotionally charged time. She needs to break away from him and seek solace elsewhere. Go to munches, meet people, make new friends and perhaps find a protector as she navigates these waters…
I agree so very much with this!
I will say I am glad she has you and Monkey. I can understand her plight. Online relationsips are so easy, almost too easy, to fake.
Speaking from personal experience, I met a guy online and shortly after, he vanished with no explanation. I remember watching, waiting, and hoping he would come back. He did, with the explanation that the military called him away. I was never so happy to see anyone come back.
Rambling aside, some people online are real, just as some are not. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince.
Take the kink out of it and you get:
1 “Her online boyfriend with whom she has internet sex but has never met has gone dark after hinting he would.
2. “She has been putting her sexual energy into an online relationship.”
Put the kink back in and you get
3. “Gorean lifestyle. Good or bad?”
I would say that
1. She has been dumped.
2. If she hasn’t been dumped, she should dump him because she should look for D/s in the real world for a zillion reasons.
3. She should look for the real world connection with a dominant man first, and assess his particular local sub culture when she finds him.
Thank you Giles, always good to see a response from you 🙂
I would say she’s been abandoned. Perhaps there’s a reasonable explanation, perhaps not.
However, considering she was never collared by him, he does not “own” her. Therefore, as hard as it will be, she should move past him. She should let go of the rituals/rules he made for her, and focus on herself, and her own healing.
What she does in the future as far as another Gorean master, or any type of master, needs to be her choice and if she’s letting the “Daemon Lover”* influence her choices, then she will not be able to move forward entirely.
-Rhea
*https://literaryfictions.com/fiction-1/the-daemon-lover-by-shirley-jackson/
Appreciate the comment Rhea! Thanks!
I am a Master, my advice is for her to talk to another slave, try to find one who has been left in the past, my hope is that she will open to them a little, maybe start to see, understand. Sadly so many are cast aside never understanding what has happened, whether they were married, found another, or just not man enough to tell her. I do believe she was cast aside, he must have been married, so once she became available, he had to flee.
It breaks my heart to see how so many slaves are treated, abused beyond what is punishment. Having a slave is a privilege that so many don’t realize. A slave should have a purpose for themselves as well as they’re master. A slave should be taught a life, a career, being an older Master I am teaching my slave to grow up, be a woman. I want to make sure she understands that I will die long before her and want her to know how to take care of herself, have a purpose in life.
So many are here to take out life on a slave, but by treating your slave well, taking care of her, she will give you a lifetime of happiness, love, as well as honor and respect. I have taught my slave that she has am option, a voice, in its place, but it does matter. Giving your slave hopes and dreams only makes her work harder for her master.
I wish you the best with helping her…
Daddy331
Thanks so much for your thoughts! 🙂