Usually when I have some feelings to discuss with cagedmonkey, I do just that, I discuss it with him or use our “Communication book.” I do not normally come to the blog to make him aware of some feelings I’m having BUT I honestly think this is something not only I experience. I do believe these might be some common “wife as a Keyholder or Domme” fears or worries.
I’m sure you’ve read how cagedmonkey’s horny level is at an all time high. I’ve really been teasing him and mindfucking him rather intensely over the past month. This has kicked up his fantasy thoughts and, as he says, his fantasies are getting darker and more intense… It seems like the longer he is in chastity and denied with the combination of intense teasing the more slippery that “slippery slope” becomes and the idea of a lot kinkier stuff becomes more acceptable. I guess we’ll just see, over time, how slippery that slope can actually get.
The reason I bring all that up is because as cagedmonkey’s fantasies are getting more intense, I’m finding mine are too. I’m finding a deeper dominance inside me begging to come out. Why don’t I just let it out, you ask? Well, that’s easy, fear. I’m really scared of hubby’s reaction to something I might say. I feel this want and desire to “get into character” and when he begs say to him “No, subby hubby has not earned that” or whatever but I’m afraid of sounding too harsh. I’m afraid of him thinking I’m mean. I really want to be more direct and stern rather than playful with him sometimes but I’m scared. I could sit here and describe this over and over but I think you get it. When he begs for me to let him cum, I want to say “hell no! Go do the dishes” but instead, out of fear of being mean, I say something like, “ohhh sweetie, I don’t think so… maybe later.” Which is bull crap, that’s leading him on. I guess I want him to read this and understand I want to be more definite. I want to be much more dominant. When I ask him to do something and he tells me “can I do it in a few minutes?” I want to be able to say “I asked you to do it now, if you don’t you will get punished with the paddle before work, you choose…”
Anyway, who knows if this post will piss him off or help him to know I want to be more demanding, I want to add to my dominance, I want to require more of him. I feel like I want to make him lists of things to do, daily chores or tasks. I dunno if it’s just the timing and the built up crazy horny or what… but there it is, it’s out there now. We’ll see where it goes from here I suppose.
I love you my sweet darling boy with all of my heart and soul. I will be forever here protecting you and dominating you, whichever path we choose. Whether it be the lighter domination that we have had for 15 years or whether it grows into something deeper, something more.
Dear Lady M.
Let him read it, it makes me super hot and I am sure caged monkey too.
Love Tiptease
I’m sure it will be great but there’s that fear of will he get upset if I sound harsh… like I said, we’ll see! 🙂 thank you for your comment.
Well I guess it could piss him off, but a pound to a penny says it won’t. I guess it depends… I would imagine the way to do this would be to bring this ‘character’ into the room while you are playing, get it established and then let it bleed into everyday life. I don’t know how much CM likes the whole chores thing, some men get off on it I know, it doesn’t appeal to me tbh.
When I read your blog and read how ‘sexually demanding’ your are of CM I wish my Mistress was a bit more like that, it’s a very gradual process though. I think if you suddenly turn into that character it will feel forced for you and perhaps a bit ‘fake’ for him.
Oh Robert, I wasn’t referring to a list of chores, like housework. I meant more like service to me, or butt plug time etc. Sexual tasks but, yes a few little housework things thrown in when I need help.
You write as if I’m going to be like “no way! I’m done with this!”
Yeah, right! 😀
You know that I love how much control you have over me. Your strength and firmness as a keyholder is absolutely amazing, and I know that the increase in the depth of your control over me will lead to you being even more horny for me. That’s obviously a really good thing!
As always, if there is a problem, we have ways to talk through it, whether it be out-of-role conversations or safewords.
I think this is a wonderful idea, ma’am. 🙂
“When he begs for me to let him cum, I want to say “hell no! Go do the dishes” but instead, out of fear of being mean, I say something like, “ohhh sweetie, I don’t think so… maybe later.”
What I quoted above is exactly what I want when I am with my wife. I want her to really feel that way. I want her to really send me away to do something “of service” to her. I do not want her to be sweet and say what she thinks I want to hear.
As for being mean. I try to explain this to my wife but she doesn’t get it. She is not being mean when she does this. She is showing that she loves me and cares for me enough to trust and believe what I tell her and that this is what I want. Even more, it is what I *need*.
Awesome, awesome comment! Thank you Atone! Cagedmonkey and I talked after my post and this is basically the same thing he told me. He still wants me to be cute and lovey and have those things be sexually charged – like telling him how it would please me or reminding him I’m in charge. That way he knows I’m not just being a bitch but that it’s something I really want and that it really WOULD please me for him to do it. 🙂
I think when you start to have doubts about what you are doing, you would do well to take a moment and remind yourself of these simple things.
1. I am dominating CM out of love for him.
2. I am loving him the way he wishes to be loved.
3. As CM’s dominant spouse, I know what is best for CM and our relationship.
Also, it may be helpful to, once a week, have CM kneel before you with his head in your lap looking away and have him close his eyes and express honestly all his feelings about what he has experienced at your hand the previous week without fear of retribution or punishment. That should give you reinforcement that you are on the right track. Absolutely love your blog and the dynamics of your relationship.
Thank you wishful4 for your comment. You are right, I do do this out of love and I do know what’s best for our relationship. It was great getting this out and all the communication that has come of it… here and in real life.
I do like the idea of a weekly “recap” of sorts and he knows very well his feelings are always welcome and never punished.
Thank you again. 🙂
Mrs Edge has similar concerns. Here’s the thing to keep in mind: *At the time* when she gets super mean, I may not like it. But… later on, I’ll think back on it and go “Yeah, that was hot.”
Obviously, the thing to do would be to try it first, then make a point – a day or so later – to talk about it in order to make sure your boundaries aren’t being crossed.
Great advice Tom, thanks for your comment! 🙂