denial

All posts tagged denial

If you have followed our journey for a while, you already know tease and denial is no longer just something Jon and I play with. It has become part of how we connect, how we communicate, and part of our everyday lives. Hence the change to JonMustWait 🙂

That energy has deepened as we have leaned more intentionally into our ENM dynamic with John. At times, like recently, it gets really intense. I thought I would share with you all just how intense things have been getting. 

For the past few weeks, Jon has existed in anticipation. Not just in sexual frustration, because we all know without orgasm there is a ton of that. But in anticipation. The kind that makes every look feel meaningful and has him questioning if it’s sexual. Barriers and toys have created a sort of distance while somehow providing a closeness. Each moment becomes more about awareness of his body, my control and the understanding that it can be both grounding and intoxicating. No direct skin contact on his cock, no warm, wet slide of my pussy anywhere near him, just those maddening barriers: cotton sheets, toys, gloved fingers so close he could feel the heat radiating off but never quite touching. Every edging session left him leaking, aching, balls heavy with need. And yes, I keep reminding him that any orgasm he begged for would probably be gifted to my boyfriend instead.

In an ENM marriage or relationship, that awareness carries extra emotional weight. Jon knows that pleasure is not something automatically owed to him. It is something I choose to give, redirect, or hold in suspense. The other night captured that dynamic perfectly. I strapped the Lovense Gush around Jon’s big cock and John hooked up to the long-distance remote connection. Placing pacing and intensity in John’s hands while I remained physically present with Jon wasn’t a new experience but maybe one we’ve done once before. I watched his reactions reshape his focus. I stayed beside him, speaking quietly, reinforcing and reminding him that control is not always physical. The toy hummed and pulsed while I sat beside him, my voice penetrating his ear: describing how wet the thought of this made me, how I loved his reactions to my boyfriend controlling what his cock was feeling and that maybe I’d let John fuck me this weekend, while he stayed denied and dripping. The vibrations built, slowed, built again… relentless edging that had him trembling, hips jerking in the air trying to get some kind of release or relief, I’m not sure which. When I finally ended the edging and had Jon stand up and the built up pecum came pouring out. All I could do was giggle.

Look at all that wasted precum dripping on the floor.

Jon and I were talking after this particular teasing session with John and instead of melting further into a subspace, he hit a wall. Not anger, not rebellion, just a deep, emotional surge of need. He needed to know when… when he’d get to feel me again, like really feel my tight pussy wrapped around him. Not as a distant fantasy with an unknown end date but as something real and immediate. That is the part many people searching topics like orgasm denial, female led relationships, and ethical non monogamy and power exchange often miss. The reality that this is often very psychological and gets you deep in your core and can cause strong emotional reactions. 

That enjoyment did come for him this morning as he struggled to even move with just the tip of his cock barely inside my warm pussy. He lasted about a minute and a half before he had to get out. He got to feel my pussy squeeze around him tight but he wasn’t allowed to orgasm. I’m still not sure if I might force that on John this weekend while he is in his cage. Denial is not about withholding forever. It is about stretching desire so that anticipation becomes its own form of intimacy. It strengthens communication and deepens trust between partners. It keeps curiosity alive in long term relationships navigating kink, ENM, and evolving power dynamics.

For us, tease and denial remains one of the most exciting things we explore. It blurs the line between emotional connection and erotic tension while reinforcing the trust that allows our dynamic with John to feel safe, intentional, and electric. We’ve learned (again) that the most intense edges are the ones we approach together, checking in, adjusting, honoring the safeword not as an end but as a recalibration that makes everything better, ok and more sustainable.

The real power isn’t in how long you can hold someone on the edge, it’s in how deeply you can bring them back to center afterward, still craving, still connected, still yours.

They are Mine

Michele

Michele's Signature

Lovense Gush 2 Remote Penis Massager

Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about hard limits in BDSM and how they can change over time and whether I like that or not. When we started out on this journey, we went through a few of those checklists you find online. Back then, we didn’t know much about fetish and kink… some, yes, but we were young, naive, and didn’t have the internet! The lists asked us to mark each item as a Yes, No, or Maybe, helping us define our boundaries and preferences. Over time, many of the Yes and Maybe items were tried – some we loved, some we didn’t – and a few even shifted between the two. That third category, “no way am I into that,” has changed too, showing how trust, consent, and experience can shift our BDSM boundaries in ways we never expected.

I have seen chastity being called the “slippery slope” before and I’m not sure if that’s completely true or not. I really think that once you begin to accept yourself for what you enjoy sexually, you begin to open up to other thoughts and fantasies. You are introduced to ideas you may not have thought of and some you might want to try out for yourself. What I’ve realized is that most hard limits in the beginning are not about the act itself. They are about identity.

When we first label something as “absolutely not,” it is usually because it threatens how we see ourselves. It challenges our story. The strong man doesn’t submit. The independent woman doesn’t control. The respectable couple doesn’t do that. Those aren’t sexual boundaries. Those are ego boundaries and ego boundaries are loud. Here’s the thing no one tells you when you start exploring BDSM: safety allows curiosity. When trust deepens, the nervous system relaxes. When you feel seen and not judged, you can examine a fantasy without it meaning something catastrophic about who you are.

That’s when limits start to move.

Not because you were pressured. Not because you were coerced. But because the fear that held the line in place softens. Chastity is a perfect example. At first glance it feels extreme. It can look like humiliation, like loss, like giving up power. For many men especially, it confronts cultural programming head on. Sexual access equals masculinity. Control equals strength. So locking that away feels like erasing part of yourself. But, when it’s chosen, when it’s consensual, it becomes something else entirely.

It becomes “intentional vulnerability.”

And vulnerability, when offered willingly, is one of the most intimate forms of power exchange. It says, “I trust you with the part of me that I was taught to guard.”

That is not a slippery slope. That is a door.

The deeper psychology behind a lot of what we do is not about pain or denial or control in isolation. It’s about transformation. It’s about taking something that once felt shameful, forbidden, or threatening and reframing it inside a container of consent and devotion. The brain is incredibly adaptive. The more positive reinforcement we experience around an act, the more the emotional charge shifts. What once triggered discomfort can begin to trigger arousal. What once felt scary can feel intoxicating. That doesn’t mean every hard limit should disappear. Some should remain firm and respected forever. Some may never have been true limits to begin with. They were unexamined fears.

I think growth in BDSM mirrors growth in life. The more secure you feel in who you are, the less rigid you become. You can hold paradox. You can be powerful and surrendering. You can be nurturing and sadistic. You can deny pleasure and still be deeply loving. So when a “never” becomes a “maybe,” I don’t see that as sliding downhill. I see it as self knowledge expanding. That expansion only happens when communication stays honest, when consent stays enthusiastic, and when both partners feel safe enough to say yes or no without consequence. Hard limits in BDSM should evolve intentionally, not impulsively. They should be revisited with conversation, not assumed. And they should always be rooted in mutual desire, not silent expectation.

Because the real depth of BDSM is not found in how far you push a boundary.

It’s found in why you want to move it at all.

What’s on your “Yes, No, Maybe list?

Michele

Michele's Signature picture

We don’t always get what we feel we need – a statement that rings true not only with chastity & denial, but also life in general. Take this past week, for example: Michele has been out of town for work for the last week, and I miss her lots. I miss touching her, feeling her, being close to her. It sucks to have her so far away. She is coming home soon, though, so that need will be fulfilled fairly soon.

There is, however, another need that has gone unfulfilled during the past week… and will most likely stay unfulfilled for longer.

My cock has not felt the touch of skin since my wife left.

Under instruction from Michele, I have not been allowed to touch my cock with my bare hands since the start of her trip. Oh, trust me, it’s been getting plenty of attention – daily edges each morning, plus any extra that Michele, or John, request have kept my sexual arousal quite heightened. But any edge or touch of my cock has been performed with some sort of barrier involved: either a glove, using a toy, or even edging in my underwear has been the norm for this week.

Denied and Edging with a barrier
This is all I’m allowed at the moment.

I honestly didn’t expect it to have that much of an effect on me. After all, my cock is still getting attention; how important is the feel of skin-on-skin when it comes to edging? Very important, apparently.

It only took until about Wednesday for me to start really feeling the difference: my cock was so desperate for a soft warm touch, I started to get oversensitive. It was hard to concentrate during work, because even contact with my underwear was driving up my arousal. By Thursday, I was slightly sorta possibly maybe considering just saying “screw it” and grabbing my dick. But I was a good boy and obeyed, even though it was difficult.

The worst part is that there’s no telling when my cock will actually feel skin again – Michele has not given me an endpoint to this, as of yet. It may be weeks where my cock doesn’t get the warm personal touch of skin. We’ve even discussed pushing the idea of “barriers” further, and not allowing me to feel her skin sexually with my hands – any time I want to feel her ass, play with her boobs, or touch her pussy, I’ll have to wear gloves. I’m not sure if she’ll be implementing that or if that’s just an idea at the moment… but I’m kinda dreading it if she decides to go through with it.

As for now, I’m destined to continue to go more and more insane as my cock misses the touch of skin for longer and longer. Michele and John will have me use toys to continue this – different toys, with varying degrees of humiliation involved while using them. But I don’t think I can turn it down; after all, I could be denied touch all together…

Maybe I shouldn’t say that out loud, for fear of giving them ideas….

As I was enjoying my coffee this morning, I was chatting with Michele like we do every morning…

OwnedsubJohn having morning coffee

I was up earlier than she was (I live in an earlier time zone) so I started my day with some grooming. I cut my hair and trimmed my beard and then I moved a little lower. Michele likes me to keep my pubic area neat and my balls shaved. As you can imagine it is a bit difficult and takes longer since I am always locked in my steelheart. I am not let out for grooming so I have figured out a pretty good method for keeping myself neat.

While I was doing this Michele got up and started her day so she asked what I was up to. After I let her know what I had been doing she asked for a pic, so I obliged. What I didn’t expect was her response

“Well that IS all cleaned up for sure…. Damn, I might suck your dick if it looks like that lol 😁”

Well that IS all cleaned up for sure…. Damn, I might suck your dick if it looks like that lol
OwnedsubJohn cleaned up and well groomed wearing Steelheart chastity cage


So needless to say, I am going to try to make sure it looks like this when I see her this weekend. I don’t expect that she will suck my dick although I probably will not resist if she wants to. Being as submissive as I am I still have to learn to accept this is something that she truly likes to do on occasion. And boy is she good at it, what a wonderful treat when she does. What really feels good is that an old man like me can still be attractive to a young lady like Michele.

I love to hear your thoughts, please leave a comment or send us an email

John

Chastity and BDSM Lifestyle Blog chastityandbdsm.com John profile picture
OwnedsubJohn

I’ve been thinking a lot, recently, about what it means to truly control pleasure, not necessarily by force, but by intention. By choosing what is withheld, what is delayed, and what is never guaranteed.

My husband doesn’t always see what’s coming, and that’s exactly how I like it. The future I’m shaping for him isn’t about cruelty. It’s about refinement, it’s about teaching his body and his mind that access is earned. That satisfaction is conditional, and is something I decide how, and if, he even gets to experience. Some things he once took for granted may just go away. While other things will become privileges he learns to crave more deeply than he ever expected. And then, of course, there are the carefully chosen allowances. The moments I let him have just enough to stay hopeful… and obedient.

We celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary this past weekend, and it turned into this eye-opening conversation about where we’re headed. We were curled up on the couch after dinner, when the talk shifted from our early kinky days to sketching out the edges of our evolving power exchange. It’s never been smooth sailing… there’s vulnerability in admitting what turns us on, especially when it pushes boundaries. But that’s the beauty of it: laying it all out there, just us figuring out what keeps the spark alive after two decades.

One thing that’s becoming non-negotiable, is the new baseline for my husband. His morning routine has changed. Before he even steps out of the bedroom, Jon will be teasing and edging his cock. It’s this deliberate start to the day that I  control completely, stroking slow and firm, pumping just enough to make pre-cum bead at the tip. No release, just that lingering ache as he gets dressed and heads out to the living room. If the mood strikes during the day, John and/or I might text him to edge himself in the bathroom at work.. fingers sliding up the underside of the head of his cock, squeezing his balls lightly… And, as always he is required to send a photo of his straining dripping dick as proof. It’s not every day, but when we choose to ramp it up, it keeps him connected to us and his mind buzzing.

Layered on top of that, the buttplug requirement adds this undercurrent of constant submission. I’ve picked out a few sizes/styles, for the days we designate… Tuesdays and Fridays, when he’s got specific, scheduled, things so he can stay consistent with it. And, if John and I are feeling playful, we might make him wear it longer or on different days or even use the NJoy wand to his prostate.

Our anniversary chat took a turn toward the horizon, though, where things get even more intense. I floated ideas about stripping away sensations entirely, making his world narrower and more controlled. Imagine no skin-on-skin contact at all. Or dialing it back so he can’t feel my pussy anymore, that slick heat clenching around him, denied… forever? We talked about limiting him to just John’s hand… strokes that bring him to the edge but never over. It’s a way to reshape his arousal, funneling it through us in ways that challenge him.

And then I pushed it further, to the extreme: what if the only path to an orgasm, or even an erection that leads anywhere, is through a man? What if he was forced to use his ”boyfriend” toy to fuck his own ass or to slide his dick in and get off? What if we took it as far as forced gay encounters as his sole outlet, him on his knees, taking a stranger’s cock down his throat or bent over, ass filled while he begs for release. No cumming unless it’s  in some guy’s ass (or some guy in his) or mouth, the humiliation twisting into fuel for his submission. I’d like to say this caused him to shift uncomfortably on the couch, as I described it, but honestly… his dick got rock hard.

We didn’t commit to any of that extreme stuff, yet of course, but it sure was fun talking about it and seeing his reaction to the possibilities. Who knows if we just unlocked a door we might step through someday. It’s not about changing who he is; it’s about expanding what he craves under my control.

Control isn’t just about what I take away. It’s about what I leave behind. The reminders that his pleasure still exists…just no longer on his terms. What he will miss will shape him. What I allow him to have will define him. And what I choose not to promise at all will keep him exactly where I want him: attentive, aching, and beautifully aware that his future pleasure lives entirely in my hands.

After all, anticipation can be far more powerful than fulfillment. And I have every intention of making the most of that.

It all begins in the mind

-M

Before I get too deep into my post…

Please note the name in the author line! With all of the changes on the blog nowadays, I figured I would throw one more at you: me, cagedmokey, SHALL BE HENFORTH KNOWN AS…

JonMustWait 🙂

Why, you ask? Well, you’re in luck because I just happened to be writing a post about that very subject!

With the… ahem… “expansion” of our kinky lives over the past little while, Michele has been able to fulfill her desires in different ways involving both John and me. John’s focus has been more about chastity (along with some other things we will get to, in good time), while my focus has shifted more towards tease and denial. What this means for me is that my cock spends a lot less time being caged…

And a lot more time being endlessly edged over and over to new and deeper depths of frustration.

And I’m not complaining! Well, I’m not complaining much… except for when I’m desperate for an orgasm, and Michele tells me no while at the same time not letting my stop having sex with her. To be honest, while I enjoyed the chastity components of our lifestyle, I always got more enjoyment and excitement out of the orgasm denial aspect.

Now, this isn’t to say that I won’t be wearing the cage anymore. In fact, there may be a new cage to show off in the near future 😉 All this means is that my focus is going to be more on denial and control… of my orgasms yes, but also a lot more than that. You’ll still hear about how Michele delights in denying me, telling me no, and telling me I need to wait for what I’m so incredibly desperate for.

Shannon left us an amazing comment recently and asked, what I thought was, a great question! We genuinely love when readers engage and ask thoughtful things like this. 

Shannon asked: “Do the three of you have discussions about John being favored for intercourse over cagedmonkey?”

One of the biggest realities of our dynamic is that it’s fluid. It doesn’t follow a fixed script, and it definitely doesn’t always line up with how these relationships are often portrayed in kink tropes or fantasy scenarios.

There are plenty of times when it might look like John is favored, especially during the lead-up. We’ll tease & edge cagedmonkey for days, sometimes a full week before John even arrives. On the surface, it can feel like John and I are the ones holding the power together, until the moment actually comes, and then… the roles can flip entirely. We don’t have sit down over coffee discussions so much as fantasy chats where we talk about different ideas or things we might want to try and see how they feel. 

Ironically, John often finds himself in the cuckold role… supporting, assisting, and serving while cagedmonkey is the one who gets to feel me and enjoy that sweet release. 😁 Other times, it goes the opposite way where cagedmonkey is the one denied, restrained, teased, or made to watch and want. There isn’t a hierarchy carved in stone, and there’s no scorecard being kept.

That’s the part people sometimes miss: real-life dynamics aren’t clean-cut. They’re responsive. We do what feels right in the moment, based on energy, desire, and connection… not on what we think we’re supposed to do.

And ultimately, it all comes down to Me. They both know that. Who is touched, who watches, who waits, who serves, it happens because that’s what I want, in that moment. That control, that ability to let the dynamic breathe and evolve… that’s the real beauty of being the woman in charge.

Thanks again for reading, and for being curious enough to ask. That’s what keeps these conversations fun and real. 

Look forward to more.

M

It seems strange to describe my current situation as “chastity” since I haven’t been wearing the cage for M for quite some time now. But it does apply, sort of, once you understand the thought process (and potential sequence of events involved).

You see, even though I haven’t been wearing the cage for M, we still haven’t had penetrative sex of any kind for a very long time – on the scale of months, at least (not even considering M’s recent recovery time). So while I may not be in physical chastity, I’m still being kept denied. And yes, I know… this isn’t “chastity” in its strictest sense. But we have discussed plans for reducing the sensations that my cock experiences in different ways.

We have talked about a possible future where my cock gets minimal to no “skin to skin” contact – either I’m only allowed to be touched through clothes, with sex toys, or with gloved/covered hands. I will be denied the warm touch that I will soon grow to crave; only allowed the feeling of cold, clinical plastic or latex. Perhaps M will make me earn physical touch on my cock… or perhaps deny me indefinitely….

At the time, following through on this idea is not feasible. But the idea is out there… and it does get me aroused any time I think about it. Why does the idea of my cock not receiving any real physical stimulation for unknown and extended periods of time? I’m not quite sure. I guess it’s the same thing that excited me about wearing the cage for M – it’s the control, the denial, and the eventual desperation of needing something so badly that I can’t have. What would I do to get what I’m so desperate to have?

There may be a point in time when I find out the answer to that question.

Madam and I have been alluding to the time period in between our last attempt at getting back into posting on the blog and now. Without getting into too much detail of what went on, here’s a semi-quick recap of the last 4-ish years in our lives.

You readers may notice that the post prior to these most recent ones was written in January 2021. Let’s see… did anything crazy happen during that time? I’m not sure that I can recall…..

Oh, yeah. THAT.

Yes, Covid hit us hard. Thankfully not too much on the health side of things (Madam and I both got covid twice), but it did take its toll stress-wise. Working in a health care setting, I was still going to work everyday in a high risk environment; in addition to that, work started to get extremely stressful (due to both staffing issues and…. let’s say “power dynamics”). It got so bad that I decided I needed to leave my job and get another position. In order to do that, we need to move to a slightly different area…

So, we ended up moving from Indiana…. to TEXAS.

Yes… the situation at my job was that bad.

Anyways… Texas has been pretty nice! The winters are great – minimal snow, we don’t see negative temperatures anymore. As for the 100+ degree summers – we have central air 😂 but, obviously, uprooting the family and moving a handful of states away to a new job required a lot of our focus. With that, the idea of restarting the blog (as well as reigniting our kink play) fell by the wayside. There were some difficulties along the way, but we worked through them and figured it out. And, in light of some fairly recent developments (which, I promise we will get to), we’ve been able to get back into the swing of things.

So, that’s the life situation. As for the “caged” situation…

During all of the above I spent less and less time caged (understandably). Over time, I began to think and realize the, while chastity was always exciting to me… the denial aspect was what really grabbed my interest. So, a year ago or so, Madam and I agreed to scale back chastity for me in order to make it easier to keep me edged and teased on a regular basis. I’m still going to stick with “cagedmonkey” – after all, locking up my cock is still 100% on the table as far as Madam and I are concerned. And don’t worry… she is still keeping me effectively denied, both from orgasms and even from her pussy.

I do want to thank you readers who stuck with us during our hiatus, and it really is great to see the response to our return. We love you guys! We are excited to invite you back into our FLR lives. And for those of you who visit this blog specifically for chastity stories and/or advice…. I promise, there will still be plenty of that.

“How?” you ask? Well… you’ll just have to keep reading to see…

What would this blog be without the tease? 😉

There’s a quiet kind of allure in power – one that hums beneath the surface rather than flashes in bold strokes. It’s never just about the lock, the key, or the cage. It’s in the anticipation, the glances, the knowing smirk across the room. For me, that’s where some of the real seduction lives.

When my husband and I first began exploring male chastity, it was thrilling and raw. We played with duration, with denial, with the rules. There were weeks, months even,  when he was locked and utterly at my mercy, and I loved every second of it. But something began to shift in me. Tease and denial took on a new tone. It wasn’t about how long he could go locked; it became about how long I could keep him in that delicious state of arousal, balanced on the edge and aching. Oftentimes I’d let him out but not let him have. That, to me, was power. And it was intoxicating.

But as life often does, it moved – fast and full. Let me tease you a little before we get any deeper into denial, and talk a little about the reality of living this life. It’s not all perfect fun and sexy games. That’s something we’ve always wanted to make clear here from the beginning. Right after moving into the second house in Indiana and getting through the crazy world we all lived through in 2020 the kids were hitting middle school, then high school. Between school activities, multiple work & teaching schedules, sports practices, my own health issues – which were many and a big struggle – and the daily chaos of life, the hours I once spent plotting sensual mind games became precious and rare.

And I won’t sugarcoat it… those hot, teasing nights happened less and less. Not because the desire disappeared, but because the space for it shrunk. My kink didn’t die; it simply got quieter. It rode in the backseat while I drove the family minivan… well SUV but you get it and held the world together.

Somewhere along the way, I realized that getting older came with its own kind of allure – a deeper, more grounded one. It’s in knowing what I want and owning when I no longer have the energy to chase it like I used to. And that’s okay. The truth is, control doesn’t always have to be loud or constant. Sometimes it’s in the knowing glance when he walks by, the subtle touch that reminds him who I am… Who we are. Even if the device hasn’t come out in months.

It’s not about fading away, it’s about evolving. The kinks are still there, just dressed a little differently these days. And honestly? That teasing from afar, can be even hotter now that we’ve lived through all the loud, fast parts of life.

To those of you lovely readers who are in the middle of the storm of life, don’t feel guilty if your fetish takes a nap. It doesn’t mean you’re less kinky. It just means you’re human. Power shifts. Desires grow up with us. And sometimes, the softest form of dominance is just making them wait… longer than they ever thought they could.

More to come,
Madam Allure