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Mail Chastity: How to be a Good Submissive

Posted by Lady M on May 24, 2018
Posted in: Advice, D/s, Female Led Relationship, FemDom, Mail Chastity. Tagged: , , , , , . 3 comments

Not too long ago I got asked this question and while I get asked questions frequently, I wanted to put this particular question in its own Mail Chastity post. It’s such a loaded question and it will take much more than a paragraph to answer. As a matter of fact I could do a whole podcast on this question alone. So anyway, here is what I was asked:

“Good morning Lady M! …what makes a good submissive. I am curious as to your personal opion.“

I have many opinions on what makes a good submissive but the super short, honest answer is – being what your Dominant wants.

That answer is also so incredibly vague! No one, absolutely no one can tell you how to be a good sub. The reason I say that is because every single Dom is their own person and every single sub is their own. They all have wants, needs and desires. The ultimate in being a good Dom or sub is having a Dom or sub that compliments your needs, wants and desires. What it takes to be a good sub is getting to know the person you want to be submissive to. Making sure you know what they want and expect out of a submissive. Once you know that and have learned those boundaries then you know exactly how to be a good sub. It takes work and communication, on both sides, to really understand what the other would consider good.

Let me give you an example of what I mean. I am a very loving, mothering Domme. I am also a very service driven Domme. I enjoy being in control and taking care of people. I like being the one to dictate how Cagedmonkey’s day will be, making his lunch and helping him know what to expect from his day. I also get extremely fulfilled by someone doing things for me, without my asking (most of the time), because they thought of me and wanted to make things easier or less for me. You know those times when CM will be home from work and do dishes or clean and vacuum the living room because he just knows I’m at work too and it will be helpful and make less for me to do when I get home… Those things, in my eyes, make him a good submissive husband. However, that’s only one side of being “good.” I also love that CM is exactly what I need sexually. When I’m feeling hardcore, rough and aggressive, I love that he can take what I am needing to give. When I’m feeling loving and cuddly, I love that he can hold me and love me and be that for me. When I want to be pleased sexually, CM is there to please me how I need it. Whether that’s eating my pussy, making me cum, or just being my sex toy to hump and play with. Those things make him a good sub for me.

What makes him good for me, though, may not be good for someone else. Someone else may want certain rituals daily, tasks that must be completed, hard rules that must be followed or there will be punishment. There are also subs out there that have that need. Strict rules to follow with punishment if they are not. Following those rules and taking that punishment would be what makes them a good submissive.

Basically, what I’m saying is… It takes getting to know someone and communicating to find out what will make you a good sub. I hope, in some way, for some one, this was helpful. There is no one way, no right or wrong way. The whole thing comes down to what works in the relationship and in the dynamic.

Lost My Confidence, Will I Still Be Able to Dominate?

Posted by Lady M on February 3, 2015
Posted in: FemDom, KeyHolder, Marriage, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , , , . 24 comments

The last night of our cruise I had trouble sleeping as we headed back to New York City. I could feel, as I started to pack things up that evening, some anxiety thinking about getting back to normal once we got home. I don’t mean getting hubby back to work or the kids to school, grocery shopping or sorting through two weeks of mail. I mean getting back to the beautiful D/s relationship hubby and I have spent the past year and a half exploring. Not only the D/s relationship between hubby and I, but the one I have with my other submissive boys too.

Before we even went on this trip I had decided it was going to be a vacation. A real vacation from everything, our roles, the kinky stuff, everything. Just a nice time to let whatever happens happen. We did have a little sexy time on the trip as I mentioned the sex on the balcony and the mirrors! Ooh boy, those mirrors were amazing! I really cannot explain in words what I felt when I watched the pure joy on cagedmonkey’s face as he held my hips and pounded against my nice round ass. It was like watching my own personal porn seeing how much he was enjoying every second of slamming his cock deep in my pussy. And when he came, that was an amazing sight. It’s not everyday that you get to watch almost secretly as your man’s primal energy takes over and you see the reaction of his entire body while he is exploding a nice hot load of cum deep inside you. It really is something I cannot describe. I just don’t have the words to explain the emotion behind it.

Oh, sorry, got a little side tracked there! 🙂

Anyway, as I was saying, there were some moments of spontaneous sex and hubby had lots of orgasms – about 7 or 8 I’d say which is more than he had all year last year, I think! The thing that wasn’t there on our trip was the D/s part of it. Our FLR was in high gear, I planned things, scheduled the days for the most part, made most of the final decisions (even got overwhelmed by constantly orchestrating everyone’s every move and had a moment because people (kids) get bitchy lol) but during the sex there was no domination from me. There wasn’t really a whole lot from cagedmonkey either. It’s not like either of us took charge of the sex we had on the ship. Well, maybe when he fucked me on the balcony looking out over the ocean, but you get my point.

As we got closer to home, I started thinking about what it would be like when we got back. Would I still be able to be sexually dominant? What about my other subby boys? Could I still be the Domme they desire, creating tasks for them, enforcing my rules? Would I still have that pull over them, have them as my little puppets? Would I even remember how to manipulate those strings? Do I still have it in me to mindfuck them? I could sit here and write about 47 more questions that ran through my head, but I’m sure you get where I’m going with all of this. I’m worried that I’ve lost the confidence to be those things, to remember how, to make it what it was before we left.
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I will say those first few “yes, ma’am’s” after getting home did spark something inside me. I certainly don’t feel like I’m “back” and I’m not sure where my confidence level is at the moment. I really feel like I need a good hardcore D/s session with hubby but I don’t see there being time for anything like that right now. It certainly doesn’t help when mother nature decides she’s going to get in the way. I was all set to give cagedmonkey a good gueening this morning and I stopped in the bathroom, because I’m not into peeing in his mouth and, of course there she is!

So finding my way back among these stupid girlie hormones is proving to be real work. I’m hoping to plan a D/s day with hubby – the kind we can discreetly have in front of the kids – as well as a good pain session with a couple of my other submissive boys as well which I hope will help push me back into my Top role.
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