female led relationship

All posts tagged female led relationship

Mail Chastity: How to Become A Good Keyholder

Posted by Lady M on November 26, 2019
Posted in: Advice, Female Led Relationship, KeyHolder, Mail Chastity, Male Chastity, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , . 2 comments

I received a message from another keyholder on chastityforums.com. She is a bit new to all this, in general, and is struggling with how to be a KH and a good one at that. So here is a bit of what she wrote and my response.

“My ‘vanilla self’ is constantly fighting with ‘the KH self’ I’m sure [my hubby] would like me to become. I’m not even sure how to make this change. Do you have any ideas to help me in my quest to transition from vanilla to a true KH in every sense of the word?”

First of all… This isn’t about you becoming something your hubby wants you to be. This is about you both enjoying this the way YOU enjoy it, whatever way that may be. Please do me a favor and don’t try to be and do things that are not natural. What you do should feel good and exciting to you. If you fake it, it will become work and then you could easily build resentment by trying to live up to his expectations… Do what you enjoy and are comfortable with. You are in charge, you hold the key, literally – he should not be in charge through you when it comes to chastity or keeping him locked etc. That is called “topping from the bottom” and that’s not ok. It is perfectly fine to communicate – if you know me at all I’m huge on communication – so talk and listen to each other. Get to know what you like, what you think you like, what you don’t like, what feels good both physically and mentally. Decide from there what YOU want to implement in your relationship.

Don’t be afraid to try things if they are not a hard No! You may like them or maybe not and you have the choice, as the one in charge, to say yes that’s good we will do that or no that felt bad or uncomfortable and we are not doing that! It’s all good. In the beginning it’s all about talking and trying and figuring out what works and feels good. Don’t be afraid to say no or change your mind either… Try hard to remember, in most situations, he is the one that asked you for this and decided to give you control. He doesn’t want to decide what happens with his sexual desires, his orgasms, his pleasure. He wants you to be in control of it all. 🙂

In regards to how to be a good keyholder, please feel free to listen to Episode 3 of our podcast. It’s about praise and reassurance and it’s just me talking to other keyholders and I think it might be helpful!

Good luck!

Trophy Husband

Posted by Lady M on October 28, 2017
Posted in: Female Led Relationship, Marriage, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , . 3 comments

We’ve all heard the term “trophy wife” before… You know, the eye candy guys wear on their arm showing off the hot wife they have or whatever that’s about. Well I’d like to take a minute to talk about why I feel like I have a “Trophy Husband.” I’m not referring to the fact that I think he’s hot ass hell or has a sexy body or even a big dick… I’m referring to the fact that he’s an amazing man and husband. 

I’m a challenging wife. I’m controlling and dominant, I’m hurting and broken, I’m complicated and confusing, I’m funny and exciting and it takes a very strong man to be my partner and husband. My husband is my trophy husband because I won when God brought him into my life. When I’m physically hurting, he gets it, he helps and tries his best to make me rest. He rubs my back or hip or whatever and tries to make it feel better. When I’m depressed he doesn’t try to fix it but rather asks questions just to listen. On the flip side of all that, when I’m feeling horny he’s there to satisfy my needs. If I’m feeling devious or want to take out frustration, he’s there to take what I’m looking to give. If I’m feeling vulnerable and scared he reassures me and let’s me know the he is mine and no one else’s. If I’m feeling weak and in need of that powerful in-control feeling he offers himself for me to completely control. 

I don’t feel like eye candy should be the definition of a Trophy spouse… I feel like someone who is willing to give their all to their partner and complimenting their needs and wants and desires is the true trophy and that’s what we should be so willing to show off. Cagedmonkey truly is my trophy husband and I love “wearing him on my arm and showing him off.” 

Good Morning Pussy

Posted by Lady M on August 19, 2014
Posted in: Female Led Relationship, Male Chastity, Marriage, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , . 4 comments

I’ve gotta say, being woken up by my handsome guy spreading my legs and feeling his warm wet tongue slide between my pussy lips really is amazing. To feel so wanted that he has to just taste me and please me even if I’m sleeping.

Ya know, up until about a year ago I would have gotten so pissed and/or pushed cagedmonkey away had he ever tried doing something like that. As a matter of fact it’s something he does a couple mornings a week or in the middle of the night when he’s home from work… again, up until last summer this would have really irritated me.

It’s little blessings like these that make me incredibly grateful that we worked so hard at repairing our marriage and our intimate relationship. We work everyday at continuing to repair and renew our emotional and physical relationship. I really believe that because we have done the work to have what we now have is why chastity and our WLM work so well.

A Day in the Life of our Wife Led Marriage

Posted by Lady M on July 30, 2014
Posted in: Bondage, Male Chastity, Marriage, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , . 8 comments

Ok so maybe not one single day but I thought I’d show the world that not every single minute of our lives is consumed by sex and playtime. To be honest it’s really only a small portion but because those are the parts we write about most, it may seem like our days revolve around sex, teasing and denying. Really my days look a bit like this:
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My couch is usually covered in whatever I’m working on that day. I’m menu planning, couponing, managing the house, doing laundry, cooking, dishes, running the kids here or there, etc. I’m not saying cagedmonkey doesn’t help with that but he will look to me if he’s not sure what needs to be done when. I’m constantly writing lists and sometimes have lists for my lists. I even have a list off sexual stuff in interested in doing, doing again or trying. Lol it keeps me organized and keeps my life less chaotic. I keep a schedule of what is happening most days (doctor appts, lessons) on our Google calendar so that both of us get the notification. I also use the calendar to remind hubby when something needs to be done. It’s a great tool. 🙂

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Looking for ideas to spice things up?


Today really isn’t an errand filled day, laundry is mostly done and the kids are playing outside with the neighbors. So that gives me time during my menu planning and shopping list making to go upstairs and give cagedmonkey a little attention. This morning I have him restrained to the bed because, while he’s sleeping, I plan to surprise violate him… I’m going to quietly go up the stairs and slide the lubricated dildo in his ass which is how he will wake up. Normally he’s waking up to my wet pussy practically dripping in his face and he’ll immediately lick it up… Today I’m feeling he needs to feel Dominated, taken, used – however you want to put it. I know that he’s craving a real bondage session where he is taken advantage of and I plan to show him a small bit of that today inbetween the normal things I do all day.

I know we’re going to have a fun day. 🙂

Books I Would Recommend to Keyholders & Couples in Chastity

Posted by Lady M on April 14, 2014
Posted in: Advice, Chastity Device, Female Led Relationship, KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Marriage, Orgasm Denial, Tease & Denial, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . 6 comments

If you’ve been reading our blog you’re already familiar with the fact that I am a huge researcher. When I’m interested in something I search the hell out of it on the internet and I love physical (& ebooks) books. As a new Keyholder I was happy to find that there were actually a few books out there for Keyholders and about male chastity. I have been into tease & denial since cagedmonkey and I got together but it is always great to find a book to give some ideas for that as well.

Below are just some of the books I’ve read on these subjects; well the ones I care to review and recommend to other Keyholders.

In all my research I was extremely happy when I found those certain key words to search that brought me to the websites with real life male chastity information. People who are married, love each other and live the lifestyle how they want it to be. Btw, those magic key words? Yeah, I finally got around to using “male chastity and/in marriage.” What a huge difference that made in weeding out the fantasy world.

That’s when I found Thumper’s blog as well as Sarah Jameson’s blog.I found that Sarah had written books that were available on her site and that is what got me started on hunting down books.
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Sarah’s book main book (if she’s still selling it) is a bit pricey however she does have a couple free ebooks. Her tease & denial guide and guide to male chastity & orgasm denial (no I don’t feel it’s a “complete guide” but it’s a good read anyway) are pretty good for a Keyholder who might also be new at tease and denial. You can also sign up for free emails from her that do offer some good advice.
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I can tell you that Sarah’s book is a pretty good book. It’s a very gentle, easy read and focuses on male chastity in a marriage. It really would be great for a very vanilla wife looking for information on this lifestyle. Though with all the other books out there, now, it’s hard to justify the cost of her book (which was an ebook/pdf when I got it). 🙂 I think it could be a great resource if she lowered the price and possibly offered it in print format.

A couple of cheaper books are available on Amazon.com. Georgia Ivey Green has a book “A Keyholder’s Handbook: A Womans guide to male chastity”
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This book has some good advice for a keyholder on chastity but be aware she also talks about some other fetishes such as feminization, humiliation and others. This book is less than $10.00 and well worth it in my opinion. As with any self help type book, you take what applies to you and leave the rest. Nothing is the end all authority on how to live your FLR or chastity lifestyle.

Mistress Ivey also has another book “How to setup an FLR” which is a great read if you are also looking to expand your chastity lifestyle to include a Female Led aspect.
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This book gives a couple a lot to think about in regards to what they each want from their relationship. It has questions for both partners to see where they are in terms of flr. We used this book to help write our chastity agreement.

Another book available from Amazon and is more vanilla than Mistress Ivey’s book but is an excellent starters guide is “Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders” by Lucy Fairbourne.
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This book is in both paperback and ebook format which is also around $10.00. It’s well worth it again in my opinion. If you are looking for a book to start with or to introduce your wife/partner to chastity and being your Keyholder, this would be it. As the book states it is a very “non-threatening, female-friendly introduction to the topic of male chastity, ideal for nervous keyholders or as a love-offering from a would-be-chastened male.” This book is a gentle approach to the subject and written in a very matter-of-fact style. It really is the perfect way to introduce this kink.

I try to give my honest opinions on the things I use or read. I hope that they are helpful to those who check out our blog and those looking to get started in this wonderful lifestyle. We love and embrace both the chastity and flr/wlm parts of our relationship.

Please feel free to add your own opinions of these books in the comments. If others are anything like me they would love to hear more than just one point of view.

Mothering vs. Age Play

Posted by Lady M on February 26, 2014
Posted in: Female Led Relationship, Male Chastity, Marriage, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , , , . 6 comments

There are a lot of different kinks and scenes that can be played out in the D/s or bdsm lifestyle. Age play seems to be a big interest to some. So what is Age Play? Age play would be where two or more consenting adults act as if they are a different age. This can be a sexual or non-sexual scene. The actual activities and the age can vary from a little baby to an older adult. Feeding, bathing, diapering, caressing, putting to bed, telling a bed-time story, defending against other adults, and just cuddling and petting are some of the activities enjoyed. 

Age play is not something that cagedmonkey and I are into. I’m not at all turned on by seeing my hubby in a diaper or even taking care of him as if he were an infant. I have two kids and I’m a stay at home mom so I get my fill of the Mommy/child thing and really don’t need to recreate it with my hubby. 🙂 we are totally about encouraging what feels good to others so please don’t think I’m saying it’s a bad thing. To each their own and it’s great to explore and see what gives you that tingle!

One thing we are noticing about me during all of our exploring is that I really do enjoy “mothering.” To me this is different than age play because there is no acting as if someone is a different age, rather it is the feeling of taking care of my man. I love cuddling him, I love him laying his head on my chest and me just holding him. I love feeling like he needs me.

I know how my subby hubby is and he’s a guy who needs love, respect, assurance, encouragement, praise, stability, guidance and discipline. I love being the one to give him that. It truly turns me on sexually to be the one he wants to give him those things. I get extremely turned on being the one to hold and comfort him. I get extremely turned on when I spank him. I get extremely turned on when he depends on me.

Is this merely D/s stuff? FLR stuff? Maybe, but to me I call it mothering. There is a lot more, in my opinion, to D/s so maybe this mothering thing fits more in with the Female Led or Wife Led stuff. Whatever it is, it is something that I’m accepting of myself. It is something that cagedmonkey and I both realize we BOTH feel good about.

It really is a wonderful thing to be open to experimenting. It’s great and healthy to listen (without judgement) to each others fantasies, no matter how odd they may seem. They do not have to be fulfilled in part or in whole but knowing what they are can really help grow a relationship. We’ve found that exploring ourselves and being more comfortable with each other and ourselves has helped us to be a lot more accepting. We accept the things that make us both feel good sexually and non-sexually. Knowing these things about each other makes it that much easier to please one another.

Just something to think about. 🙂

Mail Chastity – Questions from our inbox

Posted by Lady M on January 10, 2014
Posted in: Female Led Relationship, Mail Chastity, Male Chastity, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , , . Leave a Comment

A gentlemen contacted us to ask some questions about our WLM & chastity and I thought I’d share incase others had similar questions.

“Is it just an at home lifestyle? Did is happen right away or did it build to a FLM?”
Our WLM is an everyday, all day thing… our relationship has always been one where I took care of everything – financially, phone calls, Dr appts, anything with the kids, etc. We do make big decisions together, where to live, buying a car and that kind of thing. Usually I have the final say in most things though.

“Is it D/s?”
Just so you know wlm & D/s don’t need to go together but yes part of our relationship is D/s. Our sexual relationship is fully D/s and it will only trickle into daily life if we talked about it specifically where my Dominance will be an entire day thing. Hope that makes sense.

“Did chastity come first? and did it contribute to this decision?”
Chastity most definitely didn’t come first. We’ve been flr since we met – I’m a control freak hehe. We had gotten to a bad place in our relationship, we worked hard to repair it and in the repairing made a promise to be honest and share every fantasy. Hubby brought up the chastity thing and, at first, I wasn’t into it. Part of our promise was to be open minded about fantasies so I started to research and found, after about 4 months, that I really loved the idea and that’s how the whole chastity thing began. 

“How did you get it to work?….. We tried it before and it only lasted a month. It seemed rushed and not natural”
Some people are not naturally dominant so to have a wlm they do need to work at it, take it slow, step by step. Once we realized what our relationship was and that chastity was to be a part of it we created an agreement. That’s been a huge help in getting things to go smoother and “work.” It’s still a work in progress and probably always will be. We will continue to go over our agreement to change things. We have added things, adjusted things and taken things out. It’s not a perfect science, there is no one way to do things… it’s what works for a particular couple and no two relationships will look the same.

Thanks for your questions and please feel free to email and ask anything you like. Most things are not too personal and we love the interaction.

How to hear from you!

Putting WLM to the Test

Posted by Lady M on January 6, 2014
Posted in: Male Chastity. Tagged: , , , , , . 6 comments

Tomorrow I’m headed in to have surgery to repair two tears in my rotator cuff – incase you don’t know I tore the tendons in my shoulder. It happens to be my right shoulder which is my dominant arm. After the surgery I’m going to be in a sling for 6 weeks but the first week I’m not allowed to do anything and apparently will be in some pain.

Cagedmonkey has taken some time off work to take care of me, the house and the kids. This will certainly put our WLM to the test. Cagedmonkey is going to have to take my direction, anticipate my needs and those of the kids. I’m also going to have to be ok with giving so much direction as well as being ok with asking for things.

Surprisingly enough, it’s very difficult for me to ask for help with things especially things I feel I should be doing myself. I’m really going to be depending on cagedmonkey for pretty much everything. He’s going to be cooking, cleaning and taking care of the kids but on top of that he’ll be helping me get meds, get dressed, bathed, helping me get around, helping me get comfortable… like I said, everything. I do plan on working out wiping myself. 🙂 I don’t have any doubt that he can take care of things. I worry about my ability to let him! 🙂

Also to let our followers know, I write the most on the blog so it may be that we have less updates. Unless I can get cagedmonkey to get to writing while I’m unable. He does have some posts he wants to write so hopefully I can get him to put his feelings to paper, so to speak. I’ll try my best to keep you all updated so you don’t forget about us hehe.

I have no idea how much, if any, play will happen with my arm the way it will be so we’ll see if I have anything fun to post.

Life is a Journey, Not a Destination – Our FLR

Posted by Lady M on December 11, 2013
Posted in: Female Led Relationship, Marriage, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , . 2 comments

When cagedmonkey and I first met, he knew from that moment I was a dominant person. I mean, how could he not know when he started talking to a chick with “Aggressive” as part of her screenname. From the very beginning of our relationship I’ve always been pretty much in control of everything. I’m talking everything from ordering in drive-thru to handling the finances and the household. No, when we were younger and got together and eventually married we had no clue what a Female Led Relationship or Wife Led Marriage was. Heck we’d never even heard of it until a few months ago when started really getting into Male Chastity.

You see, I’m the kind of person who researches the shit out of a subject that I’m interested in. So in my research about Male Chastity I found a book called How to set up an FLR by Mistress Ivey. Once I read through it I realized that all this time we’d had been living an FLR informally. It just naturally went that way. I, personally, think God is a pretty cool dude, he knows what he’s doing when he connects two souls! When looking back and thinking about things from the beginning, we worked so well because hubby was young and, in a way still needed to be taken care of. I was quite the person who needed to control everything and was a very “mothering” type person. We just went together and worked.

When they say opposites attract I fully agree! Hubby’s a very shy person, I’m a very outgoing person, hubby needs direction and guidance, I love to provide it. Like I said, it totally just worked. I’ve worked very hard over the past 14 years to build cagedmonkey’s confidence and life skills and he’s really become a wonderful man. Nobody’s perfect or ever can be but he’s totally grown into a strong, capable, supportive man and father.

No two Wife Led Marriages will ever look the same. Ours just is the way it is naturally, we didn’t force it or plan it or make it happen. The only difference now is that we finally understand it and recognize it for what it is. We are embracing the fact that these are our natural roles in our marriage and its where we are most comfortable.

No, I do not have a pet or slave who does not or can not think for himself. No, I’m not sitting on the couch eating Bon Bons barking orders at him and forcing him to serve me. It’s totally not like that at all. Our FLR or WLM is mostly wife led. Yes I handle the household, am a stay at home mom, homeschool one of our kids, handle finances, make appointments and pretty much all of the day to day running of the relationship. When it comes to big decisions we make those together and even some of the smaller ones sometimes. The way I describe it is that it’s not a monarchy, I am not a Queen (Off with their heads!) but usually cagedmonkey defers to me and/or I have the final say. 🙂 I like to think it’s because he trusts me and my experience in life to make the best decisions for our family.

I love that we’ve come to this place after all these years. It’s been quite a roller coaster of a journey getting here, but here we are. Sometimes I say, “if only we’d gotten here sooner…” or “if only that didn’t happen…” but then I realize, had this happened sooner or this or that not have happened we would never be where we are. This wouldn’t be a good place. We HAD to go through everything we’ve been through in our relationship to appreciate what we have now and what can become of it.