Cagedmonkey and I have a wedding anniversary coming up in a few weeks. We will be celebrating 11 years of marriage and 14 years together – on the same day! We are just like any couple and have had our good years, some ok years and some not so good years. Our sex life has been that same roller coaster. We started out like any other crazy, horny young couple into some kinky stuff like roll play, some light bondage and of course the tease and denial. We actually, at one point, had our own Yahoo Group way back when with about 600+ members. It was a tease and denial group where we would share pics and instructions and I’d basically group web teases! It was fun but I really had no idea what I was doing back then! Having that group was my first experience with male chastity. I met a couple of men who were locked in devices (one in particular that I remember being very involved with him, his wife and his chastity). I didn’t know anything about Male Chastity and probably thought it was weird. I did know tease and denial though and that’s what I focused on as well as some light Dom stuff. When you’re running a group full of guys wanting you to be in control of their orgasms, I figured some would be into some extreme (to me at the time) stuff.
Our relationship has not always been fun and games. We ran into our problems and spent years with resentment and anger that was really never worked through. We would work through some things but still fall back into the same pattern. Our unresolved issues that we stuffed away would come cycling back around and the resentment and anger would creep back in. I think that was a result of being so young and inexperienced at life.
Fast forward to our relationship hitting its lowest point, which I’ll call rock bottom. We had built up so much over so many years dealing with medical issues for ourselves, the kids, out of control addictions, infidelity and the everyday stresses of life. Our marriage and relationship, in general, was suffering under the unresolved anger, resentment and fear. Fear to confront each other with our feelings because we didn’t know how the other would react. When you hit that place of rock bottom in a relationship, all you have left is to face the fears.
Once we were able to say, “what else have we got to lose?” and only then, could we confront the fears we both had. We were able to sit down (yes there was crying and a mess of other emotions) and talk about everything… and I mean everything. We talked about what was good, what wasn’t so good, what we were happy about and what we weren’t happy about. We talked about our satisfaction with every part of our relationship, especially the sexual intimacy… which was, by that point, almost non-existent. I don’t have the answer as to how to fix a relationship but I do know that there needs to be two people who love each other, who are not willing to give up, who are willing to work their asses off to do whatever is necessary to repair, renew and rejuvenate their marriage. The most important part in all of that is the communication part. You need to be able to set aside the fears and non-judgmentally listen to one another. Then you need to be able to express the fears you set aside so they can be addressed.
I’m not a professional and I only know from experience what needed to happen between cagedmonkey and I to fix what was broken. So we could get back to the place where we started. However, back to a new healthier version of that place with two people who’ve grown together. To get back that fantastic, always aroused by each other, sexual intimacy we enjoyed with each other in the beginning. This time, though, it’s a deeper, different, more connected sexual intimacy. It’s something I couldn’t even begin to explain but when you get here, you know what I’m talking about.
Marriage is like a tunnel that ultimately collapses on itself and only if your willing and after you clear the rubble can you come out on the other side to see the light again. And what an amazing light it is, so bright and so clear!
In repairing our marriage we discovered how important it was to be able to hear each others fantasies – not that we had to act on them (because we all know some are better left in the head!) but merely hear them. If something appeals to you and you want to try it together awesome! If it’s just not your thing, it stays an arousing thought in someone’s head that can be used later on as a fantastic mindfuck. 🙂 For cagedmonkey and I we have it in our agreement that we will share fantasies no matter how crazy they seem. First of all it opens a wide door of communication and you get so deep into the sexual soul of your partner. Hearing something your partner likes might seem like a WTF? type of thing but it’s easy to just listen and say “I’m not really feeling that, but that’s interesting” or “that’s something to think about” and understand that just because the fantasy was shared does not require you to make it happen. If you do, sweet! If not, no biggie!
Cagedmonkey was the one who brought up the interest in Male Chastity. At first I was like “who the hell would want their dick in a cage?” Haha but I simply told him it wasn’t something I felt I was into but that it wasn’t off the table. It definitely wasn’t a “no” thing but I just needed time to research and see what it was all about. It took me a few months to get the information I wanted and needed – because we all know there is plenty of way off fantasy stuff out there on the internet. Specifically there were two sites I found that really gave me a real idea as to what chastity was in marriage and what it potentially could be. I found Sarah’s Male Chastity blog from a wife’s point of view and thumpers blog which gave me the male point of view (I’ve since found some other blogs I really like which you can find on our links page). Once I read through and got good solid real life information I started to really like the idea.
We introduced chastity play a few months ago, in October 2013. We jumped in head first and didn’t look back. We very quickly got to the chastity being part of our lives 24/7 and he wears his cage any time I am not using the penis for my own pleasure. I control everything about cagedmonkey’s sexual experience. I control when he will have an erection, when, how and if he will have an orgasm and even if he will feel any sensation from that area at all.
This experience has changed us both, for the better. We have both discovered so much about ourselves sexually: I’m definitely dominant and he is submissive. I feel I have become a better, more attentive and structured wife. I feel I’ve become a better sexual partner able to please my hubby by teasing him and teaching him to please me. Cagedmonkey has become a better husband and a better lover. He’s much more attentive to my needs and the kids needs, he helps around the house even more than before and does this willingly and happily and rarely does he complain or grunt or sigh about anything he has to do or is asked to do. This experience has also changed our relationship, for the better. We communicate more openly and without fear of the others reaction. We have reached levels of intimacy and sexual pleasure we didn’t know existed. We have started dating again, which has been a huge thing in bringing out a deeper love for one another. We’re making love so much more often, a bit differently than before, but damn it’s better than it’s ever been.
It has been an amazing journey so far. An emotional roller coaster, at times but overall exploring ourselves, male chastity and many other kinks has changed us and made us so much better and stronger than we ever were. We’re discovering things about ourselves that are confusing but exciting and instead of being afraid of those feelings were are grabbing each other by the hand and jumping in with both feet!
If you are married and your relationship is sound and strong and you are thinking about Male Chastity, I suggest you give it a try. You might be pleasantly surprised as to what gives you those ooey gooey tingly feelings in your tummy.