While I was sitting here enjoying my warm, vanilla caramel flavored coffee this morning I started thinking…
I’ll need another cup soon
We are going to a local munch here this coming Saturday. I’m looking forward to actually meeting some people in the lifestyle, in the community. I think it’ll be fun.
That’s one thing I miss about being in Indiana is the community and friends we had. We regularly attended munch there and get togethers and met up with kinky friends for D&D nights and even private play parties. It was fun. Not that I am looking for that level of interaction right now, that was like 10 years ago, but it was nice having friends.
Next month, in a couple weeks actually, we will also be going to another social event at Collette Austin. I’m hoping that will be quite a fun experience and I look forward to perusing the vendors and watching demos. I don’t think, with it being our first time, that we will be participating. Who knows, maybe in the future!
One question before I go, and I expect an answer in my comments, how do you like your coffee? ☕ Black? Sugar? Cream? Flavored? Hot? 🔥 Iced? ❄️
Until the next time my brain is thinking random ass thoughts…
I recently had another opportunity to experience being the cuckold. I am the boyfriend and I was cuckolded by the husband. Isn’t that the way this is supposed to work? In our relationship it is, at least some of the time. The reality is that neither Jon or I are “Bulls,” we are both submissive to Michele and we do what she wants. On this particular day she wanted to be filled by a big cock. So, I got to be the one to get everyone ready and clean up after.
Michele and Jon were on the bed naked, I was not only locked in my steelheart but I stayed clothed, there was no need for me to be naked. I wasn’t being used for anything more than a tool in their desire. It started by Michele instructing me to lick her pussy, while I stroked Jon’s cock, getting them both ready for the sex we were all eagerly awaiting. I quickly got into position between Michele’s legs and started licking her pussy. It didn’t take long at all to get her nice and wet. The hardest part for me was stopping. I love licking her pussy so much and want to give her an orgasm so badly but that is not what I was there for either. While I was licking Michele’s pussy, I was stroking Jon’s cock with my right hand. I don’t know if it was my hand on his cock or just the thrill of watching us but it was pretty hard when Michele was ready. I used my mouth to gently wet the tip of his cock with my tongue as my lips were wrapped around the tip. Jon was definitely ready to go after that.
They were both ready, so I helped guide Jon’s cock into Michele’s wet, waiting pussy. I say I guided it but, really, they were both very ready so it didn’t take much. Then, I sat to the side quietly where I had a good view of what was happening and watched as Michele had a nice orgasm and came on Jon’s big, hard cock.
Once Michele was satisfied she told Jon to fill her pussy with cum. She said she wanted to feel him cum deep inside her. Jon was happy to oblige and quickly filled her with a large load of hot cum. Jon hadn’t been allowed to orgasm in quite some time so his balls were very full of cum. As he pulled out, I positioned myself for my turn. I moved to a kneeling position at the foot of the bed. His cock was covered with cum, his and Michele’s. She can really cum a lot and I could tell that she did. I took a minute to clean Jon off first. I started by licking the cum off the shaft of his cock, starting near the base and ending with my tongue on the tip of his cock. Then I wrapped my hand around the base and pulled towards the tip. A nice big drop of cum came out of the tip of his dick. It was actually more than just a drop, it was enough that it was about to drip off the end. I couldn’t let that happen so I quickly licked the cum off the tip and wrapped my lips around the head of his still hard, very large cock. With my tongue just resting on his frenulum, I again used my hand to pull any remaining cum that was in his cock out onto my tongue and into my mouth. I gently sucked as I pulled my lips from around the head of his cock to make sure nothing was left behind. It’s possible that I was also trying to give Jon one last little bit of pleasure before he was done. I’m pretty sure he was left wanting a little more.
I wanted a little more too. A lot more actually, so I turned to Michele who was laying on her back now near the end of the bed. Michele wanted more, too and had enough waiting, she told me it was time to take care of her. I started, as I often do, by using my tongue to take nice long licks starting below the opening of her pussy and working up to her clit. I widened my tongue out and took gentle but firm licks to make sure I got any cum that might be trying to drip down and escape my reach. After that was under control I moved my attention up to her clit, licking and gently sucking making sure I got any cum that might still be there. I usually try to make sure to focus there since it is so enjoyable. Then I moved back down to the opening of her pussy, covered her opening with my mouth and tried to lick the cum out of her hole. At this point, Michele pushed all the sex out of her pussy into my waiting mouth covering my tongue with a mixture of her cum and his. I’m pretty sure we both enjoyed this very much.
Once Michele was cleaned up I tried to continue to lick her pussy for as long as she would let me. Sometimes she will cum on my tongue again, giving me even more to clean up and the incredible satisfaction of bringing her pleasure. Other times she will simply tell me I’ve been a “good boy” and it’s “time to be done” because I am, after all, her cum slut and there to clean up.
After we were done, they got dressed, and we all went and sat on the couch in the living room to relax and recover. I basked in the wonderful sub space I was in. I am sure I had a big smile the rest of the day.
If you have followed our journey for a while, you already know tease and denial is no longer just something Jon and I play with. It has become part of how we connect, how we communicate, and part of our everyday lives. Hence the change to JonMustWait 🙂
That energy has deepened as we have leaned more intentionally into our ENM dynamic with John. At times, like recently, it gets really intense. I thought I would share with you all just how intense things have been getting.
For the past few weeks, Jon has existed in anticipation. Not just in sexual frustration, because we all know without orgasm there is a ton of that. But in anticipation. The kind that makes every look feel meaningful and has him questioning if it’s sexual. Barriers and toys have created a sort of distance while somehow providing a closeness. Each moment becomes more about awareness of his body, my control and the understanding that it can be both grounding and intoxicating. No direct skin contact on his cock, no warm, wet slide of my pussy anywhere near him, just those maddening barriers: cotton sheets, toys, gloved fingers so close he could feel the heat radiating off but never quite touching. Every edging session left him leaking, aching, balls heavy with need. And yes, I keep reminding him that any orgasm he begged for would probably be gifted to my boyfriend instead.
In an ENM marriage or relationship, that awareness carries extra emotional weight. Jon knows that pleasure is not something automatically owed to him. It is something I choose to give, redirect, or hold in suspense. The other night captured that dynamic perfectly. I strapped the Lovense Gush around Jon’s big cock and John hooked up to the long-distance remote connection. Placing pacing and intensity in John’s hands while I remained physically present with Jon wasn’t a new experience but maybe one we’ve done once before. I watched his reactions reshape his focus. I stayed beside him, speaking quietly, reinforcing and reminding him that control is not always physical. The toy hummed and pulsed while I sat beside him, my voice penetrating his ear: describing how wet the thought of this made me, how I loved his reactions to my boyfriend controlling what his cock was feeling and that maybe I’d let John fuck me this weekend, while he stayed denied and dripping. The vibrations built, slowed, built again… relentless edging that had him trembling, hips jerking in the air trying to get some kind of release or relief, I’m not sure which. When I finally ended the edging and had Jon stand up and the built up pecum came pouring out. All I could do was giggle.
Look at all that wasted precum dripping on the floor.
Jon and I were talking after this particular teasing session with John and instead of melting further into a subspace, he hit a wall. Not anger, not rebellion, just a deep, emotional surge of need. He needed to know when… when he’d get to feel me again, like really feel my tight pussy wrapped around him. Not as a distant fantasy with an unknown end date but as something real and immediate. That is the part many people searching topics like orgasm denial, female led relationships, and ethical non monogamy and power exchange often miss. The reality that this is often very psychological and gets you deep in your core and can cause strong emotional reactions.
That enjoyment did come for him this morning as he struggled to even move with just the tip of his cock barely inside my warm pussy. He lasted about a minute and a half before he had to get out. He got to feel my pussy squeeze around him tight but he wasn’t allowed to orgasm. I’m still not sure if I might force that on John this weekend while he is in his cage. Denial is not about withholding forever. It is about stretching desire so that anticipation becomes its own form of intimacy. It strengthens communication and deepens trust between partners. It keeps curiosity alive in long term relationships navigating kink, ENM, and evolving power dynamics.
For us, tease and denial remains one of the most exciting things we explore. It blurs the line between emotional connection and erotic tension while reinforcing the trust that allows our dynamic with John to feel safe, intentional, and electric. We’ve learned (again) that the most intense edges are the ones we approach together, checking in, adjusting, honoring the safeword not as an end but as a recalibration that makes everything better, ok and more sustainable.
The real power isn’t in how long you can hold someone on the edge, it’s in how deeply you can bring them back to center afterward, still craving, still connected, still yours.
As I was enjoying my coffee this morning I was reflecting on an early experience…
I am reflecting on something that happened the first time Michele and I got together. I am reasonably experienced in the BDSM Lifestyle. I certainly haven’t tried everything but I am aware of most of the BDSM lifestyle through the eyes of others.
This particular memory is from the first time Michele and I were together in person. Before we made the trip we spent a lot of time talking about all the things that we each liked, and didn’t like. One thing that we both knew we wanted to experience together was some pain play. I believe it was on the last day, before we actually had time to play with the whips and the paddles. One thing that is beautiful about our relationship is that we don’t do anything just because we talked about it. If the timing isn’t right we wait until it is.
We finally had the time and the situation was right to get out the canes. We had discussed a few things before hand, mainly that we wouldn’t leave marks where they were visible when I was dressed. We had discussed that there were no places on my body that were off limits as long as we were being safe. Michele did an amazing job with the canes. She put beautiful marks on my ass, my back, the back of my thighs. And then came the surprise, she caned the bottom of my feet.
I had never had the bottom of my feet caned. I hadn’t ever heard of that much less thought about it. And Oh, My, God did it hurt. Really fucking hurt. The “Oh shit, is she ever going to stop” hurt. I’m sure it wasn’t all that long and probably not all that hard but boy was it ever intense. The funny thing is that now I crave that. I may have even asked for it. I don’t think I would want that all the time but sometimes it just feels so good to be so vulnerable. So close to the edge. The anticipation and anxious feelings before hand are such a rush. And then the pain. I am a bit of a pain slut, so yeah, I get off on it. Not always in the moment (did I mention it really fucking hurts?) but thinking about having that done, like I am now, gets me aroused. Thinking about when it has happened brings all that wonderful vulnerability right back to me. I am so grateful and blessed to have Michele in my life to experience all these wonderful things.
I love hearing your thoughts, please leave a comment or send us an email
Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about hard limits in BDSM and how they can change over time and whether I like that or not. When we started out on this journey, we went through a few of those checklists you find online. Back then, we didn’t know much about fetish and kink… some, yes, but we were young, naive, and didn’t have the internet! The lists asked us to mark each item as a Yes, No, or Maybe, helping us define our boundaries and preferences. Over time, many of the Yes and Maybe items were tried – some we loved, some we didn’t – and a few even shifted between the two. That third category, “no way am I into that,” has changed too, showing how trust, consent, and experience can shift our BDSM boundaries in ways we never expected.
I have seen chastity being called the “slippery slope” before and I’m not sure if that’s completely true or not. I really think that once you begin to accept yourself for what you enjoy sexually, you begin to open up to other thoughts and fantasies. You are introduced to ideas you may not have thought of and some you might want to try out for yourself. What I’ve realized is that most hard limits in the beginning are not about the act itself. They are about identity.
When we first label something as “absolutely not,” it is usually because it threatens how we see ourselves. It challenges our story. The strong man doesn’t submit. The independent woman doesn’t control. The respectable couple doesn’t do that. Those aren’t sexual boundaries. Those are ego boundaries and ego boundaries are loud. Here’s the thing no one tells you when you start exploring BDSM: safety allows curiosity. When trust deepens, the nervous system relaxes. When you feel seen and not judged, you can examine a fantasy without it meaning something catastrophic about who you are.
That’s when limits start to move.
Not because you were pressured. Not because you were coerced. But because the fear that held the line in place softens. Chastity is a perfect example. At first glance it feels extreme. It can look like humiliation, like loss, like giving up power. For many men especially, it confronts cultural programming head on. Sexual access equals masculinity. Control equals strength. So locking that away feels like erasing part of yourself. But, when it’s chosen, when it’s consensual, it becomes something else entirely.
It becomes “intentional vulnerability.”
And vulnerability, when offered willingly, is one of the most intimate forms of power exchange. It says, “I trust you with the part of me that I was taught to guard.”
That is not a slippery slope. That is a door.
The deeper psychology behind a lot of what we do is not about pain or denial or control in isolation. It’s about transformation. It’s about taking something that once felt shameful, forbidden, or threatening and reframing it inside a container of consent and devotion. The brain is incredibly adaptive. The more positive reinforcement we experience around an act, the more the emotional charge shifts. What once triggered discomfort can begin to trigger arousal. What once felt scary can feel intoxicating. That doesn’t mean every hard limit should disappear. Some should remain firm and respected forever. Some may never have been true limits to begin with. They were unexamined fears.
I think growth in BDSM mirrors growth in life. The more secure you feel in who you are, the less rigid you become. You can hold paradox. You can be powerful and surrendering. You can be nurturing and sadistic. You can deny pleasure and still be deeply loving. So when a “never” becomes a “maybe,” I don’t see that as sliding downhill. I see it as self knowledge expanding. That expansion only happens when communication stays honest, when consent stays enthusiastic, and when both partners feel safe enough to say yes or no without consequence. Hard limits in BDSM should evolve intentionally, not impulsively. They should be revisited with conversation, not assumed. And they should always be rooted in mutual desire, not silent expectation.
Because the real depth of BDSM is not found in how far you push a boundary.
I have incorporated BDSM and kink in my life for as long as I can remember. I feel like I was fairly knowledgeable. After I met Michele and we started to really connect I realized there were a few things that I didn’t know about. It’s not so much that I didn’t know about them as I didn’t know they were “a thing”. Something that has a name and volumes written about them. Two of these things are sub drop and aftercare. And they are intricately tied together.
The first is aftercare – In my previous very long term relationship there were a lot of things that I had to work hard to get. My desire to be spanked and whipped was very strong and was a core need. This is something that I needed to satisfy a missing part inside me. Unfortunately my partner was not a particularly willing participant. I was indulged on occasion but I had to really work to get it. Probably too hard and in ways that weren’t particularly healthy for either of us. We would negotiate and bargain. I would offer just about anything to get what I needed. They would reluctantly give in and provide a small level of what I was looking for. Or at least part of what I was looking for. This is where I experienced aftercare. Or more accurately didn’t experience aftercare. My partner was triggered by spanking or beating me so afterward they wanted to be by themselves. They didn’t want me around. They preferred I wasn’t even in the same room, certainly didn’t want to be touched or cuddle or anything like that and had no desire to talk about it at all. I on the other hand wanted (and needed) that physical touch. I wanted to hold and be held. I wanted to love and be loved. I didn’t get that. In some ways the isolation probably increased my want to be spanked. I didn’t know what “aftercare” was but I know I wasn’t getting it. I wish I had learned this much earlier in life.
The second is sub drop – This is how I learned about “sub drop”. Again, something I didn’t know had a name, only that I experienced it. All alone. After finally getting what I thought I needed I would start to spiral into feelings of guilt, of not being good enough, of being needy, or weird. The thing I wanted was not accepted and therefore I felt like I was not accepted.
I wish I knew about aftercare and sub drop much earlier. Not necessarily because I could change anything but so I could understand what was happening. I would have been able to identify my feelings and at least try to do something with them. I understood the concepts through the negative side of them. I didn’t get the care afterwards that I needed so I felt unwanted and unloved. I would suffer from “drop” but without the understanding of what was happening I couldn’t do anything to help stop it. I didn’t know how to talk about it with my partner but I also didn’t even know I needed to talk about it.
I have learned that aftercare is what prevents or at least reduces my experience of drop. I can also recognize when I am dropping or I am about to drop and know that I need more aftercare. It doesn’t matter if it is immediately after, hours, or even days later. I can, and do reach out to Michele to resolve whatever fears or other feelings I may be having. Needing to reach out days later doesn’t mean I didn’t get good aftercare immediately after an intense activity, it only means I need a little more. I may need reassurance. I may need to be told that I did good. Or even to be told I didn’t do good, that is ok too. We always welcome the opportunity to do better and we do it in a loving way. We look to the future allowing the past to guide us around things that might cause us to have problems.
I love to hear your thoughts, please leave a comment or send us an email
This morning I was sitting here enjoying my coffee and I got to thinking about this whole “pussy free” thing that we are really starting to ramp up here with hubby.
Coffee runs through my veins
Over the last couple days hubby has been out on the interwebs and sent me a couple links to check out. The links talk about a lot of things and it’s hard to just jump right in head first and implement ALL of these ideas you can get. While I did like a couple things that maybe we will add in at some point. Just the fact that I got some new ideas from reading it, was nice.
It did get me really thinking about my situation and even more-so after Jon and I talked a bit about this whole thing yesterday morning. After listening to him talk about the no-pussy thing and even the no touch aspect – which forces him to be a watcher, more or less – I realized that he really does want the role of a cuckold. He wants the “forced to sit and watch someone touch, lick, suck and fuck his wife and enjoy all the things he wants and desires and cant have or even touch” until he’s sick to his stomach and then he wants more..
On the other hand I have John who is content in his cage and quite the submissive, cuckold, cumslut. He isnt really the take me and fuck me hard in front of my husband kind of guy. That’s just not the relationship we have either. That’s not the kind of sex we have when I do take him out of the cage. I like it that way too, obviously.
At one point it was bought up as an aside like, “maybe you need to find another cock that can fuck you and then leave you messy with a big load of cum.” This would help satisfy both of their desires. I’d imagine it would put them both in a subspace I don’t think either have ever thought they would be in.
Like I said… I was sitting here thinking… What I have is a 2 for 1 Cuckold situation and a need for a proper Bull, it seems. Is this something they really want?
We don’t always get what we feel we need – a statement that rings true not only with chastity & denial, but also life in general. Take this past week, for example: Michele has been out of town for work for the last week, and I miss her lots. I miss touching her, feeling her, being close to her. It sucks to have her so far away. She is coming home soon, though, so that need will be fulfilled fairly soon.
There is, however, another need that has gone unfulfilled during the past week… and will most likely stay unfulfilled for longer.
My cock has not felt the touch of skin since my wife left.
Under instruction from Michele, I have not been allowed to touch my cock with my bare hands since the start of her trip. Oh, trust me, it’s been getting plenty of attention – daily edges each morning, plus any extra that Michele, or John, request have kept my sexual arousal quite heightened. But any edge or touch of my cock has been performed with some sort of barrier involved: either a glove, using a toy, or even edging in my underwear has been the norm for this week.
This is all I’m allowed at the moment.
I honestly didn’t expect it to have that much of an effect on me. After all, my cock is still getting attention; how important is the feel of skin-on-skin when it comes to edging? Very important, apparently.
It only took until about Wednesday for me to start really feeling the difference: my cock was so desperate for a soft warm touch, I started to get oversensitive. It was hard to concentrate during work, because even contact with my underwear was driving up my arousal. By Thursday, I was slightly sorta possibly maybe considering just saying “screw it” and grabbing my dick. But I was a good boy and obeyed, even though it was difficult.
The worst part is that there’s no telling when my cock will actually feel skin again – Michele has not given me an endpoint to this, as of yet. It may be weeks where my cock doesn’t get the warm personal touch of skin. We’ve even discussed pushing the idea of “barriers” further, and not allowing me to feel her skin sexually with my hands – any time I want to feel her ass, play with her boobs, or touch her pussy, I’ll have to wear gloves. I’m not sure if she’ll be implementing that or if that’s just an idea at the moment… but I’m kinda dreading it if she decides to go through with it.
As for now, I’m destined to continue to go more and more insane as my cock misses the touch of skin for longer and longer. Michele and John will have me use toys to continue this – different toys, with varying degrees of humiliation involved while using them. But I don’t think I can turn it down; after all, I could be denied touch all together…
Maybe I shouldn’t say that out loud, for fear of giving them ideas….
Most of the time Male Chastity, Female domination, BDSM and things like that are often fantasized about by a man. It’s those fantasies that get in there and grow and grow, like weeds, rooting themselves in his mind. One of the problems with a fantasy is most guys are extremely nervous about telling their partner about any fantasy, let alone ones that involve locking up their penis in a cage, tying them up, spanking them, and denying them orgasm. So they keep these fantasies to themselves as it continues to take over their mind. This inability to communicate with your partner and even your partners inability to listen can become an area of resentment in your relationship. Men can begin looking elsewhere to get this fantasy “fulfilled” even if that is just pictures on the internet (which we all know can be a slippery slope). And here’s where I gently tap you on the forehead, boys, and remind you of something important: fantasies don’t become problems because they exist… they become problems because they’re hidden. Silence is what lets those weeds take over. Silence is what turns curiosity into shame, and shame into secrecy. And secrecy? That’s the part that damages connection, not the desire itself.
Now, let’s be very clear, having interests like these does not make you broken, perverted, or “too much.” It makes you human. What does need attention is how you carry those interests into a relationship. Dumping them on your partner in a moment of panic, or worse, springing them as a surprise and hoping for the best, is not communication… it’s outsourcing your anxiety and hoping she’ll manage it for you. That rarely ends well.
Ladies, when a man gathers the courage to speak up, when his voice shakes just a little and he risks being truly seen, that moment matters. Listening does not mean agreeing. Hearing does not mean immediately saying yes. It means creating enough safety that honesty doesn’t feel like a trap. Curiosity goes a long way here. Asking why something interests him will teach you far more than reacting to the surface-level idea itself.
And boys, pay attention to this part: how you speak matters. Leading with trust, vulnerability, and respect is far more effective than leading with desperation or fantasy overload. You’re not asking for permission to exist… you’re inviting your partner into a conversation. One that unfolds slowly, with patience, reassurance, and a willingness to accept her pace, not just your own.
Healthy power dynamics are built on communication first. Not cages, or rules, or even control. Those things only work after understanding, consent, and mutual desire are already firmly in place. So breathe., use your words and listen more than you speak.
I am curious, since so many of our friends are couples (many married), would any of you be willing to share how you got started with chastity? Were there any fantasies that felt especially challenging?
As I was enjoying my coffee this morning, I was chatting with Michele like we do every morning…
I was up earlier than she was (I live in an earlier time zone) so I started my day with some grooming. I cut my hair and trimmed my beard and then I moved a little lower. Michele likes me to keep my pubic area neat and my balls shaved. As you can imagine it is a bit difficult and takes longer since I am always locked in my steelheart. I am not let out for grooming so I have figured out a pretty good method for keeping myself neat.
While I was doing this Michele got up and started her day so she asked what I was up to. After I let her know what I had been doing she asked for a pic, so I obliged. What I didn’t expect was her response
“Well that IS all cleaned up for sure…. Damn, I might suck your dick if it looks like that lol 😁”
So needless to say, I am going to try to make sure it looks like this when I see her this weekend. I don’t expect that she will suck my dick although I probably will not resist if she wants to. Being as submissive as I am I still have to learn to accept this is something that she truly likes to do on occasion. And boy is she good at it, what a wonderful treat when she does. What really feels good is that an old man like me can still be attractive to a young lady like Michele.
I love to hear your thoughts, please leave a comment or send us an email
