My therapist and I talk about a lot of things, which happens to be the exact reason I go to therapy. 🙂 I’ve been with him for over 10yrs and he’s been a huge impact on my mental health and my marriage. He is well aware of the fetishes hubby and I are into (ok maybe not ALL of them) and it’s fun to analyze with him what part of us is healing when we do these things. I’m sure you can imagine how interesting our sessions can get.
Yes, I’m one of those people that thinks some (not all) of our fetishes touch on some experience from our childhood. Those might be good experiences or traumatic ones, either way sometimes the sexual things we participate in are addressing some emotions from our past. I was going to get all psychological and explain how role play and acting out certain scenarios works to help you heal from the past but, it was really just too much for one post. I encourage you to look it up if that interests you at all. I really do just love that stuff and maybe one day I’ll be come a kinky therapist like my doc keeps telling me I should. 🙂
Obviously, we all know I’m a control freak, I have some strong OCD tendencies and other fun psychological stuff I get to deal with. I know from lots of work that my out of control, unstable childhood has a lot to do with my need to control every situation I’m in and person I’m with. No, I’m not a crazy person out there trying to control every situation because I am a logical person and I have learned that I am in control of MY things. 🙂 Which is also why I enjoy having things to control.
In exploring our sexual desires and learning about these different kinks and fetishes, I’m finding I like some pretty intense things. I know I’ve written before, in a comment, about how I feel like choking hubby touches on that one specific time I choked my brother. I felt so powerful in that moment when I was able to get him pinned, it felt so incredible at a time when I was very powerless. Being able to recreate that with hubby by choking him (we’ve actually done some more play like this but don’t write about every single time), we’ve realized is huge for me emotionally and well, it’s turns me the fuck on like crazy!
Yesterday morning I had another crazy realization when I went in to visit hubby, saw his gorgeous perfect little ass, climbed up and rubbed my pussy on it until I came, twice. The reason I realized this was addressing something from childhood was because in the middle of it I muttered out, in loud a whisper, something about how I wished I’d have had him when I was a kid. I told him his ass was the perfect little hump toy. How it fit perfectly for me to rub on and use him to please myself. When I was younger and started exploring this whole masturbation thing I would use a folded pillow or whatever to rub on or hump or however you want to put it. I can remember feeling like I was the one in charge, making myself feel that way. I was the one in charge of giving myself that pleasure. Nothing ever worked just right and I was constantly adjusting and readjusting. However, cagedmonkey’s little ass really does just fit perfectly in my pelvis. I soaked his butt with my extra wet pussy from cumming twice. I made sure to move up his body rubbing my wetness from his butt, up his back, to his neck.
I had so many emotions flood me right at that moment. I love that I’m so comfortable with my husband and our sexual relationship that I can admit these types of things to him. I’m sure he only thinks I’m slightly weird haha. It did spark a fantastic Dom/sub role play conversation and we both are looking forward to exploring more of these types of childhood things.
I have spent a lot of time trying to determine what is behind my deep rooted desires to serve my wife and to be in extended chastity. I have some ideas, and I am in agreement that things in our childhood and teen years form us into who we are, especially sexually, throughout our adult lives. An absent (military) father can, I believe, influence boys to want to have women command them.
PA, I completely agree, but there are a couple memories from my past that I can remember very young where I enjoyed certain pleasures that “may not” pertain to any kind up upraising. Things such as bondage or denial of orgasms that I can’t seem to fit into the puzzle. Is there a gene or natural human instinct that pertain’s to sexual arousal other than the natural instinct to reproduce?
I have really been searching to what extends to my sexual desire to be controlled and why i loved to cross dress. I agree that some desire comes from childhood activities but i have not been abke to tighten down on them. I’ve enjoyed cross dressing since i was about 6. Sexual bondage since about 10. I enjoyed sexual pain such as spanking, CBT and smacking for about ten years plus and chastity for about two years now. Now that i think Bout it, i can remeber a few times that i refused myself an orgasm when i was about 12 just to keep that sexual arousal feeling foinf for an extended period of time. So maybe chastity and orgasm denial extends way back. Understanding where it came from has been a mystery. The excitment of living it today have been enjoyable.
KP,
What a great comment, thank you. There are so many things we find that touch on stuff from our childhood. I can tell you hubby grew up with a mom that thought he could do nothing wrong, he was not disciplined, he was put on a pedestal (for various reasons) and barely had rules… So, having me control and discipline him etc fits. Me on the other hand, I was overly disciplined, controlled, abused, etc which obviously feeds my own need for control. I’m pretty sure lot of my sexual stuff does come from sexual abuse in my past (wow, I just admitted that to hundreds of followers when only 3 people in my RL know!).
I don’t think we need to figure out why we like something or need something, I just think having an understanding that there is a reason is good enough. 🙂
Admitting things to us is a lot easier then in person. We have a different relationship with our followers on this blog and are mostly anonymous anyway. Plus, many of us are in the same boat and it’s easier to talk about things with likewise people just as it’s easier to talk about sexual kinks without fear of rejection.
I Agree that for some, it’s not a requirement to know where it comes from. Some may not even care; they just want to do what they enjoy. Understanding “why” for me, is a knowledge drawer I’d like to fill.
KP, same for me, I love and need to know the why’s for everything. 🙂
Your post is a great post as well. I enjoy reading your blog.