communication

All posts tagged communication

Lost and Found

Posted by Lady M on November 24, 2019
Posted in: Family, Male Chastity. Tagged: , , , , . Leave a Comment

It’s interesting what things get stirred up when you find something from the past. We were unpacking and found a box with a bunch of books… Wait a minute… Let me back up a bit, do you even know? I don’t think we’ve been here since we moved… again?!?!

Maybe I should start over. I’m pretty sure so much has happened in the past few months that you’ll need an explanation. 😉 Back in summer on a random Saturday cagedmonkey and I decided to buy another house… Who doesn’t? That’s what everyone does on a Saturday, isn’t it? lol the thing is… The house we bought is pretty perfect. It’s not much bigger than our previous house – same 3 bedrooms etc with the exception of a second bathroom and a family room. Most important about this family room is that it’s on the other side of the house from the bedrooms! More about that later! What that meant for our time, summer into fall, was a mad dash pack up a house while doing some repairs and getting things ready to sell a house while doing so the things necessary when you unexpectedly decide to purchase a house. We did, everything went… ehhh relatively smooth. No major hiccups. So that’s a good thing. We finally moved into the new house in September and then closed on the other two weeks later!

I’m not sure we mentioned a while back the trouble hubby was having with his back. So yeah, there was that. He was showing some lumbar spine issues but at the time we didn’t think they were that horrible so he was seeing the chiropractor and physical therapy trying to get it back to feeling better. None of that was really working and then we decided to move a whole house a few streets over, which meant lots of solo trips lifting heavy boxes and furniture and we think he damaged his back more. Fast forward to a few weeks ago he got 4 shots in his spine to try to alleviate some of the stupid pain he was in. They have seemed to take the edge off but in no way did they fix anything and he’s still being very careful (or I keep telling him to be anyway!). A lot of nights I’ll have him sleep without the cage because even getting those night time erections can cause him back pain pushing on herniated and torn discs in his very low back (CM: it’s not as bad as Lady M thinks, but I’m not going to complain if she wants my cage off, hehe). He is also under the instruction, during the night, that if he is sleeping in the cage and he gets that bad pain he is allowed to remove it so that his pain isn’t keeping us both up at night.

Aside from all that we were awfully busy as a family – hubby working, me working, hubby teaching at the university and he’s taking master’s classes on top of that and the kids sports and other activities… but hey, we won’t have young kids in sports and all that forever so it is what it is.

So, now that that’s out in the open, let’s move on to the point of this post lol. Recently CM and I were going through boxes and found our “communication notebooks” from back when we started this whole chastity and WLM journey. It has been really fun going back through reading about how we felt exploring different things. Ohhhh and how awesome it was the day the Mature Metal device arrived. We got a good chuckle out of the entries where we were so excited hubby stayed locked for 4 days straight. Such a huge difference to be locked every day all day. I feel like finding the books was such a good thing… It’s brought back some ideas of things we used to do that felt good and made each other feel good. The things that had us crazy horny all day long and kept my panties soaking wet.

Anyway… It’s been fun reading back to 6 years ago when all this started.

The Planning Stages

Posted by cagedmonkey on May 11, 2019
Posted in: Male Chastity, Orgasm Denial, Sex. Tagged: , , , , , . Leave a Comment

ML and I have been somewhat chill with our kinkiness lately. This has been due to a number of factors:

1) both of us have been very busy at work,

2) it’s hard to find alone adult time now that the kids are getting older (and staying up later), and

3) we’ve been spending a lot of time binge watching Game of Thrones.

(Tangent alert: seriously, we only started watching GoT a couple of weeks ago, and we are frantically trying to get caught up before the series finale. We are only up to the end of season 5, so I doubt we will make it…)

Although the kinkiness may be at a low, we are still enjoying our awesome fucking sex; I’ve been enjoying it very much so, as My Lady has allowed me to cum quite a few times over the past month. I guess I’m doing a good job when she tells me not to stop. 🙂

With that said, I have been feeling the desire to get a little more focused on the chastity/orgasm denial dimension of our sex life. This evening, I sneaky-texted ML to see what her thoughts on the subject were:

“Later” is still later, as the kids are still up and around… when is bedtime again?

I wonder if she’s planning a long denial period, increased chastity, perhaps both… or maybe something even more creative – I can never be sure exactly what is going on in that brain of hers, but that sure makes things exciting!

In Search of Intensity

Posted by cagedmonkey on March 9, 2017
Posted in: Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , . 1 comment

ML’s last post was about the search for balance. Recently, I’ve been wanting to search for something else: intensity.

Don’t get me wrong at all – our sex life is pretty damn intense as it is. In fact, ML and I often joke about how, when other guys say that they wish they could be as lucky as I am, that they might have second thoughts once they realize just how passionate My Lady is when it comes to dominating me. Sometimes it’s a miracle that I can handle it!

So, there’s no shortage of awesome sex in our household. But there are certain things that I miss, particularly about when we first started our “rekindling.” Some examples:

– squirting: ML’s ability to squirt is still pretty impressive, but there were times where ML’s pussy would squirt like a fountain and soak the seat of my car on our date nights.

– ML’s spontaneous orgasms: I remember making eye contact with ML from across the room and watching her as she made herself cum without touching her pussy or anything, just using her imagination to get herself off. I was so turned on by that… and jealous, too!

ML and I talked about these things the other night, and we realized that yes, those were very intense times for our relationship. Things were new, fun, and exciting… dare I say, could it be that things have gotten… STALE?

Okay, it’s not THAT bad… sex with ML is still pretty fucking amazing. But yeah, things are less intense than they were.

After some more talking (communication, people, it works, hehe), we realized what has changed: we aren’t doing the “little lovey” things we used to do. Things like leave each other tiny love notes here and there, the “non-sexual” hugs and kisses (that eventually lead to sex, but weren’t intended for that), and other tiny gestures that feed the emotional connection of our marriage.

You see, My Lady has an interesting mental/physical connection – when she feels emotionally in tune with me, she gets really really horny… and unbelievably wet. Like, seriously, it’s like a flood in her panties. And it’s this connection that leads to those intense moments. So, we’ve decided to try to bring those feelings and those moments back… not just for more squirting and orgasms-on-demand, but because our marriage and our love truly flourishes when we focus on those things.

Of course, those other pussy-related results would be great perks, as well. 🙂

Podcast Episode 6 – We’re Drunk!

Posted by Lady M on October 18, 2016
Posted in: Conversations, Marriage, Pegging, Podcast. Tagged: , , , , . Leave a Comment

Monkey in a Cage is back with another episode of the podcast! I know it’s been a little bit since we’ve gotten one up but here it is. If you follow us or subscribe to our podcast on Soundcloud.com you already got the notification that we posted a new podcast. Go you!!

Cagedmonkey and I were quite inspired by Drunk History, so in this episode we decided it might be fun to answer some questions from our readers and followers on a podcast while intoxicated. We were asked some questions about pegging, how it feels teasing and communication. Thank you again to our followers who asked questions on Twitter before and during our recording. We didn’t do a whole lot of editing to this so you get to hear all of the drunken slurs and tangents we get off on. We hope you enjoy!! 🙂

Click here to listen to our podcast on Soundcloud.com.

If you would like to subscribe to our RSS feed this is the link: http://feeds.soundcloud.com/users/soundcloud:users:254084738/sounds.rss

It’s Work For Us Too – Podcast Episode 3

Posted by Lady M on August 22, 2016
Posted in: Advice, D/s, Female Led Relationship, KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Podcast, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , , , , , . 3 comments

I often get asked by submissive (guys mostly) if I think they are doing a good job at pleasing their Mistress/Dominant partner. I honestly have to tell them, “I don’t know!” They will describe the things they do and they certainly seem pleasing to me. I even get asked for ideas on how to please their Mistress… that is the most difficult question because I am not their Dominant and everyone on this planet (and I assume on other planets lol) is different and what is pleasing to one person may not be pleasing to another – the most important thing here is communication. That’s what I’m talking about here, click to have a listen to my latest raw, unscripted Podcast.

As I said in my podcast here are a couple links to some posts I think would be helpful.

Praise & Reassurance

It’s the Little Things

A Little Tease Here, A Little Tease There

Tease Techniques

I’m sure there are other posts here, over the past almost 3 years that would be helpful. Feel free to use the search bar at the top right of the page and hopefully you can find something that will help you along on your journey. If not, send me a message and let’s chat! Thanks again for reading and listening and I look forward to hearing your thoughts so please feel free to comment!

It’s So Hard

Posted by Lady M on September 20, 2015
Posted in: Family, Marriage. Tagged: , , , . Leave a Comment

It’s been almost 10 years since cagedmonkey has had a regular day shift schedule. He has worked so hard to provide for our family. He has made me so proud to be his wife and the mother of his children. We made the choice together, 10 years ago, that I was going to stay home with the kids (at the time it was just one). Which meant we needed more money from his income to survive. That meant going to an off shift for the differential pay. We knew it was temporary but we never expected temporary to last 10 years lol. Over that time hubby has put so much into his job, went to school for some extra letters after his name and busted ass to become supervisor ready. Then the job he was at for 12years let him down and we ultimately moved here to West Virginia. Which, by the way, is beautiful and we really do like it here!

I never knew, after 10 years, how conditioned I was that I put the kids to bed and Yay! I have a few minutes to spend with hubby before he goes to work. He’s been off that schedule for about a month now, you would think it would go away by now but, still, every night I have to remind myself… I have ALL night with him. I actually get to sleep in bed with him every night. We go to bed together, we hold each other (most of the night unless it’s too hot LoL), we wake up together. It truly is something I feel others might take for granted. I cannot even begin to express that feeling of relief I get every night when I realize, “oh! He doesn’t have to go to work tonight.” And yes, I still get it every night! It’s weird!

The other thing that’s been so hard to adjust to with this whole day shift thing is just how much I miss the man I love. When he was working nights we chatted in text messages through half the night and then I’d fall asleep. I sure missed him but half the time he was gone I was sleeping. During my awake time he was sleeping but I still had access to him. 🙂 it’s so different now that he’s working and we are awake and asleep at the same times. I feel like I miss him much more now when I only get a text or two at his breaks and lunches. I know I will get used to it, it’s only been a week. Trust me that I appreciate that it’s something I have to get used to. He has worked hard to get to this spot and we, as a couple and a family, have been through a lot to get here too. I love the place we are in. I love the relationship we have now, the intimacy level and the communication between us has never been better. Not to mention the amazing, awesome, kinky sex we have! 🙂

I really want to thank our readers for being a part of this with us. It’s so fun to have met some amazing friends who we can totally be ourselves with. We love the questions we get and the conversations we have but more than that I think we really appreciate the love and support our new friends have offered!

Finding the Time to Connect

Posted by Lady M on May 14, 2015
Posted in: Marriage. Tagged: , , , . 2 comments

Things here with Kid1 have been very stressful. For those who haven’t read the What’s This All About page or follow us on Twitter, our oldest child is on the Autism Spectrum. She also has some other medical issues but that is neither here nor there, that’s just something that can add to the stress sometimes. She’s been on medication since she was about 4 years old for her inability to control her emotions and that she can even get violent. Anyway recently we have tried to switch her to a new medication and it has been an extremely horrible experience. I just made an urgent call to her Behavioral Pediatrician today about it.
image
My point in telling you all that is because we have been finding it very hard to find time to connect. That’s not to say we haven’t had a few little sexy moments or little teases here or there. Even through all this we manage days like the other day, where I tease and torment cagedmonkey all day. The problem is the in between times where the horny is completely lost due to a child having a complete breakdown and my ulcer flaring up and being totally worn down by the whole thing. That small connection we were able to make, physically or emotionally, was now severed by a screaming, yelling, flailing around 10 year old girl.

Like I said, we actually HAVE been connecting but it doesn’t feel that way, especially at night when I’m so exhausted. I’ve usually spent all day handling the girl child and then both of the kids when kid2 gets home. I end up falling asleep earlier than normal and missing out on texting hubby while he’s at work. I’m missing him terribly by the next morning when he finally gets home… But then he’s off to bed so I’m still not seeing him for 6 or 7 hours.

Life and marriage with kids is hard and this is one thing that can really put a damper on a sex life. Even cagedmonkey tried for like two days to write his last post but dealing with kid issues and busyness at work dragged it out. I’m just glad we are able to communicate these things with each other. That we are able to say we aren’t feeling as good of a connection as we need, emotionally. It really keeps our relationship healthy when we can help each other out by giving more of what we need to feel a greater connection.
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Conversations Like These Do Not Help the Horniness!

Posted by Lady M on May 3, 2015
Posted in: Male Chastity, Sex. Tagged: , , , . Leave a Comment

Cagedmonkey and I were texting last night while sitting on the couch together – since we have young kids and there is no way we can have these kinds of conversations in front of them. Even if we try to use cryptic words it would never have this impact.

Conversations like the one we had where cagedmonkey is telling me about how he’s feeling sexually – I just love communication! – really gets me going. Especially when his mood and my mood compliment each other. He is feeling like this:
image
And I’m feeling exactly the opposite of that, where I’m so fucking horny that I want to just use him for every bit of my pleasure… Like he’s my sex toy and nothing more. This right here is why we are so perfect together!

Fuck, I’m so horny I’m sitting here in church and my pussy is wet, quivering and aching as I think about going home and taking out my horny frustrations on cagedmonkey!

His Love Comforts Me

Posted by Lady M on March 31, 2015
Posted in: KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Marriage. Tagged: , . 1 comment

I hate those times when I feel disconnected from cagedmonkey. This past week or so of him being sick is apparently getting to me. I had to stop yesterday and sit down and talk to him because I could feel myself overanalyzing, worrying and wondering. Not about anything in particular, because I don’t truly have any weird signs but just overall about the lack of connection. So rather than do the normal “woman” thing when I started to feel that, I went right to cagedmonkey to tell him these, in a way, irrational feelings I was having.

What I normally would do is just hold it in, push the feelings aside and not really acknowledge or deal with them. I learned the hard way that doing those things is nothing more than the perfect way for me to spiral emotionally out of control and to start fabricating a million different reasons as to why he doesn’t love me. Rationally, I know this is ridiculous but emotionally and hormonally, I’m a woman. We are built this way.

Anyway I sat down yesterday morning with cagedmonkey and told him I was feeling disconnected. We talked about why I might be feeling that and without the physical love between us, I think a little ptsd was kicking in. I am so busy and getting worn from taking care of him while he’s been sick, the kids, the house and realized that no one is taking care of me. I started to miss the feeling of being wanted, cared for, desired physically. Not that I need him to do things for me, but I do like that he wants to. With him being sick those “I’m going to do this for her because it’s helpful and she will know I’m thinking of her and focused on her” things don’t happen. Those “hey honey I set up your coffee maker to brew for the morning so you don’t have to” little things that make me feel like he wants to see me smile and swoon aren’t there. Anyway, without those things I started to get those “I’ll just have do it all myself” feelings again and I knew those were not ok feelings, he’s sick and I don’t have to do it all myself. Those things will be back, his dick is still locked in a cage for me and when I can get back to teasing him properly everyday and using him for my pleasure everything will be back to normal.

The good thing about communicating is that simply telling him and acknowledging that I was feeling that way made a huge difference for me in my emotional state. Communicating also brings him into my head and he is then able to give what he can to help me not feel the way I do. If he never knows what silly irrational thoughts I’m having, how can he show me or tell me they are silly irrational thoughts? I rob him of the opportunity to adjust his behavior and to support me. It’s as if I am going to battle, alone, in my own head. It’s better to have someone there fighting with you and for you.

My love, my protector, the guardian of my heart and soul… my knight in literal shining armor 🙂

Depressed Dominant – Communicating and Working Through

Posted by Lady M on March 13, 2015
Posted in: Bondage, Conversations, D/s, Male Chastity, Marriage, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , , . Leave a Comment

Yesterday I started to feel a bit depressed and I couldn’t exactly put a finger on the specific thing that was making me feel down. I do know that it hit me quick and hit me kinda hard. One of the crappy things about being so in tune with my mental state (I’ve got way too many years of therapy to thank for that) is that I FEEL my depression kick in almost immediately. I feel my body change and my thoughts change. Yes, it’s an AWESOME thing that I can now do that because I can get right on top of it and work out the problem before I spiral out of control down into a deep hole. So, I knew something was wrong after cagedmonkey came home and asked “do you think I could get out and maybe sleep more comfortably?” For some reason that really got to me.

When I got up yesterday morning and was texting with CM on his way home from work, I was excited about maybe putting him in the bondage sack and depriving him good sleep and just tormenting him all day. It was exciting to think about all the things I wanted to do to tease him and drive him crazy. After all, I had spent the night before sending him pics and video of me getting off with my wand. It really seemed to drive him nuts.
wand
After he got home and asked me to get out in such a non-urgent way it just gave me this feeling that he wasn’t even horny. I felt like he wasn’t aching to get out and that all the teasing and stuff I’d been doing wasn’t frustrating him at all. I LOVE to see his frustration, to hear him beg, to know that what I’m doing is making him bonkers. I mentioned to him that I thought he should unlock and masturbate because he didnt seem all that submissive to me. I felt like maybe he was just bored and done playing my game. This apparently confused him because in his mind he was feeling very submissive – I just wasnt seeing it outwardly. This is where the wonderful communication in a relationship comes in.

Our conversation was through text messages because of the kids, it went like this:

CM: I’m sorry you feel as though my desire to be dominated is gone…. I don’t know what is causing these thoughts, but it’s not true…. I love being controlled by you, being kept by you, being yours and only yours all day every day…. Is it possible that you are questioning your own level of passion for this? Could it be that you are projecting – instead of me not being as submissive as you like, in fact you are not being as dominant as you want to be? Not trying to blame you, I promise, just trying to figure out what the deal is.

LM: I don’t feel like I have any loss of passion… At the moment I don’t feel submission and maybe it is my fault maybe I’m not being dominant enough, maybe I’m not intense enough… I’m just feeling inadequate.

CM: I don’t feel that’s true. I’m enjoying everything about us.
Would you like me to stop “asking out”? Is that me taking too much power from you?

LM: I don’t know what I want… I want to feel like you NEED desperately to be out and that’s why your asking and not feel like it’s a “hey yeah, I was thinking I could sleep comfortably” thing… Maybe what I need is to keep you locked up a little extended and tease you to tears. Maybe it was just that whole situation made it feel weird… Maybe I need to hear some me and you fantasies too. Not stockade, fucking machine, girlie play partner, abandonment fantasies but you and me fantasies from you. To feel like there is still this dynamic in your mind between us and that all that other stuff isn’t necessary. I dunno, I guess sometimes I feel like I’m competing with the bigger fantasies and maybe I won’t live up to those.

CM: I don’t “fantasize” about us too much because it’s already real and I love it! Maybe I’ve gotten too much into the “don’t expect anything” mentality, but I haven’t shared too much only because I don’t want to push you or affect you, etc… I was really hoping you’d follow through with your “sleep sack” idea today. It’s been a while since you’ve done any full bondage/teasing type stuff…. I didn’t want to push too hard and mention it/ask for it because that’s not what I do anymore. We’ve had a lot of “starter” moments lately – like the other day when you were stimulating pegging me on the bed, etc – but not a lot of times where we’ve actually played together. I figured you were getting back into it on your own pace, so I didn’t want to pressure you.

LM: I guess I at least want to know that you think about and desire things between us… it’s not about asking because I like that you don’t ask or push me or annoy me to do things… but telling me “oh I was thinking, last night, about that time when you tied me to the bed….” or “I dreamed about us laying together and I realized you had tied me down and you were masturbating next to me and I couldn’t move to help or touch you or even look at you” etc. Knowing that you think about me sexually, that you remember those times makes me want to recreate them or do something similar… it let’s me know that I did something good and you liked it and you want it again. It’s not you asking when you are reminiscing – even if you wrote about it on the blog – how “that one time” felt, how you loved it, what you loved, that you’d love it again… stuff like that. Being “caught up” in something we did – not obsessing but the “wow, ugh, awesomeness, frustration” and reminiscing – that’s a good word to describe it… not getting stuck in a moment or on something we did but being caught up in it just enough to show me “fuck that was awesome can we do it again?”

CM: I will try harder to find that “middle ground.”

LM: Btw we’ve had those moments but then the playtime is lost and, today… I just felt blah after this morning and my oomph for the sleep sack drifted quickly and I had this why bother feeling… like it wouldn’t matter if I did because I’m not good enough anyway.

CM: I’m sorry I haven’t been giving you what you need.

LM: I don’t think it’s that YOU haven’t been giving me what I need… I just think I’m figuring it out, right now, talking to you… that sometimes (obviously not all the time!) I need to know what I’m doing is good and appreciated and wanted and desired. Maybe I’m completely wrong and I just suck.

CM: You don’t suck, I wish you sucked more, tbh 😉
On my penis
My achy needy penis

…

Ok, ok you can see where that conversation led after that. Having that conversation actually catapulted us into an extremely frustratingly horny day. I was sopping wet all day while we were sexting and sneaking playful moments here and there when the kids were busy. It was wonderful to talk about all the naughty, playful, kinky things we do again. I’ve missed hearing how tight his cage feels or how what I’m doing is effecting him. I think we got to a point where it just felt so normal to horny all the time and he must have figured I knew he was horny, so why tell me. Well… telling me fuels me, keeps me going and makes me eager to push the intensity level. I really am just figuring this out and I’m so happy that my marriage is in a different place now. Two years ago, we’d never mention sex, let alone have a conversation about anything that was bothering one of us. We would hold on to it and let it build resentment – it was how we coped with the fear. This is SO much better and I love being in this place with my husband. I love him and where we are emotionally, spiritually and sexually.