denial

All posts tagged denial

Constant Arousal in Orgasm Denial

Posted by Lady M on November 18, 2014
Posted in: KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Orgasm Denial, Sex, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , , , , . 9 comments

It’s getting to that point for me, that point in cagedmonkey’s orgasm denial where I start to feel it. I’m nearing the end of my cycle and feeling much better emotionally at the same time. What that means is that my horny has kicked in high gear. It’s like I’m a pimply faced teenage boy who just got a shot of testosterone (right, Drew?). What that means for hubby is that I’m constantly hungry for him in some sexual way. Whether I’m smacking his ass as he walks by, walking up to him grabbing his caged cock through his pants as I kiss him deep or pulling him into the bedroom, locking the door and fucking the hell out of his face, it’s me, all day, in sexual attack mode.

It’s been about 6 weeks now since hubby’s last orgasm. I know, I choose to keep him denied because thats how I like him. The constant crazy high of his arousal is good for me. He’s more focused and attentive, more willing in all aspects of life. He’s completely and utterly horny for me which boosts me. I love him that way… but I also LOVE LOVE LOVE to make him cum. So yeah, there’s my dilemma. This whole denying him orgasm is really hard on me and all day, today, I’ve been arguing with myself about just saying screw it and letting him cum so I can use him to fuck me good and hard like I need to be. I think, if I wasnt on my cycle, I would be ok because he could just use the RodeoH harness with “Adam” in it and slam my pussy good and hard with my favorite toy. I know I’m going to have to basically torture myself for the next few days until I can have that. Why don’t I have him use it now? I don’t know, I have this thing about my toys being used during my period. If I use his cock (which I did the other night) it’s not a big deal to me because it washes off much more easily.

So before I go letting him erupt 6 weeks worth of his hot cum into my pussy I’m going to force myself to wait. Simply because I have a plan, I want him to wait until we renew our vows in January. I want him to save up and build up that incredible amount of horny and desire. I want to feel his passion that night after we are all lovey and promising to be together and take care of each other forever. I want his desire to be so much so that his orgasm is felt deep through his entire body and lasts for a long time.

So, as much as I love to make him cum, I love that constant arousal that comes with denying him his orgasm. I’m happy to remind myself of that and I’m happy waiting it out and having him please me in every other way possible. I’ll get mine and, eventually, I’ll get his too! 🙂

Mail Chastity: Female Chastity

Posted by Lady M on November 10, 2014
Posted in: Mail Chastity, Orgasm Denial, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , . 5 comments

Ok so this was actually a comment on the blog and not really mail but this is a better way to address it. I’m sure there are a few people out there who’d like to know.

pcguy asks:
“One question though.. You’d talked about the possibility of maybe eventually trying a bit of “female chastity” as well.  I saw you had the one brief stint of orgasm denial for Lady M, but do you still consider trying an actual device for any period of time at all?  I’ve always wondered if the female devices are really even that practical…”

As you know cagedmonkey and I do, very rarely, have a bit of the “Switch” in us. I’ll be honest and say it’s a controlled type of switch meaning it’s something, as the dominant one, I’m allowing him to do. I love when we do this because once in a freaking while it’s nice to not HAVE to be in control of every damn thing. The other part of that is that I actually do like to experience “the other side” of things. I like to know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of things. It also helps me to know how to be a better Domme! 🙂

The answer to your question pcguy is yes, we do still plan to lock my sexiness up in a female chastity device. We wanted to do it right and not buy some novelty item off Amazon, so we ordered a custom sized locking one. It’s not a true custom device it’s just one that will fit my size, since I’m pretty sure with my huge tits people realize I’m not some nasty pencil thin model chick. It is a black leather device that requires three padlocks to even keep it on and closed. If I could find it right now I would post a pic, but it’s packed somewhere.

So, why haven’t we used it yet? Well first… we need three locks lol and didn’t have them right away, second we ended up moving and third we started to really think about the practicality and logistics of it all. Could I possibly wear it and function – it’s nothing like just having a cage locked on your cock. I mean seriously, every morning after my second cup of coffee who wants to be unlocking 3 padlocks while I’m about to burst?! That and I can literally think myself into an orgasm so the device is really about keeping me from sex… I have to mentally stop my orgasms.

So far it’s been hard to work out how we would actually do it properly. We did come across another device that is slightly different. That device could make these things happen a bit sooner. I will be honest and say that I would never be locked up like my cagedmonkey. Mine would definitely be short term compared to his! I have this fear that if I suppress the horny it might get pushed so far that I lose it again… no one in the world wants Lady to lose her horny!

I hope this answers your question and I thank you for asking. 🙂 please let us know if you have any other questions.

More Talking & Fantasizing About Bondage Equipment

Posted by Lady M on November 5, 2014
Posted in: Bondage, Male Chastity, Orgasm Denial, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , . 3 comments

Recently hubby and I have been talking a lot about some bondage equipment and boy do I wish we had the money to buy it and try it out. Anyone wanna get me a gift? Hehe Really though, it has so much potential for long term teasing, predicament bondage and even some humiliation.

If you’ve been following our journey you know about a local friend I met who we were doing a pseudo-cuckolding type thing with. For the blogs proposes, his name is Adam and he’s also who I named my favorite very very realistic dildo after. Well, he and I started talking again in the past couple days and I brought up this piece of bondage equipment. You see we’ve wanted to play in person with Adam for quite some time. Not that we are ok with me fucking another man – we aren’t – but that doesn’t mean he couldn’t come show hubby what a nice hard cock looks like when it’s stroked and cums. Especially when he’s all locked up in his steel cage and been denied for a month.

So last night I mentioned to cagedmonkey that I was thinking of inviting Adam over for some playtime. I told him if we had the equipment it would make his visit that much more interesting. I also told him I wanted him to take some time to think about what other exciting and deliciously evil things Adam and I could do in front of him and/or to him while locked into it. So here is what he emailed me from his assignment last night:

“as you requested My Lady, a continuation of my thoughts/fantasy from earlier – involving the stocks and you (and possibly Adam) masturbating while I was forced to watch – ways to make it even more frustrating for me by playing some porn within my view. You could be enjoying the porn while I’m forced to watch, unable to do anything about it, and you could do any/all of the following:

– force me to watch him jerk off to the porn
– force me to watch the cumshots in the porn
– stroke me to the same rhythm that the he strokes himself
– stroke me to the same rhythm as the fucking in the porn
– use my body to get off repeatedly
– edge me constantly
– or anything else you can think of

These are all such wonderful things. I’ve thought of a few others such as using him as furniture of sorts while I masturbate, pegging him while he is locked in the stocks – especially if Adam is masturbating in front of him, kneeling in front of him and (a big maybe) letting Adam cum right on my big titties… I mean, as I said, the potential there is almost unending!

I did email Adam to see his thoughts and fantasies about the whole thing, so I’m pretty eager to see what he says. I’m so sure my pussy will be completely dripping wet after reading his response. Just talking to hubby this morning, for the few minutes before he went to sleep, soaked my panties!
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“Oh JailBird How I’ve Missed You”

Posted by Lady M on November 4, 2014
Posted in: Male Chastity. Tagged: , , , , , . 2 comments

These were my exact words this morning as I tucked cagedmonkey into bed. He went to work early last night because someone called in sick. I decided to have him change back into his Mature Metal JailBird after his shower because I’ve been feeling a bit of a longer term lock up coming on. The thing is, I didn’t really get a chance to see my little knight in his shining armor. You know, those real life things like getting the kids to bed, packing dinner for hubby to take to work and all that fun stuff kinda got in the way of admiring my beautiful locked up toy.

So this morning, cagedmonkey did as he is required. He went in the bedroom, stripped naked and waited for me. When I walked in I took off my clothes and pressed my naked body against his. Oh good Lord that feeling of our warm skin touching is one of the most fantastic feelings in the world. I simply said to him, “I’m home.” That’s what that feeling is, warm, inviting and comforting… it’s home.

I could feel the growing warmth between my legs as my pussy began to get wet. I knew I just HAD to have his face in my pussy making me cum all over it. I straddled him and slid right up onto his chin and mouth and rode myself to quite a wonderful orgasm as I slid his hands up my curvy body to my big luscious breasts. I was so wet, gooey and wanting, that his face slid easily between my lips and the sloppy sounds of my cummy pussy were so hot.

I twisted off of his face and lay beside him, I brushed the sheet away to expose his steel encased cock. There my beautiful toy was, squeezing, struggling and strangling itself trying to get an erection. All I could say was, “oh how I’ve missed you, JailBird.” I really do love being able to see the bulging when he’s so turned on by me. I don’t get that with the Revenge at all. After having him in it for the past week, it was quite a turn on to see him just the way I like him.

Getting My Revenge

Posted by Lady M on October 28, 2014
Posted in: Anal, Chastity Device, Female Led Relationship, KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Orgasm Denial, Sex, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , . 7 comments

At the beginning of this year we had ordered a Revenge from Steelworxx in Germany. We got it back in March and tried it out for awhile. We realized after using it a few times that there were some things we wanted to add/change. We made sure we measured over and over and thought long and hard about what we wanted since, to make changes, we would have to send the device back to Germany. In August, we did just that. Btw, sending the device we spent a ton on to begin with, half way around the world was nerve racking! When a month went by without him getting it, I was nervous. Then when 6 weeks came along and he still hadn’t gotten it I was getting a bit freaked out and thought we lost our money and the device was just gone… but just over 7 weeks later Steelworxx emailed to say they have finally received the device and could start making the adjustments.

As you can see in the previous post (linked above) we had ordered the regular pad lock post and a 50mm ring and did the device kinda as is. You can see below how we added the steel ring around the start of the tube and we also got the anatomic ring which curves a bit back at the bottom.
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We also added the integrated lock and the base ring size is smaller as well. It is now about 47mm I believe.
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I do think we nailed the sizing and stuff on this one. After the past couple days, while hubby was off work, I made him get dressed in the Revenge. Especially when I woke up yesterday sore as hell because I made him fuck every hole I have nice and hard and deep. He fucked me over and over, as I requested, while he himself was denied any sort of pleasure or orgasm. I’ve been so horny and hard to satisfy sexually recently and I made sure I was fucked SO good that I was walking funny the next morning. God it felt good and I was wet and horny all day because I couldn’t stop thinking about all the constant fucking. 🙂

I had cagedmonkey get dressed in the Revenge last night and so far he says he’s had no issues and is comfortable. That’s good because I have no plans of removing his device for a bit. I just love that he can’t touch or see his own cock and when he does attempt an erection he’s gets an all over squeeze around his cock.
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It’s so shiny and sexy, don’t you think? I do have to comment on how much I love the integrated lock! It’s very easy to lock and unlock and, oh man, is it ever perfect for rubbing my pussy on hubby cage without hurting my lady parts! Even with the security screw on other devices the post still sticks out a bit and can hurt a little if in not careful. This lock is rounded and I couldn’t feel it at all when I was teasing hubby this morning.

I’m already enjoying cagedmonkey being locked in the Revenge again. Today I’ve been teasing him quite intensely, I’ve done my morning facesitting and also covered his chest with my pussy juices. I did a little breath play with him this morning and it got me turned right the hell on so I ended up cumming right there on his chest while smothering him with my big titties. I left his face and chest covered in my juices and went out to do errands.

When I got back from running around I went in for a little visit. While he was sleeping I lubed up my fingers and woke his ass up… quite literally. 🙂 I gave him a good ass fingering with a couple of my fingers and, damn, did I love hearing his moaning and whimpering from being violated and used for my pleasure. I’m really going to enjoy using and abusing him and giving him a taste of what it is to have sore holes from being overused. In sure the rest of the week is going to be just lovely and frustrating for him. I can’t wait!

A Cock at Attention – I’m So Fucking Horny!!

Posted by Lady M on October 21, 2014
Posted in: Male Chastity, Orgasm Denial, Sex, Tease & Denial, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , , , , . 3 comments

Usually I have about a week or so during the month (most of the time the week or so before I start my cycle) where I’m so crazy, mega horny that almost no amount of orgasms or sex can satisfy me. It’s that time during the month where I’m craving cagedmonkey’s nice big, thick, cock the most. I just want to feel him in my hand, my mouth, my tight wet pussy while in cumming good and hard on him, squeezing him.

For some reason this month my crazy horny time hasn’t stopped! Maybe my body is making up for the lull we had while packing and moving. I don’t know for sure but it started about two weeks ago and damn if I’m not super fucking horny STILL and I’m finishing up my cycle. It’s actually worse today than it has been. At times like these that I just love that I keep cagedmonkey denied of orgasm and “hair-trigger horny,” as I call it. When I keep him that way, it helps at times like this when I’m so fucking horny and am having a hard time being satisfied. I love having his cock stand at attention for me the moment I want to ride it and cum on it.

This morning is a perfect example of how horny I am and how I love having cagedmonkey ready on a whim. I had unlocked him Sunday night so I could tease him very intensely. I teased his cock for about an hour or so Sunday night and Monday night. I edged him over and over, stroked him until he was whimpering and begging me to stop. The first thing we did before I got out of bed this morning was make love. About an hour later I was dying to get some dick and how lucky that I have one here to use whenever I want. 🙂 I went to the bedroom with a dripping wet, horny pussy, slid my hand quietly under the blanket and woke hubby with a stroke of his cock. I love how his eyes get wide and he takes in a big breath when I startle him awake like that. It certainly didn’t take him long to get hard when I told him, “I need to fuck you right now.”

I climbed up, straddled him and rode his cock till I had a few orgasms. I’m so horny and sloppy wet this morning that we were both slippery, shiny, wet and gooey. I love seeing his cock glisten with my pussy juices. I was fucking him so hard, riding his cock, squeezing it with my intense orgasms that he began begging me to slow down and to be careful so he didn’t accidentally cum without permission. I have to admit, hearing him beg and whimper like that really got me going. It turned me on more, got me even hornier that I just HAD to twist myself off of him so I didn’t force an orgasm I’m not ready to give him yet. I love him like this way too much to give him an orgasm and have to start over building him up again.

So after I rolled off of him, I was laying there next to him for a second and realized how quivery and achy my pussy felt. I just NEEDED to cum again! I made him turn a bit sideways on the bed, while I laid on my back, and slide his cock in me so I could get myself off again on his big hard cock. I do love that position, it almost reminds me of the doggy style feeling and he can get in there nice and deep. I rubbed my clit good and fast and gave myself two fantastic back to back orgasms. The first one was so strong and intense and my whole body tensed, it surprised me and I kinda moaned out a “what the fuck?!” God damn that felt good. Ugh, I’m killing myself writing this right now haha. 🙂

About an hour after that (just as I started this post haha) I was getting myself all worked up again – it really didn’t take much. I just kept thinking about how, if my daughter wasn’t here, I would use the hell out of cagedmonkey. I have these strong feelings of wanting to use him to – try – satisfy my extreme horny. I was thinking about how I would love to straddle his face and make him lick me to a few messy, drippy orgasms. I want to make his face shine with my pussy juices from ear to ear. I thought about how I want to slide down his chest and right down onto his rock hard cock, riding him to even more orgasms. But, alas, our daughter is here doing her school work so, I’ll have to settle for sneaking in every so often and getting myself off using his body for my pleasure.

As I said when I started writing this post and got myself all worked up again I had to save it as a draft and go get myself more of his awesome cock in my pussy. I swear I’ve cum at least 8 times already in just the couple hours I’ve been awake. Ok I have to stop writing again and go get off more haha. Oh boy, I’m going to get nothing done today when I’m like this! 🙂

Guilty Feelings – Denial Must Be Working

Posted by Lady M on October 16, 2014
Posted in: KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Orgasm Denial, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , . 1 comment

Well I’ve noticed each time we go through a new denial period that I get to a point where I start getting these feelings of guilt. I start feeling bad for times like this morning when I go visit hubby in the bedroom and cum over and over again until I’m a heaving, breathy, sweaty mess on the bed. 🙂 I could really feel the frustration in him, the massive amount of horny dying for some satisfaction. I could hear it in his voice, see it in his face and feel it in his touch. He’s aching for an orgasm and while I love to get him to this point, as a keyholder it can be a rough time. It’s time to get over the guilt feelings for denying him and just enjoy the frustration.

Though, these are the times us keyholders may need that little reminder that we are doing a good job, that this is what you boys want. You want to be teased, used as a sex toy and left in a puddle of precum, denied the pleasure of your own orgasm. Sometimes we just need some encouragement. A super easy way to let your Mistress/Wife/Keyholder know you are loving the anguish they are putting you through is to say thank you. It is so encouraging, not too mention pretty damn hot, too hear cagedmonkey say, “thank you for allowing me to please you My Lady while you deny me the pleasure of my own orgasm. You always know just what I need.” It really shows so much submission and let’s me know that, even if I’m being a little harsh, it’s ok because he wants my control.

Anyway, I know when I get these feelings, something I’m doing is working because the more frustrated and horny he gets, the wetter and more drippy my pussy is. The more I hear the frustration in his moans, the harder I cum. 🙂

Punishing the Naughty Boy for Cumming Without Permission

Posted by Lady M on September 6, 2014
Posted in: Chastity Device, KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Orgasm Denial, Sex, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , . 4 comments

After cagedmonkey’s naughtiness the other night, he’s was put back in the Jail Bird. I did leave him unlocked that night for a good 24 hours or so. I had thought about locking him directly back up but I noticed some redness on the underside of his shaft and decided he needed a break from the cage. That also gave me time to use the hell out of him hehe.

As for the punishment for cumming without permission… “punishment” means different things to different people. So there is no one size fits all punishment for this type of thing. I’ve never had to actually punish cagedmonkey but rather I’ve only disciplined him with spanking, etc. When we made up our agreement we added a section for punishment/discipline and what things would be effective in what situations.

So let me clarify that this is definitely a punishable offense and not something that simply requires a “correction.” It may seem complicated but one is more of a cute “oh you naughty boy” thing, closer to funishment rather than punishment. Punishment is meant to to be something undesirable and unpleasant to the person who is being punished. For cagedmonkey, this needs to be the removal or denial of something pleasant or desirable. So cagedmonkey loves his video games and he also loves pleasing me, making me cum, etc. Any of these things being taken away would be punishment for him.

I will say I’m not completely devastated by his cumming without permission… because, to be honest, it felt so good and I loved that I had him so extremely worked up that his primal need took over. However, I would be utterly devastated if he were to cheat and cum hiding in a corner somewhere. The punishment for that is not playing… I hand him back the keys and when he can prove to me that he can be a good boy, then it might be time to play. This meant I really had to think about what punishment fit the crime, so to speak.

I decided since cagedmonkey came without permission that I would deny him MY orgasm. I figured if he had so much enjoyment out of his own then his punishment should be not getting to enjoy giving me any. So he got three days of not pleasing me, knowing that I had gone upstairs to make myself cum and he didn’t get to hear me moan, didn’t get to feel my pussy moisten, didn’t get to feel it tighten, didn’t get to taste my wonderful, yummy cum that he loves so much. Denied pleasuring the woman he loves and committed to serving and pleasing. You all know that with me being in control of when he cums, he has taken to getting his pleasure from pleasing me and giving me orgasms and servicing me sexually. Let me tell you by the second day he was already complaining about how he missed my pussy and tasting it. Awww, poor baby! 🙂

I have enjoyed myself since Thursday night, I allowed his face to be buried back in my pussy, making me cum all over his face. We also got very intimate and romantic and did make love. Sometimes the slow, deliberate strokes with eye contact can really push the emotions. I really do love him being denied and extremely horny for me. I love that he wears my little steel cage on his cock because I want him to.

Finally after a very long week of punishment, extra hours at work and not getting much time to do the sexy sexes, cagedmonkey is home for the weekend. We had a chat in text last night about how I’m in the mood to use him as my sex toy. How I want to use whatever part of him, whenever I want for my pleasure. Wanna know the best part? He’s totally in the mood to be used for my pleasure! Hehe I have loved, over the past year, how our sexual moods have been in sync. When ever I’m feeling a certain way or he’s feeling a certain way we have always been in the same mood for that particular sexual thing. It’s so awesome!! 🙂

I’m so sure there will be plenty of things to write about this weekend. Since he got home from work this morning, I’ve already woken him up a few times to get my pleasure in. Even though we will be packing and going through the house stuff, doesn’t mean I won’t call him to the bedroom or bathroom for a private moment of pussy licking and making me cum. 🙂 I may even send him there before me to get his unlocked cock good and hard and ready to dip in my tight pussy whenever I want. So much possibility for so much yummy play, all. day. long. 🙂 however I have no plans to make him cum until at least January 18th.

Desperate to Get Out of the Cock Cage

Posted by Lady M on August 28, 2014
Posted in: Chastity Device, Female Led Relationship, KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Marriage, Orgasm Denial, Tease & Denial, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , , . 13 comments

I don’t want to do the whole “sorry we haven’t posted in a few days” thing so I’m not going to. I’m not going to make excuses, rather I’m going to tell you what’s been going on!

Over the past couple days a lot has changed for us and our journey together in life. Really this has nothing to do with male chastity but I’ll get to that. A lot of things happened, fell into place, whatever you want to call it, for us and we had some decisions to make regarding our future. So in short: WE’RE MOVING!!!

And with that announcement (like you all care about that haha) comes so so so much work for the wife portion of a Wife Led Marriage. Now that we are moving – in a month, by the way – I have to fill out paperwork for the new house, take checks here there and everywhere, get copies of this and that and, since we’re moving school districts, I am running to get registration forms, filling them out, collecting all the stuff they want to prove we are moving, taking it back to the new school, informing the old school, returning books to the library… Ok really, you get the gist. I’m a busy freakin woman at the moment.

In a way, it’s a good thing that hubby is in lockdown 24/7 because I don’t have much time to tease and torture him all day like I normally do. That doesn’t mean I’m not mindfucking him and still teasing and having him please me whenever I can, it just means lots less.

So yesterday my one visit to him upstairs before errands was a very intense tease. He was quite literally crying into my chest because of the combined physical and mental torment I was subjecting him to. His Jail Bird was strangling his balls while I rubbed his prostate. I found that during these big long lock ups it can be very effective to externally manipulate the prostate.

I spoke so softly with my lips against his lips, telling him bad I wanted his big fat cock in my mouth, to lick it and suck it and feel it deep in my throat. I’m sure it didn’t help that I also licked him through the cage and gave him a simulated blow job through the cage. Hehe really he would have been writing this all himself but it’s hard for him to write at work lately and even harder to write on his phone.

This morning before he went to sleep after work I texted him to remind him of his situation. You know, locked in a cage, no orgasm for 6+ weeks and no erection for 2+ weeks. 🙂 I guess I started to get to him because I got a couple of texts back from him.

I’m really fucking horny and desperate for a hardon

So I asked him how bad it would be if I decided to tie him up, unlock his cage and leave him to watch as his cock slowly hardened but still received no stimulation.

He said:

Really fucking bad, but I’d still like not having the steel constantly hugging my cock

Hehe I think I’m really getting to him when he’s not even begging, whimpering and crying for an orgasm anymore… instead it’s over just flat out being out of the cage for a simple erection.

So boys… Don’t take those erections for granted, you could be locked in a cage unable to even get one too! 🙂

Hiding the Key… From Me!

Posted by Lady M on August 25, 2014
Posted in: Chastity Device, KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Orgasm Denial, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , . 9 comments

I am in a bad bad way super mega crazy horny. Like dripping wet quivering pussy horny. Like attacking cagedmonkey very aggressively any chance I get horny. Like I want to rip off his clothes and cage and throw him down on the bed and fuck him silly horny. (Yes, I know there should be commas in there somewhere but who cares! lol)

Seriously, I’m really horny again and I’m having a really hard time resisting using my key. I know what you’re thinking, I’m the keyholder and I’m in charge, why don’t I just unlock him and use my toy to pleasure myself? Well, honestly, I really do want to try to keep him locked, without erection through the end of September like I planned. I really don’t want to ruin the time he’s been in his Jail Bird already or lose the incredible amount of frustration I have already built up in him.

So to keep this keyholder from doing something she really doesn’t want to do, I had to put my key away in a little box. I am very blessed that I have such a good subby hubby who knows my goal and is willing to help me get past this crazy horny bit. I will say that I am at a point that it is not him or his begging or his whimpering that is making it hard for me… it’s my own self, my need to have him, my desire to feel HIM between my legs. Not a strap on harness, not a fake cock filling up my pussy, that’s not what I want. It isn’t about needing to be fucked because that’s easy enough with the strap on. It’s about feeling the man I love between my legs, looking into his beautiful blue eyes and feeling that connection with him. I want to feel that closeness, that tender, romantic love… without the cold hard steel against my leg.

Ok I need to stop because I’m getting myself kinda crazy again writing this. Anyway, for now, my key is put away and not hanging on a necklace around my neck. It’ll have to stay there until I’ve gotten past these feelings.