Being a wife and Keyholder can bring on a lot of confusing and conflicting feelings. Especially when it comes to whether or not we want to allow our sweet locked up boys to orgasm.

I noticed last night as cagedmonkey and I were messing around that I had this feeling of wanting him to be so horny for me that he would just take me. That’s all fine and dandy because I have such a devoted, good boy that I can take his hand and put it on the back of my head and he knows I want him to grab my hair, flip me on to the couch and slide into me. What he also knows is that I don’t want him to cum while having his way with me… and he won’t.

While 99.999999% of the time I do not want him to, I really think there is this itty bitty part of me that wishes I could push him past the point of being a good boy. I said, I THINK! It really felt like it last night. I felt like I wished he was so horny he would disobey me. Of course if he did, he’d be punished for it because it would be cumming without permission but maybe part of me wants that? Maybe part of me wants him to disobey so I can punish him? I really DON’T want him to cum. However, there is this little part of me wants to know if I’m THAT irresistible. Could I possibly get him so horny that it pushes him so far as to not be the extremely devoted good boy that he is.

Perhaps just getting him to a begging, pleading, practically crying mess will satisfy my “am I irresistible?” feeling. It’s so frustrating because like I said I really don’t want him to but maybe I do want him to challenge me!

Anyway… I’m not sure what I really want but cagedmonkey and I talked about this very thing today because that’s what you do in a relationship. You talk, about everything! I told him how conflicting the feelings were but that the “don’t orgasm” feelings beat out the “disobey me” ones. We talked about how we could get to a point of, in the moment, letting him know that he had a choice to obey my rules or disobey them. Well really he always has that choice but if he disobeyed at any other time I would be extremely disappointed and probably get depressed and his punishment would be pretty severe. If there was that moment of me being like “well I wouldn’t be devastated if he was so so so bad that he just had to disobey me and take me” I would need to be able to let him know. If it was a moment like that where I let him know with a few choice words there would still be consequences but perhaps no where near as harsh as him making that decision on his own whim.

I’m telling you… if you ever think your wife, girlfriend, partner and Keyholder has an easy job, you are very mistaken! A lot of us get these conflicted feelings. That’s not to say everyone does but I’m sure a good amount of us do.