she’s in charge

All posts tagged she’s in charge

It seems like CM is always posting pics about what he wakes up to in the morning. How he thinks I’m beautiful and loves my body and boobs and all that. Well he’s not the only one that gets to wake up to complete sexiness beside him in the morning. This was my view yesterday morning as I woke up. I had to stop and tell him to freeze so I could take my own picture. I love how he looks, especially locked in his cage for me.

I love sleeping next to him naked. I love the way his skin feels. I love how he’s the perfect amount of warmth when I need it. I love how we can sleep all entangled up with each other and we both feel so incredibly comfortable. It’s amazing that we can snuggle up so close and fall asleep together like that.

I know at first I was a little worried about how I’d feel about him getting his nipples pierced but I really do like them and I love playing with them and making him squirm when I grab and pull on them. They really are fun and I look forward to finding fun ways to incorporate them into play. His nipple rings and cage really are extremely sexy.

So yesterday, I was feeling better than I had in a while so I decided it was time to take back control of things. Things with my house, my life, my kids and my hubby. It was time to get this house back in shape and cleaned up. I was almost like a drill sergeant, in a way, getting things going. At one point I told hubby I was sick of feeling like crap, sick of hurting and being sick and feeling like I was not in control. I told him, in a half whisper right at his mouth with my lips barely brushing his, that I was taking back my control, of the house, the kids and of him. I told him exactly what he would do to help clean. How he’d do laundry and anything else I asked and I even told him he could “shut his little fucking mouth” about how I went about getting this house back together. Lol it was surprising to me that I finally felt strong enough and good enough to use that tone with him.

I am the one who should control this house and control him, he gave me that control over 5 years ago. He chose to hand me his keys and trust that I could competently control him. I felt a lot of power yesterday and I felt in control and I needed it. My illness does not control me.

I realized this morning that I’m starting to feel my mood sink. We got a bit busy coming up to the holidays and some of my control turned way less sexual. The house is hard to keep up with when both of us are working and the kid’s are here, there and everywhere. My control has been a lot more clean this, do this, do that, this kid needs to be here or picked up at this time, type of stuff. While, yes, I love being in charge of everything, I also very much enjoy being in charge sexually and there hasn’t been much time for sexual control. Let alone, after working and coming home to cook and clean and run kids places, the energy level is depleted.

This morning I was sitting here after doing some cleaning and realized that I’m feeling a strong need to Domme cagedmonkey. I texted him this morning and told him, “I need to feel some power over you, I need you to be vulnerable to me. I need to feel you shuddering and whimpering beneath me.” Yeah so that’s where I’m at right now. I’m sitting on the couch fantasizing about him being bound in a vulnerable position where I can do whatever I want to him. Where I can play with whatever part of him I want, make him feel what I want. It could be good, amazing, teasing feelings or maybe I want to give him a little discomfort. I can feel my chest get tight when I think about being a little aggressive and rough with him, that’s how I know I need it… Not just want it! I want to feel him powerless and vulnerable to my touch. I really to want and need to feel him whimpering and begging because he knows I’m controlling every sensation he’s having. I need to feel that change in his body when he realizes there is no use trying to hold out. I am fantasizing about him being tired and used and “done” but I just pick up his head and make him eat my pussy more anyway. 

I want and need a good intense powerful night with my hubby. I’m going to ask, again, if Grandma can take the kids this weekend. I asked her a few days ago but she never got back to me about it. 

My mind is ultra-creative. I get TONS of ideas. And, being the incredibly horny guy that I am, I have lots of sexual fantasies.

Part of the chastity agreement that My Lady and I developed involves the requirement that I share all of my sexual fantasies with her. A problem arises, however, because a lot of my current fantasies involve ways that ML would dominate/tease/deny me. How am I supposed to explain these desires of mine without making ML feel obligated to fulfill them?

The dreaded “Topping From the Bottom” dilemma.

I used to be very concerned that my fantasies and ideas would influence ML’s dominating behaviors. And with good reason, apparently: ML has confessed to me that early in our chastity adventures, she would sometimes alter her plans for me based on what she thought I wanted or what she thought I could handle. This is the opposite of what makes chastity so exciting for me. Although I would like her to tease me in certain ways, the best thing would be for her to do what she wishes, without concern for my desires.

But still… those ideas…   🙂

We’ve since figured it a way for me to share my fantasies without me influencing what ML does. Now I tell her about my fantasies with absolutely no expectations of them being fulfilled, and she sees these fantasies as options she can choose from or ignore as she chooses. It’s just like a menu at a restaurant: the menu gives you a list of the dishes available, but you don’t have to eat them all. You can choose the one that suits your appetite the most.

Earlier today, ML and I were discussing possible plans for the next year and a half or so of our chastity play, even tossing around ideas as to which devices I would wear at which times, etc. I could tell ML was enjoying the ideas – her pussy was SOPPING wet afterwards – but I also know that none of it is set in stone. My Lady’s appetite can change daily and she is totally in charge of my chastity. My ideas could make it more exciting for the both of us, but she is always in complete control.

Neither of us would have it any other way.