Sadist (sey-dist):
noun
1. a person who… receives sexual gratification from causing pain and degradation to another.
2. a person who enjoys being cruel.
So under the actual definition of a sadist, I am far from one. I do not enjoy causing pain or being cruel nor do I get anything remotely close to sexual gratification from it. Quite the opposite actually.
I’ve noticed that one thing Male Chastity has done for us is to open up communication and sexual exploration. We have experimented with the idea of things – usually through a good ear whispering mindfuck and found “Wow, that really turned me on!” That then kicks in my desire to research and explore that thing.
What I’ve found out recently is that I really (really, really, really!) love control. I’m not talking about controlling orgasms, I’m talking about controlling something at a much deeper level. I’m talking about having someone completely helpless and vulnerable. Well that’s easy, right? Just bind someone up, handcuffs or rope work great. Yeah, you’re right, that’s pretty fantastic. I’m finding that I do really like rope and bondage but I’m talking even deeper than that! I’m talking about having someone completely helpless and vulnerable at my own hands.
Let me try to explain it this way. I, kind of on accident, slid my hand up and around cagedmonkey’s throat. He got this incredible look of fear in his eyes, he gasped and a slight moan escaped his lips. That reaction caused me to squeeze just a little tighter and push up further under his chin. I leaned in and kissed him so deep and he let out a whimpering moan. I had him in my hands, at my will, he could barely kiss me back because I had such a strong dominant hold on his neck and jaw. I wasn’t choking him, he could breathe but I was close enough that the fear was there. The fear that I could easily lean into my grip and crush his trachea.
You may be wondering how I found out that I like this. That’s simple, just as I leaned in to give him that kiss I got such an intense jolt shoot through the middle of my body. It literally was a jolt of pleasure that shot up the center of me from my crotch up into my chest. It was so strong that it caused me to buck my hips, arch my back and let out a very throaty moan. Over the next minute or so I felt my body twitching and lurching, muscles tightening… wait a minute, I’m sure you know that feeling. To put it simply, having my husband in that vulnerable position and him reacting that way caused me to spontaneously orgasm. I was not being touched in a sexual way. I was merely straddling him like I always do.
Through our play we’ve already discovered I enjoy breath play and I knew I kinda liked it when I would hold cagedmonkey down. Pinning him to the mattress with my hands or my knees and using my own body and weight to hold him down against his will. We haven’t exactly explored that deeply but after this recent discovery, I’m positive we will.
At first I was very surprised at myself and maybe even a little scared that I would like something like this. I don’t know why I would like it, how could I like it? It so not right, not something a normal person would enjoy. What is wrong with me? Well, one thing that communication with cagedmonkey has done is given me someone to talk to about those feelings. Someone to tell me it’s ok to enjoy something with another consenting adult. There doesn’t have to be an explanation or reason for liking it. We decided awhile back, in exploring these things, that we would stop asking or worrying about why. We would just go with what felt good… as long as we both felt good doing it.
I do believe a spontaneous orgasm would be the classic definition of “sexual gratification” from something. I’m content accepting the fact that I have this “fetish” but what exactly IS this fetish? I do not feel this fits what a sadist is but rather my fetish is about complete control over someone, down to the most basic of needs… like breathing.
Is there a name that describes this intense sexual gratification from control?
I’m sure that there are as many levels of Sadism as there are of any other sexual practice, so I’m going to say, yes, you are a Sadist. It’s not a bad thing, particularly if it’s matched by some level of Masochism in cagedmonkey.
I’m convinced that what CH has had surface are previously unrecognized Sadistic tendencies… She tells me how her pussy spasms and moistens when I moan in pain (and in Masochistic pleasure) while she abuses my balls… I’d say that qualifies as sexual gratification.
I did an online quiz last week that told me I was a sadist, which freaked me out (luckily lots of commenters helped me deal with it!) Reading this post I realise that, used judiciously, it can be pretty damn hot.
I recently took a quiz and sadist was very low in everything for me. Mainly because I do not like causing him pain… that’s what makes this so difficult. It is scary, for me, to think that I would be a sadist. At least in the true sense of the word.
It’s not like I’m going to stop our not explore this more lol I’m just saying! 🙂
I think we should not get caught up in labels. Does it really matter what it is called, long as we enjoy it? People are afraid of being called a name, when a name means only what we let it mean. I think William Shakespeare had something to say about stuff like that.
That is a great point… I don’t think in looking to label myself, rather be able to talk about things more easily and be able to say something like “male chastity” and everyone knows that means I keep my husband’s cock in a cage and control his erections, his orgasms and whether or not we have intercourse. 🙂
You are right though… there is no point in labeling for any other reason.
Not long ago, I had a very difficult time wrapping my head around the fact that I might enjoy pain. It troubled me for some time. Once I sorted out that my body simply responds to pain which enhances pleasure I was fine. I was worried my motives were darker, perhaps linked to my past or something along those lines.
I think, as long as the motives are positive ones, everyone is safe and sane and so on, labels don’t matter. Do whatever makes you happy.