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Feedback & Questions

Posted by Michele on October 28, 2018
Posted in: Conversations, Mail Chastity. Tagged: , , , , . Leave a Comment

We got some awesome feedback today about the podcast and a couple questions, as well, that I figured I’d take a moment to answer. We always appreciate when our readers or listeners give us feedback or just want to write and say, “Hi!” Don’t be shy! 🙂

Love it! The punishment /funishment thing to me is one of countless blurred outlines of that classic BDSM conundrum… if I want to be punished then how can it be a punishment? In my head, it still can be – especially (to your point) if you know your partner and love them enough to exploit that knowledge.

Love getting feedback like this. This is why we love having the conversations we do on our podcast. Having a relationship, kinky, vanilla or whatever really does come down to communication and knowing your partner. Amazing things can happen when you know, just as this gentleman states, how to exploit the knowledge!
I confess that I’ve only listened to a couple podcasts now (just found you guys on Friday), so I apologize if you’ve gone over all of this stuff many times before, but man I have so many questions 😛 Feel free to ignore them…
That’s ok… some times answering things again is a good thing for someone who is new around here. We have answered these before here in the blog and possibly on the podcast but I don’t mind answering them again.
Do you still control / keep other guys in chastity besides caged M? If so, how many? How do you find the time and energy to keep up with that?
I no longer have “subs on the side” and there are two reasons for this. A) I tend to be a bit too intense for most people and they end up not handling being dominated by me very well. The whole fantasy vs reality thing… I make things very real and the intensity of the reality becomes too overwhelming. When I have subs I put my whole self into it and when boys get overwhelmed by me I tend to get myself hurt in the process. And then, B) well like you mentioned, time. I just don’t have it anymore. When I was a stay at home mom I had a lot more time to spend focusing on kinky things. Now I work outside the home, have to take care of my home, kids and they are very active kids and we are involved parents… It leaves very little time for extracurricular activities.
I remember hearing caged M adamantly defining a limit about physically playing with other people, but that you guys might role play with the idea from time to time. How does that generally look for y’all?
There is a really great post here on the blog about Pseudo-cuckolding that you may find helpful in regards to this question. We do not play outside our marriage… At least not with men. We have talked in the past couple years about me having an Alpha sub female to play with but so far we haven’t found anyone that fits.

For me, chastity is inextricably linked with cuckolding, but the reality of that fantasy carries potentially damaging emotional remnants… I’m so curious on how you guys feel about that and if the implication exists in some form within your D/s dynamic.

We have seen how a lot of times people automatically think chastity = cuckolding but we try hard to get across that that’s not necessarily true. That chastity is not specifically one thing or another. It doesn’t have to be this or that. Just because someone is in chastity does not mean the partner goes out fucking other people. Chastity is exactly what the couple wants it to be. It certainly CAN be all those things or none of them. It’s up to the couple to decide what chastity is for them.
Thanks so much for sharing your story so openly and responding : ) I fucking love the internet.
Thank you, so much, for the great feedback and the questions. Hopefully I’ve successfully answered them but please feel free to ask whatever else you want to ask! 🙂 and yeah the internet is pretty awesome!

Podcast Episode 11 – Rewards & Punishments

Posted by Michele on October 27, 2018
Posted in: Podcast. Tagged: , , , , , . Leave a Comment

Maybe you’ve noticed we have some missing numbers in our Episode count. Don’t worry, we aren’t going crazy we actually had to do that on purpose! We had a couple of podcasts that were going to get posted ahead of this one but we have had a change in plans so we just went with this one. So pardon the numbers and just go with it. You will also notice, during this podcast, that it was recorded at the end of July. Sorry it’s taken so long to get posted. There is a whole story there that we will not get into!

Anyway, as you can tell, from the title, this podcast covers things like Rewards, Punishments and even goes over “funishments.” I hope you enjoy it, even with it’s delay.

As always you can listen here:

 

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New Permanent Steel

Posted by Michele on July 16, 2018
Posted in: In Real Life. Tagged: , , , . 1 comment

I think it was about a month ago when CM and I were talking with someone about having piercings. I have had some piercings in the past and currently only have my ears and tongue still pierced. I’ve had nipples, eyebrow and nose done as well and CM has never had a piercing. The conversation got us thinking about CM and would I like any piercings on him. I don’t personally like the look or anything of penis piercings so thats not something I’d have him do. We started talking about where he could be pierced and what would be the point, etc. That got us onto his nipples, perhaps those would look nice and they might even help to make his nipples a lot more sensitive. So, if you follow us on Twitter, I had asked our followers to show me their nipple piercings so I could get a feel for how they looked. I could never see hubby with facial piercings – plus working in a hospital thats probably not the best idea. I realized I didnt like the hoops in a guy nipples but I did like the look of small bars horizontally through the nipple. I know, I know… sometimes I think too much but with any kind of body modification I want to make sure it’s something I’m going to like or there is no point in getting it.

So what all this brings us to is that on Wednesday last week, when CM & I were off work and had out “date day” not only did we get in about a hour or so of play time I also took him to get MY nipples pierced.

I say it that way because they are for me… I didnt get them pierced for him, I did it for me, so I have something to play with and to make his nipples more sensitive for me. Plus they really do look hot on him!

It took me a few days to not be like WOW there are bars in your nipples lol because I’ve never seen CM as the type to have piercings, at all. I never saw him as one to have tattoos either and now he’s got a bunch and I love them!! A couple of his tattoos are mine or ours and have so much meaning! These nipple piercings also have a bit of meaning. It’s not something he did on his own for his own reasons. He has them for me. He truly has given himself to me in so many ways… he’s locked in a steel cage for me and now he’s got steel bars through his nipples for me. Once they heal completely I cant wait to play with them and pull on them and figure out all the wonderful things we can do with them!!

I couldn’t help but lick them and rub them since they are so new and sensitive… I’m sure I’m going to have so much fun with them when they are finally healed!

Feelings for the Cock

Posted by Michele on June 25, 2018
Posted in: KeyHolder, Male Chastity. Tagged: , , , , , , . 10 comments

The other day Cagedmonkey posted an update about our current chastity and denial situation. We had mentioned that starting at his birthday he’d locked for an extended period and denied for a hell of a lot longer. Well, like he updated, the whole lock up thing didn’t go as planned!

If you know my history at all, you know around 3 weeks of having him locked, I start to desperately miss that big cock and feeling it inside me. Well, CM had only been locked 2 weeks when we went to NY for the weekend. We had such an amazing weekend, so loving and sexual and teasy and by the time we got home I was really missing the feeling of his cock, so while I wasn’t planning on having him out, in the heat of a very sexy moment I made him get out of his cage – that was a huge feat since he was rock hard in that cage – and give me the cock I so desperately needed. 🙂

Then comes the next day… I felt so bad, I felt like I’d let him down because I know sometimes we talk about pushing further or doing things longer, harder, more intense and I just couldn’t. There comes this point where I need to feel that connection with him physically and emotionally. Where I need to have him completely and without a cage in between us. However, I still felt bad and like I wasn’t good enough. I got into the “I’ll never be able to give him what he wants” thoughts and I’m worthless, yadda yadda yadda.

The point of this post is to let other women know that this happens… The most important reason for this post is to remind women we are in charge and ultimately we decide when, if and how our guys are locked up and even more importantly, this post is to remind everyone how important communication is. When I started to feel this way I told Cagedmonkey, right away, how I was feeling. I didn’t want it to continue to grow when it was much easier to talk about and work through and not put my feelings on him. I certainly can feel like I’m letting him down but knowing that he’s not let down and that he’s all good with what happened, and good with whatever happens, makes getting through the feelings that much better.

Mail Chastity: Punishment

Posted by Michele on June 3, 2018
Posted in: Advice, Mail Chastity. Tagged: , , , , . 3 comments

D & J are a couple that read our blog. They recently sent an email asking for help with appropriate punishment. I’m extremely lucky in having a very good boy who does not push the boundaries so punishment doesn’t not come up often. It’s not something I enjoy having to do.

D & J wrote:

This weekend I have gone away for a few days, on Thursday night my cage worked itself off and I couldn’t get it back on as the key is 2.5 hrs away.
On Thursday night I edged myself once, haven’t done anything else but this is a serious infraction in our relationship.
Previous punishments have been whipping, and a few minutes with clover clamps. Extending chastity has never been a punishment as my wife has never set a time frame to extend until now.
Can you suggest an appropriate punishment please?

My suggestion for punishment may not be like others since I’m not too big into giving them. When it comes to punishment for us I take things away from Cagedmonkey, such as parts of my body, pleasing me or even playing video games. There have been times where I took away chastity and any attention to his penis. Those things really are punishment for him because he enjoys our play and taking that away is really the best way to keep him in line. I don’t really use spanking, etc for punishment as that is more “funishment.”

So the reason for this post is to ask our readers what their suggestions would be in this situation for punishment. What have you or your Mistress done as punishment in this situation? If you haven’t been in this situation, what would you do? What do you feel is an appropriate punishment for edging without permission?

Please comment here in the comment section so D & J can read your responses!! Thanks 🙂

You’ll Cum When I Say So

Posted by Michele on June 2, 2018
Posted in: KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Tease/Orgasm Denial. Tagged: , , , , , , . 6 comments

This weekend is Cagedmonkey’s birthday weekend. His actual birthday is on Monday, so I decided the weekend before I would spend overloading him on orgasms. My plan is to try to make him cum so much he’s actually asking me to STOP making him orgasm. Once he’s to the point that he can’t physically orgasm anymore, I plan to use the vibrator to overstimulate him as much as possible.

You may be wondering why I plan to do this and the simple answer is that, starting on his birthday, he’s going to be locked and denied for an indefinite amount of time. I’m thinking a good 6 months of denial sounds good to start. Once we get there I may, or may not, make him go another 6. 🙂 The actual lock up won’t be that long but I am planning on having him go 24/7 for a good chunk of time. I want him aching in the pit of his stomach, desperately needing to get hard and even wanting to orgasm.

I can’t wait to flaunt the fact that I get to have as many orgasms as I was, as much as I want, and even get to make him provide me the pleasure of those orgasms. I very much love to see and feel how frustrated he is when he’s aching for sexual attention and so jealous of my orgasms and the orgasms of others! It’s fun when friends brag to him about the orgasms they get to have when he’s locked and denied and wanting one so bad.

It should be a fun year 🙂

Mail Chastity: How to be a Good Submissive

Posted by Michele on May 24, 2018
Posted in: Advice, Mail Chastity. Tagged: , , , , , . 3 comments

Not too long ago I got asked this question and while I get asked questions frequently, I wanted to put this particular question in its own Mail Chastity post. It’s such a loaded question and it will take much more than a paragraph to answer. As a matter of fact I could do a whole podcast on this question alone. So anyway, here is what I was asked:

“Good morning Lady M! …what makes a good submissive. I am curious as to your personal opion.“

I have many opinions on what makes a good submissive but the super short, honest answer is – being what your Dominant wants.

That answer is also so incredibly vague! No one, absolutely no one can tell you how to be a good sub. The reason I say that is because every single Dom is their own person and every single sub is their own. They all have wants, needs and desires. The ultimate in being a good Dom or sub is having a Dom or sub that compliments your needs, wants and desires. What it takes to be a good sub is getting to know the person you want to be submissive to. Making sure you know what they want and expect out of a submissive. Once you know that and have learned those boundaries then you know exactly how to be a good sub. It takes work and communication, on both sides, to really understand what the other would consider good.

Let me give you an example of what I mean. I am a very loving, mothering Domme. I am also a very service driven Domme. I enjoy being in control and taking care of people. I like being the one to dictate how Cagedmonkey’s day will be, making his lunch and helping him know what to expect from his day. I also get extremely fulfilled by someone doing things for me, without my asking (most of the time), because they thought of me and wanted to make things easier or less for me. You know those times when CM will be home from work and do dishes or clean and vacuum the living room because he just knows I’m at work too and it will be helpful and make less for me to do when I get home… Those things, in my eyes, make him a good submissive husband. However, that’s only one side of being “good.” I also love that CM is exactly what I need sexually. When I’m feeling hardcore, rough and aggressive, I love that he can take what I am needing to give. When I’m feeling loving and cuddly, I love that he can hold me and love me and be that for me. When I want to be pleased sexually, CM is there to please me how I need it. Whether that’s eating my pussy, making me cum, or just being my sex toy to hump and play with. Those things make him a good sub for me.

What makes him good for me, though, may not be good for someone else. Someone else may want certain rituals daily, tasks that must be completed, hard rules that must be followed or there will be punishment. There are also subs out there that have that need. Strict rules to follow with punishment if they are not. Following those rules and taking that punishment would be what makes them a good submissive.

Basically, what I’m saying is… It takes getting to know someone and communicating to find out what will make you a good sub. I hope, in some way, for some one, this was helpful. There is no one way, no right or wrong way. The whole thing comes down to what works in the relationship and in the dynamic.

Feeling that Power

Posted by Michele on May 22, 2018
Posted in: Male Chastity, Tease/Orgasm Denial. Tagged: , , . 5 comments

A few minutes ago, Cagedmonkey, left for work. As he turned to walk out the door I pulled his pants down, pushed him against the door and grabbed his ass and groped his body and caged cock. Then I turned him around and grabbed him by the throat and back of his head and kissed him hard.

In that moment, I felt so powerful over him. I love feeling powerful, especially sexually. I love feeling in charge of my own pleasure and his. I love to feel his body almost melt at my powerful touch. I love hearing his moans as I grab him and forcefully kiss him and bite his lips.

I know that if he didn’t have to leave for work I would have very forcefully fucked him in that moment. I would have made him pleasure my pussy with his mouth and tongue and then slide his thick rock hard aching cock inside… If he were uncaged, of course. I could totally see myself grabbing the sides of his head and shoving his face in my pussy, rubbing it all over him.

I love when I’m feeling powerful like this, forceful and aggressive. I know that CM likes it too. I love that feeling of taking what I want, when I want it.

So Comfortable

Posted by Michele on May 19, 2018
Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: , , . 4 comments

It’s weird to think that being entangled with another person could be considered comfortable. Cagedmonkey and I both can’t believe how incredible it feels to lay like this with one another. We laid on the couch like this today, and he may have humped against my legs a bit hehe, and at one point we were so comfortable we just fell asleep. I’ve never done that with anyone, ever. I’ve never felt that comfortable. I love that he and I have this. That, even after all this time, we still feel this way and can be this comfortable with each other.

It’s not always about the kinky, intense stuff. Sometimes it’s just about this amazing connection. That doesn’t mean I didn’t tell him he needs to go shower and shave his bits for me tonight so they are nice and sexy and smooth. I’m hoping to get in a little play time tonight. He needs a good teasing and edging. I want to make sure he’s good and horny for when I have him locked for an extended amount of time starting at his birthday.

Anyway, just a little fun tidbit I thought I’d share with you all today.

Leaving a Legacy: Mistress Ivey

Posted by Michele on March 16, 2018
Posted in: KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Tease/Orgasm Denial. Tagged: , , , , , , . 12 comments

When cagedmonkey and I first started out with chastity and realized we’ve always been living an FLR it was because of Mistress Ivey and her amazing, easy to read, down to earth books and website, Becoming a Mistress. I’m extremely appreciative of the work she’d put into all of it so that I could become a better wife and woman in charge of her husband.

Yesterday, I lost a friend. Today I take a moment to remember an amazing woman and her hubby, who’ve I’ve gotten to know much more deeply, on a much more personal level, in the past few years. I’m sad to learn of Mistress Ivey’s passing but I know that she’s left behind an awesome legacy and she will not easily be forgotten. She will be forever missed and we are sending our love prayers and love out to her husband and the rest of the family. She was a wonderful author, woman, wife and mother.

Thank you for all of the knowledge you have shared through the years and all of the experience you leave behind. Even though you are not physically with us you will continue to teach and mentor as the years go on.