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Finding the Necessary Balance

Posted by Lady M on February 28, 2017
Posted in: Family, Marriage, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , , . 3 comments

Vanilla, Kinky, Marriage, Kids – It’s a balancing act. As you know we recently started going to some munches and getting together with new friends in our kinky world, not to mention we bought a new house and our kids activities all week after school and on weekends. Life has felt much like a whirlwind and slightly like trying to balance spinning plates on poles – I’ll have to admit I’m not that great at balancing. In the one who troops and falls UP the stairs lol. I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed with all of the little behind the scenes things that need to happen in life to make things go smoothly. 

It’s really awesome having friends and we love getting together with them and going to munches but for a bit there I really felt like so much of my time was looking for ways to get rid of the kids for the night so we could go to munches or other kinky events. I started to feel like I was missing and losing out on the family time with my husband and kids that is so very important while they are this age. It felt like every weekend we were constantly running and doing something or going somewhere. 

In the midst of kids and life and going out and getting involved in all these new fun things our kinky play together has gotten lost… again balance! It’s been extremely hard to find time for family time, kinky time, vanilla hubby/wife time, friend time… all of it. I get feelings of inadequacy when I can’t make time for it all, when I can’t find the necessary balance to fit it all in. I’m sure people have noticed that I’ve pulled back a bit, I’m not as active as I was, I’m not as chatty as I was. I’m still struggling to find what I need to make it all work and, right now, I’m trying to focus on my family, my kids, buying this house and all the little things that come along with that and getting back my kinky time with cagedmonkey. I miss it… I miss the intense tease and denial and the playtime we would have. I miss being crazy horny for each other all the time. There are things I miss that we would do more consistently. We keep trying to get in rope trial time and just the different things we enjoy about our kink. It just feels like it is constantly getting set aside because there is something else that needs to come first… Like sleep, work, kids, whatever.

Anyway, just letting you all in to where I am and how I’ve been feeling. I’m working to pull those things together and find that balance and I know I will I just feel like I suck at it right now and I’m letting every one down. 

Teasing and Edging

Posted by Lady M on February 21, 2017
Posted in: Male Chastity. Tagged: , , , , . 2 comments

I’ve spent the last few days teasing, stroking, using and edging cagedmonkey’s achy cock. As you know I have told him that he won’t be cumming until we are in our new house!! Hehe

I’ve had a lot of fun having him unlocked, at night, the past few days. The night before last I think I stroked and edged him close to a hour. He went from wriggling around and moaning to pretty much passing out on me. It was actually such a great feeling that I was doing that to him. I was taking him to a place that he couldn’t escape from. Such an amazing amount of power to get someone to that point. At least that is how it feels to me. I really do love the power and control that I have over cagedmonkey sexually. It drives me, gives me passion and propose. 

I’m SO lucky to have him and that he enjoys the tease and denial and the level of intense control I have over his sexual bits! 

A Little More than a Munch – Spanking the Monkey

Posted by Lady M on January 25, 2017
Posted in: Bondage, D/s, Discipline, FemDom, Pictures, Spanking. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , . 7 comments

Wow! What an awesome weekend!! If you’d have asked me 5 years ago if I thought we would be doing what we’re doing right now I would have called you fucking crazy… actually even 3 years ago!! Cagedmonkey and I had a chance to get to our local munch again this past weekend and it was so much fun. We always love getting there to see friends and just laugh and enjoy some time with other people who we feel comfortable being ourselves with. We met this really great couple a month or so ago when we were still pretty new to going to the munch and they happen to have private dungeon. They’ve invited us over before but we just haven’t had a chance to make it. Well, on Saturday, they invited us and some other people from the munch over to their place for a kind of little after party. It really was just a continuation of the munch, except for the fact that there was a bit more going on than what could ever happen in a public restaurant! Hehe I know we mentioned some of this in our last podcast so you get the picture. I do want to say that even though people might think if you go to a private dungeon party or get invited over their house it’s going to be some kind of crazy sex party – it’s really not! I’m sure that may happen but I’m going to guess most of the time it’s just certain types of play. It was so much fun hanging out and some of the time I was kind of reminded of high school when you’d go hang out at in a friend’s basement sneaking beer!

Let me back up a bit though before I go on with the dungeon party. Earlier in the day grandma had come to get the kids for the night so cagedmonkey and I had the entire afternoon to spend time together. You know that meant we got in some good intense playtime. 🙂 I decided to take advantage of the time we had and I locked cagedmonkey in our steel doggy style Stockade. This time I actually used the locking collar attachment since I’d recently lined the collar with a thin layer of neoprene foam.

I really wanted him bound well and unable to move so I could try our a few of my paddles and things on him. He was so trusting and wonderful to take everything I had to give him. And trust me I gave it to him hard and non-stop for almost an hour. I used a few different paddles and the flogger and I also spent some time tickling him while he was locked up and immobile. It was so fun to watch him squirm! I took a picture in the beginning when his sexy butt was nice and red and you could just start to see the marks.

I was also giving his balls a little paddling as well, during it all. I do wish I would have gotten a picture at the end. I had decided to push him harder and in fact I decided to push him past harder to too hard. I wanted to trust that he would use his safeword and so I beat him extremely hard to see where it was that he would, in fact, ask me to stop. I really wanted to get him to his ultimate breaking point. My man took a hell of a lot of me that day… And then we ended up at the dungeon party where, well, he got beat more! At the end of our daytime session I did have to show him just how dripping wet my pussy was and have him clean it up afterwards.

The dungeon party was a ton of fun. There were about 6 couples there total but I to believe we were the only couple with a male submissive. It was all good and we got to see some others using the equipment and the different toys available and some even shared and gave us all a chance to spank their sub. That was fun! 🙂

When it was our turn, I had cagedmonkey get on the spanking bench so I could try out a few of their toys. They had floggers of many styles, paddles, whips, canes, you name it and I also brought my new wooden paddle that my friend got for me. Since I’d already worked hubby over earlier I was really just interested in trying a couple things. I was able to use a cane and then I ended his night with an extremely hard swat with my wooden paddle. 

I will say, they left some pretty spectacular marks on his ass… That stayed for days. I personally think they looked so incredibly awesome the next day…

The lines are from the cane and the big red mark there on his left cheek is from the paddle. I will say that even two days later those marks remained. It truly was a spectacular feeling letting that out and using those different things on him. It felt exhilarating! 

I told hubby next time I need to get him up on their cross… It’s a good thing we already got invited to the next party! 🙂

​How to Survive a Strong-Willed Submissive

Posted by Lady M on January 9, 2017
Posted in: Advice, D/s, Female Led Relationship, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , . Leave a Comment

I talk with a lot of submissive guys and girls, and they contact to me for a variety of reasons. I enjoy each and every one of them, but if I’m being completely honest, some of the submissives I talk with could easily be tagged with the description “strong-willed.” I know these subs can be difficult to Dom/me at times. I secretly enjoy, just a little bit, the determination these subs have. Yes, they can be stubborn and difficult, and they will state their cases whenever they can, but they certainly have passion. Strong-willed submissives can be exhausting, that’s for sure. But they also tend to grow into very obedient people with the right direction. When they learn to channel that determination, they take healthy risks — they learn to work through failure and keep trying. There’s a lot to love about strong willed submissives, us Dominants just need to learn how to survive them.

I thought I would take a few minutes to talk about some things that may be helpful for a Dom/me when they find they have themselves a strong-willed submissive!

Strong-willed subs are known for their power struggles. If they find an opening, they pounce. Routines and rules provide a great foundation (they take some of the guesswork out of the day), but they can be particularly helpful for strong-willed submissives. Try not to go nuts and overwhelm them with hundreds of rules and expectations. You can’t avoid every possible power struggle along the way, but a list of rules and expectations can help avoid some of the daily power struggles that wear on your nerves.

Strong-willed subs are often doers by default. If it seems like your submissive is always learning the hard way, that’s because he/she probably learns best by trial and error. Strong-willed subs have big ideas, and they may prefer to test their ideas or try telling you about them – this may seem like topping from the bottom but it can be done correctly using communication. If your sub follows the rules (ie: you must tell me any and all fantasies without assumption that they will be fulfilled), is there really any harm in letting them tell you about their fantasies? I find that many power struggles emerge between strong-willed subs and their partners because the subs have very strong opinions, and they tend to stick to them. You do have to set realistic rules and expectations, and you do have to follow through on those.

It’s extremely important to listen carefully.
Given that tenacious submissives tend to have a lot of very strong opinions and prefer to share those opinions often, Dom/mes can start ignoring them at times. It can be exhausting, and sometimes you just don’t want to debate why your rules are your rules. It’s important to listen. Sharing their ideas and opinions is how strong-willed subs work through things. If they appear stubborn at times, it’s because they have strong beliefs and integrity. They want to share that with you. Listen to your submissive and empathize. Help them channel that stubbornness into a positive. So your sub really wants to be dressed in certain types of clothing? Teach them how to research the pros and cons and engage in a healthy give-and-take on the matter instead of simply stating their need over and over again. No one likes whining and nagging. They might not get to wear those frilly pink panties, because it’s not something you are into, but at least they will feel heard and learn some important communication skills in the process. This is also an opportunity for a Dominant partner to compromise and even if you aren’t into a specific kink they are maybe you can negotiate a way to help fulfill that desire for them. Perhaps you don’t like them wearing feminine clothing but know they would like to try it… so you require them to wear them under their clothing whenever they are not around you. It’s a great reminder of who is in control… taps into their kink and doesn’t bother you in the least! 🙂

One of the things I find we need to ask ourselves is:
Are you being an intentional Dominant?
I like to think of being a Dominant in three ways:

Automatic: the stuff you do constantly and without thinking, like letting them know you are thinking about them, teasing them mentally and sexually, making sure they have and are following rules, praising behavior, etc.

Reactive: providing discipline and correcting behavior, giving after-care, fulfilling fantasies

Proactive: the stuff you really think about and plan ahead for, like an intense bondage, pegging or spanking scene.

Now ask yourself and be honest: How much time do you spend a week on proactive stuff — like really thinking about what it is you want your submissive to experience, and then putting together a plan to make it happen? That’s the first step to becoming a more intentional Dom/me.

The next thing to think about is focus. How often are we giving our subs our full and undivided attention? Do we listen to their fantasies with our whole heart? Do we set aside specific times each day to be fully and intentionally present?

Podcast Episode 7 – Munches and Meet Ups

Posted by Lady M on January 8, 2017
Posted in: Conversations, Podcast. Tagged: , , , , , . 2 comments

When cagedmonkey and I really got into this whole lifestyle and living it everyday, we didn’t have anyone else to really talk to about it, especially not in real life! We had met some good people on Chastity Forums and started reading, commenting and even communicating with some other bloggers. It was so nice to be able to talk about all this stuff with other people. However, hiding behind our blog and them behind theirs or a computer screen left us feeling only half fulfilled. We really wanted to find real life friends to talk to about all this stuff and more. I mean how many friends can you say know the real you, the whole you? Probably not too many! Are you “good friends” with people who don’t even know your real name, out of fear they could out you to other friends or family?

Well in our latest podcast we wanted to talk about how we stepped out of our comfort zone and got out from hiding behind the computer to find some real flesh and blood people to talk to and become friends with. We talk about how it felt going to our first munch and meeting new friends in other situations.

Hope you enjoy listening! As always you can listen here:

Or download our podcast on Soundcloud!
You can also subscribe to our RSS Feed at:
To subscribe to our RSS Feed:
http://feeds.soundcloud.com/users/soundcloud:users:254084738/sounds.rss

I did want to make sure I mentioned a few ways to find local get togethers in your area. Of course you could join FetLife  and look for events that are posted there, local groups and search for friends. It’s been a really great resource for us but do please be aware that it is a sort of social media platform and sometimes you will find some not so good people floating around!

Another place I recently found but don’t know too much about (I tried to get an interview with the owner) is FindaMunch it seems like a very nice site with lots of locations. I’d assume, if you host a regular local munch you could get yours listed on that site too!

***Bonus: We have a new lovely voice on our podcast – not only do we get our music from bensounds.com we now have a wonderful sexy friend who has recorded our intro audio! Thank you Mistress “Blue Rose.”

A Late Christmas

Posted by Lady M on December 27, 2016
Posted in: D/s, FemDom, Off Topic, Sex toy, Spanking. Tagged: , , , , , , . 2 comments

A little bit of a late Christmas post but we do hope that you all had a fantastic Christmas. We had a great time seeing family on Christmas Eve and enjoying a yummy dinner and gifts. Then we spent Christmas day at home as a family in jammies all day playing with new toys and, yesterday, our little Christmas-time was extended when we dropped the kids off to grandma’s so we could go out with a friend.

I think the kids were happy with all their new toys and hubby and I got things for each other that are more for both of us so that’s awesome. I did end up getting an amazing kinky gift too from our friend. Such an incredible, handcrafted piece and I am thoroughly impressed with it and so grateful to have been given this extremely thoughtful gift. I just love it so much and… It’s BLUE (and kind of silver looking)!!!

I completely love it and I can not wait to try it out. The handle is so perfect and it’s curved just right and fits in my hand. The wood is exquisite and so smooth. I fondled that thing all night and didn’t feel a single flaw. Not a bump or rough spot anywhere on it. It really is an amazing piece of work. I would have loved to try it out last night but just didn’t have the right opportunity. 🙂 

We love that we have gotten to share another year with you. Again, we hope you all had an awesome Christmas and hope you have a fantastic New Year!! 

Quick Update on the Doctor Ordered Orgasm Denial

Posted by Lady M on December 13, 2016
Posted in: Health, Medical, Orgasm Denial. Tagged: , , , , , . 1 comment

My brain is smiling at you!

I thought I would write a quick post about my ct scan results. We’ve had a lot of people ask and rather than having to keep answering individually, I’ll do it here! So, the answer is, NOTHING! No, really, there are no masses or anything significant, physically, wrong with my brain. Which is good news in itself but annoying that now the doctor is sending me to a neurologist to do some more investigation. I, unfortunately, can’t get in to see the neurologist until late January but if they felt something was really wrong then I assume they’d be rushing an appointment. I’m just glad it wasn’t something big and it seems like it’s more than likely one of the many things wrong with me that no one can explain haha. 

Now, as for the whole doctor ordered denial thing… Well, screw that! haha I do not handle denial well, however, I am being extra careful not to have those mega intense orgasms with the wand. I’m also taking a more aware approach and really paying attention if I’m holding my breath during orgasm and making sure that I breathe! Thanks to Mrs. Fever for her comment and letting me know I’m not alone in many of the things I’m experiencing in my life. It was actually nice to hear someone else deals with pain on a regular basis, yet still does what they can to function in their kink! 

Also, a big thank you so much to everyone who has written and checked in on me! I appreciate you all so much! 

Review: ARIMIC Dual-Head Lapel Microphone

Posted by Lady M on December 6, 2016
Posted in: Off Topic, Podcast, Reviews. Leave a Comment

As always I’m trying to improve the quality of our Podcast and we’ve recently been looking for a way to make it more mobile, so to speak. I think I might have found that! I’m pretty excited about it, too, because we have talked with Mistress MM at Mature Metal about coming down for a visit and doing an interview with them about their devices… This set up would make it a way way easier thing to do. This will make any interview we want to do THAT much easier! 🙂

I got this off Amazon for less than $20 and free shipping because we have a Prime membership. It was shipped by Amazon in two days (well three because of the weekend but still awesome!) It comes inside the packaging all tucked into a nice leather carrying case, how convenient! The past I like the most was that it also comes with adapters. You can use this dual lapel microphone with your smartphone, a camera and even your computer. It comes with extra wind muffs and lapel hooks and even comes with two furry little windshields. I seriously need to keep those away from my cats! LoL I bet those would be awesome if we were doing an outside interview or maybe even at an event or vendor show. For such a low price it certainly does come with a lot of little extras! Little extras make me happy!

I did test out this new little microphone for a short time and I will add some links to the audio at the end of this post. I really do think it sounds pretty good and I don’t hear any feedback or background noise or anything at all while using it. It picks up the sound of my voice wonderfully. I guess I’m a little excited about being able to record more audio teases simply by hooking the Mic into my phone. It’s so much easier than getting my whole computer set up in a quiet area and going through the whole program. This will be faster and I can even make more “on the spot” audio! Maybe even “during” audio! 🙂 So many fun possibilities.

Here are a few clips of audio from the new mic – pardon any movement sounds and stuff, I was obviously testing things out during recording.

Teaser for you boys in chastity 🙂

Excerpt from a Story

Doctor Ordered Orgasm Denial

Posted by Lady M on December 2, 2016
Posted in: Medical, Orgasm Denial. Tagged: , , , , . 10 comments

No, seriously, the doctor said I’m not allowed to orgasm until we figure out what’s going on.

And yes, I really do have a medical diagnosis code G44.82 for my sex headaches. The doctor is looking into them by doing a CT scan of my head, to start. This will at least give us something to look at and see if there is anything that obvious going on. A CT scan of the head is able to show if there is swelling, fluid in the cranial area, or any masses or abnormalities of the soft tissues. I would be getting a ct scan with contrast off the bat but I am extremely allergic to the iodine contrast dye  used so they are starting off with a plain scan. I have my appointment for that this coming Wednesday, December 7th. This really is something she is taking seriously because I do not have a history of migraines, none of my medications have changed in over 10 years, I don’t have trouble with my sinuses and this is a very new thing.  She showed a little concern as well well I mentioned a few other tid bits and said we would wait to see what the ct scan showed. 

The doctor has prescribed me some prescription strength ibuprofen and no orgasms until we get the CT scan done, radiologist reads it and we find out if there is anything going on. I’m not exactly excited about the fact that I don’t get to have orgasms but it’s not terrible timing as I just started monthly cycle anyway so at least part of the time without orgasms is tolerable. I guess I’ll just have to find fun ways to torture and tease cagedmonkey while I am unable to have my own orgasms. And don’t think I’m going to be generously handing out orgasms to any of the boys I have in chastity right now… If I can’t orgasm, no one gets to orgasm!

Anyway, just keeping you all in the loop about what’s going on and how things are progressing along. I welcome any and all prayers during this. It’s actually been quite an awful week for me emotionally. Even though I can rationally tell myself it’s gotta be nothing, I can’t help but have my crazy anxiety brain flying off the deep end wondering “what if…” 

Oh… Yeah, Baby… Make Me… Have a Sex Headache?!?!

Posted by Lady M on November 28, 2016
Posted in: Health, Medical, Sex. Tagged: , , , , . 4 comments

As if things haven’t been more fun with my health, I recently had an onset of pretty damn severe “sex headaches.” This is extremely hard for me to handle since I enjoy my intense orgasms so very much. I know you’re thinking the whole “Not tonight, honey, I have a headache” type headache but that’s actually not it at all. These headaches are actually so fucking painful… more so than the 5 kidney stones I’ve passed, the 2 children I’ve birthed and even the back pain that leaves me nonfunctional for days. I seriously will be right on the edge of orgasm like, “Ohh, Ohh, Yeah, God, Oh yeah, Ohhhhhhhh….. MOTHER FUCKER WHAT THE HELL IS THAT FUCKING PAIN STABBING THROUGH MY FUCKING SKULL!?!?!?!?!” It is totally a mood killer and a horrible fucking way to have a severely painful ruined orgasm. I HATE to have ruined orgasms so this is not only painful physically but it is painful emotionally. It’s one thing to happily and playfully ruin someones orgasm but having that orgasm get ruined by an extremely painful knife-like stabbing through the entire left side of your skull from forehead to the back of your neck is the opposite of how that should feel… it’s also extremely scary. It has freaked me out more than once and last night I was paranoid that something in my head might burst.

Just for a little more information – I thought I would post a few things so you realize just how serious these can be. If headaches are something regular for you, ie: migraines, then these can be very benign and medication may help. Sometimes they go away right away but can also last for 2-3 days. The thing to worry about is if you experience sudden onset – it might be something you want to check out because it can be an indicator of an underlying condition. Which is why I am currently scheduling myself a doctor’s appointment.

What Is a Sexual Headache? It’s a headache that happens before or during sex, at the time of orgasm, or just after sex. Most of the time it is a pain in the back of the head, or it can be on one side like a migraine, or all over. It can be a dull ache or a severe stabbing pain.

There is actually an International Headache Society that classifies these headaches with sexual activity (HSAs): Type I HSAs are pre-orgasmic, feel like a pressure that builds in the head with sexual excitement and are usually felt across the head. Type II HSAs occur with or close to an orgasm and are sudden and explosive. Which are the kind I am currently experiencing. Usually these headaches are not caused by another medical condition. There are also other names to describe them such as coital cephalgia, orgasmic cephalgia, orgasmic thunderclap, orgasmic migraine, coital headaches, or just “sex headaches”.

Who Gets Sex Headaches? Both men and women get sexual headaches. Some experience headaches on a regular basis, while others only encounter sexual headaches on rare occasions. It’s funny that, in my reading, this us actually something many more men experience than women!

Am I at Risk for a Sex Headache? A person is more likely to get sex headaches if they have had migraine headaches, tension headaches, or exertional headaches. Some medications can also increase the risk such as marijuana, birth-control pills, meds used to treat irregular heartbeat, meds for erectile dysfunction and pseudoephedrine (for nasal congestion).

What Are the Dangers of Headaches With Sex? The headache may be an indication of a more serious underlying condition. This is what scares me because this is something that just suddenly started happening. Some possibilities include:

– A widening or bubble in the wall of an artery inside your head (intracranial aneurysm)
– An abnormal connection between arteries and veins in the brain (arteriovenous
malformation) that bleeds into the spinal fluid-filled space in and around the brain
– Bleeding into the wall of an artery leading to the brain (dissection)
– Stroke
– Coronary artery disease
– Inflammation from certain infections

Can Sex headaches be prevented? Yes, they can! Some medications like Beta-blockers, migraine medications and NSAIDS can be helpful in treating and preventing these headaches.

Some may never experience these, some may experience them once and never again and some may experience them a LOT. If you feel like you need more information about this please look it up or check with your doctor. Especially if it is your first Sex Headache and you say “this is the worst fucking headache pain I have ever felt” or if they occur with other symptoms such as loss of consciousness, vomiting, stiff neck, other neurological symptoms and severe pain lasting more than 24 hours. I have this issue, my pain lasts about 2-3 days. These headaches have happened multiple times now and at first I was like, “Oh wow that’s a bad fucking headache!” I didn’t really put two and two together until last night when I swear I thought something really bad was going to happen. I hardly slept thinking I might die in my sleep. Yeah, my brain goes there sometimes, it’s no fun. That is when I did some reading and had to share what I found.