KeyHolder

Mail Chastity: How to Become A Good Keyholder

Posted by Lady M on November 26, 2019
Posted in: Advice, Female Led Relationship, KeyHolder, Mail Chastity, Male Chastity, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , . 2 comments

I received a message from another keyholder on chastityforums.com. She is a bit new to all this, in general, and is struggling with how to be a KH and a good one at that. So here is a bit of what she wrote and my response.

“My ‘vanilla self’ is constantly fighting with ‘the KH self’ I’m sure [my hubby] would like me to become. I’m not even sure how to make this change. Do you have any ideas to help me in my quest to transition from vanilla to a true KH in every sense of the word?”

First of all… This isn’t about you becoming something your hubby wants you to be. This is about you both enjoying this the way YOU enjoy it, whatever way that may be. Please do me a favor and don’t try to be and do things that are not natural. What you do should feel good and exciting to you. If you fake it, it will become work and then you could easily build resentment by trying to live up to his expectations… Do what you enjoy and are comfortable with. You are in charge, you hold the key, literally – he should not be in charge through you when it comes to chastity or keeping him locked etc. That is called “topping from the bottom” and that’s not ok. It is perfectly fine to communicate – if you know me at all I’m huge on communication – so talk and listen to each other. Get to know what you like, what you think you like, what you don’t like, what feels good both physically and mentally. Decide from there what YOU want to implement in your relationship.

Don’t be afraid to try things if they are not a hard No! You may like them or maybe not and you have the choice, as the one in charge, to say yes that’s good we will do that or no that felt bad or uncomfortable and we are not doing that! It’s all good. In the beginning it’s all about talking and trying and figuring out what works and feels good. Don’t be afraid to say no or change your mind either… Try hard to remember, in most situations, he is the one that asked you for this and decided to give you control. He doesn’t want to decide what happens with his sexual desires, his orgasms, his pleasure. He wants you to be in control of it all. 🙂

In regards to how to be a good keyholder, please feel free to listen to Episode 3 of our podcast. It’s about praise and reassurance and it’s just me talking to other keyholders and I think it might be helpful!

Good luck!

Feelings for the Cock

Posted by Lady M on June 25, 2018
Posted in: KeyHolder, Male Chastity, orgasm control. Tagged: , , , , , , . 10 comments

The other day Cagedmonkey posted an update about our current chastity and denial situation. We had mentioned that starting at his birthday he’d locked for an extended period and denied for a hell of a lot longer. Well, like he updated, the whole lock up thing didn’t go as planned!

If you know my history at all, you know around 3 weeks of having him locked, I start to desperately miss that big cock and feeling it inside me. Well, CM had only been locked 2 weeks when we went to NY for the weekend. We had such an amazing weekend, so loving and sexual and teasy and by the time we got home I was really missing the feeling of his cock, so while I wasn’t planning on having him out, in the heat of a very sexy moment I made him get out of his cage – that was a huge feat since he was rock hard in that cage – and give me the cock I so desperately needed. 🙂

Then comes the next day… I felt so bad, I felt like I’d let him down because I know sometimes we talk about pushing further or doing things longer, harder, more intense and I just couldn’t. There comes this point where I need to feel that connection with him physically and emotionally. Where I need to have him completely and without a cage in between us. However, I still felt bad and like I wasn’t good enough. I got into the “I’ll never be able to give him what he wants” thoughts and I’m worthless, yadda yadda yadda.

The point of this post is to let other women know that this happens… The most important reason for this post is to remind women we are in charge and ultimately we decide when, if and how our guys are locked up and even more importantly, this post is to remind everyone how important communication is. When I started to feel this way I told Cagedmonkey, right away, how I was feeling. I didn’t want it to continue to grow when it was much easier to talk about and work through and not put my feelings on him. I certainly can feel like I’m letting him down but knowing that he’s not let down and that he’s all good with what happened, and good with whatever happens, makes getting through the feelings that much better.

You’ll Cum When I Say So

Posted by Lady M on June 2, 2018
Posted in: FemDom, KeyHolder, Male Chastity, orgasm control, Orgasm Denial, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , , , , . 6 comments

This weekend is Cagedmonkey’s birthday weekend. His actual birthday is on Monday, so I decided the weekend before I would spend overloading him on orgasms. My plan is to try to make him cum so much he’s actually asking me to STOP making him orgasm. Once he’s to the point that he can’t physically orgasm anymore, I plan to use the vibrator to overstimulate him as much as possible.

You may be wondering why I plan to do this and the simple answer is that, starting on his birthday, he’s going to be locked and denied for an indefinite amount of time. I’m thinking a good 6 months of denial sounds good to start. Once we get there I may, or may not, make him go another 6. 🙂 The actual lock up won’t be that long but I am planning on having him go 24/7 for a good chunk of time. I want him aching in the pit of his stomach, desperately needing to get hard and even wanting to orgasm.

I can’t wait to flaunt the fact that I get to have as many orgasms as I was, as much as I want, and even get to make him provide me the pleasure of those orgasms. I very much love to see and feel how frustrated he is when he’s aching for sexual attention and so jealous of my orgasms and the orgasms of others! It’s fun when friends brag to him about the orgasms they get to have when he’s locked and denied and wanting one so bad.

It should be a fun year 🙂

Leaving a Legacy: Mistress Ivey

Posted by Lady M on March 16, 2018
Posted in: Female Led Relationship, FemDom, KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , , , , . 12 comments

When cagedmonkey and I first started out with chastity and realized we’ve always been living an FLR it was because of Mistress Ivey and her amazing, easy to read, down to earth books and website, Becoming a Mistress. I’m extremely appreciative of the work she’d put into all of it so that I could become a better wife and woman in charge of her husband.

Yesterday, I lost a friend. Today I take a moment to remember an amazing woman and her hubby, who’ve I’ve gotten to know much more deeply, on a much more personal level, in the past few years. I’m sad to learn of Mistress Ivey’s passing but I know that she’s left behind an awesome legacy and she will not easily be forgotten. She will be forever missed and we are sending our love prayers and love out to her husband and the rest of the family. She was a wonderful author, woman, wife and mother.

Thank you for all of the knowledge you have shared through the years and all of the experience you leave behind. Even though you are not physically with us you will continue to teach and mentor as the years go on.

Pretty in Pink

Posted by Lady M on July 22, 2017
Posted in: Female Led Relationship, KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Pictures, Tease & Denial, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , . 4 comments

On Friday I decided to send cagedmonkey a few pictures while he was at work. I wanted him ready for the weekend. I had already planned out some interesting tasks for him while at work and on his way home. So it started out in the morning as I was getting dressed. I sent him pictures of way I was wearing, I thought you all would love to see, as well.

I figured, since I had my nails done in a pretty pink that my outfit might as well match. First I sent him a picture to show him what panties I picked out.

Then I knew he would love to see my large breasts so I sent him a picture of the bra I decided to wear.

I knew if I kept sending him pictures of myself that he would get more and more horny for me. Seeing me in my bra and panties is such a tease for him. I sent one last picture to show him the shirt I was wearing. I knew this one would really get to him because… Well, you look and let me know what you think!

I also gave him a task to take a very specific picture for me while he was at work. Then on his way home he was to unlock – because I had plans to use him later – and he was to get my cock hard and take a picture. Then he was instructed to keep it hard the whole way home in the car, so that I could feel it (and tease it) when he got home. After sending him the pictures, and giving him task instructions, I knew he would have no problem whatsoever getting himself hard. When he got home I took a few moments to stroke him, edge him and tease him. It was a wonderful evening, teasing him and increasing his frustration by denying him any release. 

This morning… We dropped the kids off to spend the night at grandma’s house… I wonder what fun we be in store for cagedmonkey with no kids in the house for the night!?

Getting My Revenge

Posted by Lady M on June 25, 2017
Posted in: Chastity Device, D/s, Female Led Relationship, FemDom, KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Orgasm Denial, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , . Leave a Comment

You’ve probably already read the post from a few days ago where cagedmonkey mentioned I have him locked in the Steelworxx Revenge. So there is no need to get into all that. The Revenge is quite an interesting device because of the fact that it’s practically a fully enclosed device, keeping cagedmonkey from any sensation on his penis, be it clothing, bedsheets, or human touch, there is just no way to feel any of that through the Steel encasing his cock. 

I think it’s pretty amazing that I get to create this world where my hubby is virtually without his penis. I get to tease him and drive him crazy making him hornier and hornier and his cock feels nothing. Now that he’s locked in the Revenge… He’s going to have to try hard to remember the feeling of my tight wet pussy wrapped around his cock while he struggles against the steel. Even his “rooty” is different in the enclosed device, there really is no where for it to go, no bulging out between the bars. I’d imagine the pressure and aching must feel slightly different but that’s something for the experts and not my assumptions. Just wait until I torture him with sliding that cage into my hot wet pussy and he feels nothing, not even the warmth.

Now, I know he mentioned that we would be taking this round with the Revenge a little slower, kinda like when you get a new cage, we aren’t jumping right into the long term. So tonight, since it’s been pretty close to a week since I locked him in the Revenge, I had him remove the cage to make sure we had no redness or sore spots or anything that showed there were any issue. I did not see anything at all so now I will push him out about 10 days or so. I will remind anyone interested in an enclosed caged (not sure if this is just the case with steel or all enclosed) that there is a smell associated with the immediate removal of the cage, even after only a week, which included daily washing. Not a huge deal, just know you can’t take it out and play with your toy right away like you can with the Jail Bird. It definitely needs a quick wash. 

Tonight was a little rough on CM because even though he was temporarily out of the confines of the cage, I still refused to touch his cock. Just because we are doing inspections every so often certainly doesn’t mean the spirit of not feeling anything for a few weeks isn’t there. I loved hearing the frustration in his choice when he realized I wasn’t going to touch his cock, which immediately went from soft to rock hard within about a minute or so of removing the cage. I do love how it sounds when he’s so incredibly frustrated from the horniness and it’s all because of me. I know he loves it too. And maybe that’s what makes it even more exciting! 🙂

Mail Chastity: Guilt

Posted by Lady M on April 6, 2017
Posted in: FemDom, KeyHolder, Mail Chastity, Male Chastity, Marriage, orgasm control, Orgasm Denial. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , . 2 comments

I was asked this really great question recently so I thought I would take a minute to write here about it. I’m sure some of our readers who are in control would appreciate it. Then again, some of you in the submissive role may like to know this stuff too. 

“…doesn’t it make you feel bad sometimes when you deny your hubby for so so long? Do you ever feel guilty?”

There actually was a time, when we first started this whole chastity and longer term denial thing, that I would describe my feelings as guilt. Now that we are almost 4 years into this there are zero feelings of guilt. There doesn’t need to be any. 4 years ago my hubby asked me to take control of his sexual pleasure. He wanted me to be the one to decide if, when and how he would orgasm. I gladly accepted that role and took control over that pleasure for him. So why would I feel guilty about giving him something he wanted in the first place? That’s something us dominant types can forget sometimes… but when someone completely offers themselves to us we need to not feel guilty about accepting the responsibility.

Cagedmonkey naturally craves and needs to be controlled and I naturally crave and need to be in control. It makes us both feel fulfilled and content in our relationship and in our life. It fits us so well to accept these roles. 

So, in short, no I don’t feel bad or guilty about denying him orgasm or even keeping him locked in that steel cage and even controlling him to the point of when he gets a full erection. I love knowing that he is THAT controlled, down to something even HE can’t control! I love knowing he has a pretty constant reminder of me and the fact that I control him and he sexual organs and pleasure. It’s mine to enjoy, he gave me that. He offered me that gift and it’s one of the best things and shows such deep love and respect and, more importantly, trust. It makes me feel great, not guilty! 

Male Chastity – Lock Him Up and Throw Away the Key

Posted by Lady M on March 11, 2017
Posted in: Advice, Chastity Device, D/s, FemDom, KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , , . 2 comments

Ugh… NO!!!

I recently got, yet another, email about locking up a guy. I get them pretty often but just about every time I get one, I need to respond with something along the lines of you can’t just lock up a guys cock and throw away the key. I do want to mention, I know there could be a guy or two out there that does actually want to be locked up, have the key thrown away and their dick completely unused and forgotten about. As a matter of fact, I have such a boy, who’s key I hold, that enjoys the fact that there is nothing he can do or say to get his key back or get his cock unlocked… ever. There is really no use for his puny little cock. That is something that is few and far between and even in his circumstance, I STILL keep him mentally teased and reminded of his predicament every so often.

Male chastity with a spouse or partner, however, is usually not about not having sex or not having to “deal” with your guy once he’s locked up. If anything, it might be more work when you’ve got someone under lock and key. I’ve written about this plenty of times and I’ve even done a podcast on it. When you get a guy to give up control of his most intimate parts, he’s also giving you an incredible amount of trust. He’s trusting that you won’t lock up his dick and forget about it. He needs to know that you enjoy having him locked up as much as he enjoys being locked up for you. He may have a constant physical reminder of who owns his cock but there definitely needs to be some consistent mental reminders. Especially those amazing mindfucks that cause him to press and struggle against the cage, aching to be released. 

I really can’t stress enough about how important it is to give attention to the one you control. Your words, alone, can have a huge impact on how their time in chastity will be. When I say you need to give attention, I’m not necessarily talking about constant physical attention. I do think there needs to be some of that as well but, more than that, the mental side of things will certainly keep your guy from getting lonely. One of the most important things to remember, when locking up a guy, is that it’s going to be work. You do not want them getting lonely and feeling sexually forgotten about. I’m pretty sure I even have a blog post here with lots of ideas of how to keep your guy mentally mindfucked and well teased while locked up. Look around a bit.

A Permanent Symbol of Control

Posted by Lady M on November 21, 2016
Posted in: Chastity Device, KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Marriage. Tagged: , , , . 2 comments

I realized today means quite a bit to me. November 21, 2013 has such a depth for me and I realized it when I was looking back at those silly memory things on Facebook. It means more than the day cagedmonkey handed me the keys to his chastity cage and asked that I take control of the most intimate parts of himself. That day, in itself, was such a beautiful moment, him kneeling in front of me and telling me that nothing would make him happier than for me to accept the keys and take full control. I do wish I could remember those exact words but the moment sticks in my mind anyway. 

However, wearing a chastity device, a removable device, is one thing but agreeing to be permanently marked, showing your devotion and submission and your love is something completely deeper. Today, three years ago, I took cagedmonkey to get his Chastity tattoo and I absolutely love that he has given himself completely to me. I am his and he is mine, we belong to each other and with each other. I can feel it every time I touch his skin. Almost 17 years later and it still feels electric. It’s comforting feeling his arms around me. 

Thank you, my darling subby hubby, for being mine and not being afraid to make it permanent and forever. I will forever wear your key as you wear my lock!

Where Did You Get Your Key?

Posted by Lady M on October 17, 2016
Posted in: Chastity Device, KeyHolder, Male Chastity. Tagged: , , , , . 2 comments

Recently I’ve had a few people asking me about the key I wear on a necklace around my neck. They key they are talking about is the key to my husband chastity cage. More specifically it is the key that loosens the security screw we use to keep his cage locked on his junk. 🙂 I have a picture (on the contact page, maybe) that shows the padlock key I used to wear before getting the security screw from Mature Metal. However we realized that having the screw was much more convenient, quieter and less bulky. 

Back when I ordered the security screw option I found out it came with two keys. One we use as an emergency key that hubby keeps on his keyring and it’s tamper evident. That one is the regular size. I asked Mistress MM if it would be possible to cut a key shorter because I didn’t want to have a long metal pendant that would draw attention to itself. The shorter one does that just fine! Anyway, Mistress MM told me that the key could be cut shorter and redrilled so that it was small enough to wear on a necklace. There is a very small fee associated with resizing the key but in my opinion, it’s worth $25. 

My key is cut to one inch total. If I remember right that is about 3/4 of an inch smaller than the normal size of the key. One thing I want to mention is to make sure you get yourself a good rope style chain for the key with a clasp that fits through the hole! It would be a good idea to get the necklace after you get the key, just to make sure it fits. It is still possible to use my key to unscrew the security screw, though it is more difficult than using the regular length key. 

I know that Mature Metal can get a bit more creative and custom about their keys but keep in mind the more creative you want your key, they more expensive it might be due to the handmade nature of it all. If you are interested in shortening your key for your keyholder you just need to let Mistress MM know and it will be done! 🙂 She’s extremely good like that. She even knows what you mean if you mention you want the “key like Lady M wears.” Hehe 🙂

Hope this helps!