Mail Chastity

Mail Chastity: Questions From a Potential Keyholder

Posted by cagedmonkey on January 2, 2015
Posted in: Advice, Female Led Relationship, Mail Chastity, Male Chastity, Marriage, Orgasm Denial, Sex, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , . Leave a Comment

A friend of My Lady – who doesn’t happen to know about this blog – was chatting with her about male chastity. How the subject came up without mention of the blog is a mystery, but she asked her a few questions that I thought it might be helpful to answer here. And if ML’s friend happens upon this blog, thanks for the post material!

ML’s friend wants to introduce male chastity into her marriage. She wanted to have an idea of what to expect from certain aspects of chastity. She writes:

Going months without an orgasm – is that healthy?

First, I’m going to be a stickler for terms. There is absolutely no danger for a male to go any amount of time without an orgasm. Ejaculation is a different story: there is some evidence that frequent ejaculation decreases the probability of prostate illness, however there is also evidence that regular ejaculations increase prostate disease. When it comes down to it, nobody really knows. If you are interested in the “better safe than sorry” approach, there are ways to have a male ejaculate without a full orgasm (milking, ruined orgasms, etc.).

What effect does that have on him?

Long story short, it makes him fucking horny as hell. The male body craves orgasm constantly – it goes back to the primal urge to reproduce. The longer he goes without an orgasm, the more he’ll need it. Over time, he will recognize his keyholder (that would be you) as the source of his pleasure, and he will develop a submissive instinct and try to keep you pleased as a result of this. Some people have said that the increase in intensity of this reaction tapers off after a few months. I call BS on that. 🙂 Thanks to ML’s constant teasing, I’m still feeling that need to cum grow and grow every day.

How does a keyholder stay stasified without sex?

There are ways for a man to satisfy his woman other than with his cock! Tongue, fingers… there are many options. The most important thing is to redefine your idea of “sex.” For ML and I, we end up having sex all day long – for us, those hugs and kisses and loving touches are all part of us having sex.

With that said, I understand the desire ML has for a nice hard cock deep in her pussy. When she wants this, we have toys that we can use to satisfy this need. But sometimes, she just needs to feel my flesh. In that case, she unlocks me and uses my cock but doesn’t allow me to cum.

There are plenty of ways for you to get yours without letting him get his. 🙂

Mail Chastity has become a very popular subject on the blog. We’ve gotten lots of questions, either through email or Twitter, and we plan on doing more of these posts in the future. We could always use more questions to answer, though, so don’t hesitate to ask us anything!

Mail Chastity: Probing Questions

Posted by Lady M on December 29, 2014
Posted in: Mail Chastity, Male Chastity. Tagged: , , , , . Leave a Comment

We always love getting mail from our readers, you guys are the best and ask great questions! We’ve had a couple of readers ask similar questions so I thought I would answer here on the blog rather than each person individually.

Basically, people wonder what some of the toys are and look like that we use. We have written about both of the toys mentioned in the last post and even have pics but I do believe they are scattered throughout the blog. I’m thinking, perhaps an introduction to our toys is in order. So here goes!

Lockedboy writes:

LM,
I must say that I love the way you described how you fucked CM ass. Such detail oh I would love it if I could watch in real time hearing the moans and watching the actions.

Why thank you, I wish I could have been more detailed but I’m glad you enjoyed it anyway.

Do you have pictures of blue & mr o?
If so and willing to share I would like to see how your set up is like.

I went and took pics for you. Blue is obviously the blue one and Mr O got his name because he’s black and I started calling him Onyx. Blue is an inexpensive Basix brand rubber dildo. And Mr O is a moderately priced vac u lock attachment that goes to that harness.
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Also what kind of lube do you use, I hear too use oil base. Is that what you use?

The lube we use most of the time is a hybrid lube. The hybrid is a mix between a silicone and water based lube. It is used for CM’s njoy plug wear and for some of the other probes. I will not use the silicone based one for some of our toys and those we just use a basic water based lube.

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Athena's Perfect Harmony Tingling Lube

I am super excited that we received a gift today from our Amazon wish list from Lali. Thank you so much pretty girl for this amazing gift! I can’t wait to show you pics with it on!
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It’s so amazing and perfect and heavy duty! It fits awesome, I had to try it on the minute I got it. I really just love it and I know I’m going to be able to peg hubby perfectly now. And, who knows, maybe if I find myself a nice subby girl, I can use it on her too!

Please let us know if you have any other questions about anything! You can find our email addresses and Twitter name on our contact page. We look forward to hearing from you!

He Said, She Said/Mail Chastity: Hurts So Good?

Posted by cagedmonkey on December 9, 2014
Posted in: Breath Control, Mail Chastity. Tagged: , , , , , , . 4 comments

We recently received the following comment on one of ML’s posts, specifically her post on breath control. Here is the comment from Dedicatedtoher:

Please explain to me how you can get sexual pleasure from hurting someone you love/ Where is the pleasure , the joy in hurting him? Even if he is a masochist, you have the ability to step back and say: “This I cannot do. I get no pleasure from hurting you” Your sexual thrill from inflicting pain on your husband is something I find difficult to understand. I am happy sadism does not work for my wife and I

Both of us have things we would like to say in response to this. So here is your “He Said, She Said” installment of “Mail Chastity” (or vice versa, whichever tickles your fancy).

Lady M: Thank you so much for your comment and question.  I would like to first point out that I do NOT like to hurt my husband nor do I get pleasure from it. I do love his reaction to some slight pain like pinching nipples, nails on his back or balls or even a spanking. I do believe those are all pretty common ways people create a pain sensation to get a reaction from their partner. As I said, I do not enjoy actually hurting him whatsoever. Since it is the Breath Play post in particular that you are referring to, I want to say that at no time during our play like this do I hurt or intentionally cause him pain. If that were to happen, with a misplaced thumb or something, I stop immediately and adjust. I’m actually terrified of accidentally hurting him and often cut play short sometimes. Breath play is not about pain and has everything to do with the control of his consciousness. That I do love, I love the control I have over him. I love seeing his glossed over eyes as he is slipping off into his dreamy state. That does give me a sexual charge and my crotch is instantly sopping wet and drippy. It really is not painful to experience this but rather relaxing and calm I would imagine.

I hope this helps explain it a bit and as I always say, not everyone will ever enjoy the same things when it comes to most things in life. Although… maybe bacon… everyone, except Cagemonkey, likes bacon! 🙂

Cagedmonkey: First, let me say thank you for the comment. It’s a great question, but I’d like to thank you for being so respectful. Although you may not understand or agree with the things we do, I appreciate your mature attitude towards addressing it. 🙂

I’ll start by saying that there is a big difference between “pain” and “hurt.” When ML pinches my nipples just a teeny bit too hard, that’s pain. When she leans the wrong way and kneels on my ankle or whatever, that hurts. I don’t get any sexual thrill from being hurt. Pain, yes, I find exciting. But there have been instances in the past where ML has accidentally hurt me, and we’ve stopped immediately and addressed the situation (and most likely laughed it off afterwards).

The pain itself isn’t a turn on. What turns me on is the control that is involved. ML can make me feel whatever she wants me to feel; whether that be pleasure, pain, or anywhere in the middle. I love that she can cause these sensations, and I love that I cannot fight them.

With all of that said, the asphyxiation/choking/breath play isn’t as painful as you may think it is. Again, it’s about control: My Lady controls my air supply, and along with that my ability to stay conscious. It’s actually somewhat peaceful, slipping away slowly like that. The worst thing I’d say I experience is fear as I get closer to blacking out, but I trust ML absolutely and completely.

I hope this helps shed some light on why we find this type of play erotic and exciting. It’s definitely not for everyone, but no kink really is. What works for us may not work for you. But what’s important is that it works for us. 🙂

Mail Chastity: Female Chastity

Posted by Lady M on November 10, 2014
Posted in: Mail Chastity, Orgasm Denial, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , . 5 comments

Ok so this was actually a comment on the blog and not really mail but this is a better way to address it. I’m sure there are a few people out there who’d like to know.

pcguy asks:
“One question though.. You’d talked about the possibility of maybe eventually trying a bit of “female chastity” as well.  I saw you had the one brief stint of orgasm denial for Lady M, but do you still consider trying an actual device for any period of time at all?  I’ve always wondered if the female devices are really even that practical…”

As you know cagedmonkey and I do, very rarely, have a bit of the “Switch” in us. I’ll be honest and say it’s a controlled type of switch meaning it’s something, as the dominant one, I’m allowing him to do. I love when we do this because once in a freaking while it’s nice to not HAVE to be in control of every damn thing. The other part of that is that I actually do like to experience “the other side” of things. I like to know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of things. It also helps me to know how to be a better Domme! 🙂

The answer to your question pcguy is yes, we do still plan to lock my sexiness up in a female chastity device. We wanted to do it right and not buy some novelty item off Amazon, so we ordered a custom sized locking one. It’s not a true custom device it’s just one that will fit my size, since I’m pretty sure with my huge tits people realize I’m not some nasty pencil thin model chick. It is a black leather device that requires three padlocks to even keep it on and closed. If I could find it right now I would post a pic, but it’s packed somewhere.

So, why haven’t we used it yet? Well first… we need three locks lol and didn’t have them right away, second we ended up moving and third we started to really think about the practicality and logistics of it all. Could I possibly wear it and function – it’s nothing like just having a cage locked on your cock. I mean seriously, every morning after my second cup of coffee who wants to be unlocking 3 padlocks while I’m about to burst?! That and I can literally think myself into an orgasm so the device is really about keeping me from sex… I have to mentally stop my orgasms.

So far it’s been hard to work out how we would actually do it properly. We did come across another device that is slightly different. That device could make these things happen a bit sooner. I will be honest and say that I would never be locked up like my cagedmonkey. Mine would definitely be short term compared to his! I have this fear that if I suppress the horny it might get pushed so far that I lose it again… no one in the world wants Lady to lose her horny!

I hope this answers your question and I thank you for asking. 🙂 please let us know if you have any other questions.

Mail Chastity: Make That Pussy Squirt!

Posted by cagedmonkey on May 27, 2014
Posted in: Advice, Mail Chastity, Sex. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , . 7 comments

There seems to be one particular subject that is gripping the minds of many of the followers out there.

Melly’shubby writes:

I’m interested in trying to get my wife to squirt. Could you describe how you do it?

Kiwi writes:

Your bride complemented you on your squirting stimulation technique. Do you have any pointers for a newbie?

Ah, yes, the magical squirting pussy. It really is an amazing sight, especially the first time it happens for you. First off, a little technical knowledge:

To all the naysayers out there, I say to you with a loudly tuned bullhorn – female ejaculate is not urine! Believe it or not, there have been serious medical studies performed that prove this. My Lady and I are under the impression that almost every woman has the capacity to squirt, they just need to be open to the idea. ML has mentioned to me that, before squirting became a thing for us, that she would sometimes feel the urge to pee during an orgasm. She would hold it in, because who wants to get pissed on during sex, right? Okay, maybe some people do, but that’s a subject for a whole different post. Turns out that is wasn’t an urge to pee, it was an urge to release her juices.

The two most important things to remember when attempting to “make it rain” as it were, are:

1) relaxation – the woman needs be completely relaxed. She also needs to know that no matter what happens you are going to be cool with it, not turned off or grossed out. It’s a lot like anal sex, now that I think about it.  🙂

2) practice – although it took some trial and error to get there, I can pretty much make ML squirt on command. 🙂 Don’t get discouraged if it doesn’t work 100% of the time right out of the gate.

Before I explain my technique, I want to make it clear that I am not some all-knowing, squirt master guru. I only know what I know, and I know that this technique works for us. You may find a better way that works for you. If so, go with that. I’m not writing up instructions on how to build an IKEA cabinet here.  🙂

The first time my wife squirted, I was playing with her pussy and for some unexplained reason, I decided to try to go for it make it happen. I was aware of the possibility of squirting and knew the fact that it wasn’t urine but something else entirely – I honestly don’t know what it is, but I don’t care really.  🙂  So, while I was doing it and I could feel her pussy reacting (I will explain the technique I use later, but it involves paying attention to how the woman’s vagina is squeezing), I kept telling her things like “it’s okay, baby” and “just let it go” and “just let it happen.” Basically, I didn’t want her to be shy and pull back, I wanted her to let loose. And she did! I made her squirt twice that time, and we both were amazed at how much she soaked the carpet! Since that first time, we’ve learned some stuff and now it’s very easy for me to make it happen. Often times she will be squirting within seconds of me starting! It’s pretty awesome.

Ok, now for the important stuff – how to make it happen. I find it works best when using 1 finger only, I use my middle finger most often, but any one you are comfortable with would work. You aren’t looking for depth here, you are looking for precision. Contrary to popular belief, you do NOT want to aim for the G-spot; the G-spot is actually too far in. You need to back out just the tiniest bit to hit the correct spot. To visualize the exact location, you are pretty much aiming for where the woman’s clitoris would be if it went straight through into her vagina. Once you are at the proper spot, you want to curl your finger towards yourself (assuming the woman is facing you). This is commonly referred to as the “come hither” motion. I would rather call it the “come hither” position – a small distinction, but very important, as you will see.

Another misconception is that once you find the spot, you should start thrusting or rubbing against the target spot in the vagina. This may work from time to time, but I have found a technique that is much more reliable. Imagine that your middle finger is placed where it needs to be, curled slightly inside the vagina, pressing against the inner front wall. Your palm should be resting pretty much flat against her pussy. The motion you need is to move you hand back and forth at the elbow and forearm, you should hold your wrist in its position. To get the motion right, try to focus on rubbing her clit with the heel of your palm while your finger stays in the right spot inside her.

After a while, you will be able to feel the walls of your woman’s vagina start squeezing you finger. She may also be moaning quite a bit by now.  🙂  When you start to feel the squeezing, you need to add the slightest bit of upward motion to your hand movement. Press just a little harder on her pussy when you are moving back and less when you move forward, almost moving your hand in a slight oval. You will feel your wife’s pussy begin to contract even more, it may even feel as if the walls are pushing against your finger in waves. This is good. When you feel this, keep the hand motion up, but use your finger to massage the walls that are squeezing against you (you will most likely have to move upwards a little more, to where the G-spot actually is). Keep pushing as the walls push back. Soon (hopefully), you’ll feel a warm, wet liquid flow over your palm. Success!  🙂

My Lady and I have found that she tends to squirt more when she can use the muscles in her thighs to push. For example, it is easier to make her squirt when she is standing up or squatting (over my face, usually), than when she is lying down. However, she has been learning how to squeeze just the right way while laying down to get a nice spray going; the distance she squirts often surprises me! Also, make sure you prepare for “the worst” when trying this out – double layer some towels underneath her. My Lady has soaked the couch/carpet/mattress many times because we thought that one towel would be enough! Just something to think about.

Hopefully this technique will work for you, and pretty soon the comments section will be filled with stories from readers who have soaked themselves silly with pussy juices. Just don’t come after me looking to take care of your laundry bill!

Good luck!

Mail Chastity: Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Posted by cagedmonkey on April 2, 2014
Posted in: Advice, Mail Chastity, Male Chastity. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , . 1 comment

It’s amazing the effect that chastity has had on me in a little over four months of time. I’ve undergone some very interesting changes, both mentally and physically. Some are both obvious and expected (I’m horny all the time, DUHHH), but others are somewhat surprising. And I know I’m not the only one experiencing these changes, because I get emails from some of you guys out there asking me about the same things. 🙂

One reader asks:

“I’ve noticed that immediately after taking the cage off, I’m as hard as a rock but I have trouble maintaining a strong erection. I don’t lose it all together, but it’s definitely not as intense. I’ve never had this problem before trying chastity. Have you experienced anything similar?”

Don’t do what I did and start panicking and figuring out how to pay for your Cialis perscriptions; this is a pretty common issue.  The first few times My Lady unlocked me after I was already getting hard, we had to wait until I got soft to remove the base ring. After the ring removal, it took a while to regain my erection. I think this happens because it takes a little bit of reset time to go from “SO FUCKING HARD I COULD FUCK A HOLE THROUGH A BRICK WALL” to “totally soft and chillin'” and back to hard again. Now, ML will either remove the cage when I’m still somewhat soft or will just leave the ring on if I’m already aroused. Problem solved.

Another reader has a question for the mail bag, or perhaps mail “sack” is more fitting:

“The skin around my balls looks really loose and hangs kinda weird now. It sort of dangles a bit.”

Ah, yes. This has happened to me, too. My scrotum seems as if it has been stretched out since I started wearing a chastity device. I even have what looks like a little tab that hangs down between both of my nuts. I’m assuming this is from my ballskin being stretched out when my cock tries to get hard and pushes the cage forward from my body and the balls stop it from advancing any further. When my erection is strong enough, it pulls on the skin with a good amount of strength. This used to hurt me a ton, but I guess I’ve gotten used to it because it’s not that bad anymore. Solution? I have no idea. Even a perfectly fitted cock cage is going to be pushed forward by a hardening cock. And, honestly, I don’t think this even requires a solution. Yeah, your sack looks a little funky, but it looked funky to begin with, didn’t it?

Last one:

“When my wife takes the cage off, my cock is extremely sensitive all over, even in places that weren’t like that before. Is this ok?”

No. This is more than okay! This is GREAT! This is what it’s about, right? What’s most likely happening here is that your cock is responding to the constant pressure of the cage on your sensitive areas, resulting in a stronger reaction when that pressure changes. It’s like when you put your hand from ice cold water into room temperature water – it feels scalding hot, even though it’s far from it. You’re feeling these AMAZING sensations because they are so different from what you are used to. This is a good thing. Just make sure that the hypersensitivity is not due to any skin damage or irritation, and you are good to go.

Don’t be shy or embarassed, keep these email questions coming! (Bad choice of words, perhaps)

Mail Chastity – Your Questions

Posted by cagedmonkey on January 24, 2014
Posted in: Advice, Chastity Device, Mail Chastity, Male Chastity, Medical. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . 4 comments

Time again for another round of “Mail Chastity” where we tackle the topics that are on your mind. As always, these are real questions from real readers. Feel free to email us with any questions you may have; your question just may be featured in our next Mail Chastity post!

Click on the contact page in the top left corner for email info, or simply just to see a great pic of My Lady’s beautiful breasts perfectly framing the key to my chastity cage.  😉

Q: Are there any medical concerns involved with being locked up so frequently?

Hmmmm….. good question. There are some medical issues that should be addressed when considering long term and/or frequent wearing of a chastity device. Most of these issues are not very severe if tended to.

The most common occurrence would be skin irritation where the cage sits, either around the scrotum or on the shaft of the penis. This can be avoided by using a properly fitting cage and proper lubrication to allow movement of the cage while walking. Skin irritation, if left unchecked, can lead to blisters and skin ulcers which risk being infected. You don’t want that.

Another common condition that is often seen with open-style devices (Birdcage/Jailbird/etc.) is edema, or localized swelling due to fluid buildup. This happens when the penile tissue expands into the open spaces of the cage. This isn’t the “hardon bulge” I’m talking about… that is completely normal, especially when your keyholder is deliberately turning you into a sex-crazed lunatic. Edema occurs when your erection goes away, but the swelling and fluid remain. This can be fixed by rubbing and massaging the area to promote circulation… just be careful not to enjoy it TOO much and piss off your keyholder! Edema, when not dealt with in time, can cause tissue damage and possible erectile dysfunction if it becomes serious enough.

The issues I have described in the linked posts were not related directly to wearing the chastity device. There were… ahem… other factors involved.

Q: How does chastity effect the day-to-day basis of your life?

To be honest, not all that much. The main difference is that I get crazy horny as time goes on. Duh. Other than that, the cage doesn’t get in the way much. I can play with my children without incident – I try to avoid having them sit on my lap, but they are old enough now where that’s not a big worry. Work is not a problem, even though my job requires frequent walks around the room, as well as sitting and standing. Other than the fact that I’m goddamn-motherfucking-all-batshit-flames-of-hell horny all the time, my life proceeds pretty much in a normal fashion.

Q: How do you decide what to post? Is it a joint effort?

My Lady does most of the posting on the blog, for two reasons. First, she is a major control freak… which she will freely admit, hence the FLR lifestyle. Second, she usually has the most time to post, given that she is a stay-at-home mom with a Galaxy Note 2 surgically attached to her hand. However, we both collaborate on what themes and ideas to post about. Very often, we will be discussing a particular aspect of our lifestyle, and either of us will say, “We should totally write a blog post about this.” She usually just beats me to the punch. We do really enjoy doing the “He Said, She Said” and “Conversations” posts… they are lots of fun, and they give our readers great insight on the types of conversations we have and that we consider necessary in order make this lifestyle run smoothly.

Mail Chastity – Questions from our inbox

Posted by Lady M on January 10, 2014
Posted in: Female Led Relationship, Mail Chastity, Male Chastity, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , , . Leave a Comment

A gentlemen contacted us to ask some questions about our WLM & chastity and I thought I’d share incase others had similar questions.

“Is it just an at home lifestyle? Did is happen right away or did it build to a FLM?”
Our WLM is an everyday, all day thing… our relationship has always been one where I took care of everything – financially, phone calls, Dr appts, anything with the kids, etc. We do make big decisions together, where to live, buying a car and that kind of thing. Usually I have the final say in most things though.

“Is it D/s?”
Just so you know wlm & D/s don’t need to go together but yes part of our relationship is D/s. Our sexual relationship is fully D/s and it will only trickle into daily life if we talked about it specifically where my Dominance will be an entire day thing. Hope that makes sense.

“Did chastity come first? and did it contribute to this decision?”
Chastity most definitely didn’t come first. We’ve been flr since we met – I’m a control freak hehe. We had gotten to a bad place in our relationship, we worked hard to repair it and in the repairing made a promise to be honest and share every fantasy. Hubby brought up the chastity thing and, at first, I wasn’t into it. Part of our promise was to be open minded about fantasies so I started to research and found, after about 4 months, that I really loved the idea and that’s how the whole chastity thing began. 

“How did you get it to work?….. We tried it before and it only lasted a month. It seemed rushed and not natural”
Some people are not naturally dominant so to have a wlm they do need to work at it, take it slow, step by step. Once we realized what our relationship was and that chastity was to be a part of it we created an agreement. That’s been a huge help in getting things to go smoother and “work.” It’s still a work in progress and probably always will be. We will continue to go over our agreement to change things. We have added things, adjusted things and taken things out. It’s not a perfect science, there is no one way to do things… it’s what works for a particular couple and no two relationships will look the same.

Thanks for your questions and please feel free to email and ask anything you like. Most things are not too personal and we love the interaction.

How to hear from you!