Wife Led Marriage

The Not-So-Full Submission

Posted by Lady M on February 16, 2015
Posted in: D/s, Female Led Relationship, Male Chastity, Orgasm Denial, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , . 2 comments

I’m sure everyone knows what it’s like to have a bad day at work. Where it seems like everything is going wrong and whatever decision you make is the wrong decision. Well that’s exactly what happened Friday night while hubby was at work. It was a particularly stressful night with dude’s bleeding out in the operating room and being short staffed and people getting pissy and taking out their frustrations on each other. At about 4am Friday night (Saturday morning) I was woken up by about 16 text messages from hubby needing to talk. I spent about an hour and a half texting back and forth letting him get out his feelings and frustrations in a healthy, safe way. I validated him and it seemed to help get him through the last couple of hours.

I knew exactly how he was feeling and that he was going through one of those “I’m not good enough, I can’t do anything right, why bother,” type of things which I’m all too familiar with. This started to make me very worried about our full submission weekend that was supposed to be beginning when he arrived home at 7:30am. I started wondering if we should give up on the whole idea because I had this fear of triggering him into a downward spiral. I was fearful that if I corrected him or was unhappy with his behavior, and wanted to spank or punish him, that he would take it very badly and spin off into a deeper self confidence low.

Saturday morning, he got home and I pretty much sent him right off to bed. Once I woke him in the afternoon we had a few hours with the kids before we could really get into our full submission. However, we did do as much as we could in front of the kids. He would ask to do things quietly or give me a certain look and I knew what he was “saying.” It was coded simple stuff in front of the kids like:

Him: Do you need me to do anything before I go to the bathroom.
Me: Actually, I’d like you to take that load of laundry down and switch them, then you may.
Him: yes ma’am

Little stuff like that the kids hardly notice especially when we don’t make a big deal out of it.

Later in the evening when the kids were off to bed, the submission was much more intense. I absolutely loved hearing him whimper when I would kiss him but not allow him to touch me or kiss me back for a bit. At one point I remember grabbing him by the steel collar and pulling him to his knees in front of me where I was sitting on the couch. I demanded he eat my pussy and make me cum. There were times, too, where I would use his hands on myself while reminding him he wasn’t allowed to touch or help me in any way. He begged to kiss me while I moved his hand and covered his fingers with my juices. I whispered, “no” and kissed him, shoving my tongue deep in his mouth. As I started to cum on his fingers, I told him “kiss me, now!”

It ended up being quite hot and very frustrating for him as I controlled him the entire night and reminded him over and over, “I don’t remember you asking to do that.” It was a very nice night and I loved going to bed with him wearing only his steel collar and Jail Bird. We did wake up before the kids and I decided to take off the collar so we didn’t have to explain it to them. We thought about just telling them it was a necklace but our kids would have bugged out all day, obsessing.

Sunday morning we got up, I laid out the clothes hubby was to wear to church and we started our day. I though about what a great night we had a thought we had gotten passed the whole emotional night from Friday but that ended up not being the case. Sunday was a very rough day and the self confidence spiral began in the morning and lasted all day long. It effected me to the point of visible anger. I quit talking to cagedmonkey for a time because I was afraid I didn’t have anything nice to say.

Later last night he did apologize for his behavior but there really was no full submission at all on Sunday because he was a bit sensitive to things. It was much easier to leave it be. We did have a very nice night together last night once the kids went to bed. I unlocked his cage and let him have control of his dick for a little while. I think that helped him a bit. Once it got late I took him to the bedroom and had my way with him, using his body, cumming as much as I wanted while he continues to be denied.

Praise and Reassurance

Posted by Lady M on February 9, 2015
Posted in: Advice, Female Led Relationship, KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Marriage, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , . 1 comment

So I just want to write that just as important as it is for us as women to get feedback that the boys like what we are doing, they need that same feedback from us. They need to know we are proud of them for being locked for us, for enduring our teasing etc. They also need to know if they are pleasing us with their behavior or sexual acts. How will they know to continue something I’d they don’t know ere loving it?

I find that having a submissive husband or even being dominant to a submissive man is just like parenting. I’m not saying our men are childish (though some sure can be at times) I just mean they respond well to techniques parents use with children. It’s just like you would treat a kid when you “catch them doing something good” to reinforce the behavior. So it’s important to say things like “it really pleases me when…” or “you’re doing such a good job with…” or “I really love how you are handling…” and even “Wow! What a great job doing…..” adding to any of those some hint at a reward is huge too. Saying something like “it really pleases me when you take out the garbage without asking… I might have to unlock you and tease you later!” No, you didn’t just lock yourself in and you don’t have to let him out but the thought that you might is motivation. It’s interesting how it works.

Praising and reassuring our submissives builds their confidence and keeps them pleasing us and striving for more of those compliments and possible rewards. It might be all about us Ladies (or dominants) sexually but it is about both of us emotionally. This is why I say communication is so huge. The feedback, both ways, keeps the relationship going.

Have you praised your locked boy today?

Lost My Confidence, Will I Still Be Able to Dominate?

Posted by Lady M on February 3, 2015
Posted in: FemDom, KeyHolder, Marriage, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , , , . 24 comments

The last night of our cruise I had trouble sleeping as we headed back to New York City. I could feel, as I started to pack things up that evening, some anxiety thinking about getting back to normal once we got home. I don’t mean getting hubby back to work or the kids to school, grocery shopping or sorting through two weeks of mail. I mean getting back to the beautiful D/s relationship hubby and I have spent the past year and a half exploring. Not only the D/s relationship between hubby and I, but the one I have with my other submissive boys too.

Before we even went on this trip I had decided it was going to be a vacation. A real vacation from everything, our roles, the kinky stuff, everything. Just a nice time to let whatever happens happen. We did have a little sexy time on the trip as I mentioned the sex on the balcony and the mirrors! Ooh boy, those mirrors were amazing! I really cannot explain in words what I felt when I watched the pure joy on cagedmonkey’s face as he held my hips and pounded against my nice round ass. It was like watching my own personal porn seeing how much he was enjoying every second of slamming his cock deep in my pussy. And when he came, that was an amazing sight. It’s not everyday that you get to watch almost secretly as your man’s primal energy takes over and you see the reaction of his entire body while he is exploding a nice hot load of cum deep inside you. It really is something I cannot describe. I just don’t have the words to explain the emotion behind it.

Oh, sorry, got a little side tracked there! 🙂

Anyway, as I was saying, there were some moments of spontaneous sex and hubby had lots of orgasms – about 7 or 8 I’d say which is more than he had all year last year, I think! The thing that wasn’t there on our trip was the D/s part of it. Our FLR was in high gear, I planned things, scheduled the days for the most part, made most of the final decisions (even got overwhelmed by constantly orchestrating everyone’s every move and had a moment because people (kids) get bitchy lol) but during the sex there was no domination from me. There wasn’t really a whole lot from cagedmonkey either. It’s not like either of us took charge of the sex we had on the ship. Well, maybe when he fucked me on the balcony looking out over the ocean, but you get my point.

As we got closer to home, I started thinking about what it would be like when we got back. Would I still be able to be sexually dominant? What about my other subby boys? Could I still be the Domme they desire, creating tasks for them, enforcing my rules? Would I still have that pull over them, have them as my little puppets? Would I even remember how to manipulate those strings? Do I still have it in me to mindfuck them? I could sit here and write about 47 more questions that ran through my head, but I’m sure you get where I’m going with all of this. I’m worried that I’ve lost the confidence to be those things, to remember how, to make it what it was before we left.
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I will say those first few “yes, ma’am’s” after getting home did spark something inside me. I certainly don’t feel like I’m “back” and I’m not sure where my confidence level is at the moment. I really feel like I need a good hardcore D/s session with hubby but I don’t see there being time for anything like that right now. It certainly doesn’t help when mother nature decides she’s going to get in the way. I was all set to give cagedmonkey a good gueening this morning and I stopped in the bathroom, because I’m not into peeing in his mouth and, of course there she is!

So finding my way back among these stupid girlie hormones is proving to be real work. I’m hoping to plan a D/s day with hubby – the kind we can discreetly have in front of the kids – as well as a good pain session with a couple of my other submissive boys as well which I hope will help push me back into my Top role.
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Mail Chastity: Questions From a Potential Keyholder

Posted by cagedmonkey on January 2, 2015
Posted in: Advice, Female Led Relationship, Mail Chastity, Male Chastity, Marriage, Orgasm Denial, Sex, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , . Leave a Comment

A friend of My Lady – who doesn’t happen to know about this blog – was chatting with her about male chastity. How the subject came up without mention of the blog is a mystery, but she asked her a few questions that I thought it might be helpful to answer here. And if ML’s friend happens upon this blog, thanks for the post material!

ML’s friend wants to introduce male chastity into her marriage. She wanted to have an idea of what to expect from certain aspects of chastity. She writes:

Going months without an orgasm – is that healthy?

First, I’m going to be a stickler for terms. There is absolutely no danger for a male to go any amount of time without an orgasm. Ejaculation is a different story: there is some evidence that frequent ejaculation decreases the probability of prostate illness, however there is also evidence that regular ejaculations increase prostate disease. When it comes down to it, nobody really knows. If you are interested in the “better safe than sorry” approach, there are ways to have a male ejaculate without a full orgasm (milking, ruined orgasms, etc.).

What effect does that have on him?

Long story short, it makes him fucking horny as hell. The male body craves orgasm constantly – it goes back to the primal urge to reproduce. The longer he goes without an orgasm, the more he’ll need it. Over time, he will recognize his keyholder (that would be you) as the source of his pleasure, and he will develop a submissive instinct and try to keep you pleased as a result of this. Some people have said that the increase in intensity of this reaction tapers off after a few months. I call BS on that. 🙂 Thanks to ML’s constant teasing, I’m still feeling that need to cum grow and grow every day.

How does a keyholder stay stasified without sex?

There are ways for a man to satisfy his woman other than with his cock! Tongue, fingers… there are many options. The most important thing is to redefine your idea of “sex.” For ML and I, we end up having sex all day long – for us, those hugs and kisses and loving touches are all part of us having sex.

With that said, I understand the desire ML has for a nice hard cock deep in her pussy. When she wants this, we have toys that we can use to satisfy this need. But sometimes, she just needs to feel my flesh. In that case, she unlocks me and uses my cock but doesn’t allow me to cum.

There are plenty of ways for you to get yours without letting him get his. 🙂

Mail Chastity has become a very popular subject on the blog. We’ve gotten lots of questions, either through email or Twitter, and we plan on doing more of these posts in the future. We could always use more questions to answer, though, so don’t hesitate to ask us anything!

A Gift in the Mail From My Girlfriend

Posted by Lady M on December 16, 2014
Posted in: Female Led Relationship, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , . Leave a Comment

Oh my goodness, my girl knows me so well! Thank you “Queen Victoria,” as I like to call her, for the very special gift.

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My sweet girl sent me this awesome little bell as a Christmas gift. She really does know that something so cute and little would tickle me. I just love it and I could totally see a dominant woman using something like this to train a guy with different sounds. One sound to get her something, one sound to come eat her pussy and yet another to fuck her. It really could be a lot of fun.

Anyway, thank you my sweet dear, I love this precious and thoughtful little gift very much!

A Long Time Ago, in a D/s Relationship Far Far Away…

Posted by cagedmonkey on December 8, 2014
Posted in: Female Led Relationship, Male Chastity, Marriage, Orgasm Denial, Sex, Tease & Denial, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , , . 2 comments

As ML was riding my cock the other day, I couldn’t help but think: GOD, I WANNA CUM SO BAD.

No, that wasn’t it. Well, it was, but that wasn’t all of it. There’s a point to this post, other than the fact that I’m desperate for an orgasm.

ML was riding me in this special way, where we both say she does it “like a guy.” My legs end up spread and her legs are together between mine, and she grinds herself down on my cock. It’s one of her favorite ways to ride me, and she’s done it that way ever since the first time we were together.

As she rubbed her pussy up and down my throbbing cock, I started to think back on our relationship.

ML and I were always horny as fuck for each other from the very start. There was this one time where I spent literally all day eating her pussy in order to see how many orgasms I could give her in a day (the answer, by the way, was 37). That was part of an entire weekend we spent in a room together, pretty much fucking in some sense for every moment possible, making the whole room smell like sex in the process.

We were no strangers to kink. We dabbled in some bondage as well as some tease and denial. And through it all, ML was always the dominant one. It was natural, it was fun, and it was good. We had damn good fucking sex.

Now, our sex life has evolved into where we are today. Chastity wasn’t just a natural extension of our kinkiness, it was almost inevitable. ML was always the aggressive one, she was the one in control. I was always submissive, the one willing to serve. Chastity just makes our roles that much more defined. Orgasm denial makes our experience that much more intense.

I Don’t Want You to Touch Your Cock For a While

Posted by Lady M on November 20, 2014
Posted in: Conversations, Female Led Relationship, KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Orgasm Denial, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , , , . 8 comments

This morning cagedmonkey and I had a conversation. He was telling me just how horny he was, which I love! I decided it was a good time to keep him abreast (haha I said breast!) of how the next couple months of his denial are going to go. He’s already at around 7 weeks I think (really, I stopped counting such things!). I figured screenshots of it were so much easier than trying to type it all out. So this is how things went – yes, with my stupid phone typos and all!
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Haha he’s says a major problem with his horny… He’s so damn cute. 🙂
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Yup, that’s a good subby boy, thank me for denying your orgasm. 🙂 of course I didn’t decide that this morning. I worked it all out with myself yesterday and decided last night. Neither of us was feeling well though and he called into work & went to bed at 6pm and I went at 9pm. Oh well, as a few of you, who talk to me off the blog, know I was having a bad day physically yesterday and needed the rest.
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Yeah, I guess I’m in one of those let me see how bad he can get moods. Plus, I absolutely get off on him begging. If he gets pissy, I swear, I’ll be bending his ass over and spanking it as red as a baboons.
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Haha yeah, yeah, go ahead and laugh at my typo. It’s funny! Just for your info puss=plus. This is completely true though. I feel like pushing him, in the mean time that pushes me and I seriously do not want to get burnt out trying to do too much at once. It’s not an easy job being a wife, mother and keyholder. Being a keyholder certainly does not mean Lock it and Leave it. Maybe there are some out there that do that but it is not fair to anyone trying to enjoy this.
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Yeah, baby, you don’t have a choice but I do like to know you’re feelings. Maybe he’ll come here and post how he feels. 🙂 It’s going to be a fantastic two months ahead leading into our ceremony.

Speaking of our upcoming ceremony, we did just have someone ask recently if our ceremony is vanilla or were we adding in a “collaring.” The simple answer to that is yes, it will be a purely vanilla ceremony with some of our family and the members of our church. I suppose this could be a whole blog post on its own so I’ll leave this post to what it actually is.

I Asked For It

Posted by cagedmonkey on November 15, 2014
Posted in: Female Led Relationship, Marriage, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , . 3 comments

My Lady has had some emotional troubles lately, as women have been known to do during that time of the month (AMMIRITE GUYS?!? *crickets*….. what?). She’s worried about doing the wrong thing and driving me away from her. Considering the staggering amount of loss she has had to deal with over the past six months, you can’t blame her for expecting it to continue. And it’s very important that I tell her this one thing:

Quit worrying about stupid shit. 🙂

Ok, calm down everyone, that’s a joke. I’m not that big of an ass. My point is that she doesn’t have to worry about doing something to push me away, because everything she does lately only brings us closer together.

Putting all the sexual stuff side (briefly; this isn’t going to be a 100% gooey emotional post, I promise), she is a wonderful wife and mother. She takes care of our family like nobody else could. She helps me feel better after a really bad day at work. She handles the kids so much better than I do. She really is the glue that holds us all together. I couldn’t ask for anything more from her.

Speaking of asking for things from her (now it’s time for the sexual stuff)… I know that, from time to time, she worries about whether or not she’s doing the right thing with our chastity/OD lifestyle. She’s afraid of me resenting her for withholding my orgasms from me. But when she locks my cock in a cage, teases me until I’m on the edge of tears, and doesn’t let me cum for weeks on end, it just gets me more hooked on her. I don’t get upset about it; I feel I should be thanking her instead!

You know, it’s funny how our brains are on the same wavelength so often. Just the other day, I was talking to someone about how happy I am with my life. I didn’t get into details because this person hasn’t been read in on the “secret lives” we live, but the feeling also applies to my sex life – it’s the best it has ever been, EVER.

Over a year ago, I asked ML for this life – for her to control my entire sexuality. I wanted this. And, to be honest, it’s been more amazing than I could ever fantasize about, because I’m living it with the woman I love. I love what she does, and I love that she gets off on it, too! Anything and everything she does makes me want her even more.

Ok, so this pretty much was a gooey emotional post, but I couldn’t help it. 🙂

An Eventful Night: Part I – Breakdown

Posted by cagedmonkey on November 11, 2014
Posted in: Female Led Relationship, Male Chastity, Orgasm Denial, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , . 3 comments

This term of denial has been quite intense for me. My Lady and I have been very into each other lately; we’ve been more touchy-feely than normal, which is really saying something considering that we can’t resist each other even on a mellow day! We literally cannot stop touching each other, and although I absolutely love it, it’s driving my orgasm-denied brain (and body) insane!

It hasn’t made my commitment to being more submissive any easier. I get so turned on that I’m desperate just to be unlocked for even just a few moments. When my need gets so powerful, it’s difficult to hold it back. I just want out.

Pleasing ML is one of the very few things that allows me to center myself and get my mind off of the steel cage locked onto my cock. I am REALLY enjoying my new focus on making ML feel good over making her cum. Last night, I spent a good half hour on my knees in front of her, licking her delicious pussy as she laid back on the couch and watched Monday Night Football… can you think of anything more submissive? I gave her whole pussy loving attention – I kissed her clit softly, I slowly teased her lips from top to bottom and back, I shoved my tongue as deep as I could and gave her g-spot a lick, and I even slid my tongue down and fucked her asshole with it a little bit. ML just laid back and enjoyed it all, sometimes moaning softly and other times grabbing the back of my head and grinding her hips into my face. I looked up at her face, enjoying the expressions of pure ecstasy. I felt like I was right where I should be.

The fullness of my submission to her in this way had a major effect on me later in the night, when ML and I went to bed.

My Lady and I were cuddling naked in bed, as we have grown very fond of doing. 🙂 ML’s head was on my chest, and she was running her hand up and down my body. Soon, she was teasing my nipples with her fingertips and kissing my chest with her soft sensual lips. I couldn’t stop my body from shuddering as her hand trailed down, rubbing my sensitive cock between the bars of the Jailbird. It felt so good, but I wanted more… I NEEDED more, but I didn’t want to ask for release from the cage. I resisted as much as I could, but her teasing touches drove me over the edge.

I began to beg her to unlock me. And no, it was not an act. I was desperate to get out. So I begged, I pleaded, but all it did was turn ML on more. She got off on my desperation. She pulled my hand down to feel her pussy – she was dripping fucking wet. And, knowing how much she was turned on by my begging, I couldn’t hold back; I turned over, put my face in my pillow, and began to sob.

I don’t think I “cried” fully, but I came probably as close as I could to it. Then I felt My Lady’s loving hands on the back of my neck. She pulled me close and kissed me deeply and tenderly, and I felt the love she was giving to me. She cared for me, and cared about me… But she still wasn’t unlocking me. And to make her point clear, she pulled the covers down to expose her wet pussy, allowing me to please her once again with my tongue.

But she wasn’t through with me for the night, yet…

(Click here for Part II)

The Chaste Sub Mindset

Posted by cagedmonkey on November 9, 2014
Posted in: Female Led Relationship, Male Chastity, Orgasm Denial, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , , . 1 comment

I must admit, I haven’t been the best sub that I can be lately.

Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t been disobedient or resistant. I haven’t been cranky or irritable. I haven’t whined or begged… too much (My Lady loves a little bit of desperation, after all!). I’ve been very giving with both my time and energy lately, doing whatever I can to please My Lady. The problem isn’t what I am doing or not doing. The problem is the reasons and motivations behind my actions.

My motivation for pleasing ML is pretty much expected at this point in my denial – I’m goddamn horny as fuck with a heaping side of blue balls. After a solid month of being teased nearly nonstop by the sexiest woman I’ve even known and not being allowed to cum, I guess I can’t be blamed much for that. But as much as ML loves the desperate state of aching horniness that I’m currently in, it sometimes works against my subby mindset. I’ll explain.

I’ve written before about how much I love to lick My Lady’s pussy. I love how she tastes, I love how her body reacts when I give her sweet kisses on her clit. I love it when she moans when I shove my tongue as far into her pussy as I possibly can. I love how her pussy walls squeeze my tongue when I wiggle it around inside her. I love how her body shudders when I swirl my tongue around her clit. And it feels great when I give her a nice, loud, intense orgasm with just my mouth.

And now here’s the problem: did you notice how many “I”s there are in that paragraph? The answer is: waaaaaaaaaaay too many.

I’ve noticed that recently I’ve been focusing too much attention on what my body needs or what my mind wants. It’s too much “me.” I’ve been asking to be unlocked a lot more often this month than I have ever before; and, although ML loves to hear me beg, I’m not so much begging but asking as if I expect a yes. Espcecially after pleasing ML in one way or another, I’m getting those “Okay, what about me?” feelings very frequently. This can’t go on.

I’ve been pleasing ML very well lately, but I’ve been doing it because I want to do it. I need to get back to pleasing her because she wants it. I need to get back to doing what she wants, not asking if I can do what I want. I need to get back to licking her pussy because it feels good for her, not because I think her pussy is delicious. And I need to get back to making her cum if and only if she demands it, not because I love to do it. I need to push my sexual needs and desires so far behind My Lady’s so that there is absolutely no question which is most important.

ML already has plans to get me moving in the right direction. After mentioning that I was off for the next two nights, she responded with this text:

Good. I’m in the mood for some ass worship. It’s been awhile since I just laid on my tummy and had you make love to my ass with your tongue.

She always knows just what I need. 🙂