The longest we’ve made it in tease and denial is one month in our 14 years together and I just have to ask myself why? Cagedmonkey has been denied orgasm for 3 weeks now. This is the third or fourth time, since we got into this whole chastity thing, where we’ve gotten to the 3-4 week mark. I realized something last night as we were having a little sexy sex time.
Yesterday morning was a particularly mind fucking morning. I just love tucking hubby in and whispering all kinds of crazy, dirty, naughty things in his ear while I grind on him and have an orgasm. It really just drives him completely bonkers. What was worse yesterday morning was that I unlocked him, rubbed my wet pussy on his ass while I held his rock hard erection in my hand against the bed. I did those little teases often throughout the day yesterday, even used his cock a few times and then by last night he’s was highly hair trigger aroused. So much so that he could barely look me in the eye without almost cumming. Let alone moving while his cock was in my pussy.
I could see in his face how truly and completely frustrated he was, it looked almost painful. That’s when I started to notice my Dominant Keyholder feelings going from “haha this is funny” to “oh no my poor baby” and feeling bad and sorry for cagedmonkey. I kept thinking to myself maybe I should just let him cum. That was exactly when I realized THAT is the whole reason we don’t make it past a month. I start to see the real, not funny anymore frustration and my brain automatically wants to switch to “making him feel better” mode.
The best part about this whole chastity thing is that our communication is super fantastic. So last night I needed to have a conversation with hubby about this. When we first started out we had to work together just to get past the first couple days and then weeks but after talking last night we realized we are at a spot where we need to work together again to get over this hurdle.
We talked about what I felt I needed to be ok with pushing him further. Obviously I’m having emotional/psychological issues with it. We came to the conclusion that, not during teasing or denial, but after I really need to hear that he actually likes that I denied him. I need praise and encouragement to know that I’m not really hurting him or doing something that will cause him to resent me or have anger toward me. I know I have some abandonment issues so that helps when we are trying to figure out what I need. I need to know that deep down he IS enjoying our play and what I put him through (or at least loves to hate it and wants to not want it haha) and that I’m not going to push him away and make him leave me. Yes, to the “normals” that might sound crazy but buried somewhere in my brain that is the root of my loss of confidence.
I’m just glad we can talk and work these things out to make our game the most fun it can be. Communication is key in any relationship but even more so in chastity, tease and denial our any kinky relationship.
I generally go two months without an orgasm — though I masturbate and fuck my wife during those two months. The last two times (so let’s say two and four months ago), I had an accidental orgasm. I felt disappointed that I had those two orgasms (which is really not very many in a four-month period, right?).
I my case, it is my wife who is keeping me in denial. It is I who do not like to orgasm, period. I just don’t.
I’m also now three weeks into a chastity period, and it does start to get hard (in every sense!) at this point. Last time I tried going this long, I started having nocturnal emissions around this stage (see http://subodyssey.wordpress.com/2014/01/02/nocturnal-emission-tales-of-sub-o-no-23/ ). But the joy is in prolonging the feeling of super-horniness, rather than blowing it away. Hope you get through. I think it’s worth it. O
O hit the nail on the head. Once cagedmonkey embraces the fact that the constant arousal of tease and denial is far better than that intense, but very, very short bit of pleasure that is an orgasm, he’ll be OK, and, course, so will you.
What you’re doing now is falling back into the traditional role of wife-who-pleases-husband, and once both of you get over the idea that he’s in some kind of pain, all will be well.
You’re right, that’s what happens to me… I want to make sure he’s ok! He’s loving it but I’m the one having issues… I just need to hear that he likes it more.
We actually had a fantastic talk today and I’m not so worried about it. It’s just good to know that he loves hating what I put him through haha. 🙂
It’s definitely not a problem for me, I am fully on board with the “dragging it out is so much better than a quickie cum” concept! It’s ML who is worried that I start to reach a limit where it starts to be unenjoyable for me. We’ve been communicating well, though, and she understands now that she can trust me if it stops being fun… it may be “unenjoyable” for me to wait so long, but I will admit it never stops being fun! And, with the strategies we are working on to help her deny me longer, things are going pretty good. 🙂
Love to hate it, or hate to love it? For me, it is an incredible turn on to be driven crazy, to be made so desperate to cum that I would say, do, or agree to do almost anything for it.
When I was a kid, getting candy at Halloween or Xmas, I would always save the best for last, drawing it out by eating the least-liked first and savoring the anticipation of getting to the good stuff, trying to hold off for as long as possible. As an adult I have developed a taste for some [very] expensive bourbon whiskies, which some people occasionally gift me (I’m usually too cheap to buy it myself). The bottles sit on a shelf, teasing me, tempting me, and only once in a while will I permit myself to enjoy a single shot of one of them. I think that I would lose some of the pleasure that I get from them if I had it every day.
To me, [en]forced chastity is an extension of that [sort of masochistic] mindset, and I savor the anticipation of [finally] being allowed an orgasm. It feels something of an accomplishment, to endure the trials and tribulation, the teasing and tempting, the pain and suffering, to see how much I can stand until finally winning the victory. I think that this is the same sort of thing that drives men in other pursuits (mountain climbing, etc.).
Like the whiskey, the bottled-up orgasms are a rare treat, to be savored occasionally. Eventually the bottle gets empty, then another goes on the shelf and it starts all over again.
Twisted! That was an extremely elegant description! It was perfectly said, and as strange as it is, I’m that same type of person. I like to savor the good stuff. I’m not sure I’m about the anticipation but draaaaaaaggggggging out the yummy things (ie. Teasing) is something I do love.
Thank you so much for your comment!
Uh, sorry: my last sentence (see my post immediately above) doesn’t make much sense. I meant to write this:
“In my case, it is NOT my wife who is the one keeping me in denial. It is I who do no like to orgasm, period. I just don’t.”
I’ll add this: sure, an orgasm is pleasurable to me as it is for anyone. But the actual pleasure if over and done with so quickly. I just hate the “down” that inevitably follows the 3 to 10 seconds of pleasure of an orgasm.
This is apparently the duration of the male orgasm (3 to 10 seconds). Women get longer orgasms than men — so says research. And of course, women can enjoy multiple orgasms on top of it. Lucky them!