​How to Survive a Strong-Willed Submissive

Posted by Lady M on January 9, 2017
Posted in: Advice, D/s, Female Led Relationship, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , . Leave a Comment

I talk with a lot of submissive guys and girls, and they contact to me for a variety of reasons. I enjoy each and every one of them, but if I’m being completely honest, some of the submissives I talk with could easily be tagged with the description “strong-willed.” I know these subs can be difficult to Dom/me at times. I secretly enjoy, just a little bit, the determination these subs have. Yes, they can be stubborn and difficult, and they will state their cases whenever they can, but they certainly have passion. Strong-willed submissives can be exhausting, that’s for sure. But they also tend to grow into very obedient people with the right direction. When they learn to channel that determination, they take healthy risks — they learn to work through failure and keep trying. There’s a lot to love about strong willed submissives, us Dominants just need to learn how to survive them.

I thought I would take a few minutes to talk about some things that may be helpful for a Dom/me when they find they have themselves a strong-willed submissive!

Strong-willed subs are known for their power struggles. If they find an opening, they pounce. Routines and rules provide a great foundation (they take some of the guesswork out of the day), but they can be particularly helpful for strong-willed submissives. Try not to go nuts and overwhelm them with hundreds of rules and expectations. You can’t avoid every possible power struggle along the way, but a list of rules and expectations can help avoid some of the daily power struggles that wear on your nerves.

Strong-willed subs are often doers by default. If it seems like your submissive is always learning the hard way, that’s because he/she probably learns best by trial and error. Strong-willed subs have big ideas, and they may prefer to test their ideas or try telling you about them – this may seem like topping from the bottom but it can be done correctly using communication. If your sub follows the rules (ie: you must tell me any and all fantasies without assumption that they will be fulfilled), is there really any harm in letting them tell you about their fantasies? I find that many power struggles emerge between strong-willed subs and their partners because the subs have very strong opinions, and they tend to stick to them. You do have to set realistic rules and expectations, and you do have to follow through on those.

It’s extremely important to listen carefully.
Given that tenacious submissives tend to have a lot of very strong opinions and prefer to share those opinions often, Dom/mes can start ignoring them at times. It can be exhausting, and sometimes you just don’t want to debate why your rules are your rules. It’s important to listen. Sharing their ideas and opinions is how strong-willed subs work through things. If they appear stubborn at times, it’s because they have strong beliefs and integrity. They want to share that with you. Listen to your submissive and empathize. Help them channel that stubbornness into a positive. So your sub really wants to be dressed in certain types of clothing? Teach them how to research the pros and cons and engage in a healthy give-and-take on the matter instead of simply stating their need over and over again. No one likes whining and nagging. They might not get to wear those frilly pink panties, because it’s not something you are into, but at least they will feel heard and learn some important communication skills in the process. This is also an opportunity for a Dominant partner to compromise and even if you aren’t into a specific kink they are maybe you can negotiate a way to help fulfill that desire for them. Perhaps you don’t like them wearing feminine clothing but know they would like to try it… so you require them to wear them under their clothing whenever they are not around you. It’s a great reminder of who is in control… taps into their kink and doesn’t bother you in the least! 🙂

One of the things I find we need to ask ourselves is:
Are you being an intentional Dominant?
I like to think of being a Dominant in three ways:

Automatic: the stuff you do constantly and without thinking, like letting them know you are thinking about them, teasing them mentally and sexually, making sure they have and are following rules, praising behavior, etc.

Reactive: providing discipline and correcting behavior, giving after-care, fulfilling fantasies

Proactive: the stuff you really think about and plan ahead for, like an intense bondage, pegging or spanking scene.

Now ask yourself and be honest: How much time do you spend a week on proactive stuff — like really thinking about what it is you want your submissive to experience, and then putting together a plan to make it happen? That’s the first step to becoming a more intentional Dom/me.

The next thing to think about is focus. How often are we giving our subs our full and undivided attention? Do we listen to their fantasies with our whole heart? Do we set aside specific times each day to be fully and intentionally present?

Podcast Episode 7 – Munches and Meet Ups

Posted by Lady M on January 8, 2017
Posted in: Conversations, Podcast. Tagged: , , , , , . 2 comments

When cagedmonkey and I really got into this whole lifestyle and living it everyday, we didn’t have anyone else to really talk to about it, especially not in real life! We had met some good people on Chastity Forums and started reading, commenting and even communicating with some other bloggers. It was so nice to be able to talk about all this stuff with other people. However, hiding behind our blog and them behind theirs or a computer screen left us feeling only half fulfilled. We really wanted to find real life friends to talk to about all this stuff and more. I mean how many friends can you say know the real you, the whole you? Probably not too many! Are you “good friends” with people who don’t even know your real name, out of fear they could out you to other friends or family?

Well in our latest podcast we wanted to talk about how we stepped out of our comfort zone and got out from hiding behind the computer to find some real flesh and blood people to talk to and become friends with. We talk about how it felt going to our first munch and meeting new friends in other situations.

Hope you enjoy listening! As always you can listen here:

Or download our podcast on Soundcloud!
You can also subscribe to our RSS Feed at:
To subscribe to our RSS Feed:
http://feeds.soundcloud.com/users/soundcloud:users:254084738/sounds.rss

I did want to make sure I mentioned a few ways to find local get togethers in your area. Of course you could join FetLife  and look for events that are posted there, local groups and search for friends. It’s been a really great resource for us but do please be aware that it is a sort of social media platform and sometimes you will find some not so good people floating around!

Another place I recently found but don’t know too much about (I tried to get an interview with the owner) is FindaMunch it seems like a very nice site with lots of locations. I’d assume, if you host a regular local munch you could get yours listed on that site too!

***Bonus: We have a new lovely voice on our podcast – not only do we get our music from bensounds.com we now have a wonderful sexy friend who has recorded our intro audio! Thank you Mistress “Blue Rose.”

Working Out

Posted by cagedmonkey on January 6, 2017
Posted in: Advice, Chastity Device, Male Chastity, Medical, Orgasm Denial, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , , , . 1 comment

With a new year comes new year’s resolutions… although I really don’t believe in the concept. Why do you have to wait until the next year to make a change in your life? Why not start now? What good is waiting for an arbitrary date to pass to start improving yourself?

What was I talking about?

Ok, so anyways…

Independent of New Years, I have decided to eat a little better and try to get myself in shape. After all, I am getting older; if there is a time to get in shape, it’s now. ML is helping me with a meal plan and an exercise routine, as well. There is one part of me, however, that has gotten out of shape and diet or gym workout will help me with.

Simply put, my cum muscles have gotten weak.

Contrary to how it may seem, ML likes to see me cum – you’d think that a woman who keeps her husband in chastity and controls his orgasms wouldn’t be all that concerned with it, but she really does like it. She likes to pump it out of me, knowing that she got me so horny and so turned on for it to happen. I, of course, like it as well – because it happens so infrequently, the sight of my cock squirting cum all over ML’s boobs/ass/wherever she allows me to is a beautiful thing.

Unfortunately, since we have begun our chastity and orgasm denial lifestyle, the force of my orgasms have gradually declined. What was once a forceful spurt has slowly weakened over time to just a tiny dribble. My orgasms themselves are still intense; sometimes as intense as ever, depending on the teasing and/or lead-up to it. It’s just the physical reaction that has subsided.

At first, I was worried that it was a volume problem, but I don’t think that’s the case. Drinking lots and lots of water does help, but I’ve found that there isn’t an actual decrease in volume; after my orgasm, there is plenty of cum that drips out of my cock (or that ML squeezes out with her talented fingers). The cum is there, I’m just not strong enough to shoot it out.

Although I could go ahead and use the “well, my cock is so damn huge that it’s too far for the cum to travel” excuse, I’d rather be realistic and see the problem for what it is: my cum muscles have weakened with orgasm denial. To be honest, this isn’t all that surprising; you may remember recently that I went over 3/4 of a year without using those muscles. Imagine if you sat in a wheelchair for 9 months, then you tried to go out and run the 100 meter dash… that’s kind of the situation I’m up against.

So, the solution is strength reconditoning. There are no cum muscle rehab programs that I am aware of, and as much as I would like ML to put me on an “orgasm exercise regimen,” I would seriously miss the teasing and orgasm denial. What I need is a plan that works for us. Here’s what I’ve come up with:
1) PC muscle exercises when locked (or unlocked). For the unsciencey readers out there, the pubococcygeal (PC) muscles are the muscles that make you ejaculate (sort of… please don’t flood the comments section with Wikipedia proving I’m wrong, I’m going for simplicity here). You squeeze these muscles when you act as if you are trying to stop yourself from peeing (again, simplicity). These are the muscles that have gotten weak for me. I have been doing these exercises, but not regularly enough to make an impact.

2) More frequent edging and/or ruined orgasms when unlocked. I can’t believe I’m actually asking for this, but it’s true: although PC muscles are a good exercise, the most effective one would probably be frequent regular orgasms. That’s most likely not happening any time soon, so I’m guessing the next best thing would be more edges or ruined orgasms. The muscles aren’t utilized as they would be in a full-on cum, but it’s better than nothing.

I really would like to improve this situation. It would be pretty interesting for ML to tease me during long denial periods with videos of my own cock shooting cum all over her gorgeous titties. I have a lot of work to do to get there, but it’s an excellent goal to visualize. 🙂

What a Difference a Year Makes

Posted by cagedmonkey on January 1, 2017
Posted in: Family, Female Led Relationship, Male Chastity, Marriage, Orgasm Denial, Podcast, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , . 4 comments

It’s a new year once again! Time can go by so damn quick sometimes – it seems like just yesterday ML and I were thinking about what was in store for us in 2016. I thought it would be fun to see what we got right and what we got wrong.

Let’s see…

…we’ll be moving into a new house…

Yeah, that didn’t happen. Instead of settling in, putting down roots, and building a new house for ourselves (with an extra bedroom set aside for a playroom); we ended up moving out-of-state (AGAIN), into an apartment (AGAIN), for a new job (AGAIN). We’re in a much better situation now, though… and we got a really nice new bed out of it, too!

…adding some exciting new features to our blog…

Something we were right about! This year we started recording our podcast, which turned out to be even more awesome than we expected. We’ve received great feedback from many of our readers/followers, and we have a ton of fun doing it!

… My Lady is going to deny me orgasms for the entire year…

You can’t say that we didn’t try. And it’s not like ML let me off easy – going 299 days without an orgasm is extremely difficult, with or without her near-constant teasing driving me insane. I doubt we will be trying another major denial period anytime soon; the ideal wasn’t easy for ML, either. Then again, we don’t really expect to plan out my denial periods too much, so who really knows if we’ll end up doing it again?

One thing that 2016 has taught us is that no matter how certain you are about something, you can never fully know what’s in store. My Lady and I learned a while ago that trying to predict the future is a waste of time. We live without expectations. What will we find in 2017? What will we be doing? Where will we be this time next year? I have no fucking idea… but My Lady and I will have fun getting there. 🙂

Have a happy and horny new year!

A Late Christmas

Posted by Lady M on December 27, 2016
Posted in: D/s, FemDom, Off Topic, Sex toy, Spanking. Tagged: , , , , , , . 2 comments

A little bit of a late Christmas post but we do hope that you all had a fantastic Christmas. We had a great time seeing family on Christmas Eve and enjoying a yummy dinner and gifts. Then we spent Christmas day at home as a family in jammies all day playing with new toys and, yesterday, our little Christmas-time was extended when we dropped the kids off to grandma’s so we could go out with a friend.

I think the kids were happy with all their new toys and hubby and I got things for each other that are more for both of us so that’s awesome. I did end up getting an amazing kinky gift too from our friend. Such an incredible, handcrafted piece and I am thoroughly impressed with it and so grateful to have been given this extremely thoughtful gift. I just love it so much and… It’s BLUE (and kind of silver looking)!!!

I completely love it and I can not wait to try it out. The handle is so perfect and it’s curved just right and fits in my hand. The wood is exquisite and so smooth. I fondled that thing all night and didn’t feel a single flaw. Not a bump or rough spot anywhere on it. It really is an amazing piece of work. I would have loved to try it out last night but just didn’t have the right opportunity. 🙂 

We love that we have gotten to share another year with you. Again, we hope you all had an awesome Christmas and hope you have a fantastic New Year!! 

Quick Update on the Doctor Ordered Orgasm Denial

Posted by Lady M on December 13, 2016
Posted in: Health, Medical, Orgasm Denial. Tagged: , , , , , . 1 comment

My brain is smiling at you!

I thought I would write a quick post about my ct scan results. We’ve had a lot of people ask and rather than having to keep answering individually, I’ll do it here! So, the answer is, NOTHING! No, really, there are no masses or anything significant, physically, wrong with my brain. Which is good news in itself but annoying that now the doctor is sending me to a neurologist to do some more investigation. I, unfortunately, can’t get in to see the neurologist until late January but if they felt something was really wrong then I assume they’d be rushing an appointment. I’m just glad it wasn’t something big and it seems like it’s more than likely one of the many things wrong with me that no one can explain haha. 

Now, as for the whole doctor ordered denial thing… Well, screw that! haha I do not handle denial well, however, I am being extra careful not to have those mega intense orgasms with the wand. I’m also taking a more aware approach and really paying attention if I’m holding my breath during orgasm and making sure that I breathe! Thanks to Mrs. Fever for her comment and letting me know I’m not alone in many of the things I’m experiencing in my life. It was actually nice to hear someone else deals with pain on a regular basis, yet still does what they can to function in their kink! 

Also, a big thank you so much to everyone who has written and checked in on me! I appreciate you all so much! 

My Lady Needs It

Posted by cagedmonkey on December 9, 2016
Posted in: Chastity Device, Male Chastity, Orgasm Denial, Pictures, Sex, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , , . 1 comment

My wife attacked me last night. Seriously… there’s no better way to describe it.

My Lady’s pent up horny reached a boiling point last night; she had endured her doctor-mandated orgasm denial for long enough, and she was going to get what she wanted from me.

I should have seen it coming the night before: ML took advantage of me being unlocked and had me fuck her nice and hard, both from behind and standing against the wall. She wanted it so badly, she didn’t want to have to be careful – she allowed me to cum in her pussy if I promised not to stop until she was done. Nowadays, with my chance of having an orgasm on any given day is a complete mystery, I’m not turning that deal down. It felt so good to just let loose on her, I almost ended up cumming twice before she was finished.

But she wasn’t finished. All she did was prime her need.

Last night, we were just about ready to go to sleep – TV off, covers up, ready for bed. Then, it all started with an innocent snuggle. My Lady moaned as my naked butt rubbed against her, and her hands were quickly feeling my body up and down. She squeezed me tighter against her, and I could feel her hunger rising quickly. A moment later, ML was pulling the covers off of me, rolling me onto my back, and straddling my hips.

Was the fact that my cock was locked in steel going to stop her from getting what she needed? Hell no! Her soaking wet pussy slid down onto my caged cock, taking me inside her with absolutely no difficulty. Apparently, over time ML has gotten used to fucking me with my cage on; she rode me almost as if I wasn’t wearing it. She pushed herself down onto me, taking my cage in just about as deep as possible, with her clit rubbing against the post of the base ring.

Fucking ML with the cage on has got to be the absolute worst torture ever. My cock struggles and pushes against the cage, eager to feel ML’s warm wet pussy wrapped around it. But I can only feel it where the skin is exposed. The incomplete sensation actually makes my cock try to get even harder, as an attempt to find that missing pleasure. Meanwhile, the steel doesn’t yield at all, and I am left with an incredibly full and painful cage that feels like it might rip my balls off my body.

Add to this the maddening sensation of feeling like I might just cum at any minute, and it makes the suffering that much more unbearable. When my cock fills the cage to capacity (and more), it starts to bulge out between the bars of the cage. Sometimes, just by horrible chance, one of the most sensitive parts of my cock is helplessly exposed:

All of the sensation of ML’s pussy feels like it’s concentrated on that one spot. It’s so intense that it often feels like I am as close as I can be to orgasm without cumming – only to find out that, as ML keeps riding me, I can inch even closer as the moments go by. It’s like having an edge dragged out constantly over the course of minutes, often as ML is enjoying orgasm after orgasm on my poor aching cock.

Add to that the fact that I can never decide if I actually WANT to cum at this point or not…

I’ve found out in the past that I can have an orgasm while caged; I’ve also found out how excruciating it is to have an orgasm while caged. All of this is running through my head while I’m nearly dying from caged edging torture, and I start to think just how bad an orgasm can be at this point… is it as bad as I remember? Is it as bad as this? Does it really even matter? How much sexual torture can I stand?

All of this, while ML is soaking my cock (and the bedsheets below me) with her pussy juices.

So yeah, I was whimpering and moaning, wanting the torture to end but not wanting it to end, wanting to cum but not wanting to cum… all of this turns My Lady on even more (the whimpering, especially). More shuddering orgasms, more of her pussy squeezing and gripping my cock, more pussy juices soaking my balls…

It’s a miracle that we even got to sleep last night.

Speaking of, My Lady wouldn’t let me go to sleep until she took care of one last thing – she took her dripping wet pussy and rubbed it all over my body and face, covering me with her juices. I could feel it all over me – on my chest, on my chin… I could feel and smell it everywhere. I breathed in her delicious scent as I laid down and tried to get to sleep.

Did I say it was a mircale that I was able to fall asleep last night?

Review: ARIMIC Dual-Head Lapel Microphone

Posted by Lady M on December 6, 2016
Posted in: Off Topic, Podcast, Reviews. Leave a Comment

As always I’m trying to improve the quality of our Podcast and we’ve recently been looking for a way to make it more mobile, so to speak. I think I might have found that! I’m pretty excited about it, too, because we have talked with Mistress MM at Mature Metal about coming down for a visit and doing an interview with them about their devices… This set up would make it a way way easier thing to do. This will make any interview we want to do THAT much easier! 🙂

I got this off Amazon for less than $20 and free shipping because we have a Prime membership. It was shipped by Amazon in two days (well three because of the weekend but still awesome!) It comes inside the packaging all tucked into a nice leather carrying case, how convenient! The past I like the most was that it also comes with adapters. You can use this dual lapel microphone with your smartphone, a camera and even your computer. It comes with extra wind muffs and lapel hooks and even comes with two furry little windshields. I seriously need to keep those away from my cats! LoL I bet those would be awesome if we were doing an outside interview or maybe even at an event or vendor show. For such a low price it certainly does come with a lot of little extras! Little extras make me happy!

I did test out this new little microphone for a short time and I will add some links to the audio at the end of this post. I really do think it sounds pretty good and I don’t hear any feedback or background noise or anything at all while using it. It picks up the sound of my voice wonderfully. I guess I’m a little excited about being able to record more audio teases simply by hooking the Mic into my phone. It’s so much easier than getting my whole computer set up in a quiet area and going through the whole program. This will be faster and I can even make more “on the spot” audio! Maybe even “during” audio! 🙂 So many fun possibilities.

Here are a few clips of audio from the new mic – pardon any movement sounds and stuff, I was obviously testing things out during recording.

Teaser for you boys in chastity 🙂

Excerpt from a Story

Doctor Ordered Orgasm Denial

Posted by Lady M on December 2, 2016
Posted in: Medical, Orgasm Denial. Tagged: , , , , . 10 comments

No, seriously, the doctor said I’m not allowed to orgasm until we figure out what’s going on.

And yes, I really do have a medical diagnosis code G44.82 for my sex headaches. The doctor is looking into them by doing a CT scan of my head, to start. This will at least give us something to look at and see if there is anything that obvious going on. A CT scan of the head is able to show if there is swelling, fluid in the cranial area, or any masses or abnormalities of the soft tissues. I would be getting a ct scan with contrast off the bat but I am extremely allergic to the iodine contrast dye  used so they are starting off with a plain scan. I have my appointment for that this coming Wednesday, December 7th. This really is something she is taking seriously because I do not have a history of migraines, none of my medications have changed in over 10 years, I don’t have trouble with my sinuses and this is a very new thing.  She showed a little concern as well well I mentioned a few other tid bits and said we would wait to see what the ct scan showed. 

The doctor has prescribed me some prescription strength ibuprofen and no orgasms until we get the CT scan done, radiologist reads it and we find out if there is anything going on. I’m not exactly excited about the fact that I don’t get to have orgasms but it’s not terrible timing as I just started monthly cycle anyway so at least part of the time without orgasms is tolerable. I guess I’ll just have to find fun ways to torture and tease cagedmonkey while I am unable to have my own orgasms. And don’t think I’m going to be generously handing out orgasms to any of the boys I have in chastity right now… If I can’t orgasm, no one gets to orgasm!

Anyway, just keeping you all in the loop about what’s going on and how things are progressing along. I welcome any and all prayers during this. It’s actually been quite an awful week for me emotionally. Even though I can rationally tell myself it’s gotta be nothing, I can’t help but have my crazy anxiety brain flying off the deep end wondering “what if…” 

When Will Then Be Now?

Posted by cagedmonkey on November 30, 2016
Posted in: Female Led Relationship, Marriage, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , . Leave a Comment

I have to admit, my sex life is pretty damn great at the moment. Not only are My Lady and I having the time of our lives with each other, we’ve been enjoying the opportunity to share this side of our lives with some “like minded” people that we have met recently. It’s been crazy and fun and exciting all at the same time.

But then, sometimes, I just wanna tell real life to go screw itself.

I understand that ML and I are more than just kinky bloggers on the internet – we are people, parents, family members. We have situations that come up that are more important than finding a new way for ML to torture me sexually. I know this, and I accept this… but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

It has been a little while since ML and I have enjoyed some serious play time together. Since we moved, we have been able to take advantage of Grandma’s babysitting services; this allowed us to have some time with no kids in the house (so we could be as loud as we wanted, wink wink) and we also found time to go to a couple of fetish meet-ups in our area (more on that later). It was something that was difficult to set up in the past, thanks to living so far away from our families and the somewhat special needs of our daughter requiring more than your garden variety babysitter. So, as you can imagine, it was a relief to not have to worry about having the kids in the house when, for instance, ML wanted to lock me in the stockade and abuse my ass with the fucking machine.

So, as you can also imagine, it was kind of a letdown when plans fell through to leave the kids at Grandma’s for Thanksgiving weekend. I’ll admit I have an issue with expectations, although I’m much better than I used to be. But when it’s been a while since My Lady and I have had time to play, and we are looking forward to a weekend of the house to ourselves… it’s hard not to feel like I’m being screwed (and not in any of the ways I was hoping for).

It just seems like whenever ML and I want to get some time in for some fun, we never quite get around to it. Our podcast is a great example: we’ve had tons of fun recording our podcast episodes, and we are so happy that they’ve become so popular with our followers. We’ve wanted to do an episode on the fetish meet-up that we went to for weeks now, but various distractions keep popping up (work schedule, kids schedule, appointments, etc.). It’s frustrating, to say the least.

Like I said, I’ve been doing a lot better with this type of thing lately… but I can’t help it when those feelings of “when again?” start to materialize. I know that I can just be patient, that we have plenty of time together – the other day, ML and I were talking about anniversary plans for years ahead, and ML said, “I think, when we hit our 20th anniversary, I’m just going to be totally wet all the time” (how great is that???) – but I don’t want to be patient. I want more of the good stuff. 🙂

So I’ve been craving something “scene-y” for the past couple of days; not really anything crazy or new, but just something intense. Acknowledging the craving is okay, because I know it’s not something I will go without for long. I’m just trying to stop myself from asking that all-too-familiar question of mine: “When?”