control

All posts tagged control

The Power of withholding: What He Gets & What He Doesn’t

Posted by Michele on January 19, 2026
Posted in: Dominant, Power Exchange, Tease/Orgasm Denial. Tagged: , , , , , . 5 comments

I’ve been thinking a lot, recently, about what it means to truly control pleasure, not necessarily by force, but by intention. By choosing what is withheld, what is delayed, and what is never guaranteed.

My husband doesn’t always see what’s coming, and that’s exactly how I like it. The future I’m shaping for him isn’t about cruelty. It’s about refinement, it’s about teaching his body and his mind that access is earned. That satisfaction is conditional, and is something I decide how, and if, he even gets to experience. Some things he once took for granted may just go away. While other things will become privileges he learns to crave more deeply than he ever expected. And then, of course, there are the carefully chosen allowances. The moments I let him have just enough to stay hopeful… and obedient.

We celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary this past weekend, and it turned into this eye-opening conversation about where we’re headed. We were curled up on the couch after dinner, when the talk shifted from our early kinky days to sketching out the edges of our evolving power exchange. It’s never been smooth sailing… there’s vulnerability in admitting what turns us on, especially when it pushes boundaries. But that’s the beauty of it: laying it all out there, just us figuring out what keeps the spark alive after two decades.

One thing that’s becoming non-negotiable, is the new baseline for my husband. His morning routine has changed. Before he even steps out of the bedroom, Jon will be teasing and edging his cock. It’s this deliberate start to the day that I  control completely, stroking slow and firm, pumping just enough to make pre-cum bead at the tip. No release, just that lingering ache as he gets dressed and heads out to the living room. If the mood strikes during the day, John and/or I might text him to edge himself in the bathroom at work.. fingers sliding up the underside of the head of his cock, squeezing his balls lightly… And, as always he is required to send a photo of his straining dripping dick as proof. It’s not every day, but when we choose to ramp it up, it keeps him connected to us and his mind buzzing.

Layered on top of that, the buttplug requirement adds this undercurrent of constant submission. I’ve picked out a few sizes/styles, for the days we designate… Tuesdays and Fridays, when he’s got specific, scheduled, things so he can stay consistent with it. And, if John and I are feeling playful, we might make him wear it longer or on different days or even use the NJoy wand to his prostate.

Our anniversary chat took a turn toward the horizon, though, where things get even more intense. I floated ideas about stripping away sensations entirely, making his world narrower and more controlled. Imagine no skin-on-skin contact at all. Or dialing it back so he can’t feel my pussy anymore, that slick heat clenching around him, denied… forever? We talked about limiting him to just John’s hand… strokes that bring him to the edge but never over. It’s a way to reshape his arousal, funneling it through us in ways that challenge him.

And then I pushed it further, to the extreme: what if the only path to an orgasm, or even an erection that leads anywhere, is through a man? What if he was forced to use his ”boyfriend” toy to fuck his own ass or to slide his dick in and get off? What if we took it as far as forced gay encounters as his sole outlet, him on his knees, taking a stranger’s cock down his throat or bent over, ass filled while he begs for release. No cumming unless it’s  in some guy’s ass (or some guy in his) or mouth, the humiliation twisting into fuel for his submission. I’d like to say this caused him to shift uncomfortably on the couch, as I described it, but honestly… his dick got rock hard.

We didn’t commit to any of that extreme stuff, yet of course, but it sure was fun talking about it and seeing his reaction to the possibilities. Who knows if we just unlocked a door we might step through someday. It’s not about changing who he is; it’s about expanding what he craves under my control.

Control isn’t just about what I take away. It’s about what I leave behind. The reminders that his pleasure still exists…just no longer on his terms. What he will miss will shape him. What I allow him to have will define him. And what I choose not to promise at all will keep him exactly where I want him: attentive, aching, and beautifully aware that his future pleasure lives entirely in my hands.

After all, anticipation can be far more powerful than fulfillment. And I have every intention of making the most of that.

It all begins in the mind

-M

Bruised, Bitchy and Too Stubborn to Quit

Posted by Michele on November 16, 2025
Posted in: In Real Life. Tagged: , , , . Leave a Comment

Two weeks post-op and I’m finally starting to feel a tiny bit more like myself… but wow, this has been one hell of a ride. And not the fun “hands in the air” kind. More like the kind where the seat belt is too tight, the track is rickety, and the ride operator is an intern who definitely shouldn’t have been left in charge.

I knew hip replacement surgery would be tough, but I don’t think anything prepares you for just exactly how tough. I’m almost 50, I’ve run my household, my boss’ company, my kids, my men, and entire damn dynamics… and suddenly I’m the one who can’t get up without help. I’m the one who has to ask for things. I’m the one who can’t just “do it myself,” which has basically been my default setting for decades.

The first week was the worst, I won’t lie, it was an bit of a roller coaster. It was ups and downs, physically and emotionally. One minute I was fine and five minutes later something would trigger my nerves (literally) and I was in pain all down my leg. None of the unpredictable pain has been good for the mental health and sometimes I am doing good and feeling happy about doing good and the next I was pissed off at the world because I wasn’t able to do something or I was in intense pain. At one point the pain, frustration, exhaustion, something… all mixed together into some kind of nuclear-level bitchiness. I warned everyone, but still, Yikes, even I didn’t like me. I did apologize.


John flew out the night before surgery and was here for 11 days. He is such an amazing addition to our family, taking on the kids, the house, the meals, the med schedules, the waking up all hours of the night, the endless little tasks that feel like mountains right now. He did it partly because he wanted to help, and partly because he knew the second he left, it would all fall onto Hubby, and he wanted to soften that blow. Hubby wanted to do everything too, but John took the brunt of it that first week or so, because he knows these next few weeks are on cagedmonkey now that he’s gone. Cagedmonkey has to deal with catering to me everyday, taking care of the kids, the house and doing dinners and everything all by himself while going to work and his own self care. It’s a lot so I’m so happy we have the opportunity to spread out the heavy load between the two guys. That isn’t a level of help people can usually get. I’m blessed to be loved and cared for by two men.


Let me tell you… healing from hip surgery is no joke. Managing all my meds with the addition of pain meds, post op appts, PT exercises that feel like you’re learning to use your own body again. Ohhh, and the wound vac… oh my God… having that sucker (ha! See what I did there?! lol) removed was like torture. I swear they ripped off layers of my soul along with the adhesive. Seriously though, a few layers of my sensitive skin at my upper hip area were destroyed and it’s painful to get it healing.

I’m still using the walker, still moving slowly, still learning this new version of “walking.” But it’s getting better. The pain is different now and not in my hip joint, mostly my muscles and nerves. I’m taking fewer meds already, which I’m happy about… I am not a pain med person. I can actually get around the house without feeling like I’m climbing Everest. So… Progress is progress, I just need to remember that and not get discouraged. It’s really easy to do!

The hardest part now is my brain. My brain wants to get up and clean something, fix something, do something. It wants to move the way I always have… instinctively. However, my body just says “Nope. Sit down.” That’s been the biggest mindfuck of all. Knowing I can’t even if I want to… and I want to all the time.


I still have four more weeks before I’m even allowed to think about housework, bending, twisting, any of the basic things that made me feel capable and in control. It’s humbling, it’s frustrating, and it’s teaching me patience in ways I never asked for. But I’m healing, I’m improving, and I’m still Madam Allure even if I’m temporarily slowed down.

So, I am here, I’m bruised, and I may get bitchy, but I am absolutely too stubborn to quit. I promise to update again and find more time to write as I’m feeling better over the next few weeks… Why not since I’m not allowed to do anything else? LoL

Until next time…

Behave, or I’m coming after you with this walker! 😉

Madam

While We Were Away…

Posted by JonMustWait on October 9, 2025
Posted in: In Real Life. Tagged: , , , , , , , , . 1 comment

Madam and I have been alluding to the time period in between our last attempt at getting back into posting on the blog and now. Without getting into too much detail of what went on, here’s a semi-quick recap of the last 4-ish years in our lives.

You readers may notice that the post prior to these most recent ones was written in January 2021. Let’s see… did anything crazy happen during that time? I’m not sure that I can recall…..

Oh, yeah. THAT.

Yes, Covid hit us hard. Thankfully not too much on the health side of things (Madam and I both got covid twice), but it did take its toll stress-wise. Working in a health care setting, I was still going to work everyday in a high risk environment; in addition to that, work started to get extremely stressful (due to both staffing issues and…. let’s say “power dynamics”). It got so bad that I decided I needed to leave my job and get another position. In order to do that, we need to move to a slightly different area…

So, we ended up moving from Indiana…. to TEXAS.

Yes… the situation at my job was that bad.

Anyways… Texas has been pretty nice! The winters are great – minimal snow, we don’t see negative temperatures anymore. As for the 100+ degree summers – we have central air 😂 but, obviously, uprooting the family and moving a handful of states away to a new job required a lot of our focus. With that, the idea of restarting the blog (as well as reigniting our kink play) fell by the wayside. There were some difficulties along the way, but we worked through them and figured it out. And, in light of some fairly recent developments (which, I promise we will get to), we’ve been able to get back into the swing of things.

So, that’s the life situation. As for the “caged” situation…

During all of the above I spent less and less time caged (understandably). Over time, I began to think and realize the, while chastity was always exciting to me… the denial aspect was what really grabbed my interest. So, a year ago or so, Madam and I agreed to scale back chastity for me in order to make it easier to keep me edged and teased on a regular basis. I’m still going to stick with “cagedmonkey” – after all, locking up my cock is still 100% on the table as far as Madam and I are concerned. And don’t worry… she is still keeping me effectively denied, both from orgasms and even from her pussy.

I do want to thank you readers who stuck with us during our hiatus, and it really is great to see the response to our return. We love you guys! We are excited to invite you back into our FLR lives. And for those of you who visit this blog specifically for chastity stories and/or advice…. I promise, there will still be plenty of that.

“How?” you ask? Well… you’ll just have to keep reading to see…

What would this blog be without the tease? 😉

Monkey is Back 😁

Posted by JonMustWait on October 2, 2025
Posted in: Tease/Orgasm Denial. Tagged: , , , , . 4 comments

Hello everybody! It’s great to be back and posting on the blog. As Madam has alluded to, there have been some significant changes to our lifestyle; however, the soul and the foundation of our kinks haven’t changed: Madam is still controlling my cock, teasing and denying me of my orgasms (and some other things, as well). While I don’t spend as much time in a chastity cage as I did in the past, Madam still gets her kicks over keeping a cock locked and under her control. How exactly do we manage that? Well…. that will be explained in due time, I promise.

As for now… it’s wonderful to be back and posting on the blog, and we’re excited to catch you up on all of the developments that went on during our absence!

What are you doing to me?

Posted by Michele on May 13, 2019
Posted in: Male Chastity, Tease/Orgasm Denial. Tagged: , , , , , . 1 comment

Cagedmonkey and I had a little chat, before bed the other night, about my plans for his denial and chastity. As he mentioned, in the last post, life things have been exceptionally busy and play time has been extremely rare. I definitely miss it and want to try to get, at least, something in to spice things up a bit. I miss him being so super hair trigger horny from constant teasing. I love it when he desperately wants me and needs to feel me and aches to feel my pussy.

My plan is to keep him denied of orgasm for the next couple months. We will be going on vacation at the beginning of July. During that time we will see one of our kinky couple friends and being in that environment will certainly help to intensify the horny and his denial. It’s always nice when you’re with sexy people and can have a nice, normal, flowing kinky conversation. I haven’t decided if I’m going to let him cum that weekend or save it for another special day… We will see when he will actually get some release.

As for chastity, that’ll just stay the same for now. He’s locked every day, unless it’s a day that I want to use the cock I control. It really is a large amazing cock and it’s very hard for me to keep locked away… there are times I need it and I am not one to deny myself what I desire. Denial isn’t something I’m necessarily into for myself. 😀

In the mean time, I plan to send him more pics of my big beautiful boobs and my big round ass while he’s at work. Things like these…

I plan to give him some tasks, when possible, to help keep him teased for me. I love having him unlock on the way home, if I know I plan to use him that evening, and make him stroke and edge and keep himself hard on the way home. Sometimes, I’ll have him run an errand on the way home and he’ll have to do it while hiding a hard cock hehe! I do miss all the fun little things we used to do to keep things interesting and build his crazy horny… So I want that back. I just need to work out fitting it in to the craziness that life has become!

Last night was so amazing, I stood at the side of the bed, above him, while he sat on the edge. I put my hands to his cheeks (I love his sexy beard I made him grow!) and held his face and kissed him deep. He ran his hands all over my body and God it felt good! I stood there as he sucked my nipples and squeezed and fondled my big boobs in his hands. I loved feeling his want for me, his hands all over every part of me he could touch. Such an awesome feeling!

I look forward to increasing his desire and frustration 🙂

Chastity Technology

Posted by Michele on December 9, 2018
Posted in: In Real Life. Tagged: , , , , , , . 2 comments

I saw this on Amazon the other morning and thought, “wow, wouldn’t it be awesome if they had smaller bluetooth locks?” Could you imagine small bluetooth locks on chastity cages? I wonder if something like that would work. Also, would that work for remote locking & unlocking?

Technology has the potential to make chastity and other fetishes very interesting! Could you imagine controlling what someone feels from a distance? Controlling the access to their bits and not even being there with them. Or even worse, being there and messing around with them? We’ve already started to explore some of the Bluetooth buttplugs and other devices. They seem like they have so much potential. 🙂

It’ll be quite interesting to see where technology takes us next when it comes to fetishes and bdsm.

Put a Plug in it

Posted by Michele on November 9, 2018
Posted in: Male Chastity, Tease/Orgasm Denial. Tagged: , , , , . 3 comments

Today I had cagedmonkey wear the plug all day… Just to give him an all day reminder of what I control. While he was locked and plugged I decided to send him some pics too. I love how he reacts when I send him sexy pics and there is nothing he can do about it. I love hearing how horny he gets because of it and how he struggles in the cage.

A little cleavage fun 🙂

And then a little more than cleavage fun hehe I hope you all enjoy, just as much as hubby did!

The Beauty I See & the Control I Have

Posted by Michele on November 5, 2018
Posted in: Male Chastity, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , , , . 2 comments

It seems like CM is always posting pics about what he wakes up to in the morning. How he thinks I’m beautiful and loves my body and boobs and all that. Well he’s not the only one that gets to wake up to complete sexiness beside him in the morning. This was my view yesterday morning as I woke up. I had to stop and tell him to freeze so I could take my own picture. I love how he looks, especially locked in his cage for me.

I love sleeping next to him naked. I love the way his skin feels. I love how he’s the perfect amount of warmth when I need it. I love how we can sleep all entangled up with each other and we both feel so incredibly comfortable. It’s amazing that we can snuggle up so close and fall asleep together like that.

I know at first I was a little worried about how I’d feel about him getting his nipples pierced but I really do like them and I love playing with them and making him squirm when I grab and pull on them. They really are fun and I look forward to finding fun ways to incorporate them into play. His nipple rings and cage really are extremely sexy.

So yesterday, I was feeling better than I had in a while so I decided it was time to take back control of things. Things with my house, my life, my kids and my hubby. It was time to get this house back in shape and cleaned up. I was almost like a drill sergeant, in a way, getting things going. At one point I told hubby I was sick of feeling like crap, sick of hurting and being sick and feeling like I was not in control. I told him, in a half whisper right at his mouth with my lips barely brushing his, that I was taking back my control, of the house, the kids and of him. I told him exactly what he would do to help clean. How he’d do laundry and anything else I asked and I even told him he could “shut his little fucking mouth” about how I went about getting this house back together. Lol it was surprising to me that I finally felt strong enough and good enough to use that tone with him.

I am the one who should control this house and control him, he gave me that control over 5 years ago. He chose to hand me his keys and trust that I could competently control him. I felt a lot of power yesterday and I felt in control and I needed it. My illness does not control me.

Feedback & Questions

Posted by Michele on October 28, 2018
Posted in: Conversations, Mail Chastity. Tagged: , , , , . Leave a Comment

We got some awesome feedback today about the podcast and a couple questions, as well, that I figured I’d take a moment to answer. We always appreciate when our readers or listeners give us feedback or just want to write and say, “Hi!” Don’t be shy! 🙂

Love it! The punishment /funishment thing to me is one of countless blurred outlines of that classic BDSM conundrum… if I want to be punished then how can it be a punishment? In my head, it still can be – especially (to your point) if you know your partner and love them enough to exploit that knowledge.

Love getting feedback like this. This is why we love having the conversations we do on our podcast. Having a relationship, kinky, vanilla or whatever really does come down to communication and knowing your partner. Amazing things can happen when you know, just as this gentleman states, how to exploit the knowledge!
I confess that I’ve only listened to a couple podcasts now (just found you guys on Friday), so I apologize if you’ve gone over all of this stuff many times before, but man I have so many questions 😛 Feel free to ignore them…
That’s ok… some times answering things again is a good thing for someone who is new around here. We have answered these before here in the blog and possibly on the podcast but I don’t mind answering them again.
Do you still control / keep other guys in chastity besides caged M? If so, how many? How do you find the time and energy to keep up with that?
I no longer have “subs on the side” and there are two reasons for this. A) I tend to be a bit too intense for most people and they end up not handling being dominated by me very well. The whole fantasy vs reality thing… I make things very real and the intensity of the reality becomes too overwhelming. When I have subs I put my whole self into it and when boys get overwhelmed by me I tend to get myself hurt in the process. And then, B) well like you mentioned, time. I just don’t have it anymore. When I was a stay at home mom I had a lot more time to spend focusing on kinky things. Now I work outside the home, have to take care of my home, kids and they are very active kids and we are involved parents… It leaves very little time for extracurricular activities.
I remember hearing caged M adamantly defining a limit about physically playing with other people, but that you guys might role play with the idea from time to time. How does that generally look for y’all?
There is a really great post here on the blog about Pseudo-cuckolding that you may find helpful in regards to this question. We do not play outside our marriage… At least not with men. We have talked in the past couple years about me having an Alpha sub female to play with but so far we haven’t found anyone that fits.

For me, chastity is inextricably linked with cuckolding, but the reality of that fantasy carries potentially damaging emotional remnants… I’m so curious on how you guys feel about that and if the implication exists in some form within your D/s dynamic.

We have seen how a lot of times people automatically think chastity = cuckolding but we try hard to get across that that’s not necessarily true. That chastity is not specifically one thing or another. It doesn’t have to be this or that. Just because someone is in chastity does not mean the partner goes out fucking other people. Chastity is exactly what the couple wants it to be. It certainly CAN be all those things or none of them. It’s up to the couple to decide what chastity is for them.
Thanks so much for sharing your story so openly and responding : ) I fucking love the internet.
Thank you, so much, for the great feedback and the questions. Hopefully I’ve successfully answered them but please feel free to ask whatever else you want to ask! 🙂 and yeah the internet is pretty awesome!

How Do I Know?

Posted by JonMustWait on October 22, 2018
Posted in: Male Chastity, Tease/Orgasm Denial. Tagged: , , , , . 3 comments

Someone asked me an interesting question recently:

How can you be sure that Lady M will ever let you cum again?

Well, honestly, I can’t be sure.

Part of me is pretty sure that she does want to give me orgasms, infrequently as they may be. In the past, she has expressed that she doesn’t want to deprive me of orgasms permanently; she actually does like to give me that pleasure.

That was in the past, though, and things have changed since we first started our orgasm denial play.

I used to need a “maybe day” from My Lady because of this very train of thought – I wasn’t ready to give up total control of my orgasms just yet. The chastity, teasing, and orgasm denial were great fun, but it was still difficult to not have a target date in mind. I gave up the idea of having a maybe day a few years ago, and I don’t regret the decision one bit. However, I do realize exactly what it means to give full control of my orgasms over to ML.

I can hope she hasn’t changed her mind about things, but the bottom line is that if ML decides to never allows me to have another orgasm again then that is what will happen. She will let me cum when it pleases her, and if it pleases her more to keep me in a state of perpetual constant horniness and desperation for an orgasm for the rest of my life, that is what she will do. It’s not what I’m hoping for, but it’s exactly what I asked for.