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All posts tagged keyholder

Mail Chastity: How to Become A Good Keyholder

Posted by Lady M on November 26, 2019
Posted in: Advice, Female Led Relationship, KeyHolder, Mail Chastity, Male Chastity, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , . 2 comments

I received a message from another keyholder on chastityforums.com. She is a bit new to all this, in general, and is struggling with how to be a KH and a good one at that. So here is a bit of what she wrote and my response.

“My ‘vanilla self’ is constantly fighting with ‘the KH self’ I’m sure [my hubby] would like me to become. I’m not even sure how to make this change. Do you have any ideas to help me in my quest to transition from vanilla to a true KH in every sense of the word?”

First of all… This isn’t about you becoming something your hubby wants you to be. This is about you both enjoying this the way YOU enjoy it, whatever way that may be. Please do me a favor and don’t try to be and do things that are not natural. What you do should feel good and exciting to you. If you fake it, it will become work and then you could easily build resentment by trying to live up to his expectations… Do what you enjoy and are comfortable with. You are in charge, you hold the key, literally – he should not be in charge through you when it comes to chastity or keeping him locked etc. That is called “topping from the bottom” and that’s not ok. It is perfectly fine to communicate – if you know me at all I’m huge on communication – so talk and listen to each other. Get to know what you like, what you think you like, what you don’t like, what feels good both physically and mentally. Decide from there what YOU want to implement in your relationship.

Don’t be afraid to try things if they are not a hard No! You may like them or maybe not and you have the choice, as the one in charge, to say yes that’s good we will do that or no that felt bad or uncomfortable and we are not doing that! It’s all good. In the beginning it’s all about talking and trying and figuring out what works and feels good. Don’t be afraid to say no or change your mind either… Try hard to remember, in most situations, he is the one that asked you for this and decided to give you control. He doesn’t want to decide what happens with his sexual desires, his orgasms, his pleasure. He wants you to be in control of it all. 🙂

In regards to how to be a good keyholder, please feel free to listen to Episode 3 of our podcast. It’s about praise and reassurance and it’s just me talking to other keyholders and I think it might be helpful!

Good luck!

Feelings for the Cock

Posted by Lady M on June 25, 2018
Posted in: KeyHolder, Male Chastity, orgasm control. Tagged: , , , , , , . 10 comments

The other day Cagedmonkey posted an update about our current chastity and denial situation. We had mentioned that starting at his birthday he’d locked for an extended period and denied for a hell of a lot longer. Well, like he updated, the whole lock up thing didn’t go as planned!

If you know my history at all, you know around 3 weeks of having him locked, I start to desperately miss that big cock and feeling it inside me. Well, CM had only been locked 2 weeks when we went to NY for the weekend. We had such an amazing weekend, so loving and sexual and teasy and by the time we got home I was really missing the feeling of his cock, so while I wasn’t planning on having him out, in the heat of a very sexy moment I made him get out of his cage – that was a huge feat since he was rock hard in that cage – and give me the cock I so desperately needed. 🙂

Then comes the next day… I felt so bad, I felt like I’d let him down because I know sometimes we talk about pushing further or doing things longer, harder, more intense and I just couldn’t. There comes this point where I need to feel that connection with him physically and emotionally. Where I need to have him completely and without a cage in between us. However, I still felt bad and like I wasn’t good enough. I got into the “I’ll never be able to give him what he wants” thoughts and I’m worthless, yadda yadda yadda.

The point of this post is to let other women know that this happens… The most important reason for this post is to remind women we are in charge and ultimately we decide when, if and how our guys are locked up and even more importantly, this post is to remind everyone how important communication is. When I started to feel this way I told Cagedmonkey, right away, how I was feeling. I didn’t want it to continue to grow when it was much easier to talk about and work through and not put my feelings on him. I certainly can feel like I’m letting him down but knowing that he’s not let down and that he’s all good with what happened, and good with whatever happens, makes getting through the feelings that much better.

Leaving a Legacy: Mistress Ivey

Posted by Lady M on March 16, 2018
Posted in: Female Led Relationship, FemDom, KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , , , , . 12 comments

When cagedmonkey and I first started out with chastity and realized we’ve always been living an FLR it was because of Mistress Ivey and her amazing, easy to read, down to earth books and website, Becoming a Mistress. I’m extremely appreciative of the work she’d put into all of it so that I could become a better wife and woman in charge of her husband.

Yesterday, I lost a friend. Today I take a moment to remember an amazing woman and her hubby, who’ve I’ve gotten to know much more deeply, on a much more personal level, in the past few years. I’m sad to learn of Mistress Ivey’s passing but I know that she’s left behind an awesome legacy and she will not easily be forgotten. She will be forever missed and we are sending our love prayers and love out to her husband and the rest of the family. She was a wonderful author, woman, wife and mother.

Thank you for all of the knowledge you have shared through the years and all of the experience you leave behind. Even though you are not physically with us you will continue to teach and mentor as the years go on.

Getting My Revenge

Posted by Lady M on June 25, 2017
Posted in: Chastity Device, D/s, Female Led Relationship, FemDom, KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Orgasm Denial, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , . Leave a Comment

You’ve probably already read the post from a few days ago where cagedmonkey mentioned I have him locked in the Steelworxx Revenge. So there is no need to get into all that. The Revenge is quite an interesting device because of the fact that it’s practically a fully enclosed device, keeping cagedmonkey from any sensation on his penis, be it clothing, bedsheets, or human touch, there is just no way to feel any of that through the Steel encasing his cock. 

I think it’s pretty amazing that I get to create this world where my hubby is virtually without his penis. I get to tease him and drive him crazy making him hornier and hornier and his cock feels nothing. Now that he’s locked in the Revenge… He’s going to have to try hard to remember the feeling of my tight wet pussy wrapped around his cock while he struggles against the steel. Even his “rooty” is different in the enclosed device, there really is no where for it to go, no bulging out between the bars. I’d imagine the pressure and aching must feel slightly different but that’s something for the experts and not my assumptions. Just wait until I torture him with sliding that cage into my hot wet pussy and he feels nothing, not even the warmth.

Now, I know he mentioned that we would be taking this round with the Revenge a little slower, kinda like when you get a new cage, we aren’t jumping right into the long term. So tonight, since it’s been pretty close to a week since I locked him in the Revenge, I had him remove the cage to make sure we had no redness or sore spots or anything that showed there were any issue. I did not see anything at all so now I will push him out about 10 days or so. I will remind anyone interested in an enclosed caged (not sure if this is just the case with steel or all enclosed) that there is a smell associated with the immediate removal of the cage, even after only a week, which included daily washing. Not a huge deal, just know you can’t take it out and play with your toy right away like you can with the Jail Bird. It definitely needs a quick wash. 

Tonight was a little rough on CM because even though he was temporarily out of the confines of the cage, I still refused to touch his cock. Just because we are doing inspections every so often certainly doesn’t mean the spirit of not feeling anything for a few weeks isn’t there. I loved hearing the frustration in his choice when he realized I wasn’t going to touch his cock, which immediately went from soft to rock hard within about a minute or so of removing the cage. I do love how it sounds when he’s so incredibly frustrated from the horniness and it’s all because of me. I know he loves it too. And maybe that’s what makes it even more exciting! 🙂

Mail Chastity: Guilt

Posted by Lady M on April 6, 2017
Posted in: FemDom, KeyHolder, Mail Chastity, Male Chastity, Marriage, orgasm control, Orgasm Denial. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , . 2 comments

I was asked this really great question recently so I thought I would take a minute to write here about it. I’m sure some of our readers who are in control would appreciate it. Then again, some of you in the submissive role may like to know this stuff too. 

“…doesn’t it make you feel bad sometimes when you deny your hubby for so so long? Do you ever feel guilty?”

There actually was a time, when we first started this whole chastity and longer term denial thing, that I would describe my feelings as guilt. Now that we are almost 4 years into this there are zero feelings of guilt. There doesn’t need to be any. 4 years ago my hubby asked me to take control of his sexual pleasure. He wanted me to be the one to decide if, when and how he would orgasm. I gladly accepted that role and took control over that pleasure for him. So why would I feel guilty about giving him something he wanted in the first place? That’s something us dominant types can forget sometimes… but when someone completely offers themselves to us we need to not feel guilty about accepting the responsibility.

Cagedmonkey naturally craves and needs to be controlled and I naturally crave and need to be in control. It makes us both feel fulfilled and content in our relationship and in our life. It fits us so well to accept these roles. 

So, in short, no I don’t feel bad or guilty about denying him orgasm or even keeping him locked in that steel cage and even controlling him to the point of when he gets a full erection. I love knowing that he is THAT controlled, down to something even HE can’t control! I love knowing he has a pretty constant reminder of me and the fact that I control him and he sexual organs and pleasure. It’s mine to enjoy, he gave me that. He offered me that gift and it’s one of the best things and shows such deep love and respect and, more importantly, trust. It makes me feel great, not guilty! 

Male Chastity – Lock Him Up and Throw Away the Key

Posted by Lady M on March 11, 2017
Posted in: Advice, Chastity Device, D/s, FemDom, KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , , . 2 comments

Ugh… NO!!!

I recently got, yet another, email about locking up a guy. I get them pretty often but just about every time I get one, I need to respond with something along the lines of you can’t just lock up a guys cock and throw away the key. I do want to mention, I know there could be a guy or two out there that does actually want to be locked up, have the key thrown away and their dick completely unused and forgotten about. As a matter of fact, I have such a boy, who’s key I hold, that enjoys the fact that there is nothing he can do or say to get his key back or get his cock unlocked… ever. There is really no use for his puny little cock. That is something that is few and far between and even in his circumstance, I STILL keep him mentally teased and reminded of his predicament every so often.

Male chastity with a spouse or partner, however, is usually not about not having sex or not having to “deal” with your guy once he’s locked up. If anything, it might be more work when you’ve got someone under lock and key. I’ve written about this plenty of times and I’ve even done a podcast on it. When you get a guy to give up control of his most intimate parts, he’s also giving you an incredible amount of trust. He’s trusting that you won’t lock up his dick and forget about it. He needs to know that you enjoy having him locked up as much as he enjoys being locked up for you. He may have a constant physical reminder of who owns his cock but there definitely needs to be some consistent mental reminders. Especially those amazing mindfucks that cause him to press and struggle against the cage, aching to be released. 

I really can’t stress enough about how important it is to give attention to the one you control. Your words, alone, can have a huge impact on how their time in chastity will be. When I say you need to give attention, I’m not necessarily talking about constant physical attention. I do think there needs to be some of that as well but, more than that, the mental side of things will certainly keep your guy from getting lonely. One of the most important things to remember, when locking up a guy, is that it’s going to be work. You do not want them getting lonely and feeling sexually forgotten about. I’m pretty sure I even have a blog post here with lots of ideas of how to keep your guy mentally mindfucked and well teased while locked up. Look around a bit.

Where Did You Get Your Key?

Posted by Lady M on October 17, 2016
Posted in: Chastity Device, KeyHolder, Male Chastity. Tagged: , , , , . 2 comments

Recently I’ve had a few people asking me about the key I wear on a necklace around my neck. They key they are talking about is the key to my husband chastity cage. More specifically it is the key that loosens the security screw we use to keep his cage locked on his junk. 🙂 I have a picture (on the contact page, maybe) that shows the padlock key I used to wear before getting the security screw from Mature Metal. However we realized that having the screw was much more convenient, quieter and less bulky. 

Back when I ordered the security screw option I found out it came with two keys. One we use as an emergency key that hubby keeps on his keyring and it’s tamper evident. That one is the regular size. I asked Mistress MM if it would be possible to cut a key shorter because I didn’t want to have a long metal pendant that would draw attention to itself. The shorter one does that just fine! Anyway, Mistress MM told me that the key could be cut shorter and redrilled so that it was small enough to wear on a necklace. There is a very small fee associated with resizing the key but in my opinion, it’s worth $25. 

My key is cut to one inch total. If I remember right that is about 3/4 of an inch smaller than the normal size of the key. One thing I want to mention is to make sure you get yourself a good rope style chain for the key with a clasp that fits through the hole! It would be a good idea to get the necklace after you get the key, just to make sure it fits. It is still possible to use my key to unscrew the security screw, though it is more difficult than using the regular length key. 

I know that Mature Metal can get a bit more creative and custom about their keys but keep in mind the more creative you want your key, they more expensive it might be due to the handmade nature of it all. If you are interested in shortening your key for your keyholder you just need to let Mistress MM know and it will be done! 🙂 She’s extremely good like that. She even knows what you mean if you mention you want the “key like Lady M wears.” Hehe 🙂

Hope this helps! 

An Online Keyholder and Task Master/Mistress

Posted by Lady M on June 2, 2016
Posted in: D/s, FemDom, KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Orgasm Denial, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , , , , , . 2 comments

Recently I started working with Mistress Ivey on her new journey at Ivey’s Keys. It’s been quite fun and even a learning experience working with my subs. I am very much enjoying the interaction, the tasks and ask of the people in general.
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What We Offer Submissives
This is a “Member’s Only” website and we have a great deal to offer. As a paid member you have access to the entire site, not just the blog area. You can get a Keyholder who will Control your Orgasms, you Chastity (if you want), give you tasks to perform, a shoulder to cry on, and a spanking when you need it. You will be able to visit the Daily Task Master, Play our Chastity & Orgasm Control Games, Watch our Tease & Denial Videos, and Join our Submissive’s Group! You will be able to send Private Messages to your Keyholder or anyone you want to communicate with.

What We Offer Keyholders
As a Keyholder, you will be in charge of one or more submissives who will do their very best to please you. Even to the point of paying Tributes for allowing them to be Locked in Chastity or even earning Orgasms . As a Keyholder you have greater access to certain parts of the website. You will be able to access our Tasks Library and submit Posts as well as secret pages designed to make your key holding easier and more effective.

Once you have paid your membership fee at PayPal you will sent to our
Official Registration Page. Once you register the entire site will open up to you.

Membership has it’s privileges!

I Fully Control His Orgasms and Sexual Pleasure

Posted by Lady M on May 22, 2015
Posted in: KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Orgasm Denial. Tagged: , , , , . 7 comments

The other day, after I allowed cagedmonkey to cum, we had a chat about what I had planned going forward.

It’s amazing to think that we are coming up on 2 years that I’ve been fully controlling hubby’s orgasms and sexual pleasure. Our actual chastity device wearing didn’t begin until October 2013 but it was June of that year that he asked me to take full control. We’ve been into tease and orgasm denial our entire relationship – that’s over 15 years! – but never to the extent that we are now. It was much shorter before, hours, days and the longest we had ever give over the years was a month. Now we hardly blink if I’ve kept him denied of orgasm for 3 months.

This last period of denial (which was actually 106 days, I think) was the longest I’ve had him denied. Getting to 3 months was actually pretty easy once it got there though it was almost excruciating for me to go the next two weeks or so that I made it. I was aching to feel him cum inside me. To feel his body shudder as he had that first orgasm after being denied so long. I truly missed how it felt to have that with him. It’s one thing to have sex or make love and not have him explode into me and it’s completely another to share that amazing feeling as we are cumming together in the high of sexual pleasure.

So, I told cagedmonkey that I wanted to take a break. For a second he looked at me, very sad, thinking I wanted to stop chastity and orgasm denial altogether. That wasn’t it at all! I comforted my confused boy and explained that I wanted a break from “Maybe day” and from pushing him and myself to go longer and longer in his denial. This decision had nothing at all to do with his chastity. As a matter of fact, I love that and he will be without his device very rarely for probably the rest of our lives. 🙂

I don’t know if cagedmonkey is still confused about what I mean but I have had to explain a couple times. What I want is to control his orgasms, which I already do. That doesn’t mean I’m going to have him out of his cage, fucking him every day, making him cum. It means I’m going to decide moment to moment if I want that or if I want to deny him. I could literally not feel it one minute and yet another be like, “oh fuck baby cum in me!” I guess it might depend on how physically turned on I am, how emotionally turned on I am our how deliciously evil I’m feeling.

That’s really where I’m at right now. I don’t want to have to deny him, I don’t want to have to make him cum. I want to just control it moment to moment and if I feel like denying him for a week or 3, so be it. I just don’t want the set periods of time right now. I need a break from constantly pushing further and further.

I think this will ultimately be fun but also I think it’s already a bit frustrating for him. Like I said I’m not sure if he thought taking a break from denial meant that he’d cum every time we had sex or that HE’D get to choose when. That’s not it at all, I’m not handing him back control of his sexual pleasure at all. I’m just liberating myself from set periods of time that I have to try to do or fear disappointing him or myself because I didn’t make it to the time frame I was hoping.

I’m going to enjoy this and, when will we set a time again? I have no idea but I’m sure it won’t be too long because I do love that build up of horny while getting that denial going, trust me! 🙂

A Mid-Summer Nights Dream (or When CagedMonkey Hopes He Can Orgasm Again)

Posted by Lady M on February 11, 2015
Posted in: Bondage, Chastity Device, Female Led Relationship, FemDom, KeyHolder, Male Chastity, Orgasm Denial, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , , , , . 11 comments

I’ve been doing a little thinking about how I want our next chastity and orgasm denial period to go. If you have been following along on our journey, the last period of denial lasted just over 100 days. I had denied cagedmonkey from late last year until our anniversary and vow renewal on Jan 18th. It was fun keeping him so horny and frustrated that long. It’s amazing having him like putty in my hands because he’s so incredibly horny and aching to have me allow him orgasm.

I want to make sure that I explain when I say chastity, that just means that we will continue incorporating the chastity device into our everyday life. Cagedmonkey is in his device just about everyday and has been since October 2013. With the exception of our two week vacation last month. Just because he is in a device does not mean he’s automatically denied orgasm. It means I control if and when he will have sexual pleasure and or orgasm.

I also want to make sure that I explain when I say orgasm denial it means I control when cagedmonkey will be allowed to have a pleasurable orgasmic experience with ejaculation. That does not necessarily mean he will be caged 24/7. It does not mean I won’t milk him or give him an ruined orgasms. It simply means I will lock and unlock the cage to use my toy as I see fit. After all, I do recall me being the keyholder & Domme in this relationship and I am in control. 🙂

As I said our last stint of denial lasted over 100 days which was over 3 months. I don’t see any reason why cagedmonkey can’t make it 6 months. His last orgasm was January 31, 2015 and my plan is to tease, torment, use, abuse and deny him until mid summer. I think we figured 6 months was around July 31st so that’s where I’m aiming. I know a lot will happen in that time. I’m sure we will find a way to get some new toys to play with and I hope to work on my rope skills because I would love to get hubby into some fun predicament bondage. I really think his steel collar will come in handy for that.

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Cagedmonkey's locking steel collar


I’m excited to share this next challenge with you since hubby has never gone that long without an orgasm!