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Mail Chastity: How to Become A Good Keyholder

Posted by Lady M on November 26, 2019
Posted in: Advice, Female Led Relationship, KeyHolder, Mail Chastity, Male Chastity, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , . 2 comments

I received a message from another keyholder on chastityforums.com. She is a bit new to all this, in general, and is struggling with how to be a KH and a good one at that. So here is a bit of what she wrote and my response.

“My ‘vanilla self’ is constantly fighting with ‘the KH self’ I’m sure [my hubby] would like me to become. I’m not even sure how to make this change. Do you have any ideas to help me in my quest to transition from vanilla to a true KH in every sense of the word?”

First of all… This isn’t about you becoming something your hubby wants you to be. This is about you both enjoying this the way YOU enjoy it, whatever way that may be. Please do me a favor and don’t try to be and do things that are not natural. What you do should feel good and exciting to you. If you fake it, it will become work and then you could easily build resentment by trying to live up to his expectations… Do what you enjoy and are comfortable with. You are in charge, you hold the key, literally – he should not be in charge through you when it comes to chastity or keeping him locked etc. That is called “topping from the bottom” and that’s not ok. It is perfectly fine to communicate – if you know me at all I’m huge on communication – so talk and listen to each other. Get to know what you like, what you think you like, what you don’t like, what feels good both physically and mentally. Decide from there what YOU want to implement in your relationship.

Don’t be afraid to try things if they are not a hard No! You may like them or maybe not and you have the choice, as the one in charge, to say yes that’s good we will do that or no that felt bad or uncomfortable and we are not doing that! It’s all good. In the beginning it’s all about talking and trying and figuring out what works and feels good. Don’t be afraid to say no or change your mind either… Try hard to remember, in most situations, he is the one that asked you for this and decided to give you control. He doesn’t want to decide what happens with his sexual desires, his orgasms, his pleasure. He wants you to be in control of it all. 🙂

In regards to how to be a good keyholder, please feel free to listen to Episode 3 of our podcast. It’s about praise and reassurance and it’s just me talking to other keyholders and I think it might be helpful!

Good luck!

Lost and Found

Posted by Lady M on November 24, 2019
Posted in: Family, Male Chastity. Tagged: , , , , . Leave a Comment

It’s interesting what things get stirred up when you find something from the past. We were unpacking and found a box with a bunch of books… Wait a minute… Let me back up a bit, do you even know? I don’t think we’ve been here since we moved… again?!?!

Maybe I should start over. I’m pretty sure so much has happened in the past few months that you’ll need an explanation. 😉 Back in summer on a random Saturday cagedmonkey and I decided to buy another house… Who doesn’t? That’s what everyone does on a Saturday, isn’t it? lol the thing is… The house we bought is pretty perfect. It’s not much bigger than our previous house – same 3 bedrooms etc with the exception of a second bathroom and a family room. Most important about this family room is that it’s on the other side of the house from the bedrooms! More about that later! What that meant for our time, summer into fall, was a mad dash pack up a house while doing some repairs and getting things ready to sell a house while doing so the things necessary when you unexpectedly decide to purchase a house. We did, everything went… ehhh relatively smooth. No major hiccups. So that’s a good thing. We finally moved into the new house in September and then closed on the other two weeks later!

I’m not sure we mentioned a while back the trouble hubby was having with his back. So yeah, there was that. He was showing some lumbar spine issues but at the time we didn’t think they were that horrible so he was seeing the chiropractor and physical therapy trying to get it back to feeling better. None of that was really working and then we decided to move a whole house a few streets over, which meant lots of solo trips lifting heavy boxes and furniture and we think he damaged his back more. Fast forward to a few weeks ago he got 4 shots in his spine to try to alleviate some of the stupid pain he was in. They have seemed to take the edge off but in no way did they fix anything and he’s still being very careful (or I keep telling him to be anyway!). A lot of nights I’ll have him sleep without the cage because even getting those night time erections can cause him back pain pushing on herniated and torn discs in his very low back (CM: it’s not as bad as Lady M thinks, but I’m not going to complain if she wants my cage off, hehe). He is also under the instruction, during the night, that if he is sleeping in the cage and he gets that bad pain he is allowed to remove it so that his pain isn’t keeping us both up at night.

Aside from all that we were awfully busy as a family – hubby working, me working, hubby teaching at the university and he’s taking master’s classes on top of that and the kids sports and other activities… but hey, we won’t have young kids in sports and all that forever so it is what it is.

So, now that that’s out in the open, let’s move on to the point of this post lol. Recently CM and I were going through boxes and found our “communication notebooks” from back when we started this whole chastity and WLM journey. It has been really fun going back through reading about how we felt exploring different things. Ohhhh and how awesome it was the day the Mature Metal device arrived. We got a good chuckle out of the entries where we were so excited hubby stayed locked for 4 days straight. Such a huge difference to be locked every day all day. I feel like finding the books was such a good thing… It’s brought back some ideas of things we used to do that felt good and made each other feel good. The things that had us crazy horny all day long and kept my panties soaking wet.

Anyway… It’s been fun reading back to 6 years ago when all this started.

Podcast Episode 12 – Sex & Intimacy are Important

Posted by Lady M on June 23, 2019
Posted in: Marriage, Podcast, Sex. Tagged: , , , . 2 comments

Hey, guess what!?!?! We uploaded another podcast! Aren’t you super excited??? Cagedmonkey and I had some alone time in the house for once and took the opportunity to record for you all. We started having this conversation about intimacy and sex being important in relationships and decided we wanted you all to hear it and talk with us about it!! We look forward to hearing your comments.

As always you can listen here:

Or download our podcast on Soundcloud!
You can also subscribe to our RSS Feed at:
http://feeds.soundcloud.com/users/soundcloud:users:254084738/sounds.rss

What are you doing to me?

Posted by Lady M on May 13, 2019
Posted in: FemDom, Male Chastity, orgasm control, Orgasm Denial, Pictures, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , , , . 1 comment

Cagedmonkey and I had a little chat, before bed the other night, about my plans for his denial and chastity. As he mentioned, in the last post, life things have been exceptionally busy and play time has been extremely rare. I definitely miss it and want to try to get, at least, something in to spice things up a bit. I miss him being so super hair trigger horny from constant teasing. I love it when he desperately wants me and needs to feel me and aches to feel my pussy.

My plan is to keep him denied of orgasm for the next couple months. We will be going on vacation at the beginning of July. During that time we will see one of our kinky couple friends and being in that environment will certainly help to intensify the horny and his denial. It’s always nice when you’re with sexy people and can have a nice, normal, flowing kinky conversation. I haven’t decided if I’m going to let him cum that weekend or save it for another special day… We will see when he will actually get some release.

As for chastity, that’ll just stay the same for now. He’s locked every day, unless it’s a day that I want to use the cock I control. It really is a large amazing cock and it’s very hard for me to keep locked away… there are times I need it and I am not one to deny myself what I desire. Denial isn’t something I’m necessarily into for myself. 😀

In the mean time, I plan to send him more pics of my big beautiful boobs and my big round ass while he’s at work. Things like these…

I plan to give him some tasks, when possible, to help keep him teased for me. I love having him unlock on the way home, if I know I plan to use him that evening, and make him stroke and edge and keep himself hard on the way home. Sometimes, I’ll have him run an errand on the way home and he’ll have to do it while hiding a hard cock hehe! I do miss all the fun little things we used to do to keep things interesting and build his crazy horny… So I want that back. I just need to work out fitting it in to the craziness that life has become!

Last night was so amazing, I stood at the side of the bed, above him, while he sat on the edge. I put my hands to his cheeks (I love his sexy beard I made him grow!) and held his face and kissed him deep. He ran his hands all over my body and God it felt good! I stood there as he sucked my nipples and squeezed and fondled my big boobs in his hands. I loved feeling his want for me, his hands all over every part of me he could touch. Such an awesome feeling!

I look forward to increasing his desire and frustration 🙂

Birthday Spanking

Posted by Lady M on April 8, 2019
Posted in: FemDom, Marriage, Spanking. Tagged: , , . 11 comments

Yesterday was my birthday! It actually all started Saturday night, we went to munch with our friends and hung out afterwards. It was lots fun and I even got a “Chocolate cake shot” for my birthday as well. Lots of laughs, lots of fun. I even got a few of the whole lots of birthday spankings that should have gone on. I believe there are still like 31 to go. I’ve decided, since I didn’t have time over the weekend that I’m going to give Monkey the rest of my spankings.

Yesterday was a fun day with just us as a family. The kids made me breakfast all by themselves, we went out in the afternoon to see Captain Marvel (I really liked that movie, like a lot!) And then my wonderful monkey boy naked me a cake in the evening! What could be better than that? I felt very loved, it was so sweet!

Anyway, CM and I were talking recently about how much I’ve missed leaving marks on his ass. He found a picture from a bit ago when I used a cane on him and left a beautiful mark for days! I need to see that again. 🙂 So today I’m going to look and see if I can find a good cane, or a few, to buy and have for when Cagedmonkey and I get our date night (without kids at home). It’s supposed to be soon and I look forward to sharing pics!

I used to think we were busy before and that it would slow as the kids got older but, apparently, that’s not the case. Apparently, it only gets busier as you start to have teenagers! One big bonus is the possibility that our oldest one, that I homeschool currently, could possibly go to school next year. That COULD free up some time for hubby and I to get some “day time, play time” in. I really, really, really want to work out getting her back in school. Then, I want to schedule some time off together once in a while to have time together. We miss each other, yet we see each other every day! We just haven’t had the opportunity for any good intense kinky playtime and it sucks. I want to fix that so bad. I feel like I’m letting CM down sometimes, because we don’t have the opportunity to get into good play. I need to figure this out for both of us. I want us to have that time together. It’s such a great release for both of us… And I get really wet and horny during it so I want it, damn it! LoL

Does anyone have a suggestion on where to get a good (inexpensive) cane? What kind should I look for? Do you have a favorite? Can you link me in comments? Don’t be dumb and spam, be serious please. Thanks!! 🙂

Dick Inspection Time

Posted by Lady M on March 18, 2019
Posted in: Chastity Device, FemDom, Male Chastity. Tagged: , , , , , , , . 6 comments

I felt very much in control last night as I had deemed it “Dick inspection time!” Haha I instructed Cagedmonkey on exactly how to take his shower and that he was to call me in to the bathroom so that I could unlock him and wash him properly. He is, very much, still not allowed to touch or see his penis. It was not a sexual washing, at all, it was very clinical. That doesn’t mean the minute he was let out he wasn’t already half way hard lol because he totally was. That poor cock had been locked up for 3 weeks in that Revenge, he was totally ready to stretch out. 🙂

After the shower, CM had to pee but since he’s not allowed to look or touch, he had to keep his eyes closed while I held his penis and let him pee standing up. Something he doesn’t often get to do these days. I think he was grateful! 🙂 Then I took him to the bedroom and he was put in the blackout goggles we recently got/made (I’ll have to tell you guys about them! Super easy and inexpensive.). This made it much easier to inspect how being in the enclosed device has effected my beloved penis. I’m not sure anyone has used that phrase but, now I have! During my inspection, I had to gently run my fingers all down the shaft of his cock, tickle the head, and just touch it all, in general… to make sure there was no loss in sensation, of course! Hehe Then I made sure to stroke it and edge it to be sure everything was in working order… It was all clinical, I tell you! Necessary steps in the inspection process, haha. I did noticed some dry skin so I had to, of course, rub some lotion on it, too. I made sure to rub it in really good from balls to tip. Then I added some more just to make sure that it was fully moisturized. I loved hearing that it was all working fine. At least that’s my assumption from all the moaning noises coming from the blindfolded man.

What I did actually notice, on the underside of CM’s penis, were a few sore spots. It appears they are in spots where the penis folds on to itself. Or bunches up, might be a better way to explain it? Being on the underside, there isn’t really a way to straighten it out or anything so the skin can’t get air. I think, even though he was washing lots, that area just can’t be squished up like that long term. It’s where I have noticed the sore spots in the past, as well, which is why I did this inspection.

This doesn’t mean he won’t be wearing the Revenge. What it does mean, though, is that I’ve required him to take a small break and wear the JailBird today – with explicit instructions not to touch or look at his penis… He has no reason to anyway! Then once he’s had time to heal up those sore spots, he will go back in the Revenge. However, we will be having weekly inspections and thorough cleanings so that I can try to prevent this from happening and he can stay longer in the Revenge. If they still occur with the once out weekly, we will have to reconsider how the Revenge is used. This entire time, Cagedmonkey is not allowed to see or touch his penis. That is mine and only for me to touch or use. So that means he will be wearing the blackout goggles each time and possibly be restrained, depending on how much inspecting I plan to be doing that week. 🙂 Functionality is certainly super important!

I Need to Please You

Posted by Lady M on March 13, 2019
Posted in: Chastity Device, Male Chastity, Tease & Denial, Wife Led Marriage. Tagged: , , , , , , , . 2 comments

It’s been weeks since my hubby has been locked in the Steelworxx Revenge. He hasn’t seen his penis and the only thing it’s felt is that steel around it. I find that pretty fantastic lately. This is literally the longest he’s ever been locked in the device without it being removed. Usually I’d be worried that it was getting stinky or might develop sores from the constant touching of the cage… But this time I just told him I don’t know when I’m unlocking him so he’d better keep care of it! 🙂

I’m really enjoying what being locked in the Revenge is doing to CM. He’s so overly horny and sexual and touchy. Usually that takes a good while of being in the Jail Bird but, it’s happened way faster this time around in the Revenge. I love how it feels like he wants me so bad he can hardly stand it. Like he’s aching for me and NEEDS to have me.

It’s not so much that need he even needs intercourse with me. He has said, “I just need to please you!” Which is very interesting. He just needs some kind of sexual connection and he’s not so much begging to get out and have sex but more just wanting to touch my body, kiss me and my body, feel my sexual bits. He wants to see and feel that I’m turned on. He very much loves being able to eat my pussy, to make me cum and to give me that level of pleasure.

Now, I’m not locked up and denied orgasm or even access to my intimate parts so I’m not feeling that overly crazy horny-all-the-time feeling. That’s not a bad thing at all it just means that “pleasing me,” like he so desperately wants to do, isn’t always about sex or getting me horny or anything. Sometimes it’s more of a turn on to feel him just rub his hands on my body, almost avoiding the intimate parts. Just touching and gently running his fingers over me as if to activate my nerves all over and give me lots of the good feels. This morning was a great example of that. Just as we were about to get up, I sat on the side of the bed and he slid behind me and just ran his hands all over my upper torso and kissed my neck… It felt wonderful. It wasn’t him trying to get me all horny so we could have sex… It was sensual. That sensual stuff has much more of an effect on me than anything. Don’t get me wrong, I love him coming up and grabbing my ass or cupping my huge boobs but, the sensual stuff is by far more effective.

Something I don’t want any of you to forget is that “pleasing” your partner isn’t about what you want or what you think they want. It is one hundred percent about what makes your partner feel good, about what turns THEM on. That may not necessarily even mean touching them. Maybe they love the sexual and sensual stuff but maybe they are “turned on” and made to feel good when you make dinner or bring them flowers or just do anything for them that fills that part of them and gives them those feelings of love and being thought of. I’ve found that the sexiest thing, and thing that pleases me the most, is when I know that my likes, wants and desires have been considered. I am pleased when I’m thought of and something is done because CM knows it’s what I would want and not what he wants me to want. 🙂

Oh No! Ruined Orgasm!

Posted by Lady M on December 20, 2018
Posted in: FemDom, Fetish, Male Chastity, orgasm control, Orgasm Denial, Tease & Denial. Tagged: , , , , , , . 5 comments

Cagedmonkey has been denied orgasm since the beginning of June. He’s extremely horny, super achy and pretty much always begging for an orgasm. He desperately wants some relief.

I did have this brilliant and devious plan to finally give him his long awaited orgasm. I wanted to make sure he experienced a really great intense orgasm. I wanted it to be memorable for him so that he really felt it, not only physically, but mentally. I kept thinking, what could I do to him to really create this moment that would really stick in his mind. I came up with something I was quite proud of. 🙂 haha

As you may have read, Cagedmonkey and I will often visit our local munch. We had planned to make sure that we would attend the December munches because they are always fun. The first one we collect toys for the Toys for Tots program and then the second munch is always the group’s Kinky Gift Exchange. It’s always a lot of fun this time of year. So my plan for this amazing orgasm involved the munch, so to speak. 🙂

I had come up with a fantastic way to integrate a little humiliation, if you will, into this final release. While hubby and I are definitely not into public humiliation, I thought adding some privately, public humiliation into this release would give him that intense, lasting memory I was hoping for. My plan was to have hubby drive to munch, unlocked, while I was playing with and stroking his cock the whole way. Then in the parking lot I was going to finally make him cum, right in his clothes, and then make him walk into munch and sit there, the whole time, covered in his long awaited orgasm. He’d have to sit there knowing it was all over inside his clothes, possibly leaking through his pants or shirt. Knowing that anyone could see at any moment. I also had no plans of letting him use the rest room… No way did I want him accidentally cleaning up his mess.

To add a little fun to the mix I would have, perhaps, mentioned it to a few close friends at munch that he was sitting in his 6+ month orgasm goo. Hehe 🙂

However, none of that was able to happen because hubby ended up having to work the evening of the munch and I went alone. He couldn’t come to munch and that meant he couldn’t cum. So, sorry that your orgasm got “ruined” my love!

I’m going to have to come up with some other intense and memorable way to make him cum now, does anyone have any ideas? Feel free to comment! 🙂

Kinky Gift Exchange

Posted by Lady M on December 16, 2018
Posted in: FemDom, Fetish, Friends, Sex toy. Tagged: , , , , , . 1 comment

Last night was our “Christmas Munch” better known as the munch where we do a White Elephant style kinky gift exchange. The whole idea is for each person attending to bring a wrapped, perverted or pervertable, gift for the exchange. Each person who brings a gift then chooses a random number and gifts are chosen in number order. The person with number 1 goes up to choose a gift, they open it and show everyone else. Then it’s #2’s turn and they have the choice of taking the first person’s gift or choosing a completely new gift from the table. If they do choose to take the already open gift, the person they took it from, goes up and chooses a new gift. It goes on and on like that until the last person, who gets to choose from all of the already open gifts our the last gift on the table!

It’s a lot of fun to see what people come up with. There have been gifts from wax play sets, bondage tape, dildos, and floggers to wooden cutting boards, spatulas, and knives and even some fun, fantastic homemade implement items. It’s amazing to see what interesting things people come up with as gifts!

So last night we went through our dinner and the whole gift exchange and had a lot of fun seeing friends, laughing and just having a great time. Then it was time to come home and put the kids to bed. Needless to say, I couldn’t walk in with some kinky gift and try explaining that to the kids so I decided to put it in the back seat and I’d grab it later when they were asleep. Until I didn’t grab it later and forgot about it until my daughter and I got in the car to go grocery shopping today. Haha It’s always fun trying to come up with some way to cover up or ignore weird things the kids may see.

I had number 8 of like 18 or 19 gifts so being in the middle it was pretty likely someone was going to take a gift from me. Which they did. The first gift I’d chosen had a dildo, nipple clamps and some other fun toy in it. Who wouldn’t want something like that? After it was taken, I had to choose another gift so, I decided on the homemade extra-large wartenburg wheel – or at least that’s what I call it. It’s actually a smaller sized paint roller with tacks taped all around it. It feels similar to the wheel but on a much wider surface. It’s very interesting and seems like lots of fun.

It wasn’t so much fun trying to explain it away to my daughter in the car. We started to pull out of the driveway and we heard this clink… as the paint roller rolled across the seat and hit the car door. She looked back there to see what it was. When she turned back, she scrunched up her face at me like, “what is that thing?” I was like, “what?” And she’s shrugged and I thought “oh shit!” Then I just started laughing and told her I didn’t even want to get into it. I told her that I have crazy friends and it was someone odd prank gift at the Christmas gift exchange. I told her when she’s an adult and she’s got goofy friends she will completely understand! Haha it seemed to satisfy the question for the time being so we will just go with that.

Anyway, I can’t wait to see what Cagedmonkey thinks of my gift. He isn’t too fond of the wheel itself because it’s a very focused feeling but this is a much wider, spread out sensation. I think it might be interesting, especially with him tied up and running it across those pierced nipples.

Chastity Technology

Posted by Lady M on December 9, 2018
Posted in: FemDom, Fetish. Tagged: , , , , , , . 2 comments

I saw this on Amazon the other morning and thought, “wow, wouldn’t it be awesome if they had smaller bluetooth locks?” Could you imagine small bluetooth locks on chastity cages? I wonder if something like that would work. Also, would that work for remote locking & unlocking?

Technology has the potential to make chastity and other fetishes very interesting! Could you imagine controlling what someone feels from a distance? Controlling the access to their bits and not even being there with them. Or even worse, being there and messing around with them? We’ve already started to explore some of the Bluetooth buttplugs and other devices. They seem like they have so much potential. 🙂

It’ll be quite interesting to see where technology takes us next when it comes to fetishes and bdsm.